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View Full Version : What do you do with troubled teens??



WetWillie
08-18-2004, 10:07 PM
My wife has a 15 year old brother (She is 32 don't tell her I said that) Here brother is pretty much out of control. Handing out white supremacy fliers at school, smoking dope. He just had a test come up positive for MaryJ and pcp. Punching mirrors pushing his mom and just a generally out of control kid!!!
I believe my wife's parents are somewhat to blame for his behavior. What I don't understand is my wife was raised totally differently. I think her parents are tired and very depressed. I know its a bad excuses but that is all I can come up with. None of the other kids have acted or gone through this and there have been 4 others.
My only thinking to help was that he be sent away to get help. What do you think about a kids camp or one of those boot camps? Its like the only hope I can think of.
They have been attending counseling and her parents DONT have it in them to control him. I think my wife's mother is scared of him at this point but its her son..
Her father is kind of none existent. He will yell at him but never shows interest in the follow through.
Nicks only help is outside his home in my opinion.
Thoughts ideas???
WW :boxingguy

Bre
08-18-2004, 10:11 PM
My wife has a 15 year old brother (She is 32 don't tell her I said that) Here brother is pretty much out of control. Handing out white supremacy fliers at school, smoking dope. He just had a test come up positive for MaryJ and pcp. Punching mirrors pushing his mom and just a generally out of control kid!!!
I believe my wife's parents are somewhat to blame for his behavior. What I don't understand is my wife was raised totally differently. I think her parents are tired and very depressed. I know its a bad excuses but that is all I can come up with. None of the other kids have acted or gone through this and there have been 4 others.
My only thinking to help was that he be sent away to get help. What do you think about a kids camp or one of those boot camps? Its like the only hope I can think of.
They have been attending counseling and her parents DONT have it in them to control him. I think my wife's mother is scared of him at this point but its her son..
Her father is kind of none existent. He will yell at him but never shows interest in the follow through.
Nicks only help is outside his home in my opinion.
Thoughts ideas???
WW :boxingguy
My parents neighbors sent thier 16 year old away to one of those camps cause he was on drugs. They spent over 40K and he is back on drugs. I think it is the parents fault.....so unless you can watch him 24-7, I think it's hard, esp. when the parents suck.

Kilrtoy
08-18-2004, 10:14 PM
Not always the parents fault. My mother has two sisters, one is a doctor married to a famous doctor doing VERY well. My mother did good for herself and us. The middle sister, druggie since the age of 12, tried suicide 3 times, a total loser her whole life. All are within 4 years of each other. Some people are just born losers.......

ratso
08-18-2004, 10:16 PM
The damage is already done and I doubt there is any turning back...He will probably just end up in jail or dead. I had one loss already this week, and also last weekend I had a friend shot in the head twice over a drug deal...The odds are very much against him...

Bre
08-18-2004, 10:16 PM
Not always the parents faul. My mother has two sisters, one is a doctor married to a famous doctor doing VERY well. My mother did good for herself and us. the middle sister druggie since the age of 12 tried suicide 3 times a total loser her whole life. All are within 4 years of each other. Some people are just born losers.......
I was saying that I think it is the parents fault of this 16 year old boy I know.. they send him to a camp to get him off of drugs..but let him come home and smoke pot in the house.... so it doesn't make sense to me.

ratso
08-18-2004, 10:17 PM
I'm with you 100% Bre...

Bre
08-18-2004, 10:18 PM
His mom said...there's nothing we can do..w ehave to let him hang out with his friends and have a life outside of the house... and they think that if they let him smoke weed in the house.... he won't do any other drugs except weed. I think there is no hope for this kid.

IN2-IN2MX
08-18-2004, 10:19 PM
Not always the parents fault. My mother has two sisters, one is a doctor married to a famous doctor doing VERY well. My mother did good for herself and us. The middle sister, druggie since the age of 12, tried suicide 3 times, a total loser her whole life. All are within 4 years of each other. Some people are just born losers.......
I'd have to agree. It's the whole nature vs. nurture arguement. Some people are just born...wrong.
Sorry to hear about your wife's brother. Sending him to camp may be a good idea but, like Bre said, it could just be a waste of money. If they've got the money then it's defintely worth a try. Maybe he just needs a good kick in the junk at camp to see how good he has it at home.
Good luck!

ratso
08-18-2004, 10:20 PM
Weed is just the first step...
Watch "Less Than Zero"
There is a reality check...

Bre
08-18-2004, 10:20 PM
If it were my kid.... ( remember this is me thinking now with a 2 and 1 year old.. so my mind might be diff. if they were older... but anyways ;) )
They would not have a life. They could go to school... but then they would come straight home and I would watch their every lil f-en move. Once they turn 18 they can moveout of the house and do as I please... but if they are acting like that living in my house.... and I have the time to do that I would. If not then they could get the hell out. :lightsabe

IN2-IN2MX
08-18-2004, 10:22 PM
I was saying that I think it is the parents fault of this 16 year old boy I know.. they send him to a camp to get him off of drugs..but let him come home and smoke pot in the house.... so it doesn't make sense to me.
:jawdrop: They probably rationalize it as the lesser of 2 evils. :confused:

Kilrtoy
08-18-2004, 10:27 PM
Weed is just the first step...
Watch "Less Than Zero"
There is a reality check...
God is that movie so true, iI think of it every time to the river when I see the wind mills, WHEN DOWNEY DIES in the vet.

ratso
08-18-2004, 10:30 PM
God is that movie so true, iI think of it every time to the river when I see the wind mills, WHEN DOWNEY DIES in the vet.
It's about as close to real life as you are gonna get...and who better to play the part...

