I need your advice on a personal issue

[BoatMan4Life]

Does any of the father's here spank their kids? How do you get a 12 year old boy to listen? I need people's advice on parenting. My 12 year old cuts school, and is causing trouble. I know this is off topic but I would appreciate everyoen's advice.

[charles]

I spank my son, but I started the disipline at year one. That is a tough call thou.

[Dans 76 Schiada]

All I can say is it won't get better!!!Im not sure spanking a twelve year old will help, but a month in his room may.

[spectras only]

I take my son's skateboard away for a week,or no tv for long time etc....!At 12 they develop resistance and rebellious behavior ,so you can only hurt them by taking privilages away ,like their most favorite passtimes.

[HammerDown]

Maybe ya should have woop'ed him earler. To late in the game for that now...he may go to the law...then you will be looking out behind bars! I would contact the local police..and have them try to put some fear in the young ladd.
I remember one time when I was just a little tinney hammer... my old man had arms like two 575-SC motors ...on nitros. Anyhow with one hand he grabed my 2 hands, held me up off the floor (like hanging meat) and with his other hand then removed his belt...well ya know what happened then! It was ugly!
I remember that to this day...and why?
Not because of the beating, it was because of what little tinny hammer did to deserve the wooping....I got caught playing doctor with the neighbor's daughter! Hey it was her idea. ...Think I was seven.
[This message has been edited by HammerDown (edited June 17, 2002).]

[spectras only]

Hammerdown is right ,if you haven't spanked your kid earlier,it's too late starting it now.He'll hate you for that for ever,and he's stubborn enough by now to even draw a single tear from him by hitting him.Try talking to a policeman/friend to give him some scare talk.There's no remedy for this really since every kid is different.I haven't yet met a friend who didn't have some problem with their kids.Unless the kid is a total nerd sitting home at the computer all the time ,like some of us adults too http://free.***boat.net/ubb/wink.gif.I'm not looking forward to see my son in his teens http://free.***boat.net/ubb/eek.gif,but who knows ,he might want to drive the boat by then [another tool to work with].

[1tricky1]

I think 12 year old kids are beyond spanking. Spectra hit the nail on the head - take away priviledges, that's the only thing that gonna hit em where it hurts. you can also add chores, give em little of your own "boot camp" at home. Best of luck to ya!

[Unchained]

I agree about taking away the privileges. The kids have to understand that they have a house over their head because their dad works for it.
When they approach driving years I had a method that worked real well for me. I told the kids, when you're 16, If you get good grades and you're well behaved, You get a car. If you're a monster, you walk. And the better you're grades and the better you're behaved the better the car that you get. Any questions?

[missboatnam1]

i had a simalar topic on this just the other day. mine is 15 now, and it started right around 13 for her....the problems have gotten BIGGER in time...i thought she would grow out of it, and it was just a phase, but looking back now, i wish i had done things alot diffrent with her.....i took the nice approch to it all, but if i could do it over, it would come down to TUFF LOVE.....im the parent your the kid, you do what i say, no if and buts....yea, if i could do it over i would smack her, i never did when they were growing up, but now i feel she needs to be smacked around, nothing else has worked for me.....i guess every situwation is diffrent, but i just wish i would of nipped it in the butt at a younger age....good luck...tina

[BoatMan4Life]

I did spank him before this though, but I don't know if it's right to do at 12 years old. I am just out of answers because I tried everything else.

[Infomaniac]

Originally posted by BoatMan4Life:
Does any of the father's here spank their kids? How do you get a 12 year old boy to listen? I need people's advice on parenting. My 12 year old cuts school, and is causing trouble. I know this is off topic but I would appreciate everyoen's advice.
Show up at school several times to make sure he is there. Be sure all his friends see you.
Throw his favorite possessions in the trash when he screws up. Or make him donate them to Goodwill. Make him work to pay for new things.

[RiverToysJas]

I found that good discipline starts very very early. But here's a book I found helpful:
Read "The New Dare to Discipline"
James C. Dobson
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=150EPQ0DTY&isb n=0842305068 (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=150EPQ0DTY&isbn=0842305068)
RTJas http://free.***boat.net/ubb/biggrin.gif
[This message has been edited by RiverToysJas (edited June 17, 2002).]

[ratso]

Try to spend more time with him, get him involved in a hobby, while my oldest son was growing up, we raced motocross, so did quite a few of my nephews, we were always practicing or racing so I always knew where they were, kept them very occupied. Now he is 19 and I really have no major problems with him, probably better than I was at 19, he has never even raised his voice to me, but my 4 year old does...I gotta work on that one...

[novaguy]

Exactly, ratso.....take him boating

[jordanpaulk]

Skip the spanking at this point... waving the gun around will get the same message across (That was Denis Leary's parenting advice, not mine.)
Jordy

[ratso]

Jordan, that was way too funny!

[BoatMan4Life]

Darnit I keep meaning to reply and I keep posting new topics. I will just keep on trying I guess and maybe it will work eventually.

[jim lee]

I vote for ratso. It is the amount of time you put in that seems to do the most good. It seems to me that, by the time there 6, spanking is about done all the good it can. After that, your just pouding a bent nail.
Time time time time time and more time. deep down inside that kid wants to be like you. Take him/her out and show him/her what life can be all about.
At least that's my working theory now. Check back in about 5 years and we'll see how it all worked out. :-)
-jim lee

[PUMPNSQUIRT]

DITTO ON THE NO SPANKAGE THING..TOO LATE.GET THE KID INVOLVED IN HOBBIES,SPORTS,ETC-SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HIM.MABYE A TRIP TO THE LA COUNTY JAIL COULD BE ARRANGED...STRAIGHTENED MY ASS OUT!

