I wonder if he knew he was my Hero?

[esabataj]

I received a phone call last night that came out of the blue. It was the last thing I expected and was totally not prepared for. My older brotherÂ’s wife was on the phone and told me he had passed away. Needless to say that I am totally numb and mired in disbelief.
As I sat and reflected on the past I began to realize the major influence he had had on my life. We were raised in a very dysfunctional military family. Dad was always gone or was drunk and abusive when he was home. My brother became my role model that my father should have been. During my younger days he watched out for me, protected me, and helped keep me on the straight and narrow. I always had to do what he did and wanted to be just like him, only better.
He played middle linebacker in high school and made all district. I followed in his footsteps and pushed myself to make all state. As we entered into adulthood he went into drag racing and I was always there. He gave me the grunt work to do but I didnÂ’t care. I was there with him, learning, watching, and growing this never ending need for speed.
He always had his engines built for him and it made me strive to learn more. To do the things he paid someone else to do and with hard work and dedication it paid off. I remember the first time we paired off at the local strip and “Little Brother” tightened his ass up with a 10.96 to an 11.02 and put him on the trailer, he looked at me with anger, but I could see a certain amount of respect in his eyes too. Over the years I saw him gradually accept the fact that “Little Brother” had finally grown up. Our competitive nature continued throughout our early lives even to the point of chasing after the same girl. He won that one and was married to her till the day he died. I didn’t care. God had the greatest gift I have ever been given (My wife Debra) waiting in the wings.
As the years past and our journeys in life took us in different directions, time and distance caused us to grow apart. We had not seen each other or even talked to each other for several years. As I look back now I realize that my thirst of knowledge, my drive to excel, and the will to become the best at what I do came from my relationship with him.
To each of my friends here I would hope that you learn a lesson that IÂ’ve painfully learned in the last few hours. Take the time to tell someone that they are special and that they mean so much to you. DonÂ’t let a day go by that you will regret not telling someone that they matter to you. There are so many things I wish I could have told him. You always think there will be time and in a heartbeat that time is gone. IÂ’ll always wonder if he knew that he was my hero, my role model, my mentor, and my friend.
God Speed.

[Mrs. Restless22]

I posted over on RRL also.....
May your brother R.I.P. Go to his funeral and tell him the things you never had a chance to...his spirit will listen ;)
Then go home and hold your wife close to you forever.
GODSPEED

[RiverOtter]

I am so sorry. I lost an older brother when I was 20, he was 30. Terrible.

[bunny 166]

Great post...I'm sorry for your loss. Enjoy those treasured memories...you will keep him close now forever. ;) Take care of yourself. :clover:

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

:cry: I am so sorry to hear about your brother. but you know he loves you and he knows you love him. like I have said in the past. The earth may have lost a great man in the flesh, but heaven above has gained a true loving soul.
He will still watch over you and he will always be with you in your thoughts and dreams. may God rest his soul. you are all in our thoughts and prayers.
xoxox's. Charmaine and Jamie
May our prayers for you help to ease some of your pain. ;)

[Keithb87]

God Speed..... Touching story... I'm calling all of my family now.
Keith (took for granted they all knew I love them) B87

[IN2-IN2MX]

So sorry to read this. Your words are so powerful. You can still tell him how you feel...he is still with you. I wish you and your family strength.

[LHC30Victory]

Well said - I am sure your brother is listening and smiling on you. Our prayers are with you and your family in this time of sadness.
Thanks for the reminder on what's important in life.

[MRS. MAINEVENT]

:frown: :frown: :frown: I am truly sorry for your loss :frown:

[rrrr]

Please accept my condolences....
Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts. Your brother is looking down on you with pride, he knows that you respected him and loved him.
I hope you get through the pain OK and look back on the good times you had.

[BarryMac]

Great story about how your brother was such an influence on your life, reading it makes me wish that I had any type of relationship with either of mine, keep the great memories close to your heart and remember Big Brother is in Heaven looking down on you, still teaching you and still by your side...
God Speed,
gjb

[Mandelon]

Nice tribute, from a proud little brother. My condolences for your loss. :frown:

[dicudmore]

sorry to hear that man :cry:

[esabataj]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts. I am getting through the day minute by minute and the hard part is still to come.

[jackpunx]

That was beautiful.. Now its your turn to pass that on and be that to someone else.
Godspeed

[jdf]

richard sorry to here this ,, if you need something call david

[phebus]

It's obvious that your brother also taught you respect. It is beautifull to see the respect you had for your brother, and I'm sure it didn't go unnoticed by him. Be thankfull you had the relation you had with him, and during your grieving remember all the good.
My condolences to you and your family.
Phebus

[Jordy]

:( :( :(

[hoolign]

Hey dude. Sorry to here of your loss!, It sounds like you have a lot of good memories to keep him alive in you. You have a road ahead of you that will conjour up the most distant memories, don't ever forget he good times you had with him! He's up there watchin you and he knows how you feel, I'm sure he's got a head start on builing somthing to kick your ass with when you two meet agian! I lost my brother many years ago in a motorcycle wreck and I figure I'm in for an ass kicken when we meet up :D You've got alot of support around here and I'm sure you've got alot of good friends to be around at this time of loss,,once again sorry to hear.
Jeff.