WetWillie
08-18-2004, 10:33 PM
I really agree that most of the responablity lies with the parents. Both of her parents are not in good health. :argue: I know that her parents will not probably make this happen.
He will either hit the bottom and realize what a POS he has been and work his way back up or he will get himself in some real trouble and go to jail. :frown:
I was just hoping to hear someone sent there kid to camp
it turned out great??
Ideas camps ideas?? I hate to give up on this kid maybe he needs to be scared straight.
What happen to those programs were they use to send bad kids to the pen and the prisoners got to have a chat with them about passing them around to the other imates like packs of gum??
Thanks for the responces
WW

boatnam2
08-18-2004, 10:33 PM
you can blame it on the parent but we are currently in the same situation.ultimatley the kid makes his own decisions.our daughter is out of control and has been for a few years now.she sells meth for a living,steals,lives hotel to hotel.we have tryed everthing along the way and nothing has worked.her luck to stay out of trouble is unbelieveable.sent her away to camp were it turned out to be a 20k pussy eating vacation.she is on probation and is breaking every rule there is and still gets away with it.this fuccing punk cop busts her at our house last night finds her with a bag of meth that supposebly blew away,cracked windsheild,blacked out windows and she totally gets away with it.the cops tells her real dad it is or fault that we leave her on the weekends.we both work every weekend.i cant wait to give that peice of shit a peice of my mind.we take her with us to the river she just ruins the trip steals shit so i dont take her anymore.really hard on a relationship with her being my girlfreinds daughter.she hates me for what ever reason.she is very violent and beats people up all the time including boys and kids parents and gets away with it.has been kicked out of 7 schools.sneaks around our house at 4 in the morning all the time.breaks into our house all the time,stole her brothers motorcycle last time we went to the river.we have been through hell with her and have 3 other kids that are fine.so if it is our fault then why arent the other kids the same.i know she is a kid but also has choices and choices to make the wrong ones.we have another drug rehab lined up but she dosent want to go at this point and know since of making her to only have her return to her live of choice.she has been rasied with lots of love in a great house and has never had to want anything.i can pretty much say that it all started with the people she ran around with.there is a saying show me your freinds and i will show you who you are.it fits.so really the only left at this point even though her mother dosent agree is her turing 18.hopefully one day she will she what she had and change her ways.i hear it all the time that its the parent fault and until you have been there and been what we have been through i think that is just to easy to say.because i have watched my girlfreind cry herself to sleep so many night its not funny and question herself what she has done wrong.endless sleepless nights.all teh time willing to do anything just to see her daughter it is amazing to have someone love you that much unconditionaly and throw it away.i have so much to say on this subect. it is a really big deal especialy 3 days before our wedding because the strain that it causes.

boatnam2
08-18-2004, 10:35 PM
if you do use a camp DO NOT USE feta.very big on the west coasts and the shiit that went on there was incredible.

WetWillie
08-18-2004, 10:41 PM
I feel for you. I really do. My kids are 5 and 4 and I love them to death. My 5 year old is going to be a handfull. I can tell now!! My 4 yr old is tottaly diffrent same amount of love and guidance.
Go figure.
THanks again,
WW
Is this Macy your talking about? I remmeber the thread from along time ago?

boatnam2
08-18-2004, 10:42 PM
another thing about trying to do things is what other influences there are.the worst one for us the father.totally fuccking cluless.we would not let her hang with her freind she would tear the house up call her dad and he would always take her side.take all her shit away she would steal it or her dad would buy it for her.her dad bought her a car the day she went to camp can you beleive that.he bought her 2 cell phones which she ran up 1500 phone bills.but he would go out tommorow and buy her another one.he did take her car for a day and she was screwed no way to deliver drugs but the next day he gave it back to her and i guess sells have been great.my phone fell out of my truck the other day and her frigging tweaker girlfreind steals it and is so dumb she calls macie on it. so she was suppose to get that back which never happened.

Kilrtoy
08-18-2004, 10:43 PM
You want to see a great movie which is as close to reality as it gets , SALTON SEA,
really shows you the mind of a doper.....
A must see for all parents

boatnam2
08-18-2004, 10:43 PM
yea that is her and she is more screwed up today then ever.it almost gets to a point were you just want them to leave and to never come back and that is sad,but true.

moneypit
08-18-2004, 10:45 PM
He needs to grow up and get off the chronic. Time will make him better

boatnam2
08-18-2004, 10:45 PM
another big thing when you have a under age child even if you have good insurance which we do is your choices for help.everything is cash.we have made so many calls to places trying to find help and if there under 18 it is tough.

XtrmWakeborder
08-18-2004, 10:47 PM
Being pretty young and having friends that are doing the same shit he does i have found that surrounding him with good people could help the problem...they've already blown it on the discipline end so punishing him might drive him away. Try encouraging him and noticing what he does right MORE THAN criticizing him. A parents love may bring him back, if that doesnt work kick his ass out.

WetWillie
08-18-2004, 10:50 PM
I thought about bringing him down here to San Diego. he is in Semi and putting him to work at my business. But I fear of putting him around my kids. Plus I would ring his neck. I would like to help but dont want to put my familey in jeprody.
Yea he is 16 and knows there is not alot we can do about it!!
WW

Kilrtoy
08-18-2004, 10:59 PM
Hve him arrested when he is high and has the stuff onhim and DONT PICK HIM UP. That should be a wake up call....