[spectras only]

BM4L, Ratso's idea is best ,if your son is interested at least in one hobby.Participate in that hobby with him.Hey I'm 55 ,an accomplished snowskier and the next season I start snowboarding since my kid got interested in that ,besides skateboarding.I've tried skateboarding ,but wiped out once bad,hurting my wrist ,so I've told my son if he wants me to teach him playing a guitar I can't keep wiping out busting my knuckles and fingers,hehe .Radio controlled cars ,planes and boats fascinating little guys also.I run a 4x4 ,my son runs street,we play together with R/C stuff.
[This message has been edited by spectras only (edited June 18, 2002).]

[spectratoad]

I hate hearing horror stories. My boys are 8 & 10 and I know the teen years are just ahead. We have a thing here in Reno called the Silver State Academy, used to be called Camp Walkabout. I am in the Army Guard full-time and we sponsor this "event" A few of us guard guys and deputies with the sheriff's office run a two month long boot camp for the kids. It's rough and there are not alot of good times. There is alot of physical activity as well as classroom situations. It is for kids that are beginning to get in trouble and have begun to have brushes with the law. I think the age range is 12 to 16 and it is 24 hour supervision. Not sure of long term results but it seems pretty effective when it is happening. Just a thought though.

[spectratoad]

PS- I haven't had too many problems yet with my own. I spend alot of time with them and keep them in sports or some activity. That way they don't have time to get in trouble. I am exhausted as hell but I hope it pays off.

[wsm9808]

My son is 12 now also, his mom left US when he was 4 and I've raised him buy myself untill I got with my new wife to be about a year ago. We have always been extremely close untill a few monthes ago when he decided he was too grown up to get along with athority. I walked him to the end of the block, handed him his tooth brush and told him(not in an angry tone) if he couldnt respect the people that love and cared for him all his life, then it is time for him to go out and make a life of his own, and that there would be piece and rules my home. When he can accept that he can come home. He was home in about an hour and has been a joy to be around ever since and even told me on fathers day that he hopes to be just like me when he grows up. I strongly beleive if you let them live with you and treat you like crap, then you are telling them it is OK to treat you crappy or get into trouble or what ever it is they are doing. Good luck with what ever you decide and remember that time with your children is not spent, it is invested.

[spectratoad]

WSM, I will have to remember that walk if I ever need it with my kids. I totally agree with the time investment. It is already paying off with the way that they feel about their mother (my x). She does absolutly nothing with them and they are getting to the age where they are starting to understand. She is oblivious even though I have told her several times. So I figure I will reap the rewards.

[BBB]

Originally posted by ratso:
Try to spend more time with him, get him involved in a hobby, while my oldest son was growing up, we raced motocross, so did quite a few of my nephews, we were always practicing or racing so I always knew where they were, kept them very occupied. Now he is 19 and I really have no major problems with him, probably better than I was at 19, he has never even raised his voice to me, but my 4 year old does...I gotta work on that one...
I'm with Ratso. I spent almost 10 years involved with junior high age kids and I can tell you that nothing can beat, or replace the time that you invest with them. And I'm talking about "quality" time here not T.V time. I could go on and on about my experiences but I think that the main key is consistancy and a willingness to LISTEN (not just hearing but actively listen to what they are expressing)and this will take time being spent with them. Sometimes it can get very frustrating but don't give up! You have to take the first step, maybe the first 100 steps... but if you pay attention to them the way that you expect them to pay attention to you they will start to open up. If things get really bad and the distance between you continues to grow, try to find a responsible unbiased third party i.e. counseler or mentor that can act as a bridge or a go between. And finally, remember that kids these days are facing pressures that were unheard of when we were growing up don't compound that, encourage them whenever you can! Go out of your way to find reasons to say "Great job!" or "Thanks for listening" etc.etc.etc.etc. Too often I find myself critiquing my boys, looking for the wrong that they do instead of the right that they do...
OK I'll step down from the soap box now, who's next?
-BBB

[coolchange]

My turn. I think most kids are pretending. Whether its pretending to be Mark Maguire, Jeremy Mcgrath, or tuff little A holes to survive at school. Saw a list my kid had to make at school of things you're afraid of. I was on that list and it hit me really hard. But then I realized I was on other lists too. I just try to make it more fun to do stuff with the family than with his friends. And I know all his friends. But they dont ride, boat, snowboard, buggies etc. Fortunatly (or not) I have a lot of time to be around right now. Next

[bobz]

every kid is different and i think quality time spent together like camping or even working in the yard or on the car or boat will teach him that it hard out there and it will not get any easier. as for the spankings they wont faze him one bit. all i can say is be his friend and talk about the problems as they come up. if everybody is pissed of it not the time, it can wait awhile till both of you cool off. also dont let him walk all over you he needs to learn respect and the concequenses. so he needs things to keep him busy lots of chores and if he is good he gets paid if not he works for free.this will get him thinking about higher education make him paint the house or fence pull weeds but also work with him or he will hate you. you have to set the example!! also get him a savings acount and make him save 50% for one year you will be suprised how that money will occupy him.

[SB]

May I suggest a substance abuse evaluation? Spank as a last resort, and when the child endangers himself. Keep him busy with projects, work, and play. Do you have religion? It helps if the child knows that there is a God who loves him. And of course, the kid might speak to a counselor about things he wouldn't mention to you. Limit his contacts with useless friends and channel him toward other kids with positive outlooks. Kids get confused by so many different messages from our society, be consistent. Wish you luck.

[future boater]

i just had a experiance with my little brother similar to this and i got some great advice. i even used his exact words. give him one more chance to take your advice like a man. if he doesnt take care of him like a little kid. if he doesnt go to school walk him to class holding his hand.good luck.