PDA

View Full Version : Yes, I am a BAD AMERICAN



SHOCKWAVETOM
10-14-2004, 08:42 AM
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary, be it Democratic or Republican!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy self through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry tail if you're running from them.
I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

MagicMtnDan
10-14-2004, 08:46 AM
Funny stuff. Been posted before. Not written by George Carlin.

Tom Brown
10-14-2004, 08:53 AM
Hey... I'm a bad American too.

RiverOtter
10-14-2004, 08:55 AM
Funny stuff. Been posted before. Not written by George Carlin.
I was just thinkin that was not the George Carlin I've heard :confused: From what I remember he's pretty much opposite of all that.

TexasJet
10-14-2004, 08:56 AM
Me to.

cdog
10-14-2004, 09:02 AM
I've heard george carlin on tv bad mouth GW in a neo homo kinda way so I don't think he wrote this statement.

RiverOtter
10-14-2004, 09:02 AM
George Bush maybe but not George Carlin :D

dicudmore
10-14-2004, 09:09 AM
good stuff there :cool:

Mrs. Restless22
10-14-2004, 09:10 AM
Im a bad American too :devil: :D

switchin'addiction
10-14-2004, 09:34 AM
Regardless of who wrote it...still funny shit!!!

NOTALENT
10-14-2004, 10:23 AM
AMEN!!! To that!!!

Stealth Marine
10-14-2004, 11:06 AM
This is the original....
===========================
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
I am a Bad Republican
Philosophy Humor
Published: 9-01-00 Author: bootyist-monk
Posted on 09/01/2000 23:24:01 PDT by bootyist-monk
I'm Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD Republican.
I like big cars, big cigars and naturally big racks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe its called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I'm better than the homeless. I am not the real Slim Shady, so I think that I’m gonna stay seated right here in this damn comfy chair. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I am not tolerant of others because they are different. I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez’s toilet gets, I’ll still want to see it.
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in English. I like my porn without silicon. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and every man is entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. I know what the definition of is is. I think Oprah's eyes are way too far apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. I think that being a student doesn’t give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. I’ve never mourned a dead goldfish. I don’t want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to their God or gods, while I pray that the test results come back negative. I think the Clippers should play in the WNBA. My heroes are Abraham Lincoln, Orson Wells, Ronald Reagan and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I think creative violence makes movies more interesting and Iraqis more dead.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake, but I still think The Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk science. I’ve never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-f-up already. South Park still makes me laugh. I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a PlayStation. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jessie Jackson preaches. I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen puts her tongue. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you’re running from them. I thought Spinal Tap was great, but Rob Reiner can still kiss my backside.
I worry about dying before I get even.
I’ve discovered that DVD is better than Laserdisc. I like the convenience of buying oranges while I'm waiting at a stop-light, and I'm pretty sure the Latina midget selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada. I figured out Bruce Willis was dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway. I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are gonna be a gang-banging hommies or vatos. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don’t pretend they are a political statement.
I want to know what the hell is going on when Geena Davis has a sitcom.
I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning. I believe you don’t have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room. I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Field of Dreams. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more steps. Making love is fine, but sometimes I wanna get laid. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
Yes, I'm a bad Republican. And I vote... even if it rains.
=============================
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
Bootyist goes Global **Vanity-Sort of**
Political Humor/Cartoons Front Page Miscellaneous Keywords: BAD AMERICAN, CARLIN
Source: me
Published: 06-09-01 Author: bootyist monk
Posted on 06/09/2001 03:34:19 PDT by bootyist-monk
Alright,
There's been a lot of stuff flying around the net recently about being a Bad American. Some has been credited to George Carlin, Rush and a host of others.
Well folks, the fact is that the Bad American rant started here on Free Republic. I know this to be a fact, because I wrote it. It was called I am a Bad Republican. Check the link above, or follow this one if you have any doubts.
I am a Bad Republican
As it drifts around the net, people tend to add their own lines, but all of the main ones can be found in my original rant. I apologize for not bringing this to everyone's attention sooner. I've been extremely busy with a couple of deadlines, and didn't realize how this was circulating the net, until my dad sent me a copy. I have to say that when I read his email, I laughed out-loud for quite a few beats, then just sat in awe at the power of the web.
While I guess this a vanity, let me also say that what this has proved to me (besides the fact that I must have hit on some truths), is the strength and quality of Free Republic. Regretably, I've been lurking more than contributing recently, but I am amazed at the influence this site has on popular culture (Sore/Loserman anyone?)
Thanks to Jim Rob, and all the other Freepers keeping the faith.
All the best,
Bootyist
BTW, I write for a living. Ironic that the thing I've written that gets the most circulation is authored under my user name and credited to George Carlin. Maybe I should have gone on strike afterall.