XtrmWakeborder
08-18-2004, 11:02 PM
Hve him arrested when he is high and has the stuff onhim and DONT PICK HIM UP. That should be a wake up call....
AGREED, going to juvi was the best thing for my cousin

Kilrtoy
08-18-2004, 11:03 PM
Oh yeah, when they strip you down do a crack check and the big bad ass gang member next to you says , give me your mother fu$%$in shoes.....
I WANT MY MOM

cdog
08-18-2004, 11:07 PM
I was a punk ass kid too. I had my own punk band. Smoke some weed, got in a lot of fights and talked a lot of shit. I grew up in riverside and everyone thought they were tough guy's. I say drive him around in the getto and show him how the shit of the earth live. That was enough for me to straighten my ass out quick. Even a tough white kid know's his limits and I did'nt want to end up there. My dad worked in LA at the edge of watts at ALCO Aluminum. One drive by his work after the riots made me realize where I did'nt want to be. Also, I got a job and bought a 67 Camaro. Spent my time doing a little more constructive things. A hot rod bring's on a whole new bag of worms. All of that tough me that money makes the world go round and I bought my first home at 19. Now i'm in the OC baby, on my second house and building my second boat.
A dose of reality may help!

Jbb
08-19-2004, 03:35 AM
.....I could write a book on this very subject,with the shit my son has put us through...I will say this ..boot camps are worthless..the people there are simply putting in time on a job....He came back more out of control then when he left,but with a new group of friends just like himself....
What you need to check into is a wilderness survival camp...they seem to work pretty well....The group lives in a cabin...lives a very structured existence and learns,hopefully that by working together obstacles can be overcome..They take a different approach to the actions and consequences rule....They are constantly cutting wood to store for heat for the cabins...there are always a few bad asses that will say ..**** this ..Im not cutting wood....and the councellors would say...ok...sit over there and watch,which they cheerfully do...a month or so later...when its 35 degrees out and raining..those who choose not to help with the wood ...get to sleep under the stars,and enjoy nature,while the others are in a warm cabin...Consequences for your actions...over time it works...
Another thing is people tend to forget that being a kids parent means that sometimes you cant be their best friend...decisions have to be made that will make you very unpopular.....
You must ,sometimes draw a line in the sand ...and when they cross it ..be prepared to follow through..as unpleasant as it sometimes gets..they will eventually know you mean business...ask my son... :D
Wilderness camps are expensive,but you can if Juvenile authorities are involved get the state to help pay for some of it...They wont come back a different person,but they will have seen hopefully that society has rules to go by,and that its easier on them to follow the rules instead of break them
My son spent most of his high school years acting like a jackass,terrorizing his family and missing out on all the fun things those years had to offer...and now most of his friends from childhood are graduating from college...he is working 6 days a week and going to college at night,with many semesters to go....He now,finally understands what he missed and regrets his actions of the past...Just wait till he gets my bill!
It is important not to give up on these kids...when they do follow up interviews on the success stories years later,they all say the driving force that made them get through,was knowing that someone out there cared about them....Good luck,and dont give up...there were countless sleepless nights in it for me....and I spent my retirement just about...but were hoping
for the best... :clover:

Kilrtoy
08-19-2004, 03:41 AM
Thank you for sharing JBB,
That is as well put as it is gonna get.
Thank you.....

Sleek-Jet
08-19-2004, 03:52 AM
Hve him arrested when he is high and has the stuff onhim and DONT PICK HIM UP. That should be a wake up call....
It took my brother three times in the pokey to get him to come around. The last time he spent 6 months in county lock-up in Vegas. The first two times he was in holding awaiting a court date, he had a pretty good time too, since most of his friends at the time were in there with him. The last time he got picked up on a probation violation the judge sent him to a different place, like the place that the real criminals go. :frown: It was a pretty good wake-up call. He's now had the same job for a couple years, lives on his own, and is actually being a productive member of society.

NashvilleBound
08-19-2004, 04:03 AM
I pulled my cousin out of rehab when he was 19 and bought him a peice of equipment and taught him the ropes. Two years later after TONS of drama he stole someones dope and they shot him twice in the head execution style when they caught him. I even co-signed on a new truck then had to pay the difference after it was sold at auction to maintain my credit. He was a great kid at heart but sometimes you have to let life take its course. Personally, I would do everything I could to help him. Everything!
Good Luck,
NB

dc96819
08-19-2004, 04:44 AM
Juvie hall for at least 1/2 year

Coach
08-19-2004, 05:02 AM
Over the last 10 years I see this all the time. The damage is will be hard to reverse, but can be done by a major change. The parents are to blame, period. They did not set the proper ground work earlly, when it has to be done. Many parents get lazy with younger siblings because they are tired or don't think they have to do all the work because the older ones are OK. If the proper ground work is set then kids think twice about drugs and other things that are not right and they know are not right.
There is a boot camp in Utah that I have seen parents send their kids to and it is an ass kicker. I don't know the name, but in the few cases I have seen the kids come back much different.

v-drive
08-19-2004, 05:10 AM
I was a wild youngster and i don't like looking back at some of the stupid things I did. I was hard on my son's, maybe to hard but I didn't get the leadership I needed when I was young so I wasn't going to repeat it with my sons. I stuck my size 10 in their ass and kept it there. Today we don't agree on alot of things but if they're honest with themselves they know it was out of love and fear that they would have problems Like I had. If your father in law can't kick him in his ass YOU should do it for your wife .
16 is not to old and if you don't want years of anguish look him in the eyes and tell him you're not going to allow him to ruin his life. I had the draft to kick mine and I think they should reinstate it. There is nothing like having some ugly mean sob kick your ass out of bed at 5 AM to get your attitude right. That's my .02
:D v-drive

