More facts about Chuck Norris....

[Jbb]

http://www.hotboatpics.com/pics/data/500/181chucknorris.jpg
Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

[Kilrtoy]

LOL, that was too funny

[AltarGirl]

Best thing I've read all day by far! :rollside:

[hoolign]

Much like Tom Brown....
Little Known Facts About Tom Brown
Tom Brown' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Tom Brown instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Tom Brown sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Tom Brown roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Tom Brown once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Tom Brown won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Tom Brown girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodtom could tom if a woodtom could tomwood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF TOM BROWN!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Tom Brown" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Tom Brown smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Tom Brown doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Tom Brown was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Tom Brown omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Tom Brown is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Tom Brown is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Tom Brown lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Tom Brown has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
The chief export of Tom Brown is pain.
Tom Brown can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
If you can see Tom Brown, he can see you. If you can't see Tom Brown you may be only seconds away from death.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Tom Brown can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Tom Brown. His reasoning? It was "more humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Tom Brown.
Tom Brown once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Tom Brown likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Tom Brown doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Tom Brown--more than meets the eye, Tom Brown--robot in disguise," and starred Tom Brown as a Saskatchewan Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.
Tom Brown once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Tom Brown sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.Tom Brown has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

[Jbb]

Tom Brown's a bad Mo fo..... :p

[hoolign]

Tom Brown's a bad Mo fo..... :p
As JJ Walker would say... He's DY-NO-MITE

[HOSS]

ask Chuck how many cactus spines he pulled from his crack after meeting HOSS!
HINT: HOSS don`t like gay boys. :mad:

[Jbb]

ask Chuck how many cactus spines he pulled from his crack after meeting HOSS!
HINT: HOSS don`t like gay boys. :mad:
Sorry Hoss......But Chuck would beat your ass senseless...........just like that angry midget from your childhood..... :p

[HOSS]

Chuck was the retarded boy that ran off screaming with the cactus. Why do you think he grows a beard? To hide the scars from the spines. Yeap,,,his head was in his ace.

[Just Tool'n]

A little known fact, is a manager I work with in So-cal, Chuck Norris was his little league baseball coach.
Now that makes him even tougher, dealing with a bunch of small kids!

[Jbb]

:)