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View Full Version : Things that you can't find on a Hallmark Card



Jordy
01-11-2005, 09:18 AM
I could use some of these too:
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you' re not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again..
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
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I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
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So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
:D :D :D

HCS
01-11-2005, 09:43 AM
Funny stuff. I could use a couple of those cards.

ACCEPTENCE
01-11-2005, 09:48 AM
Looks like J.P. has a new business venture. It would be successfull too.
That's some reality card writing right there!!! :D

Jordy
01-11-2005, 09:59 AM
I think there is a market there. I already use my "Happy Fukking Whatever" wrapping paper. It's great for just about any event. :D

Her454
01-11-2005, 10:12 AM
Those are pretty funny, I could use a few, unfortunatly. :D

bunny 166
01-11-2005, 10:16 AM
Do it, JP!! You'll make a mint...you can even use mine, and you don't have to pay me residuals...
Money's short,
Times are hard,
Here's your effen
Birthday Card.
:D

Jordy
01-11-2005, 10:23 AM
Those are pretty funny, I could use a few, unfortunatly. :D
I'm sorry, I don't have one for "Hey, you were my favorite, but I ditched you in favor of a new shiny blower." :jawdrop: :cool:
Do it, JP!! You'll make a mint...you can even use mine, and you don't have to pay me residuals...
Money's short,
Times are hard,
Here's your effen
Birthday Card.
:D
I think I've seen that one. Besides, this was an email that was sent to me, I didn't write them, I just said I could use them. I don't have time to be in the printing business, unless I'm printing crisp new hundred dollar bills and they keep making that tougher and tougher. ;)

RiverOtter
01-11-2005, 10:24 AM
:burningm:
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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:D LMAO!!