What to do next?

[Throttle]

Divorced dad out to dinner tonight with teenage daughter. My opinion was she was rude and disrespectful. While trying to include her in conversation with younger son and gf she answered sarcastically to me that "you don't need to know" , "none of your business" , "so what". The whole time she is text messaging with her mother about me and gf, nothing possitive from the way it sounds. But the truth was too much too be told while her and mother joked it off together!
not doing well with this, last time this happened, since I can not punish her with anything else, I punished her by telling her she could not go to havi with us... she missed the trip like it was no big deal (I think I was the one being punished). I missed my time with her.

[MudPumper]

Divorced dad out to dinner tonight with teenage daughter. My opinion was she was rude and disrespectful. While trying to include her in conversation with younger son and gf she answered sarcastically to me that "you don't need to know" , "none of your business" , "so what". The whole time she is text messaging with her mother about me and gf, nothing possitive from the way it sounds. But the truth was too much too be told while her and mother joked it off together!
not doing well with this, last time this happened, since I can not punish her with anything else, I punished her by telling her she could not go to havi with us... she missed the trip like it was no big deal (I think I was the one being punished). I missed my time with her.
Ask her if she would like to be knocked into the middle of next week, always worked with my dad and me. Good luck. :idea: :clover:

[MudPumper]

Sounds like your ex perpetuates the problem. It's too bad that divorced parents can't put aside their difficulties and raise their children properly. Your ex encouraging that type of behavior is not helping your daughter one bit, she's setting her up for problems the rest of her life. I, for one, encourage you to have a talk with your ex wife, putting aside your differences and discussing what's in the best interest of your daughter.
What he said. Good advice.

[JetBoatRich]

(I think I was the one being punished). I missed my time with her.
Feel your pain :mad: teenagers can be a challenge

[Throttle]

Ask her if she would like to be knocked into the middle of next week, always worked with my dad and me. Good luck. :idea: :clover:
my dad would of had my into next month!

[Throttle]

Sounds like your ex perpetuates the problem. It's too bad that divorced parents can't put aside their difficulties and raise their children properly. Your ex encouraging that type of behavior is not helping your daughter one bit, she's setting her up for problems the rest of her life. I, for one, encourage you to have a talk with your ex wife, putting aside your differences and discussing what's in the best interest of your daughter.
Tried that one, it ended with daughter storming off upset, and ex standing up for her (will not even hear what I have to say)! good idea though, thanks

[jdf]

i still have the mark from mom knocking me in to next year that was 18 yrs ago

[Throttle]

i still have the mark from mom knocking me in to next year that was 18 yrs ago
a mark will remind you of a good lesson learned thats for sure, but today I would be in jail.
i certainly did not raise her that way!

[Throttle]

You're basically screwed then
my life story

[Daytona100]

I know what you mean. Ive been divorced for 8 years. And the ex never misses a chance to talk shit about the wife and I. It makes my daughter real uncomfortable because she loves my new wife. Some people just cant live in the present they just get stuck in the past. Your kid will see thru the Bullshit one day. Mine did and now I got full custody. Good luck. :argue:

[Throttle]

Looks like I will need to see the therapist again... analyze, analyze and analyze!
Make it a double jack and a splash of coke!

[MudPumper]

Looks like I will need to see the therapist again... analyze, analyze and analyze!
Make it a double jack and a splash of coke!
You shouldn't drink Coke, that stuff is bad for you. :jawdrop: :shift:

[LHC Kirby]

Go to dinner again, this time without the GF and the daughter gets to leave the cell phone in the car. you have quality time together kind of a trade off on both of you. that would be a start.

[Throttle]

Go to dinner again, this time without the GF and the daughter gets to leave the cell phone in the car. you have quality time together kind of a trade off on both of you. that would be a start.
good advice, so often I try do this too, never had the cell phone thing like this before though.
kids have reminded me that they want there time with me and me only, but at some point and time I feel they need to get used to having someone around.
if daughter can not be respectful under normal conditions and then we get out to river for a blown vacation :confused: sad thing is I know that she can be good at river, it also forces her to being on the boat (no escape).
will do the dinner thing though, seems simple, I am just tired of starting over and over with this.

[Throttle]

Go to dinner again, this time without the GF and the daughter gets to leave the cell phone in the car. you have quality time together kind of a trade off on both of you. that would be a start.
thanks for the PM

[spectratoad]

My ex was that wat to an extent. After 5 or 6 years of me just ignoring it and just plowing forward she realized that it wasn't working and she couldn't get to me even though it was tearing me apart I never let it show. Fortunately my kids never did that. They are boys though and daughters will most often stick by mom. The new GF/Wife will always be the bad guy until she grows up to realize how the world works.
Just roll forward, bite the tongue and bullet and never let 'em see you sweat. Time will change things. :D

[NOTALENT]

how old is your daughter??