572Daytona
08-19-2004, 05:31 AM
My wife and I went through this with our son as well and I wish I had the answer. He started with pot in about the 7th grade and graduated to Meth, LSD, Crack and who knows what else. We tried having him arrested with the pot but since he was a juve they did nothing other than assign him a probation officer who didn't do anything. We moved him to a relatives house to get him away from his circle of friends which worked for a little while, but it wasn't very long before he found a new crowd of scumbags to hang with. Over the years he's totaled at least a half a dozen cars so that he no longer has a license or insurance, luckily he hasn't seriously injured anyone yet, stolen credit cards from his grandmother and run them up to the tune of 15K that we had to pay off, he recently had a baby with no job and no means of supporting a family. Basically he has the notion that someone has to support his sorry as because we are "lucky" and have good paying jobs.
My wife and I have tried to figure out what we could have done differently and really haven't found the answer, we are worried because we have 2 daughters that are 11 and 13, and don't want this to happen again.
I think our society has gotten way to permissive with respect to drug usage. I can't tell you how many people said to us don't worry, it's just a stage and he will grow out of it, I did it at his age so I don't see any problem. Some of the adults would even say this in front of him and we found out later that some parents of kids he knew would even get high with their kids, talk about screwed up in my mind. The authorities didn't take any action at all when he was caught with pot and you hear all the time in the media about how pot should be legalized. All of this just served to reinforce in his mind that there is nothing wrong with getting high. While I believe there are people who can do drugs and maintain a normal life, there are far more that can't. I know people in their 30's or 40's that are junkies that can't and have never been able to support themselves. So the notion that kids will grow out of it is misguided.

BILLY.B
08-19-2004, 05:42 AM
you can blame it on the parent but we are currently in the same situation.ultimatley the kid makes his own decisions.our daughter is out of control and has been for a few years now.she sells meth for a living,steals,lives hotel to hotel.we have tryed everthing along the way and nothing has worked.her luck to stay out of trouble is unbelieveable.sent her away to camp were it turned out to be a 20k pussy eating vacation.she is on probation and is breaking every rule there is and still gets away with it.this fuccing punk cop busts her at our house last night finds her with a bag of meth that supposebly blew away,cracked windsheild,blacked out windows and she totally gets away with it.the cops tells her real dad it is or fault that we leave her on the weekends.we both work every weekend.i cant wait to give that peice of shit a peice of my mind.we take her with us to the river she just ruins the trip steals shit so i dont take her anymore.really hard on a relationship with her being my girlfreinds daughter.she hates me for what ever reason.she is very violent and beats people up all the time including boys and kids parents and gets away with it.has been kicked out of 7 schools.sneaks around our house at 4 in the morning all the time.breaks into our house all the time,stole her brothers motorcycle last time we went to the river.we have been through hell with her and have 3 other kids that are fine.so if it is our fault then why arent the other kids the same.i know she is a kid but also has choices and choices to make the wrong ones.we have another drug rehab lined up but she dosent want to go at this point and know since of making her to only have her return to her live of choice.she has been rasied with lots of love in a great house and has never had to want anything.i can pretty much say that it all started with the people she ran around with.there is a saying show me your freinds and i will show you who you are.it fits.so really the only left at this point even though her mother dosent agree is her turing 18.hopefully one day she will she what she had and change her ways.i hear it all the time that its the parent fault and until you have been there and been what we have been through i think that is just to easy to say.because i have watched my girlfreind cry herself to sleep so many night its not funny and question herself what she has done wrong.endless sleepless nights.all teh time willing to do anything just to see her daughter it is amazing to have someone love you that much unconditionaly and throw it away.i have so much to say on this subect. it is a really big deal especialy 3 days before our wedding because the strain that it causes. Your alot stronger man then me. My temper would of gotten the best of me by now and i'd be missing one size 11 shoe as it would be so far up her ass it would never be found. I'm sure your girlfriend is a great lady but I can't believe your going to marry into this situation. The 3 other kid's are the ones that are also suffering in this extremly bad environment. Good luck, sounds like your gonna need it. :(

dmontzsta
08-19-2004, 05:44 AM
Speaking from experience:
What changed me was Jail and having my son. Now, I dont think he needs to have a kid cause that would be scary. You can put him in jail, BUT it might even make him worse than now, it could be a change for the good or bad.

HavasuDreamin'
08-19-2004, 06:28 AM
Well I am a rookie on this subject, but I do have a few questions since my son is going to be born next week. It seems to me that kids in today's society lack respect. That is what this is all about.....RESPECT. Respect for people and their property. It also seems as though parents won't instill respect into their children at all.............until it is too late.......ie: teen years. At that point respect is trying to be instilled to someone who won't listen to anyone or anything. I see it now with friends, neighbors. No discipline at all! None. There kids walk all over them now and will continue to do so.
WW....boatnam, JBB, 572..........did your troubled kids get a time out at 5 years old or did they get their butt whooped when acting up? Was there any form of discipline at all or was it idle threats? For those that are step parents.......my guess is your hands were tied. You couldn't even think of disciplining the step child? Correct?
I can only go on my experience as a kid and that was if I was not acting appropriately, all my dad had to do was look at me with the evil eye and I quit being a jack*ss. I ended up graduating from college. etc. and was for all intents and purposes a good kid. It was because my parents instilled some fear into me. They followed through with threats. Butt whoopings followed by conversations as to why they were pissed at me, etc.
At any rate.......I feel for all those involved. This stuff scares the crap out of me having a 6 year old step daughter and new son on the way. I hope for the best, but you never can tell. One thing is for sure........there will be NO time outs for my son!

