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07-07-2006, 10:55 AM
>
>Rules of Houston, H-Town, 3-rd Coast, Bayou City, The Dirty 3rd, or
>whatever
>you wanna call it.
>
>
>
>1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not
>"Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay,"
>not
>"San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!
>
>2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own
>version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a
>
>dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
>
>3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610 or Take Westheimer
>to".... which has no beginning and no end.
>
>4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic
>Drive."
>
>5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush
>hour is
>from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
>cussed
>out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line,
>
>count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
>into
>any cross-traffic's way.
>
>7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
>
>8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a
>
>permanent form of entertainment.
>
>9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be
>in
>Pasadena!" or "God, I hate Baytown!" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City!"
>
>10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a
>factory
>defect.
>
>11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total
>right-of-way.
>
>12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is
>
>considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is
>at
>least 45mph...
>
>13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
>
>14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
>says,
>"Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
>
>15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone,
>
>people are not waving when they go by.
>
>16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
>
>17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
>
>18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.
>
>22. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston we'll
>never
>hang out.
>
>23. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will
>serve both breakfast and normal menus.
>
>24. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if
>you
>were just given a ticket.
>
>25. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow
>the
>ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston
>residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should
>have
>been built.
>
>26. Else-where, they are called frontage roads... Here in Houston, they
>are
>called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder
>road
>and use the loop-d-loop"
>
>If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to
>all
>of us who call this home..nothing but the truth. and you know it!!!
>Rules of Houston, H-Town, 3-rd Coast, Bayou City, The Dirty 3rd, or
>whatever
>you wanna call it.
>
>
>
>1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not
>"Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay,"
>not
>"San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!
>
>2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own
>version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a
>
>dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
>
>3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610 or Take Westheimer
>to".... which has no beginning and no end.
>
>4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic
>Drive."
>
>5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush
>hour is
>from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
>cussed
>out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line,
>
>count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
>into
>any cross-traffic's way.
>
>7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
>
>8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a
>
>permanent form of entertainment.
>
>9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be
>in
>Pasadena!" or "God, I hate Baytown!" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City!"
>
>10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a
>factory
>defect.
>
>11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total
>right-of-way.
>
>12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is
>
>considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is
>at
>least 45mph...
>
>13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
>
>14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
>says,
>"Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
>
>15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone,
>
>people are not waving when they go by.
>
>16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
>
>17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
>
>18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.
>
>22. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston we'll
>never
>hang out.
>
>23. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will
>serve both breakfast and normal menus.
>
>24. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if
>you
>were just given a ticket.
>
>25. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow
>the
>ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston
>residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should
>have
>been built.
>
>26. Else-where, they are called frontage roads... Here in Houston, they
>are
>called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder
>road
>and use the loop-d-loop"
>
>If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to
>all
>of us who call this home..nothing but the truth. and you know it!!!