[Sleek-Jet]

How long have you been divorced??? Having experienced this from the kid's point of view, there is going to be alot of resentment towards the g/f...
Yep, it ain't fair to you or the g/f, but being a teeneager and having to "put up" with Dad's g/f is a pretty tall order. Guess who's going to get the brunt of all the frustration and emotions???

[Freak]

SpectraT. has is right. Totally ignore it. Don't fall into the ex's game.

[Rock-A-Bye-Baby]

i like the idea of isolating you and your daughter. Give her a chance to say some things she wouldn't say in front of the g/f. and don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. my bet is she has a lot of hostility over the situation and doesn't quite know how to deal with it. i had resentment over my stepmom when i was a teenager and always wanted to air my feelings to my dad. i didn't have the guts to just come out with it. what i wanted was for him to ask me how i felt about it. to this day (and i am now 37) i feel like my feelings about the arrangement didnt matter. her feelings do matter even though its not going to change anything. she just needs to be heard.
notalent- you into teenagers are ya???? j/k

[Beer-30]

i like the idea of isolating you and your daughter. Give her a chance to say some things she wouldn't say in front of the g/f. and don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. my bet is she has a lot of hostility over the situation and doesn't quite know how to deal with it. i had resentment over my stepmom when i was a teenager and always wanted to air my feelings to my dad. i didn't have the guts to just come out with it. what i wanted was for him to ask me how i felt about it. to this day (and i am now 37) i feel like my feelings about the arrangement didnt matter. her feelings do matter even though its not going to change anything. she just needs to be heard.
notalent- you into teenagers are ya???? j/k
EXACTLY. Take a walk with her and just find out what's driving the rudeness. Don't let her get away with the "forget-it" thing either. Pin down the problem and find a happy medium. You're dealing with 3 women......good luck, you're severely outnumbered.

[Not So Fast]

Very treacherous ground here! Scenario-- 14 yr old girl has argument with Dad and runs out of house and not seen for 2 days. Pop finds out she is staying at boy friends so goes to retreive (sp) her and another argument breaks out. Pop takes his daughter by the arm and says you are coming home with me, situation deterioates and police come, daughter is now very indignant and has dad arrested. Police say they have no choice and take him to jail. No charges filed but what a mess. Hunington Beach Police, true story :frown: Be careful!! NSF

[moneypit]

Solutions to most problems.... Kill em' with love and kindness. When they grow older they may come around.. I have seen the senario way too many times

[barbigrl]

how old is your daughter??
So how many arrests do you have under your belt for fratenizing with minors??

[NOTALENT]

So how many arrests do you have under your belt for fratenizing with minors??
damn..ur just on me today..I know u like to think about me but geez!! :D I was asking because my parents split up..and was gonna put in my input If I was able to relate to her age!!! Smart ass!! no really I mean it! :D

[barbigrl]

damn..ur just on me today..I know u like to think about me but geez!! :D I was asking because my parents split up..and was gonna put in my input If I was able to relate to her age!!! Smart ass!! no really I mean it! :D
I am soooo teasing you!!! I forgot to add some smiley faces!! :redface:
Your 21..not a teenager!!!
As for me I was the nice teenager to my step-mom......she is a B ITCH!!! She likes to pretend that my brother and I dont exist. I see her twice a year if that...x-mas and birthday. I am an adult now...so I dont care..but my brother is autistic..she makes zero effort! Sits on her lazy ass at home bitching to my dad that he needs to work more....he already works 80hrs a week. ok...I am on a rant now...very touchy subject for me... :(

[Throttle]

how old is your daughter??
just turned 16, attitude is everything (get rid of it).

[BrendellaJet]

just turned 16, attitude is everything (get rid of it).
buy her a car!!!!

[Throttle]

How long have you been divorced??? Having experienced this from the kid's point of view, there is going to be alot of resentment towards the g/f...
Yep, it ain't fair to you or the g/f, but being a teeneager and having to "put up" with Dad's g/f is a pretty tall order. Guess who's going to get the brunt of all the frustration and emotions???
divorced, 1year 8mo. not counting though.
i am however counting the time until her boyfriend gets started with his divorce after all this time and marries her, so I can stop the ali-money.

[Dribble]

A co-worker once had the same problem with his 15 year old daughter. Here's what he did.
He packed each of them a backpack and picked her up from school one Friday afternoon. Drove ten miles down a dirt road to a trail head that he knew of, threw her a backpack and said let's go. Hiked ten miles into a mountain lake with her crying and bitching the whole way (ruined her weekend plans). By the end of their three day outing, they were the best of friends and still are (daughter is now 30). Kind of radical but it worked for him.

