Help from you all

[THOR]

I have a very good friend that is pissing his life away due to meth. He was in my wedding, we were best friends in high school and still are tight. He feels ashamed to talk to me about his addiction, but has alienated everyone in his immediate and extended family and is not living at home with his wife and three year old daughter. He is a partner in a very successful business and has a chance of getting the boot. I would rather piss him off and never talk to me again than go to his funeral. His Dad just called and wanted an intervention, but obviously wants no part.
My questo to you all is what should I do without alienating myself to him as I am one of the few people left he still is in contact with.

[OutCole'd]

Personally I would do whatever it takes. If I alienated my self from him,
oh well. I would do the intevention and in due time, he will get over his anger and appreciate the lenghts you went through to help him and his family.

[THOR]

That is what I was thinking too. But, I need to find a way to get him to an intervention so he can get help without him bailing on me and going into hiding again.

[HocusPocus]

do anything and everything in your power if you truly care for this friend. it will be too late when he is dead or spending life in jail.

[Man-de-lone]

A year or two ago someone posted a series of pictures of meth addicts....it was very disturbing.
Meth will destroy his life, his body and his future......
Do whatever it takes. :eat:

[THOR]

I am going to call him tomorrow, but I dont know how to get all his family involved and in one place. This f'n sucks. Dont do drugs mother f'ers.

[Phat Matt]

I worked with a guy who had a wife and three kids and let everything go for that drug. It's not something they can control. We had to fire him and he was living on the streets, stealing from his kids...it was just bad. Eventually he went to rehab and came back to work a year or so later, then fell right back into it. He went to rehab a second time and is now sober. It took a lot of pushing and help from everyone around to get him to help himself but without it he would probably be dead. Piss him off and push him into it. He will thank you later when he is in a right state of mind.
Good luck.

[THOR]

I am afraid he wont want to hang and talk to me. I am pretty much the last ditch effort.

[Vada]

I would go ahead and plan an intervention. Talk with his family and other friends (whether they are talking or not). Decide on a get together place (maybe somewhere for breakfast or lunch...anywhere that you think would make him comfortable).
Set a date and time for this intervention. Each of the people that plan on attending the intervention, will probably be told to write down how his addiction and behaviour have affected his/your life in negative ways. After that, tell him what you plan on changing in order to not assist in continuing his addiction. Examples: no lending or giving any money or valuables at all!, and sometimes even saying you will no longer associate with him because you feel that as long as you keep being by his side that you are giving him reason to continue his addiction.
Make arrangements for rehab that very same day! Tell him this is his chance to get help. Tell him that he is loved! If he says yes, then get some bags packed and get him to rehab. If he says, no, unfortunately it is up to you to say that you will be following through and will no longer be aide him in his addiction.
You have to do something now before it's too late. I've seen this happen before. :frown:

[riverbound]

I would do WHATEVER it takes. He might be pissed at first but how will you feel seeing him in a casket knowing you didnt do anything to help him??

[THOR]

I would go ahead and plan an intervention. Talk with his family and other friends (whether they are talking or not). Decide on a get together place (maybe somewhere for breakfast or lunch...anywhere that you think would make him comfortable).
Set a date and time for this intervention. Each of the people that plan on attending the intervention, will probably be told to write down how his addiction and behaviour have affected his/your life in negative ways. After that, tell him what you plan on changing in order to not assist in continuing his addiction. Examples: no lending or giving any money or valuables at all!, and sometimes even saying you will no longer associate with him because you feel that as long as you keep being by his side that you are giving him reason to continue his addiction.
Make arrangements for rehab that very same day! Tell him this is his chance to get help. Tell him that he is loved! If he says yes, then get some bags packed and get him to rehab. If he says, no, unfortunately it is up to you to say that you will be following through and will no longer be aide him in his addiction.
You have to do something now before it's too late. I've seen this happen before. :frown:
alright then, I will call his family and arrange for some stuff.