Tremor Therapy
08-19-2004, 06:49 AM
Right on---->JBB and Kilrtoy
I have horror stories about my 18 year old step daughter, and many of her and our experiences have already been told by the others in this thread.
Drugs, theft, verbal abuse, rage towards her siblings and mother..and in the end it made home life like a prison. We tried everything that others here have already mentioned, and none of it worked. The last straw was when she and a friend tried to coyote some illegals accross the border and got caught. We were sooooo pissed we left her there at the border for 2 days!
Well my wife went and got her, and within 24 hours she was back out smoking dope and hanging with her looser friends! And the bitch of it all, is the friend has been sentenced to 2 yrs in the local pokey for her part, and my step daughter just walked! I have two younger kids, 11 and 7, and although they are going through their own growing pains, it is nothing like what we put up with for this one child!
I think that some are just born under a different sign, and the more you try and help or get involved, the further down the path they go! Until they reach bottom, it continues as a loosing battle for you! I know it sucks, but I have already been through it.....good luck, I hope he figures it out!

Backtanner
08-19-2004, 06:59 AM
My first is due Jan 1st. I CAN'T WAIT!!! When do I get my membership card for joining the club?

uclahater
08-19-2004, 07:04 AM
You can be the best parent in the world, and if they get in with the wrong crowd your screwed :hammerhea

Flyinbowtie
08-19-2004, 07:13 AM
Wetwillie,
You are getting a lot of insight here from people who have been down the trail you are on. There is a common denominator running through this.
Kids, and people in general change their ways because something has scared them to their core, or they see something in changing that will make their life easier aqnd/or make them money.
Your brother in law is living in a fantasy world of his own creation, and introducing him into your family and your home will not bring him back to reality. It will cause your family havoc and misery. Probation and the cops are sometimes able to spark the change, but it doesn't happen very often.
If/when he winds up in jail after turning 18, he will either embrace the crook lifestlye and wear his rap sheet with pride, or he will find some reason to bounce back. What you and his family can do is continue to demonstrate that there is an alternative way to live, and it is better in every sense of the word.
Since the early eighties, when the media and marketing agencies realized just how much money kids had access to, and started working together to seperate them from that money, parents have really taken a hit in the amount of influence they have over there kids.
Parents who are successful today teach there kids about three critical skills.
1)The ability to determine right from wrong.
2)The ability to choose a course of action based upon whats right and whats wrong.
3)The strength of character to stand by the right thing simply because it is right, and ignore the negative peer pressure associated with being a strong individual.
If we get the big three going, then the kid will be okay. If the kid gets the big three going on his own, more power to 'em. If any one of the above are missing, things can get ugly.
Tweakers are another subject. In my area, crank is literaly destroying a portion of the fabric of the community. I've been dealing with crank for what seems like my entire 24 year career. I honestly think it will ultimately become the largest blight in modern times, when one considers the lives destroyed and property damaged/stolen/turned in to toxic haz-mat site.
I know several people who were 10 plus year addicts, who were into manufacturing and distribution, who have done 15 years in custody, and who got clean and have turned their lives around.
I arrested them, fought with them, and sent them to prison. I now have the greatest respect for them. They have overcome challenges I can not even fathom. When I talk to them, I find that they have one thing in common that brought them back.A major event in their lives that gave them a glimpse of reality through the fog of the drug.
For one, it was the death of his father, followed the next day by a bad reaction to crank that left him paraylized from the waist down for 3 days.
After 20 years of drug addiction, he quit that day cold turkey, and has been clean for 3 years.
For another, it was the realization that he had fathered yet another child, and he was holding the child for the first time three months after it was born.
It was during a court trial, a break.
When he saw his iodine-stained hands (cooking dope) against the clean skin of the child he broke down. He entered a drug-court program, signed up for 18 years suspended, and has been clean for five years, running his own small landscaping business, and employing others who are trying to get clean and re-enter life after years of living in hell.
Crank literally attacks ever nerve receptor in the brain. All eight of them It is the only substance that I am aware of that does. People who are using are very likely to become addicted. It changes the brain. They become completely focused on the dope. Nothing else matters, not family, not parents, not taking away cars or TV, nothing.
People can change. They have to find a reason. You can't find it for them.
But you can be there to support them when they find a reason to come back. They will need help.
Sorry for the rant folks, this is near and dear to my heart....

SHAKE-YO-AZZ
08-19-2004, 07:17 AM
Just beat them :lightsabe :boxingguy

Keithb87
08-19-2004, 07:22 AM
Where to start ??? :redface: I was not a troubled teen persay.. But I got into a lot of trouble and I always figured a way out. Which later in my life (around 25) I got busted with POT. At that time I was also doing METH and learning some very bad things. The people I had around were of the Less than desirable type, and the activites were not even close to being considered socially accecptable, let alone legal. Without going into too much detail and incrimminating myself, :supp: loosing my house, 3 cars, Wife and 2 kids (which I now see 1 weekend a month) did not even phase me. It wasn't until 10-19-1999 when I got arrested and went away to the State Pen for 12 months did I learn that I needed to make some changes. I have been clean from any drug use now for almost 5 years.
One thing I learned in Prison is that less than 20o/o of the people that end up there are actully successful in staying out. That means that 80 + o/o end up back in prison.
There was a program for troubled youth where the take the kids to a MAXIMUM Security Prison and let the inmates talk to the kids (more of a scare tactic) to try to scare them straight, but I don't know if that is still available.
Check with the local Social services department to see if anything like that is still available.