[Lady Rat Attack 1]

Your rememberance of your brother brought tears to my eyes. I also don't see my brother but once a year when he comes for Xmas (and he only lives 20 miles away). And my sister lives in Florida. I am going to make sure my family knows I love them even if we don't see each other very often.
My prayers are with you and your family.
God Bless

[THOR]

Godspeed.
I am almost positive that he knows now.

[R.A.D.man]

So sorry to hear of this for you and thank you for the reminder to cherish what we all do have.

[topless]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hear it over and over again. I wish I could have told him..........etc. When I was a kid, my very best friend in the world's family was my second family. Her father died in February 2001. Becky's husband called me and told me that he might not make it. I had the opportunity to go back home to Texas to be with him. The first thing he said to me as he was lying there in intensive care with tubes coming out of him everywhere is "Do you want to dance?" All I could do was cry. You see, he taught me how to dance when I was 15. All he did was had me close my eyes and feel the music. To this day, I love to dance and always think of him when I do. I'm glad I had that opportunity to tell him once again how much I loved him because too many times, it comes too late. I feel for you and I'm sure your brother knows he was your hero.........you brought tears to my eyes with your story. He knows how you feel even if you didn't get to tell him.

[JetBoatRich]

Sorry to read about your brother's passing, may he rest in peace. Sounds like you had a strong relationship growing up and sound like great memories you shared together into your adult lives.
Even though you were far apart I am sure he felt the same way you did.

[FMluvswater]

I'm truly sorry for your loss. May the love of your family and friends surround and comfort you at this difficult time. So much emotion packed into that brief summary of highlights of the relationship you and your brother shared - I can only imagine it was even deeper than what you managed to put into words. He was there too and although spoken confirmation is good actions speak loudly also. I believe he did know what he meant to you. Take care and thank-you for sharing a nugget of beauty from such a painful experience.
~FM

[Sane Asylum]

What a great note!!!.............One more reason for him to be proud of you.....
Godspeed.....

[switchin'addiction]

Keep those memories close to your heart & your big brother will always be with you! Please accept my condolences for your loss.

[esabataj]

I would like to thank everyone again for your prayers and support. It has really helped me to get through this day.
My hot boat family are the best. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts. Myself and the entire family really appriciate it.
Richard

[Rexone]

I wonder if he knew he was my Hero?
He knew. I know this from your writing.
So sorry for your loss. :(

[spectratoad]

Just saw this. So sorry about your loss.That story reminds me of my little brother and I. Don't know if he feels that way but your words sure make me think he does. I sure feel that way about him.
Keep those memories close to your heart. Nobody can take that away from you.
May God bless his soul. He will be watching you from above but don't slow down cuz he is up there getting another car ready for when you two are together again. :D

[Squirtin Thunder]

Richard,
You have a good heart and I know from the little deal that we have done and the time I have talked with you your brother knew in his heart the way you felt.
Hang in there !!!! If you need to talk I am here !!!
Jim

[moneysucker]

My Condolences, Your story was very touching and hit close to home. I love both my brothers and we have the same competitive relationship you did. We have been competing for ever. I am sure your brother knows how you felt about him. I am going to beat my brother at the river for you. My thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family.

[AzDon]

When I read heartfelt tributes like this, it makes me wanna cry all over again for the folks in my life that influenced and shaped me and now have passed on. I truly feel your loss through the things you wrote even though I don't know you personally. The written word is very powerful and you've made a good first step by writing your feelings down.
In my own life I have twice written my sentiments at a loved one's passing and shared them with other grieving family members. In both cases I was too devastated to speak at the funerals, but my writings were read to the mourners and had the same effect on them that your tribute is having on me. Sharing your tribute with others, even complete strangers like myself is a beautiful thing and I thank you for sharing it here. I wish you and yours all the best in getting through your grief. God Bless!

[Scream]

Loosing a loved one is tough, loosing a sibling is un imaginable. We lost my niece (22) and my dad (78) within 6 weeks of each other a couple years ago and the hurt goes away after a while. Keep reminding yourself of all the great times you spent together, look at old pictures and know in your heart that he's still lookin after you today, now he's got a better vantage point...
Scream

[ahhell]

Your brother knew he was your hero, its obvious form the post. So sorry for your loss............

[Badger301]

:( Sorry for your loss. I'm sure he knows how you feel and that you guys were blessed with each other. This just reminds me to stop and smell the roses and to keep in touch with friends and family. I am deffinately making those calls now.

[AzDon]

I lost my gearhead uncle, who was one of my principal role model, eight years ago to cancer. In considering the interests we shared and the reasons that he meant so much to me, and writing of the relationship we developed as fellow gearheads while working on his 56 Ford truck, I was reminded of the obligation we all have to develop these same kinds of relationships with the younger folks that WE influence. My uncle's truck was the metaphor in the story I wrote of our relationship and the story ended with me musing that I needed to start a project with my son who was nine at the time....perhaps an old truck!..... I started building a '62 chevy pickup with my son about two years ago and with any luck, it might be done by the time he leaves for college!
As for my uncle, he apparently had a profound influence on many other people besides me because the folks he worked with in the Palms Springs schools had the school he ran in Desert Hot Springs named after him!