Who's got parents under medical care...

[Mandelon]

I just got a call from my Mom's retirement home in Pasadena. Nice place. Its like a hotel. She bought a one bedroom place there about 6 years ago after by dad died. She's pretty independent up there in her unit. She comes down for dinners but is on her own for breakfast and lunch.
Mom's been a diabetic for over forty years. Up till the past couple years she's done well with it. But she's 84, and things are really starting to catch up quickly now. :(
They want to move her temporarily down to the assisted care section. She's having problems taking of her self. I saw her for Mother's day, but not since. They said she's quit bathing. Has some incontinence issues, and is generally making a mess out of her place. The housekeeping staff is starting to get pissed. :rolleyes:
She's always been stubborn and proud, honestly not a very nice mother... :argue: I wasn't really planned on, if you know what I mean. She never let me forget that. :mad: When we go to visit, she's tired of us in about 45 minutes. And that includes lunch. Its a 2+ hour drive each way for us.
I dunno, how do handle a situation like this? I feel a need to be repectful and dutiful as my dad would have wanted, but she's such a pain to deal with.
I need to go up and sign some directives and such. Anything I should watch for???

[chub]

Mandelon, sorry you will go thru this. Went thru the same thing with my Granny, the Matriarc of our family after Dadda past away. It won't be easy and everything else needs to take a backseat "IMHO" until you figure where you and your siblings are going with this. Remember when they're gone they're gone.
May God bless and keep you and your Mum in the time to come.
Respectfully, Chub
PS remember accorcing to the staff your Mom's comfort and care are what that staff are paid to provide!

[NoCal NoBoat]

Mandelon -
I'm sorry to read about this. I dealt with my mom's illness a couple of years ago - everybody's situation is different, and I wish you the best.
I don't know you or your mom, and I'll choose my words carefully.
It reads like she's gone through some significant changes rather quickly. I'd ask her doctor if it's possible that she might have had a stroke, or another medical event that might explain the behavioral changes you're being told about.
My mom's hospital had her legal papers on file, on top of her medical chart as I recall - an advance medical care directive. It didn't mean that she was near death - just that everybody involved knew where to look to make sure that her wishes were understood and followed. In our case, it was a blessing, because we ultimately had to make a difficult decision.
Again, I wish you all the best during a most difficult time. My mom and I didn't always see eye to eye, but I believe that we both found it in ourselves to do our best down the stretch.
Regards,
Tom

[Trailer Park Casanova]

I went through this with my mom, step mom,, and probably will go through it again with my mother in law.
When they become difficult, you can ask their doctor to get them on medication to mellow them out/amp up their spirits.
The doseages need adjusting over time, remember that.
The step mom near the end had a cocktail of wine, morphine, vallium, and some other things,, and it made life easier for everyone. Not saying thats for your situation, but it was an eye opener for us kids that they have such treatments available.
I know,, getting them to take medication is a pain,, but you usually can.
It's tough for you to go through.
We're at that age now where most everyone is experiencing this.
I made peace with my mom before she passed. We went through some bumpy times, and I'm glad I did.
But getting them to cooperate is essential for everyone.
Ya might start by calling her doctor and discuss it with them, that's what we did.
Sorry to read your going through this.

[Ziggy]

Wow Richard...sorry to hear.
I concur with NoCal, you should ask that she be checked for other illnesses. I have seen when someone senses their ultimate demise they begin to let things go or become complacent.
Tough position to be in as a child, let alone one who was an accident, so to speak....I'd certainly talk to your sibs about it and see what they think.
Good luck and best wishes for your mother.

[JetBoatRich]

Rich very difficult time for her right now, be strong for her and do what you can.
My dad had his first stroke over 10 years ago and been living in assisted care the last 5 years :mad: He tried to fight it as long as he could, we moved him into a retirement home close to our house after the first stroke. We wanted to be able to watch him. It was good for a few years, but deteriorated quickly. He had the button "I've fallen and can't get up", with many calls but after 3 times in one week of running over there at 3 am he had to move again. Usually the fire departments beat us there and always real good about it.
It is hard to give up the freedom they had all their lives, along with being to take care of them selves.
My Dad is a great Father, but it is not always easy to see the same person who threw ball with you now can't hardly sit up in bed.
Hard times maybe a head, remember the good times you had.

[NoCal NoBoat]

Mandelon -
Sorry for the multiple posts. You asked about things to look for, and I had another thought, this one more "business-like". I hope this doesn't sound insensitive.
Will there be any changes in costs, insurance, etc. due to your mom's temporary move from her studio to the assisted care section of her community ?
My mom was a planner, and she was fiscally conservative. Between Medicare, her pensioner's medical benefits, and the long term care insurance policy she purchased, I was never surprised by any unpaid/uncovered medical
expenses. Good thing, because the last thing I was thinking about that month was costs...
Respectfully,
Tom

[Mandelon]

I got a call from her doctor, who made the medical issues seem not so drastic as the home's resident medical "team" made out. So I feel better about it. He says shes aware, lucid and grouchy. sounds like normal behaviour. Although he did mention she asked for a gun several times.... :rolleyes: Makes me wonder about her pills scattered about.....
She has always been very bright, and involved. She takes a Parkinson's medication to keep the shakes down, but it makes her sleepy, distant and slow.
She is pretty up to date on the medical directives, she was one of the first female to graduate from Stanford Law School back in th 40's, so the trust and the will are all up to date. I know there is a DNR filled out, but I will make sure its up to date as well.
The mention of added cost for the extra care is good, I think about that briefly, but will check into it further. She's always been "frugal" so I know that will be an issue.
Thanks all for your concerns, I will be headed up to Pasadena tomorrow to see what is what. Tough times.....as much as we fought, and didn't get along, she's still my mom...