RiverOtter
10-14-2004, 11:41 AM
I've been to one of George Carlin's shows and I didn't think he'd write anything I'd agree with.

Midlife Advantage
10-14-2004, 12:13 PM
Subject: "Election determines fate of nation"
written by Mathew Manweller...
Central Washington University political science professor..
"Election determines fate of nation"
"In that this will be my last column before the presidential election, there will be no sarcasm, no attempts at witty repartee. The topic is too serious, and the stakes are too high.
This November we will vote in the only election during our lifetime that will truly matter. Because America is at a once-in-a-generation crossroads, more than an election hangs in the balance. Down one path lies retreat, abdication and a reign of ambivalence. Down the other lies a nation that is aware of its past and accepts the daunting obligation its future demands.
If we choose poorly, the consequences will echo through the next 50 years of history. If we, in a spasm of frustration, turn out the current occupant of the White House, the message to the world and ourselves will be two-fold.
First, we will reject the notion that America can do big things.
Once a nation that tamed a frontier, stood down the Nazis and stood upon the moon, we will announce to the world that bringing democracy to the Middle East is too big of a task for us. But more significantly, we will signal to future presidents that as voters, we are unwilling to tackle difficult challenges, preferring caution to boldness, embracing the mediocrity that has characterized other civilizations. The defeat of President Bush will send a chilling message to future presidents who may need to make difficult, yet unpopular decisions. America has always been a nation that rises to the demands of history regardless of the costs or appeal. If we turn away from that legacy, we turn away from who we are.
Second, we inform every terrorist organization on the globe that the lesson of Somalia was well learned. In Somalia we showed terrorists that you don't need to defeat America on the battlefield when you can defeat them in the newsroom. They learned that a wounded America can become a defeated America.
Twenty-four-hour news stations and daily tracing polls will do the heavy lifting, turning a cut into a fatal blow. Except that Iraq is Somalia times 10. The election of John Kerry will serve notice to every terrorist in every cave that the soft underbelly of American power is the timidity of American voters. Terrorists will know that a steady stream of grizzly photos for CNN is all you need to break the will of the American people. Our own self-doubt will take it from there. Bin Laden will recognize that he can topple any American administration without setting foot on the homeland.
It is said that America's W.W.II generation is its 'greatest generation'. But my greatest fear is that it will become known as America's 'last generation.' Born in the bleakness of the Great Depression and hardened in the fire of WW II, they may be the last American generation that understands the meaning of duty, honor and sacrifice. It is difficult to admit, but I know these terms are spoken with only hollow detachment by many (but not all) in my generation. Too many citizens today mistake 'living in America' as 'being an American.' But America has always been more of an idea than a place. When you sign on, you do more than buy real estate. You accept a set of values and responsibilities.
This November, my generation, which has been absent too long, must grasp the obligation that comes with being an American, or fade into the oblivion they may deserve.
I believe that 100 years from now historians will look back at the election of 2004 and see it as the decisive election of our century. Depending on the outcome, they will describe it as the moment America joined the ranks of ordinary nations; or they will describe it as the moment the prodigal sons and daughters of the greatest generation accepted their burden as caretakers of the City on the Hill."
Mathew Manweller

Stealth Marine
10-14-2004, 05:19 PM
Heck of an article.

Kim Hanson
10-14-2004, 05:41 PM
I'm sort of a Bad American........( . )( . )....... :idea: :D

Tom Brown
10-14-2004, 05:42 PM
In God we trust, eh Kim?

Kim Hanson
10-14-2004, 05:47 PM
In God we trust, eh Kim?
He's my Co-Pilot......I have done stupid shit and Im still her!......( . )( . ).... :chi: