How to confront an Alcoholic

[Boozer]

My cousin has a serious drinking problem. The seriousness of his problem is to the extent that he has made it almost impossible to live with. I'll give you the scoop.
My cousin Joey is 27 years old. He works part time at Lane Bryan (a fat lady store) and makes $7.25 an hour. His entire paycheck is used to purchase alcohol. He doesnt own a car or a single article of clothing that doesnt have some sort of stain on it. I don't think he even owns a single pair of jeans. He is more content with his life right now then Bill Gates is with his.
Joey has no idea that the course he has taken in life is unacceptable. He is the happiest person in the world. He loves his job and he loves drinking cheap beer with the neighbor till 5am while sitting in the driveway in front of a bar b q filled with duralogs burning away. He loves waking up at 1pm urine soaked because he gets so drunk he passes out and loses control over his bladder.
The things mentioned above are EVERY night occurences. The only night things are different is Sat and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday the drinking starts as soon as he wakes up. He is usually passed out drunk by 11pm.
The problem that we have with Joey is that other then his drinking problem he is one of the best people you will ever know. He has a heart bigger then Texas and is one of if not the most loyal person you will ever know. Because of this it is hard for us to give Joey an altimatum but now the time has come that we have to do something.
A few nights ago Joey passed out on the living room couch. Its a leather sectional that cost over $2,000.00 As he does every night after passing out he wet himself and the couch along with it!! We must keep hius bedroom door closed at all time because if its not closed you can smell the urine througout the entire house.
So something needs to happen and it needs to happen soon. My father feels obligated to let him stay here because he is family and feels that its his duty as a family member to put up with this kind of crap. Family or not Joey is almost 30 years old and needs to take responsibility for himself.
So I ask you guys how would you deal with Joey and whats the best way to approach him regarding this issue? The entire family knows he has this problem and they all say something needs to be done about it. The toughest thing about this is that I personally have tried to confront Joey but he in his own mind truely feels that he doesn't have a problem and that the course he has chosen his life to follow is a good one.

[IN2-IN2MX]

I wish I had the answer to give you. From personal experience, alchoholics are very difficult to persuade. What seems logical for us doesn't make sense to them so trying to talk to them is like going around and round in circles.
What about a family intervention with Joey where everyone can talk to him and ask him to get help? It may be harder for him to deny what everyone is saying versus just 1 or 2 people alone.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.

[CJ]

Call me anytime 714.283-8670. I had a successful intervention with my father, have an awesome interventionist (if that's what he likes to be called) and have a great place for your cousin to go, not as expensive as some.
It is a tough decision and a very difficult event, but handled properly it is the most rewarding experience. My father went through it. He lost his business, lost his wife (my mom) and was on his way to losing us and his grandkids. It took the intervention to open his eyes. He is well over two years sober now, has an awesome job, and is actually involved in our lives which alcohol seriously affected for years.
Please, please don't give up! Please give me a call. I'll even hook you up with my dad who will be happy to share his experience and give you the proper references.
I feel for you. My life has been completely different for the last two years and I have that intervention and all who have supported him to thank.
Great luck!!

[Boozer]

Thank You CJ I will be giving you a call soon. I'm going to in the next few days try to coordinate an intervention with family and some close friends. I also need to find a counselor that will do the intervention.
Call me anytime 714.283-8670. I had a successful intervention with my father, have an awesome interventionist (if that's what he likes to be called) and have a great place for your cousin to go, not as expensive as some.
It is a tough decision and a very difficult event, but handled properly it is the most rewarding experience. My father went through it. He lost his business, lost his wife (my mom) and was on his way to losing us and his grandkids. It took the intervention to open his eyes. He is well over two years sober now, has an awesome job, and is actually involved in our lives which alcohol seriously affected for years.
Please, please don't give up! Please give me a call. I'll even hook you up with my dad who will be happy to share his experience and give you the proper references.
I feel for you. My life has been completely different for the last two years and I have that intervention and all who have supported him to thank.
Great luck!!

[CJ]

The guy that came with us to talk to my dad travels all over to do just that. He was INCREDIBLE. I'll talk to my dad and see if I can get a hold of him.

[JustMVG]

All of the things and methods above are great, but until HE SEES that he has a problem, or until his health starts to wane, some if not all of the methods will be of no value to him, he has to hit his bottom and have noone to pick his butt up or wipe his nose, sorry to be the hardass, but until he's ready to see the light and admit he actually has a problem, he might just go through the motions to just get everyone off of his back.
I do with all sincerity hope he gets the help he needs, and wish you the best of lick dealing with this unfortunate situation.
Some people have gone to AA and some have gone thru interventions and some have done 28 day inpatient detox and rehab, but few "get it" on the first try, i hope he's one of those and not the latter.
Good Luck, MikeVG
9yrs sober

[bigd1]

If you have a video camera, wait until he gets loaded and then whip it out and take a few videos of him at his worst. Most drunks have no idea how pathetic they are when drinking. it may or may not work but I doubt he would be proud of himself when viewing it while sober, and it may help him to see that he's got a real problem.

[mike37]

good luck
you do need to help him he dosent know how bad he is hurting himself and his famly
there may be somthing in his past that he wants to forget you my know about it but it my not be that big of a deal for you
but he has a problem with it that the boos makes him forget

[CJ]

All of the things and methods above are great, but until HE SEES that he has a problem, or until his health starts to wane, . . .
The great thing about a good interventionist is that they show the alcoholic all of the different areas where they are inflicting pain. My dad didn't initially place himself in the "need help" area until he realized that we couldn't allow him to hurt us anymore. We were ready to walk and made him know that we were done. It took him 10 minutes AFTER his ride for the camp left for him to say he'd go ahead with treatment.
Nothing works unless the alcoholic WANTS to be fixed but you NEED to give him a lot of reasons why he would want to do it . . . including the fact that you have to heal yourselves by getting away from them. And I mean AWAY! You have to really pull all the guns out and be ready to pull the triggers when necessary. You cannot back down or you are enabling the alcoholism. An intervention is a one-way street, "You heal yourself, or we heal ourselves."
I choose to be optimistic!

[v-drive]

I grew up with an alcoholic and I can tell you the same stories as everyone else. intervention is great but if the person isn't on the bottom or willing to look at himself in the mirror and admit he has a problem it will never work.
Sorry for your families pain. v-drive

[HCS]

That's a tough problem. My uncle and his 2 sons drank like that. One of his
sons died at 45 years old from liver disease. His other son is in prison
from doing stupid things when he was drunk so he can't drink any more.
Somehow my uncle is still alive with a bad liver. I don't know how.
He said he would drink 2 cases of beer a day with out eating food.
He quit drinking for 10 years. But now he started back up again. :frown:

[Boozer]

Last night I decided I would try to confront my cousin one on one one last time and if it didnt work I would get the family together to do an intervention. Everytime I spoke to my cousin in the past he denied that he had a problem and acted as if everything was okay. Last night, it went a little differently.
My cousin made me quickly realize that he knew he had a problem but before noone has ever MADE him face it so he hasn't. I warned him that if he didn't stop drinking he was going to soon be homeless and that got him talkin real fast. He even started to cry. He admitted he had a problem and said that he'd have nowhere to go if we kicked ihm out so he's willing to make changes.
Now I know that it is easier said then done and he is going to fight one hell of a battle. I also know that if I dont do something to make him have to quit by sticking to my guns he is going to go right back to drinking. He gave me all of his insurance information and tonight after work I'm going to locate a rehab center to send him to. He said he will go and I believe him but I'll be making all the arrangements for him.
So wish me luck and say a prayer for Joey. His new life begins today and I'm going to give it all I got to make sure he gets a fair shot at cleaning up.
Thanks for all the replies and support. I'll keep you guys updated.

[jdogginla]

U want to give him a wake up call?? Video tape him while he's drinking all day, video tape him while he's stumbling around, and video tape him when his passed out and sleeping his own piss. Do this for a couple of nights......then pop the tape in and let him watch himself! A true reality check. Just my .02

[99 232 baja]

First off there are some unique and genuine people on this website. Good luck w/ your cousin it is the first step in many in the battle of the bottle. He will must likely fall off the wagon a few times but stick to your guns and hopefully he will see the light .

[Jordy]

Am I the only one who sees the irony in "Boozer" doing an intervention? ;) :D
Sounds like he realizes there is a problem and that is the biggest hurdle to come across. Typically, it's not their fault, it's everyone's fault but their own. Once they acknowlege that they are the one with the problem and are the only one who can do anything about it, the changes can start to take place. Good luck. :)

[rsoscia]

I was is the same situation last year only my cousin was 43 yrs. and drank a 5th of Jack Daniels a day. He works in construction, came home and hit the bottle he would drink it straight out of the bottle or mix it with coke. He never drank in front of you he would go up to his room and drink or carried a plastice cup as if no one could smell it. My son was about 3 and he loved to hang out with my cousin and I didnt agree with some of the things is was telling my son and thats when i said to myself he can't live here anymore, knowing he had no one else or anywhere to go I gave him two weeks to find a place to stay. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do so 2 days after X-mas last year he moved out and into his truck at different parks, campgrounds ect. We never confronted him with the drinking two months went by and that had hit rock bottom and admitted being an alcholic and needed help. We looked into the Salvation Army sober living program and thats where is lived for the next 6 months he worked for $6.00 a week, went to meetings, church and had no communication with the outside world for 6 months. He graduated from the program and has a whole new outlook on life and is going to meetings 3 to 4 times a week. I am very proud of him so many things have changed in his life and he knows its something he has to deal with every day for the rest of his life.
Just though I'd share. God Bless and good luck!

[Rock-A-Bye-Baby]

Last night I decided I would try to confront my cousin one on one one last time and if it didnt work I would get the family together to do an intervention. Everytime I spoke to my cousin in the past he denied that he had a problem and acted as if everything was okay. Last night, it went a little differently.
My cousin made me quickly realize that he knew he had a problem but before noone has ever MADE him face it so he hasn't. I warned him that if he didn't stop drinking he was going to soon be homeless and that got him talkin real fast. He even started to cry. He admitted he had a problem and said that he'd have nowhere to go if we kicked ihm out so he's willing to make changes.
Now I know that it is easier said then done and he is going to fight one hell of a battle. I also know that if I dont do something to make him have to quit by sticking to my guns he is going to go right back to drinking. He gave me all of his insurance information and tonight after work I'm going to locate a rehab center to send him to. He said he will go and I believe him but I'll be making all the arrangements for him.
So wish me luck and say a prayer for Joey. His new life begins today and I'm going to give it all I got to make sure he gets a fair shot at cleaning up.
Thanks for all the replies and support. I'll keep you guys updated.
Boozer- good for you. Unfortunately with acholics and drug addicts, you either take the hard line or continue to be an enabler. Typically, families and close friends enable because forcing the abuser to face their reality is probably the most difficult thing in life to do. no one wants to tell their best friend, brother, sister, cousing, etc that they are a drunk. What they hear is usually the polar opposite of what you are saying. If you love the person and want whats best for that person you have to do something about it even if it costs your relationship. it does you no good to be around it and it probably has more of an impact on you than you really think.
Good luck.

[v-drive]

Boozer, take his picture now and don't look at it until after he is out of rehab. he will not believe what he looked like. Good luck to you and your family.
v-drive

[JustMVG]

Boozer i am hoping nothing but the best for you and your family and that your family member sees the light and gets better, amazing how much better the whole family will get after having gone thru something like this.
CJ, i am optimistic about the chances that Boozer and his family will get thru this and all of them will get better.
It takes alot of guts to bring an issue like this to a place like HB, Boozer you knew that there would be folks here who'd help, and the members came thru for ya, keep us updated when you can, or PM me if you'd like. MikeVG

[CJ]

Great job Boozer! Don't let up! It's all done out of love and he will realize that soon.

[Boozer]

He went to an A.A. meeting tonight. He got a schedule of all the meetings in the area. We are going to 24 hour fitness Friday and signing up. I figure what better way to get your mind off drinking then going to the gym 5 nights a week working out and getting healthy. Hopefully I can get him to stick it out.

[Scream]

Good Luck Boozer, You're cousin is a lucky man having you watching out for him. He may have some setbacks in time, but stick to the plan and keep your cool, it'll all work out for the best.
Scream

[JustMVG]

Boozer your doing a great thing keep it up, working out will be a great thing for him, thats what i did when i quit and got out of the rehab, keep the mind busy and the cravings will start to ease off and then the positives of staying away from drinking those cravings will ebb too. AA will tell him he has to change his friends and maybe even stay awayfrom family if they drink, sometimes thats great advice, but he will know what he can and cannot take as far as friends and the way they drink. i kept my friends who drink and have not had any problems i might just be one of the lucky ones and can deal w it, but i know that if i have a drink that all i have worked for will be gone before i know it, i have a great wife and 3 loving stepkids, and all the trappings of living a fun filled lifestyle, i like where i am and don't want to lose it or be looking from the outside wishing i could be like that guy, your bro will do well with your help and the help of AA and his own inner strength which will get stronger each day, gotcha in my prayers keep it up. MikeVG

[DansBlown73Nordic]

Thats Great your trying to help him. I have a friend who had three DWIs. Smashed up a bunch of cars. He would spend his hole check at the bar. He started going AA and it has been 10-15 years since he had a drink.
I asked him one day after it being this long what would happen if he had one drink? He said if he had one he couldn't stop himself. I guess its in your system forever. :eek:
I have another friend who I tried to help about a year ago. He would drink and then beat up his girlfriend. The girlfriend finally moved out and he says he doesn't drink anymore. I guess as long as he isn't hurting her anymore he can do what he wants. :hammerhea

[jackpunx]

I have some experience in this area.. Please PM me.. I would like to help.
Mark :wink:

[STROKER ACE]

You cant make anyone quit drinking they have to want to themselves lots of people say that I drink to much and sometimes I know that I do BUT I dont want to stop and I even know that it has cost me tons of $$$$, girls, friends,jobs just to name a few. What Joey is prob. doing is dealing with his lonlyness the only way he knows how to, in time he will find something to take its place but until then its all up to him trust me I know.

[JustMVG]

Boozer keep it up and let us know whats going on and if ya need help or someone to talk to , check your PM , MikeVG