[Vada]

alright then, I will call his family and arrange for some stuff.
I honestly think that an intervention would be your best bet at this point.
Timing is pretty important. Make sure that you have made arrangements prior to the intervention as far as transportation and a rehab to go to. If he says yes, it is extremely important that everything be lined up so there is less chances of him taking one last hit and/or changing his mind.
In the beginning, you may want to say that everyone is going to read a little something and then after everyone is done, he can have a chance to reply.
Have everyone there write down everything that has changed since the drug problem. All the negative things. How you feel and what you are afraid of if he continues to do this.
Make it clear, the consequences and what will change if he doe not accept help and most importantly (I know it will be hard), FOLLOW THROUGH! If you say that you will have no choice but to cut him out of your life, as hard is that may be if he says no, you have to follow through. If you don't then he will continue to think that no matter what he does, someone will be there for him and help him along the path of destruction.
I wish you the very best. This is definately a difficult and devasting thing to go through.
Good Luck!

[MAINEVENT]

All i can say is do what you can but the only person who is gonna decide to quit is him Someone needs to show him what he is doing to himself from a different point of view :frown: Its sucks to be in your shoe's I lost my best friend in HS when she O.D'ed on that shit :devil: Its not easy but its worth a shot :frown:

[NashvilleBound]

Do whatever it takes to get him clean RIGHT NOW!!!! My cousin ended up shot, execution style, in Vista 10 years ago because we "lost him". We were trying to be nice and gentle...F that....he will thank you later. Its going to be rough, he wil be pissed...but its the drugs talking. Do it and do it now!!!!!! Organize a group of friends and family to talk to him immediately!!! dont let him go....you might be burying him next week.
Good Luck.

[Water Romper]

Vada nailed it…Intervention is the way to go.
But be ready, it WILL GET UGLY! There even may be violence…but so be it. :cry:
You basically need to “set your friend up” in a form of a “sting”….he will not come if he knows people, especially his family, will be there to dump on him. You will need to lie.
Once he see’s what all you “sons of Bitches” are doing he will be pissed. Tuff $h*t! :devil:
Sticks by your guns, DO NOT CAVE IN you have one chance and this is it.
Call “Tuff Love” and they will give you help and may even be able to provide a professional counselor to be there…
I tip my hat to you stepping up but I do not envy you for what will happen….However, in the long run, it will pay off.
Good luck.

[Tremor Therapy]

I think you already know the answer to the question you are posing....would you rather him continue down the destructive path he is on and maintain a friendship, or would you rather attend his funeral wishing for the rest of your life that you would have stepped in and made a difference?
I cannot tell you what to do, but I would rather have an ex-friend clean and sober than a best friend slowly killing himself on drugs! That little girl deserves a clean and sober dad....life is to short, and her young years go by too fast. Is it worth the effort? :idea:

[Rock-A-Bye-Baby]

He needs the intervention. As a group you all need to grab this thing by the neck and get a handle on it. If the intervention works, then your friend will stay with you and more than likely, your relationship will improve. If the intervention doesn't work, you will lose this person as a friend, just as you will if you do nothing.

[Ralph Brunt]

first let me say that i know your friends dillema first hand. take it from me a recovering addict for over 5 years now. familly, prison, homelessness, friends could not make me stop. when the addict namely your friend finnally hits the bottom see above then and only then will he or she seek the help that is needed. addiction is not prejudice it does'nt matter. i now know the pain you feel for your friend but only after staying clean and sober for a period of time and talking to my loved ones and going to a billion narcotics anonymous meetings. did i find out the real damage that i caused. i hope this shed's some light on the situation. you can take the horse to water but cant make him drink good luck ralph

[NOTALENT]

Same thing happend to my uncle...He was wacked out on cocaine and speed...lost his family, kids hated him, lost job and was in and out of chino. We finally did the intervention, brought his kids one which was his 8 year old daughter whom we think made the greatest impact. Your daughter telling you something so serious and that he's losing her....it made him crack..and she left the room with teary eyes..it took some time after this...detox, and him trying to get his hands on it..but it worked out..he now met a woman who's is into god like no one I have ever seen before. She now has him on the right path, he is working and got his kids visiting him once again. They are getting married in september and they are expecting in 4 months....
Do it...I was talking to my old priest at a baptismal this weekend...and he said that he and his old college buddies ran into one of there old roommates. He was a druggie and an alcoholic...they did nothing to help him, wasted life away and now 20 years later they reunited and the guy Hated them with a passion for not helping him out...and blamed them for being how he is...which could only leave u broken hearted...
Good luck, I hope it all works out.

