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topless
05-02-2006, 02:13 PM
PHARMACIST
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharma! cist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, " Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
<> The lady replied "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

G-Body
05-05-2006, 08:29 PM
:D :rollside: Heres some more.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."
The Pharmacist
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront their druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute,
listen to my side of the story."
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late
getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize
that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside." "I had to break a window to get
my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, got a speeding ticket. When I was about three blocks from
the store, I got a flat tire. When I finally got here, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and, all the time, the damn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and
they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels.The phone was still ringing.
When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a
bunch of perfume bottles on it. ..all of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it.
It was your wife.She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer ... "
"and believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

CARLSON-JET
05-05-2006, 08:38 PM
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me . it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was braless.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got
more than a pleasant view.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone
else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last
wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment,
then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family
was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are
very happy that you have passed our little test...
we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to our family!!!"
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car...

hoolign
05-05-2006, 09:22 PM
Carlson jet ..that is freakin funny!
Kudos!