JustMVG
07-28-2004, 02:15 AM
Remember this a joke, but don' you kind a wish you got one of these in the mail:D Mike VG
Official Memo from the LAPD...
Dear Citizens,
It has become obvious that the citizenry of Los Angeles views we, the LAPD, as the greatest threat to your public safety. As such, we will be implementing some new policies effective immediately:
1.Race riots- We have scheduled the July 4th weekend as official race riot weekend. During this period, the entire Police force will be on vacation as we do not wish to risk "violating the civil rights" of any rioters during the melee. Please do not call 911. The number has been disconnected. The fact that actually attempting to apprehend criminals constitutes an infringement of their rights has convinced us that we are the criminals and they are the good guys. Therefore, we urge you to contact your local murderer, rapist or child molester for help in fending off robbers, drug addicts and gangsters during the chaos this weekend.
2. Criminal "Honor System"- Again, we do not wish to violate the civil rights of any upstanding, innocent felons from now on, even if they endanger lives or are witnessed committing a crime. We will no longer engage in any activity that would result in the apprehension of these individuals. Instead, these fine citizens will be required to turn themselves in to the local precinct upon completion of their criminal duties. Again, do not contact us as there will be no response. You have made it plain to us that we have no rights infringing on the lifestyles of these individuals, who are no doubt just trying to "get by" like the rest of us. Besides, the newspapers have clearly defined them as "unarmed", "innocent" or "victimized", so it is safe for you to trust them. Even if they have a gun, and are pointing it at you as they have done to us, the aren't actually planning on shooting you according to their family members. Besides, the object that appears to be a pistol is actually either a cell phone or a chrome plated pager.
3.New traffic laws- The surplus of manpower will now be used to vigorously enforce the REAL danger to our citizens: The LA freeway system. Upon witnessing your careless actions, we will photograph your license plate and send you a ticket. While the neighborhood you live in may be chaotic under our new plan, at least you will be safe driving to work. We sincerely hope your business is still there.
We thank you for your cooperation, and apologize for our misguided attempts to make your city a safer place. It won't happen again.
Good luck and happy rioting,
The LAPD
PSon't call us, we'll call you!
Official Memo from the LAPD...
Dear Citizens,
It has become obvious that the citizenry of Los Angeles views we, the LAPD, as the greatest threat to your public safety. As such, we will be implementing some new policies effective immediately:
1.Race riots- We have scheduled the July 4th weekend as official race riot weekend. During this period, the entire Police force will be on vacation as we do not wish to risk "violating the civil rights" of any rioters during the melee. Please do not call 911. The number has been disconnected. The fact that actually attempting to apprehend criminals constitutes an infringement of their rights has convinced us that we are the criminals and they are the good guys. Therefore, we urge you to contact your local murderer, rapist or child molester for help in fending off robbers, drug addicts and gangsters during the chaos this weekend.
2. Criminal "Honor System"- Again, we do not wish to violate the civil rights of any upstanding, innocent felons from now on, even if they endanger lives or are witnessed committing a crime. We will no longer engage in any activity that would result in the apprehension of these individuals. Instead, these fine citizens will be required to turn themselves in to the local precinct upon completion of their criminal duties. Again, do not contact us as there will be no response. You have made it plain to us that we have no rights infringing on the lifestyles of these individuals, who are no doubt just trying to "get by" like the rest of us. Besides, the newspapers have clearly defined them as "unarmed", "innocent" or "victimized", so it is safe for you to trust them. Even if they have a gun, and are pointing it at you as they have done to us, the aren't actually planning on shooting you according to their family members. Besides, the object that appears to be a pistol is actually either a cell phone or a chrome plated pager.
3.New traffic laws- The surplus of manpower will now be used to vigorously enforce the REAL danger to our citizens: The LA freeway system. Upon witnessing your careless actions, we will photograph your license plate and send you a ticket. While the neighborhood you live in may be chaotic under our new plan, at least you will be safe driving to work. We sincerely hope your business is still there.
We thank you for your cooperation, and apologize for our misguided attempts to make your city a safer place. It won't happen again.
Good luck and happy rioting,
The LAPD
PSon't call us, we'll call you!