Her454
01-10-2006, 09:35 AM
ROTFLMAO..............Plagiarized from another boating site...thanks Jethro.
Old Sparky (aka A Grinder): This guy is easy to spot. The dead giveaways are the loud, gut-wrenching scraping sounds, and the sparks that fly off the outdrive as it's dragged down and then up the ramp.
The Fiddler: Usually the cause of severe "ramp rage," a Fiddler amazingly decides that the middle of the ramp is the ideal place to perform various preparatory tasks. An interesting characteristic of the Fiddler is that he seems to be completely oblivious to the incessant honking and shouting of less than friendly suggestions by the growing number of impatient "ragees."
Ramp Pig: Although a boat ramp can usually accommodate two launchings simultaneously -- one on each side of the ramp -- the Ramp Pig goes right down the middle thus hogging the entire ramp.
A Slalom: This person is "trailer challenged," and his gratuitous and exaggerated weaving from side to side usually draws quite a crowd as he descends the ramp. When a slalom is in progress, make special note of the Slalom's wife who has been assigned the bow line and is now being dragged violently from right to left.
The Hooker: This is fun to watch as the frustration on the face of The Hooker intensifies as he increases power to the engine and still can't get the boat off the trailer. His frustration turns to embarrassment as he pulls the boat out only to find that he hasn't removed the rear tie-downs.
The Banger (aka The Trailer Trasher): A fan favorite, The Banger's trailer features scars from every dock in the county. Telltale signs that a Banger has entered the ramp are the broken tail lights and the fact that every reflector, all the pin stripping and much of the paint has been scraped clean.
The Recycler: More a cause of mirth than rage, The Recycler is quickly identified by the use of an empty one-liter Mountain Dew bottle as a bumper. You're also likely to see other items used to protect the Recycler's boat, such as the kid's old water wings, a mildewed life jacket, and just about anything other than the standard rubber marine fenders.
The Rooster: If you're too close to a Rooster and don't spot him in time, you're likely to get wet. This is the guy who leaves the marina with the outdrive all the way up, thus drenching everyone in his wake. Often times a Rooster is a panicked and anxious Old Sparky who, after grinding the outdrive halfway down the ramp, has forgotten to let it down once he's launched.
The Poser: The Poser stands at the end of the dock while the boy from the yacht club launches his Cobalt for him. Striking a jaunty pose in his freshly pressed nautical-themed shirt and captain's hat, the Poser is easily spotted and fair game for ridicule. The Poser is often a lighting rod for "ramp rage" as he typically parks his small German "self-esteem mobile" in the trailer-only parking.
Submariner: A Submariner gets a sinking feeling when his first realization that the drain plug may not be in the boat is when he opens the engine compartment and finds the motor nearly submerged.
While there are many unique and wonderful "slip-ups" at the ramp each spring, there is one common denominator among them all. Whether the outdrive is shootin' sparks, the trailer is bouncing off pylons, or the boat is taking on water -- despite any conclusions you, as a spectator, may have drawn -- amazingly the cause is always the same. THE WIFE SCREWED UP!
"Ramp rage" is expressed in many ways and has been cited as a cause of more than one divorce. On the common, more mundane end of the "rage spectrum" is the single-finger salute, while disparaging remarks about one's mother are much more exciting and tend to quickly escalate a "rage" incident. Properly planned, a day at the ramp can be fun for the whole family.
Old Sparky (aka A Grinder): This guy is easy to spot. The dead giveaways are the loud, gut-wrenching scraping sounds, and the sparks that fly off the outdrive as it's dragged down and then up the ramp.
The Fiddler: Usually the cause of severe "ramp rage," a Fiddler amazingly decides that the middle of the ramp is the ideal place to perform various preparatory tasks. An interesting characteristic of the Fiddler is that he seems to be completely oblivious to the incessant honking and shouting of less than friendly suggestions by the growing number of impatient "ragees."
Ramp Pig: Although a boat ramp can usually accommodate two launchings simultaneously -- one on each side of the ramp -- the Ramp Pig goes right down the middle thus hogging the entire ramp.
A Slalom: This person is "trailer challenged," and his gratuitous and exaggerated weaving from side to side usually draws quite a crowd as he descends the ramp. When a slalom is in progress, make special note of the Slalom's wife who has been assigned the bow line and is now being dragged violently from right to left.
The Hooker: This is fun to watch as the frustration on the face of The Hooker intensifies as he increases power to the engine and still can't get the boat off the trailer. His frustration turns to embarrassment as he pulls the boat out only to find that he hasn't removed the rear tie-downs.
The Banger (aka The Trailer Trasher): A fan favorite, The Banger's trailer features scars from every dock in the county. Telltale signs that a Banger has entered the ramp are the broken tail lights and the fact that every reflector, all the pin stripping and much of the paint has been scraped clean.
The Recycler: More a cause of mirth than rage, The Recycler is quickly identified by the use of an empty one-liter Mountain Dew bottle as a bumper. You're also likely to see other items used to protect the Recycler's boat, such as the kid's old water wings, a mildewed life jacket, and just about anything other than the standard rubber marine fenders.
The Rooster: If you're too close to a Rooster and don't spot him in time, you're likely to get wet. This is the guy who leaves the marina with the outdrive all the way up, thus drenching everyone in his wake. Often times a Rooster is a panicked and anxious Old Sparky who, after grinding the outdrive halfway down the ramp, has forgotten to let it down once he's launched.
The Poser: The Poser stands at the end of the dock while the boy from the yacht club launches his Cobalt for him. Striking a jaunty pose in his freshly pressed nautical-themed shirt and captain's hat, the Poser is easily spotted and fair game for ridicule. The Poser is often a lighting rod for "ramp rage" as he typically parks his small German "self-esteem mobile" in the trailer-only parking.
Submariner: A Submariner gets a sinking feeling when his first realization that the drain plug may not be in the boat is when he opens the engine compartment and finds the motor nearly submerged.
While there are many unique and wonderful "slip-ups" at the ramp each spring, there is one common denominator among them all. Whether the outdrive is shootin' sparks, the trailer is bouncing off pylons, or the boat is taking on water -- despite any conclusions you, as a spectator, may have drawn -- amazingly the cause is always the same. THE WIFE SCREWED UP!
"Ramp rage" is expressed in many ways and has been cited as a cause of more than one divorce. On the common, more mundane end of the "rage spectrum" is the single-finger salute, while disparaging remarks about one's mother are much more exciting and tend to quickly escalate a "rage" incident. Properly planned, a day at the ramp can be fun for the whole family.