A guy walks into bar...............

[AZKC]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little booger. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now? He asks. " No, what?"replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to poop out that cue ball, he measures everything first."

[Havasu Hangin']

:D :D :D

[Sleek-Jet]

ahhh..... the classics... :D

[SHOTKALLIN]

Smart monkey! :D

[99 232 baja]

Dam , I laughed out loud to myself !

[Sleek-Jet]

Two guys walk into a bar...
... you think the second one would have ducked... :D

[Badger301]

:D Wifey still laughing

[cc322]

:) :) good stuff

[shueman]

http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/1761LMAO_.gif

[Boatcop]

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Pirate and a Horse walk into a bar.
The bartender says.....
What is this? Some kind of a joke?

[ahhell]

A baby seal walks into a club................. :( :messedup:

[shirkey4750]

Love those hillbillys
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey,
they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her
dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her crack
a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe
again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick
Maneuver, but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

[Domn8er]

A horse walks into a bar...bartender says, "Why the long face?"

[Eliminator 4 Life]

HAHA those are some good ones :2purples:

[73beast]

My Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this real slow, because I know you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper
that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I
won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family
that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't
have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a
washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put
a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first
time for three days, and the second time for four days. About that coat
you wanted me to send; -- your Uncle Billy-Bob said it would be too
heavy to send in the mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them
off. You can find them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car
yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get
me and your Pa out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't
found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
It's the dangdest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest
brother. Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men
tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him
cremated; -- he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a
bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window
and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford, were in
the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal
has happened. I was going to send you some money, but I had already
sealed
the envelope.
Love Your Favorite Aunt, Mom :D :D

[jlnorthrup122]

I was a bartender once. and one day this old fella walks in and bets me a 100.00 buck that he can bite his eye! so I figured there is no way he could actually bits own eye so I took him up on the bet! after taking up his bet he pulls out a glass eye and bites on it so I lost a 100.00 bucks to him! then next weekend rolls around and the same gentle man comes in and asks me if I would like to make my 100.00 bucks back so I asked him how hes replies I bet you 100.00 bucks he can bit his own nose so I figured there is no way he can bit hos own nose rite so I take him up on his bet an he takes his false teeth out and bites his own nose! so the old ****er took me for another 100.00 bucks! the later on that night the old ****er bets me 200.00 bucks that he could piss into a shot glass without spillin a drop on my bar! so I took him up on the bet and the old ****er pisses all over the bar! So I yell out laughing about the piss all over the bar and ask him where my 200.00 bucks was and the old man repliese I just bet those dudes over there 500.00 bucks that I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it! and I will pay you after I collect the $500.00!!

[Throttle]

lol, needed that! thx.