[Throttle]

SpectraT. has is right. Totally ignore it. Don't fall into the ex's game.
yep, all game to the ex, she loves the battle. Because I wont fight with her she thinks I dont care about the kids. not, just dont want to fight.

[NOTALENT]

I am soooo teasing you!!! I forgot to add some smiley faces!! :redface:
Your 21..not a teenager!!!
As for me I was the nice teenager to my step-mom......she is a B ITCH!!! She likes to pretend that my brother and I dont exist. I see her twice a year if that...x-mas and birthday. I am an adult now...so I dont care..but my brother is autistic..she makes zero effort! Sits on her lazy ass at home bitching to my dad that he needs to work more....he already works 80hrs a week. ok...I am on a rant now...very touchy subject for me... :(
Dont forget next time...u hurt my feelings... :yuk: :rollside: Im sorry to hear that ur step mom was a gold digging B I T C H and that u had to deal with that..I was somewhat half fortunate..my step dad treated me better than my real dad..He made me what I am today...@ first it was weird but I was young when he came into my life..when I need a father most.My step mom however came into my life when I was 16..and I tell u It was so hard to exept her. It always felt like she was trying to replace my mom and her kids always came first..and then my dad got that way..put her kids first!! Very hard to cope with.. one thing that worked was my step dad sitting down to talk to me..the whole im not trying to replace ur dad speech...but the words he choose really made me believe it...i would suggest ur GF do that if she has not...I hope things work out..it may take sometime..

[LAFD]

HAVE THE EX KILLED BUY LOTS OFF STUFF FOR DAUGHTER. WIN WIN SITUATION. :devil:

[jbone]

I like Dribble's idea. Depending on how serious the GF is, someday she will have to accept her and be respectful. She may never like the GF, but respect is the key.
J

[Throttle]

HAVE THE EX KILLED BUY LOTS OFF STUFF FOR DAUGHTER. WIN WIN SITUATION. :devil:
maybe karma will get her first

[Tremor Therapy]

Man...where to start. My step daughters have treated me like shit for the past 15 years. But their father was a real pain in the ass, and would do anything to play games and make it difficult on me and their mother, and to some extent, them.
So in the end, I ended up just trying to always stay cool. Not getting overly excited about anything, but showing enough emotion and attitude for them to know that I cared. The oldest left at 18, and has come back around to talking with her mother on a daily basis, the 17 year old is still finding her way, but we don't butt heads as much as we used too, because I always tried to keep a level head.
One of the ways we would always short cut a lot of the smart ass remarks was to basically call them out on it. We would ask a question, they would smart off, and we would come off with a heart felt comment like,"well you are my daughter, and I do care about this. I want you to know that I am here to help you, and here to discuss the choices you might have." It used to piss them off...I mean you could see it in their faces, but we were not being coy, just acting like concerned parents.
Do the same, be a concerned parent, and be cool when the games start. Like a lot of things, when the input gets no output, the input will change....hopefully better and not worse! :confused:

[LAFD]

maybe karma will get her first
OH. WELL THAT WOULD WORK TO.

[Throttle]

I like Dribble's idea. Depending on how serious the GF is, someday she will have to accept her and be respectful. She may never like the GF, but respect is the key.
J
funny thing, I was just thinkin about dribles idea, I was wondering how she would respond to that???
things could get serious with gf too.
her mom is a big "respect person" so she claims, mom just does not see or believe (or listen) to the fact that daughter is acting this way with me (shes fine at home syndrome).

[Throttle]

[QUOTE=
Do the same, be a concerned parent, and be cool when the games start. Like a lot of things, when the input gets no output, the input will change....hopefully better and not worse! :confused:[/QUOTE]
thanks

[Throttle]

OH. WELL THAT WOULD WORK TO.
sometimes I wish it did.
however when ex would wish me dead I would always remind her, "careful what you wish for, me dead means you no get paid each month anymore!"

[phebus]

I would show her. I would give your boat to me, so she never has a chance to go on it again!!
Actually Cameron, I feel your pain, because I know the love you have for your daughter, and that is why the pain is so deep, and your willing to do what it takes to have a healthy relationship with her. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever want to meet for a beer, even if it's just to blow off some steam, I would be privledged to meet with you, and just listen and maybe learn something myself in the process, and possibly help you through some of the tough days.
Your friend,
Rick

[Throttle]

Thanks alot RS for your thoughts.
By the way, welcome home! missed ya this weekend!