"Quantas Problem Solving"

[racecar.hotshoe]

After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their
repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions
recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the
only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and
action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitudehold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[carbonmarine]

NEVER CRASHED .... NOT ONCE THOUGH ......
*** Here's a recount of the 10 deadliest ***
1. 583 dead. March 27, 1977, Tenerife, Canary Islands.
A KLM 747-200 collides with a Pan Am 747-100 on the runway during heavy fog. Both planes erupt into flames. Sixty-six aboard the Pan Am plane survive.
2. 520 dead. Aug. 12, 1985, Mt. Osutaka, Japan.
A Japan Air Lines 747SR suffers an aft bulkhead failure which causes severe control difficulties. The plane crashes into a mountain. Four people survive.
3. 349 dead. Nov. 12, 1996, near New Delhi, India.
A Saudi Arabian 747-100 and a Kazakhstan Airlines Ilyushin-76 collide in midair about 60 miles from New Delhi. All aboard both planes die.
4. 346 dead. March 3, 1974, Ermenonville, France.
A Turkish Airlines THY DC10-10 crashes after losing a rear cargo door shortly after takeoff. All aboard die.
5. 329 dead. June 23, 1985, off the coast of Ireland.
An Air India 747-200 crashes into the ocean when an explosive device detonates in the forward cargo hold. All 329 aboard die.
6. 301 dead. Aug. 19, 1980, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
A Saudi Arabian Airlines L1011-200 experiences a fire in a cargo hold shortly after takeoff and returns to the airport for a safe landing. But the crew can't open the emergency doors because of smoke and fire. All aboard die.
7. 290 dead. July 3, 1988, over the Persian Gulf, near the Straits of Hormuz.
A Iranair A300 is shot down by a surface-to-air missile fired from the U.S.S. Vincennes. All aboard die.
8. 273 dead. May 25, 1979, Chicago.
An American Airlines DC10-10 drops an engine just after takeoff. Damage to the wing and hydraulic system cause the aircraft to roll and crash. Two on the ground and all aboard the plane die.
9. 270 dead. Dec. 21, 1988, near Lockerbie, Scotland.
A Pan Am 747-100 crashes after a bomb detonates in forward cargo hold. Eleven on the ground and all aboard die.
10. 269 dead. Sept. 1, 1983, Sakhalin Island, Russia.
A Korean Airlines 747 en route from Alaska to South Korea drifts into Soviet airspace and is shot down by a Russian Su-15 Air Force fighter. All aboard die.

[KACHINA KEN]

NEVER CRASHED .... NOT ONCE THOUGH ......
*** Here's a recount of the 10 deadliest ***
1. 583 dead. March 27, 1977, Tenerife, Canary Islands.
A KLM 747-200 collides with a Pan Am 747-100 on the runway during heavy fog. Both planes erupt into flames. Sixty-six aboard the Pan Am plane survive.
2. 520 dead. Aug. 12, 1985, Mt. Osutaka, Japan.
A Japan Air Lines 747SR suffers an aft bulkhead failure which causes severe control difficulties. The plane crashes into a mountain. Four people survive.
3. 349 dead. Nov. 12, 1996, near New Delhi, India.
A Saudi Arabian 747-100 and a Kazakhstan Airlines Ilyushin-76 collide in midair about 60 miles from New Delhi. All aboard both planes die.
4. 346 dead. March 3, 1974, Ermenonville, France.
A Turkish Airlines THY DC10-10 crashes after losing a rear cargo door shortly after takeoff. All aboard die.
5. 329 dead. June 23, 1985, off the coast of Ireland.
An Air India 747-200 crashes into the ocean when an explosive device detonates in the forward cargo hold. All 329 aboard die.
6. 301 dead. Aug. 19, 1980, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
A Saudi Arabian Airlines L1011-200 experiences a fire in a cargo hold shortly after takeoff and returns to the airport for a safe landing. But the crew can't open the emergency doors because of smoke and fire. All aboard die.
7. 290 dead. July 3, 1988, over the Persian Gulf, near the Straits of Hormuz.
A Iranair A300 is shot down by a surface-to-air missile fired from the U.S.S. Vincennes. All aboard die.
8. 273 dead. May 25, 1979, Chicago.
An American Airlines DC10-10 drops an engine just after takeoff. Damage to the wing and hydraulic system cause the aircraft to roll and crash. Two on the ground and all aboard the plane die.
9. 270 dead. Dec. 21, 1988, near Lockerbie, Scotland.
A Pan Am 747-100 crashes after a bomb detonates in forward cargo hold. Eleven on the ground and all aboard die.
10. 269 dead. Sept. 1, 1983, Sakhalin Island, Russia.
A Korean Airlines 747 en route from Alaska to South Korea drifts into Soviet airspace and is shot down by a Russian Su-15 Air Force fighter. All aboard die.
I would like 3 #7's with fries and a coke, biggie sized please.

[KACHINA KEN]

And before anyone gets bent, I'm only kidding.

[HM]

And before anyone gets bent, I'm only kidding.
Yah really!! Everybody knows you order that with onion rings. :jawdrop:

[bigkatboat]

"Let's fly away, let's fly, let's fly today" 'Quote' Frank, from his 'greatest hits' I stopped flying all around the world back in 1998, I thought it was too much trouble. I quit doing the 'FX' thing and just started hanging around Havasu. Then 9/11 and it just got worse. I pray for those of you who must fly for your work, and I wish you 'great luck' in your travels. "Staying on the ground" Bigkatboat Flying close to the water is all I can deal with these days!