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YeLLowBoaT
06-09-2006, 04:48 PM
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.
8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.
14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.
19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.
20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

Cas
06-09-2006, 05:26 PM
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.
especially right after they get their hair or nails done :D

Howie Feltersnatch
06-09-2006, 05:33 PM
No Problem!!! Then when you break up, you can ease her pain by sending her this tender breakup letter:
Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.
I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says:
"There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.
What does a perfect body mean?
Does it make her better in bed?
Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at.
Does it make her a better person?
Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie?
I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?
And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch.
Do you know what I mean?
Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it.
Don't you think we could start over?
Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh?
I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.
Otherwise, can you let me know where the ****ing remote is.
Love, Dan

acatitude
06-09-2006, 06:01 PM
so YELLOWBOAT,,, Hows all this workin for ya so far????????????????????????
It obviously didnt work for howie and he still hasnt figured it out.
You guys keep talkin,,, your makin me look good :)

Robin Boyer
06-10-2006, 12:02 AM
I think you should have also posted the real 20 things that will make the girl in your life love you more! Just my .02

centerhill condor
06-10-2006, 04:21 AM
roflmao and spilling coffee! you guys make married life seem soooo much better than it really is! have a great one and btw I'm sending these two out in emails... :)

AltarGirl
06-10-2006, 09:05 AM
That might be the funniest thing I've read!!! I'm still laughing! :D :D :D

ahhell
06-10-2006, 10:16 AM
For some reason the wife didnt find those funny and couldnt understand why I did.....still LOL :crossx:

vee-driven
09-17-2006, 01:29 PM
lmao!!!! the best is when you find a girl that has been treated like that by an ex, so i have heard!!! still looking for the perfect girl with low self esteem. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

probablecause
09-17-2006, 03:56 PM
No Problem!!! Then when you break up, you can ease her pain by sending her this tender breakup letter
By far, one of the funniest f'n letters I have ever read. I had to print it for my wife to read.

ratso
09-17-2006, 04:02 PM
lmao!!!! the best is when you find a girl that has been treated like that by an ex, so i have heard!!! still looking for the perfect girl with low self esteem. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Yeah, because they're looking for another one to treat them like that all over again... trust me. :rolleyes:

Boatcop
09-17-2006, 06:00 PM
21. When she asks "Do these pants make my ass look big?", reassure her by telling her that the pants have nothing to do with it.

QuickJet
09-17-2006, 08:56 PM
Now that is some funny shitt.................

VanDeano
09-17-2006, 09:08 PM
21. When she asks "Do these pants make my ass look big?", reassure her by telling her that the pants have nothing to do with it.
LMAO

W.O.T
09-17-2006, 11:46 PM
lmao!!!! the best is when you find a girl that has been treated like that by an ex, so i have heard!!! still looking for the perfect girl with low self esteem. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
thats what i thought. i have one now and it sucks. they need complete reassurance with EVERYTHING. cant make their own decisions, are completely scared of and insecure of anything having to do with an ex. they always want attention. my girlfriend reminds me of a little puppy always needing tlc. im sick of it. i want someone a little more independant/stable! shes sitting right behind me hope she is really watching her reality tv show otherwise im going to have to reassure her crazy ass

BshyBvrGirl
09-18-2006, 06:12 AM
thats what i thought. i have one now and it sucks. they need complete reassurance with EVERYTHING. cant make their own decisions, are completely scared of and insecure of anything having to do with an ex. they always want attention. my girlfriend reminds me of a little puppy always needing tlc. im sick of it. i want someone a little more independant/stable! shes sitting right behind me hope she is really watching her reality tv show otherwise im going to have to reassure her crazy ass
tell us how you really feel :rolleyes:

ratso
09-18-2006, 06:37 AM
thats what i thought. i have one now and it sucks. they need complete reassurance with EVERYTHING. cant make their own decisions, are completely scared of and insecure of anything having to do with an ex. they always want attention. my girlfriend reminds me of a little puppy always needing tlc. im sick of it. i want someone a little more independant/stable! shes sitting right behind me hope she is really watching her reality tv show otherwise im going to have to reassure her crazy ass
Grow some nuts and kick her to the curb... do yourself and her both a favor. :rolleyes:

Tequila-John
09-18-2006, 06:54 AM
fun stuff