[THOR]

Thanks for all your help you guys. I am getting the ball rolling now. This blows. :frown:

[Havasu_Dreamin]

This blows. :frown:
But in the end, it will all be worth it.

[Boozer]

At this point you need to say F U C K to your friendship and just figure out what you can do to get this guys life on the right track again. 99% chance this guy is going to see you as an enemy when you confront him about his problem but you're going to have to take that plunge if you really want to help him. Not to mention the drug may have him so screwed up now that he doesn't want help and will choose to continue to be a drug addict regardless of the consequences.
Roughly 50% of my friends growing up as a child came from meth freak parents. Most of the kids are now meth freaks themselves and refuse any form of treatment. Interventions, time in jail, rehab centers, etc. have not even been able to help get these people off of meth.
About 9 months before I moved back here I had a room mate that literally over night went from making just shy of six figures, finishing up his bachelors degree, and having just about anything he wanted within his grasps all washed down the drain because of meth. He started dating someone who was a user and got sucked into the group. Before long he lost his job, dumped all his good friends for user friends and lost everything. I tried getting him help but his own family wouldn't even listen and made excuses.
I heard 2 months ago that he was found dead. Owed the wrong people money and they didn't take the situation lightly.
It is amazing to me what meth can do to people and what people are willing to do for meth.
Do everything you can to help your friend but don't feel to bad if you're friend can't be helped. Your friend got himself hooked on the drugs and alienated himself from his family. He made that choice and now he is the one ultimately responsible for it. If you're friend is willing to accept the help then give it to him but if he spits in your face when you try to help him then just let him go go f uck himself and be strong for his family. His family needs YOUR help right now a LOT more then he does. After all he was the one who decided to put the pipe to his lips which in itself was a poor decision made by a weak person, what's going to make him any stronger now?

[Beer-30]

He is a man, and usually when a man makes up his mind and chooses something...........
I have seen addictions like this over and over. You can preach to him until you are blue in the face and beg him to quit screwing around, but it won't work. If your friendship would make any difference, it would have already. He would not be choosing to do that instead of hang with you all the time. He has made a decision to continue down this path and will continue until he makes the decision for himself. No one else can sway him at this point.
Any of us could have made the same decision to start using meth and could still be on it. It's a choice. He chose it. Don't feel bad, because this obviously makes him happy. Just let him be happy and deal with his choices.
That's my .02

[THOR]

One of the main problems is that he doesnt come around me because he is ashamed and knows I dont condone that type of behavior. When he is clean for a few days, we meet up, have lunch and all is good. But, then I dont hear from him for a week or two. I have left messages all over for him and am waiting now. I am thinking of getting some pictures of his daughter and showing that to him and letting him know just what he is pissing away.

[Beer-30]

Well, your loyalty is definitely in the right place. Whatever you think may work, give it a whirl. Nothing to lose at this point. I sincerely hope something works for the guy, but it would be a rare case. Case-in-point, he knows you and other are ashamed, but knows he can just stay away and then come around when he takes a break. If it meant that much to him to have you around all the time, he would throw it away. I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya.

[redi4fun]

Damn,
Hate to hear people piss away their life on that sh*t. Sorry to hear it Thor, I wish you all the luck in the world in helping your friend get his life back. :clover:

[Partycattin]

Went through this about 5 years ago with a good friend. He had a successful business, just bought a house, new wife, etc. Next thing you know he started acting weird. Found out he was using "Glass". He would lie about wanting to quit and that he would quit. Family and friends got involved and took him to a rehab type clinic. He smoozed the doc and went right back to using. Lost his business and the house. Went to jail 3 times, each time vowing to remain clean once he got out.
Beer-30 is right, he won't quit until he is ready. Sometimes rehab clinics can get them clean long enough to reestablish goals in their life, sometimes not though.
Best advice I can give, keep trying. I tried for a long time and finally gave up. It's the one thing in my life that I am ashamed of. You should never quit trying to help a friend in trouble.