MagicMtnDan
08-19-2004, 07:44 AM
I'm really saddened reading these posts - life can be so hard for kids AND their parents. I believe that you can be the best parent in the world and still have a bad kid but I also believe that's the exception rather than the rule.
It's hard to be a kid but it can be even tougher to be a parent. It takes love, discipline, strength, courage and consistency through the child's entire young life.
I commend you all for being so honest and for fighting the good fight. I wish you all the very best and hope you find success raising your children and turning the ones that need it around. For many the joy of parenting is delayed until the really hard work is done.

Dave C
08-19-2004, 07:49 AM
Amen Bre...... I agree 100%.
I agree about teaching kids the meaning of the word "respect." Respect for your parents, teachers, adults, etc.
Our parents were extremely strict and we would not even consider getting out of line, even during the tumultuous teen years. Their attitude was if you didn't like it "TOUGH SHIT" deal with it because when your 18 you can make up your own f-ing rules. Its their house and their rules and they support us.
They would not have a life. They could go to school... but then they would come straight home and I would watch their every lil f-en move. Once they turn 18 they can moveout of the house and do as I please... but if they are acting like that living in my house.... and I have the time to do that I would. If not then they could get the hell out. :lightsabe

JET-O-VATOR
08-19-2004, 07:51 AM
i think the only way he is going to get through this shit is if they move out of the nieborhood or send him off to a distant relatives to live.. my uncle, same shit, then my dad stepped in, beat his ass and said jail or the military, you choose and he chose the navy he went in a loser and came out a bad ass machinist. when he came out he went into buissiness with my other uncle and opened purple mountain machine and weld out of bullhead city.. then as soon as the buissiness took off and he had money he was right back to the old friends and tweaking again and the shop died and now im pretty sure hes living on the street but i really dont care anymore. so i think its best if you guys get him away from his freinds now while hes still young and get him to change his way of thought... pound the living shit out of him and pound it into his head that he will get beat up when hes caught with drugs... i tried weed once and my dad caught me he beat my ass, sold my dirtbike and told me "i hope you learned your lesson......" :devil:
"well thats my story and iiiaamm stickin to it"

eliminatedsprinter
08-19-2004, 09:07 AM
If good shrinks have ruled out any real mental heath issues, I really don't know what they can do. Have they checked to see if there are any military or residential schools for kids like him??I have a relative who tried one of those camps and he came out worse than he went in...
P.S.Try to minimize the family damage to him, keep your kids away from him..

jas0502
08-19-2004, 09:11 AM
First, let me say how I feel for all of you who have shared these stories! Raising kids these days is so challenging.
We have 2 kids. My son is 14 and my daughter is 12. My son is now repeating the 8th grade because he thinks he is way too cool for school. I can sit here and see him heading down the path of some of the kids in the posts I have just read. But no effen way!!!!
My husband and I made the decision for him to stay home with the kids. He was injured at work and gave up his career as mechanic for laidlaw to stay home with the kid and to work part time around their schedule. We felt that these middle and high school years would be critical.
After we made the decision last year to have our son repeat, we pulled him out of school the last month and put him to work. Hard manual labor. Told him repeatedly that this was his future. That he has a long life ahead of low pay and exhausting work. I think it helped some; his attitude toward school is better.
I do believe that it is a parent/child problem. Everyone is different; our daughter is so opposite from our son. We can only do our best, and when we cant get through, we need to seek help. I hope that all of you with problem teens seek and receive the help you all need.
I have heard of an organization call Touch Love. I have never had to use them ....yet. But it requires the effort of the parents and the kids.............my .02

superdave013
08-19-2004, 09:14 AM
Howe Military Academy in Howe Indiana worked for me!
Got shipped off at age 14. Spent one year there and I did learn a few things. RESPECT was one of them.

Misogynist
08-19-2004, 10:00 AM
Write your congressman and senator and have abortion laws changed to make abortion legally retroactive to 18 yrs.... :hammer2:

Keithb87
08-19-2004, 11:26 AM
Write your congressman and senator and have abortion laws changed to make abortion legally retroactive to 18 yrs.... :hammer2:
That's just wrong ..... Funny, but wrong..... :D

CA Stu
08-19-2004, 12:04 PM
Score him a sixteenth of speed, give him a rag and some wax and turn him loose on your boat.
Thanks
CA Stu

BigDogIvan
08-19-2004, 12:20 PM
What I have seen and experianced is that somewhere in the past few years peer presures are out of control and to fit in somehwere is a must as a teen. Most times the wrong crowd and if you try as a parent to intervin and get into there life as all these "Experts" say, all you do is drive them in deeper and away. Attitudes and violance is there escape and if they do hit someone or break something in the house, you find drugs or things that you feel that may be stolen, by all meens get the police involved. Get that record started and maybe the leagel system will see a pattern and will help. This will also cover your self down the road. Hopefully before it's not to late. The only thing I can say is good luck to all of you and never blame yourself for trying and doing the best you can. If they do get hauled off to juvie, DO NOT jump and bail them out. Thats what they want you to do. You need to be strong, even tho it rips your a$$ a new one they need to deal with the consequences.
BD

