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cxr133
04-25-2006, 10:16 AM
HERE ARE THE RULES:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

FMluvswater
04-25-2006, 10:28 AM
I laugh everytime I read that ... and then I wonder what the Dad's father's-in-law reaction would be? Think he dished out same rules? :idea: :D

Partycattin
04-25-2006, 10:35 AM
Get your trunk monkey Chaperone edition. That'll take care of it!
http://www.trunkmonkey.com/content/view/65/51/

Jbb
04-25-2006, 10:40 AM
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
lol.... :p

Partycattin
04-25-2006, 10:46 AM
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
lol.... :p
Another tactic is that scene from Bad Boys 2, anyone see that?

pm069
04-25-2006, 10:54 AM
Oh, and by the way, I'm NOT afraid of going back to prison! :crossx:

RitcheyRch
04-25-2006, 11:02 AM
I always thought would be kind of funny that when the boy comes over for the first time to date my daughter that me and a few of my friends were all naked sitting on the coach cleaning our guns. Sure would get his attention with shock value.

tamalewagon
04-25-2006, 12:01 PM
I love this...I'll have my wife administer this to my son's when they're old enough! LOL!

Big Kahunaa
04-25-2006, 12:19 PM
Another tactic is that scene from Bad Boys 2, anyone see that?
yes that is some funny sh--

OCMerrill
04-25-2006, 12:29 PM
I always thought would be kind of funny that when the boy comes over for the first time to date my daughter that me and a few of my friends were all naked sitting on the coach cleaning our guns. Sure would get his attention with shock value.
That's hilarious right there!
My daughter is 7 so I have time to study this. I will have her hand out copies as her dating rulebook.

lucky
04-25-2006, 12:30 PM
i have my game face on for when my daugter starts dating --
what ever you do to her , i do to you !!! should resolve any unclearity's

Dave C
04-25-2006, 01:16 PM
hey take it to BR... nobody wants to know what you are going to do to some young man's behind ;)
i have my game face on for when my daugter starts dating --
what ever you do to her , i do to you !!! should resolve any unclearity's

Sherpa
04-25-2006, 01:19 PM
r_

abraman1326
04-25-2006, 01:23 PM
That is some funny stuff right there. I'll send it to my dad. My lil sis turnsd 15 this year and we have already sat on the couch cleaning the guns when some little guy showed up to take her to a dance. These rules he can hung from the door and pull a pop quiz when the young lad get's inside. Funny stuff...
BRA

lucky
04-25-2006, 01:27 PM
hey take it to BR... nobody wants to know what you are going to do to some young man's behind ;)
lol -- snap -- but if THEY TOUCH MY DAUGHTER _ IT"S ON ...

Dave C
04-25-2006, 01:29 PM
:) -- makes me glad I have a son. LOL
lol -- snap -- but if THEY TOUCH MY DAUGHTER _ IT"S ON ...

lucky
04-25-2006, 01:44 PM
:) -- makes me glad I have a son. LOL
not if he meets my daugher , just rember i have strings with san mateo sherrifs dept. :) -- My uncle was on force for 30 years - lmao

havasu5150
04-25-2006, 09:55 PM
That there is funny..... :D :D