Midwest_Miss69
04-10-2005, 08:34 PM
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped
him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly
hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still
shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25
years."
The husband had just finished reading the book Man of the House.
He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a
finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am
the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a
sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me
my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's
going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replied, "The ****ing funeral director."
________________________________________________
One day a couple is undressing when suddenly the man says to his wife, wear my pants. She says okay. When she tries them on there too big and she says she can't fit in them. He says that's to show you who wears the pants in this house. She says okay wear my thong. He says okay, and they end up to small. "I can't get in them" he says. Yeah and u never will unless u change your attitude, she says
__________________________________________________ __
Its Saturday morning. He gets up early, dresses quietly so not to wake his wife,
puts on his long johns, makes a lunch, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to
hook up his boat to the truck and head down for his favorite fishing lake.
When he leaves the garage, the rain is pouring down; it is torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
Twenty minutes later he returns home and puts the boat in the garage.
In the kitchen, he tunes the TV to the weather channel and discovers it's
going to be extremely bad weather all day long. Very disappointed, he goes
upstairs and slips back into bed.
He cuddies up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers
"The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "I know. Can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit"
_______________________________________________
A girl is in a restaraunt with a few of her friends..Her ex walks up & says how's your new boyfriend...She says Fine..
Ex says so how does he like your worn out pussy...
She says.. Ohh he's well past the worn out bit...
him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly
hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still
shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25
years."
The husband had just finished reading the book Man of the House.
He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a
finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am
the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a
sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me
my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's
going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replied, "The ****ing funeral director."
________________________________________________
One day a couple is undressing when suddenly the man says to his wife, wear my pants. She says okay. When she tries them on there too big and she says she can't fit in them. He says that's to show you who wears the pants in this house. She says okay wear my thong. He says okay, and they end up to small. "I can't get in them" he says. Yeah and u never will unless u change your attitude, she says
__________________________________________________ __
Its Saturday morning. He gets up early, dresses quietly so not to wake his wife,
puts on his long johns, makes a lunch, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to
hook up his boat to the truck and head down for his favorite fishing lake.
When he leaves the garage, the rain is pouring down; it is torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
Twenty minutes later he returns home and puts the boat in the garage.
In the kitchen, he tunes the TV to the weather channel and discovers it's
going to be extremely bad weather all day long. Very disappointed, he goes
upstairs and slips back into bed.
He cuddies up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers
"The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "I know. Can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit"
_______________________________________________
A girl is in a restaraunt with a few of her friends..Her ex walks up & says how's your new boyfriend...She says Fine..
Ex says so how does he like your worn out pussy...
She says.. Ohh he's well past the worn out bit...