WetWillie
08-30-2004, 08:32 PM
Nick, Had a bad day a couple of days ago and proceeded to punch some holes in the walls and he and his father got into a small struggle. Him mother and father left the house and he was packing his things to go move in with a couple of skin head buddy's. My wife was on the phone trying to talk some sense into him and he said " Oh man moms back with the cops"
Nick proceeded to treat the cops like he does his parents with no respect and they hooked him up for the vandalism to the house. It took three of them to wrestle him into the cuffs and when they got them on he was crying like a baby. He begged his parents not to let them take him. Mom and dad held tuff and Nick as at the Oxnard Juvi. I would be willing to bet he does not verbalize his feelings for white power in there :notam:
Anyway he is scared out of his mind and will be there for 3 to 5 days until court the whole family has been telling mom and dad to hold tight. No visits no offers to pick him up!! He is already saying he is SO sorry and plans to change his ways. Only time will tell.
WW :lightsabe

Boozer
08-30-2004, 09:10 PM
Hopefully it works and he changes.
Best way to get an out of control kid back in control is taking him away fro, the people and things he is familiar with. A couple cities away wont work because he can just call up his buddies and get back together with him.
My father took me out of state 7 years ago. I was stealing cars, robbing houses, you name it I vandalized it. When we finally moved a couple Chino PD officers that frequently visited actually offered to come on their day off and help us pack up the moving truck.
While I was gone and around new people I learned new things. Like how to take pride in things that were actually meaningful instead of taking pride in how quickly I could steal a Camaro or pick a dead bolt rather I took pride in starting a career and accelling pretty quickly in it and that hard work really does pay off. The first time my car that I worked so hard for got broken into and the stereo system I spent so much money on was taken I felt violated then realized just how bad so many people felt because of my actions. I think that was the biggest turning point in my life that has made the changes I made stick.
Well I'm back and not hanging out with my old friends. Most are either in jail or working 14 hour shifts at mcdonalds to take care of their children so they have no time to do anything.
I'm 23 and even without a college degree in not to long I will probably be doing good enough to buy my own place. Considering the cost of homes now that seems like a pretty big deal to me and something im very proud of.
Hopefully the jail thing will work for him but if it doesnt I'd say to send him off to one of those wilderness camps JBB mentioned and make sure it is OUT of state. A couple kids I grew up with went to them and when they came back they had nothing to do with me, last I heard one of them is in med school now and before the camp he was HUGE crack/meth smoker.
Nick, Had a bad day a couple of days ago and proceeded to punch some holes in the walls and he and his father got into a small struggle. Him mother and father left the house and he was packing his things to go move in with a couple of skin head buddy's. My wife was on the phone trying to talk some sense into him and he said " Oh man moms back with the cops"
Nick proceeded to treat the cops like he does his parents with no respect and they hooked him up for the vandalism to the house. It took three of them to wrestle him into the cuffs and when they got them on he was crying like a baby. He begged his parents not to let them take him. Mom and dad held tuff and Nick as at the Oxnard Juvi. I would be willing to bet he does not verbalize his feelings for white power in there :notam:
Anyway he is scared out of his mind and will be there for 3 to 5 days until court the whole family has been telling mom and dad to hold tight. No visits no offers to pick him up!! He is already saying he is SO sorry and plans to change his ways. Only time will tell.
WW :lightsabe

Scream
08-30-2004, 10:01 PM
.....I could write a book on this very subject,with the shit my son has put us through...I will say this ..boot camps are worthless..the people there are simply putting in time on a job....He came back more out of control then when he left,but with a new group of friends just like himself....
What you need to check into is a wilderness survival camp...they seem to work pretty well....The group lives in a cabin...lives a very structured existence and learns,hopefully that by working together obstacles can be overcome..They take a different approach to the actions and consequences rule....They are constantly cutting wood to store for heat for the cabins...there are always a few bad asses that will say ..**** this ..Im not cutting wood....and the councellors would say...ok...sit over there and watch,which they cheerfully do...a month or so later...when its 35 degrees out and raining..those who choose not to help with the wood ...get to sleep under the stars,and enjoy nature,while the others are in a warm cabin...Consequences for your actions...over time it works...
Another thing is people tend to forget that being a kids parent means that sometimes you cant be their best friend...decisions have to be made that will make you very unpopular.....
You must ,sometimes draw a line in the sand ...and when they cross it ..be prepared to follow through..as unpleasant as it sometimes gets..they will eventually know you mean business...ask my son... :D
Wilderness camps are expensive,but you can if Juvenile authorities are involved get the state to help pay for some of it...They wont come back a different person,but they will have seen hopefully that society has rules to go by,and that its easier on them to follow the rules instead of break them
My son spent most of his high school years acting like a jackass,terrorizing his family and missing out on all the fun things those years had to offer...and now most of his friends from childhood are graduating from college...he is working 6 days a week and going to college at night,with many semesters to go....He now,finally understands what he missed and regrets his actions of the past...Just wait till he gets my bill!
It is important not to give up on these kids...when they do follow up interviews on the success stories years later,they all say the driving force that made them get through,was knowing that someone out there cared about them....Good luck,and dont give up...there were countless sleepless nights in it for me....and I spent my retirement just about...but were hoping
for the best... :clover:
JBB, Great example of what to do. Kids are an investment in our future, you can't give up on them. No matter how bad it gets, you've got to love them in the end. Sending them to a Survival Camp will give them a sense of accomplishment and the impedus to complete more goals in thier life. Do Not Let them Loose Hope, (real or imagined) that's why they're in the wrong position to begin with, IMO. A lot of kids turn to the dark side because thier depressed, clinically, and really need professional help.
Be careful not to be the enabler as well. As Bre stated, you can't send them away for drug treatment and then allow them to use drugs "because I know where they are" That's bullshit and a copout. Those parents ought to be hung.
Scream

Drunk tank
08-30-2004, 10:03 PM
I say you stab him in the neck with a fork! Make an example out of him to everyone else! :D

Some Kind Of Monster
08-30-2004, 10:06 PM
Props to JBB and Boozer.. Very inspiring. :idea:

OGShocker
08-30-2004, 10:37 PM
No thread in my 1.5 years in this forum have freaked me out as bad as this one has. I have a six year old son, he and his mom are my world. If he finds out or does 1/2 of the s**t I pulled in my youth....it would kill me.
I wish all of those people having troubles the best of luck. You are in our prayers (not in a whacko way) from now on. To those of you seeing the light at the end of a long tunnel... GREAT JOB!
I am still freaked and now, I am going to bed.
Goodnight,
OGS

AzDon
08-31-2004, 08:57 AM
January first of this year, I was reunited with my brother who my youngest brother "ran off" twenty years ago because he was unmotivated to do anything other than get drunk, smoke pot, and steal from friends and relatives. Even a stint in the Navy hadn't straightened him out! My parents had tried not only leaving him in jail....They were actually BILLED for it when they insisted that he was out-of-control and that he needed to be kept in juvenile detention. He would run away as a teen and be gone until the cops picked him up somewhere.
I gotta tell you that in my brothers case, my parents played a BIG part in the overall problem....they were emotionally not invested and they practiced a form of economic neglect by living in a ritzy area and depriving their kids of the experiences, posessions, and spending money that other kids in the area took for granted. I threw newspapers evey day and spent weekends mowing lawns and STILL had less than my friends. Where this left us socially, was with the "stoner" culture kids, whose stories were often as bad as ours. My brother took a harder version of this path because he didn't believe that hard work had any merit....he had a streak of larceny. My dad was a violent "tough guy" about all this, but my mom always would emotionally "fold" and want to bail us out and defend us, even when we weren't deserving.
I left my parent's house the day I turned 18 and have worked almost every day of my life since. When my brother was run off, he spent some time on skid row, where he was shot and stabbed in a few fights. He lost all his teeth to heavy drug use. Eventually, he realized that if he didn't make changes, he would die prematurely, perhaps violently, and nobody would have a reason to care. He sought help through AA and actually worked in rehabs and halfway houses for a few years because he had no useable work history. He worked carnivals, drove taxicabs, and today is a Senior bellman in a ritzy hotel in the northwest. His free time is dedicated to working with AA as a sponsor and mentor.
We thought he had probably died, but a string of internet info led our family to locate him about a year ago.
When asked why he hadn't initiated contact, he said that he felt he had screwed thing up so badly that the family wouldn't want to see him and felt better off without him.
To Boatnam..... I see similarities to my story in that your GF can't bring herself to isolate her terroristic daughter from your household....She should be locked out and sent to her dad because YOU could actually lose everthing if LE determined that drugs are being sold from your premises! This "terror teen" should be a major issue in your impending marriage to her mother. I know love can make things tough, But don't you think an ultimatum is in order?
I also think a few things can be learned from WW's last post.... apparently his tough-guy brother in law knows he has limits!
The reality may be that, like my family, the only way you can set the limits of tolerance is to disassociate yourselves from the out-of-control teen until she figures out what acceptable behavior is and starts practicing it!

schlepy
08-31-2004, 09:25 AM
i have had a few friends that have gotten into drugs and even in jail for life. i have seen what they have done for their lives and i thank god i have a great job and even better than that, hobbies that occupy my time. i think you should get him into something like motorcyles, surfing, remote control cars or something he can spend his time and money on instead of drugs. he is only fifteen, take him to the lake and show him how to wake board or something, if the poor kid has nothing to do than start sh!t, than thats not his fault. my parents always kept me busy and i thank them for that..

sorry dog
08-31-2004, 04:44 PM
Some of the adults would even say this in front of him and we found out later that some parents of kids he knew would even get high with their kids, talk about screwed up in my mind.
How else are the P's supposed to get bag?? Kids are their best hook up. :D
Actually in my experience the people around you and to some extent your inner desire to succeed are extremely important. Many of my friends are former "pot heads" or some still are. All of then have college degree an have some desire to succeed which means sometimes their is the time to fockoff (whether it be pussy, alcohol, pot, pills, shrooms, cid, or whatever) and sometimes there is the time to be responsible and hard working.
Anyway, my point is you can blame the drugs but I think most of time the drugs are just amplifying other deeper issues. The thing is that I don't any idea how you motivate someone to be a success. I'm sure what it takes is different for every person. However, I bet sending a troubled person to a 3rd world country village to live for 6 months will be way more effective than any drug rehab. I know of about 1 person out 20 or so that rehab actually worked for she was nuts already. The other 19 just made more contacts.
Hey JBB - how's the project S10 coming along?? :D

Drunk tank
08-31-2004, 04:52 PM
My father took me out of state 7 years ago. I was stealing cars, robbing houses, you name it I vandalized it. When we finally moved a couple Chino PD officers that frequently visited actually offered to come on their day off and help us pack up the moving truck.
You aint gonna steal my jeep are ya??? Onn a side note... if ya decide to, its not safe at speeds over 65mph.... at that point its just 2000 parts flying in close unison

sorry dog
08-31-2004, 05:21 PM
You aint gonna steal my jeep are ya??? Onn a side note... if ya decide to, its not safe at speeds over 65mph.... at that point its just 2000 parts flying in close unison
You shoulda got a landcruiser. It makes it to 75 before it becomes nut and bolt UFO.

Jbb
08-31-2004, 06:18 PM
How else are the P's supposed to get bag?? Kids are their best hook up. :D
Hey JBB - how's the project S10 coming along?? :D
Fixed...wrecked.....Fixed.......wrecked......ect,e ct..... :cool: