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View Full Version : Ever run out of TP and have to use paper towels??



Wicky
08-01-2006, 01:42 PM
I rip the paper towels into smaller pieces to insure they don't get stuck in the drain. How about you??

Wicky
08-01-2006, 01:43 PM
I also like to add a little squirt of water to the towel to ensure the least amount of chaffing!!

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 01:44 PM
I've never thrown paper towel in the toilet and I don't think I'll ever try it. Even facial tissue doesn't go down as well as TP.
I've wiped my ass plenty of times with paper towel, though. The trick is to not wipe too hard. That stuff is abrasive.

ThongMagnet
08-01-2006, 01:45 PM
Sounds like a Job for Tom Brown

Wicky
08-01-2006, 01:46 PM
Facial tissue lacks in intergrity but it definitely will work in a "pinch"

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 01:48 PM
Facial tissue lacks in intergrity but it definitely will work in a "pinch"
It flushes more easily if you soak it down with spooge prior to flushing.

Wicky
08-01-2006, 01:49 PM
:cool: :cool: :cool:

sorry dog
08-01-2006, 02:29 PM
I've wiped my ass plenty of times with paper towel, though. The trick is to not wipe too hard. That stuff is abrasive.
Cheapskate.
You gotta spring $2 Viva roll.

rrrr
08-01-2006, 03:13 PM
I've never thrown paper towel in the toilet and I don't think I'll ever try it. I've wiped my ass plenty of times with paper towel, though.
Tom, I don't think it's a good idea to save those paper towels and keep folding them into smaller squares for reuse.
If the cost of the good 2-ply shitpaper is bothering you, just get into the habit of stealing some from work. That's what this Dallas cop did:
Police fire officer accused of toilet paper theft
Dallas: Detective has denied stealing goods, worth about $8.40
08:36 PM CDT on Thursday, July 27, 2006
By TANYA EISERER / The Dallas Morning News
A Dallas detective was fired Thursday after investigators concluded that she stole toilet paper and paper towels on at least three occasions last fall from the northeast patrol station.
Senior Cpl. Stacey Wychopen, a property crimes investigator and 12-year veteran, was at least the 15th officer fired by Police Chief David Kunkle for misconduct since early June.
Cpl. Wychopen denied any wrongdoing.
"At no time did I steal any toilet paper and or paper towels from the department," she wrote in an internal affairs statement. "And I would never jeopardize my career for three toilet papers valued at 31 cents each and paper towel valued at $1."
She could not be reached for comment Thursday.
Behind the scenes, the incident has caused a stir in Cpl. Wychopen's unit, where she accused her co-workers of colluding to lie about her because she had earlier filed a harassment complaint against another officer.
"Since this investigation started, we the complaining officers have been called liars and big exaggerators by Wychopen, and that just is not the case, we saw what we saw," Senior Cpl. Roger Garcia, another detective in the unit, wrote in his statement to investigators.
According to police documents, cleaning crew workers employed by a private company began noticing last fall that paper towels and toilet paper were disappearing. Several officers reported seeing Cpl. Wychopen leaving with toilet paper and towels:
• Officer Raymond Dethloff told investigators that he saw Cpl. Wychopen in early October in the parking lot with "a large clear bag that contained toilet paper rolls still in the white paper wrappers." He estimated that the bag contained 15 to 20 rolls.
• Cpl. Garcia told investigators that on Oct. 17, he saw her park a city vehicle by a side door and then come outside with about six to seven rolls of toilet paper in her arms.
• The next day, Senior Cpl. Thomas Cicio and Senior Cpl. Janice Green reported that they saw her going to a car with a double armload of toilet paper and paper towels. Detective Green wrote that she saw Cpl. Wychopen put the supplies in a box in the front seat of a city vehicle and then drive away.
Cpl. Green reported the incident to her supervisors, and then other officers came forward.
Cpl. Wychopen told her supervisors that she was using toilet paper and paper towels to clean up a spill in her city vehicle when Cpl. Cicio and Cpl. Green saw her. She said the other two incidents did not occur.
"I am totally innocent of any wrongdoing," Cpl. Wychopen wrote in one investigation statement. "I am a good officer and a good detective and very proud of this."
The case did not result in a criminal charge because the private cleaning company declined to prosecute. The goods in question were valued at about $8.40.

Nord
08-01-2006, 03:22 PM
Funny because on my way out to Parker one time.......I stopped at the Taco Bell in Beumont where "They get ran Hard".........
Anyways, about half way down rice road in the middle of nowhere, the stomach was telling me that it needed to evacuate all foreign materials.
I pulled off of the main road and took one of those little dirt go to nowhere roads just far enough so nobody could see me (like anyone out there cared).
I dropped my shorts and blew mud for like 20 minutes.
NO TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!!
DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DEPERATE MEASURES,
so I used my boxers and my socks. Left them out there for the birds, and bounced....It was terrible...
~NORD~

TRUMP TIGHT
08-01-2006, 03:24 PM
I cant recall ever having that problem.

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 03:25 PM
I used my boxers and my socks. Left them out there for the birds, and bounced....It was terrible...
You should have taken them with you. You could have sold them in the SPAM forum.
Nice story. :cool:

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 03:45 PM
OK... so I go on a long trip. About 36 hours of driving. My girlfriend at the time packed me a bunch of food.
The food is packed into a 3 gallon ice cream bucket. I crack it open and it's full of fruit and sandwiches. About 2/3 fruit, 1/3 sandwiches. The sandwiches are on the bottom, with bananas on top of them, a few apples, and grapes on top. The bucket is full.
I'm driving along, stereo pounding away, the miles are rolling by. Not wanting to exert any effort beyond what is absolutely necessary, I consume the bucket from top to bottom, beginning with the grapes, progressing to the vine of bananas, the apples, and then I begin on the sandwiches.
I had just finished the fruit and begun the sandwiches when things got real urgent. I was driving along the north side of lake Huron and there were no grid roads. I finally come upon a picnic/rest stop area, hit the brakes and cut in. The shitters were locked. I don’t know why anyone would lock an outhouse but these were locked.
There were some people there including children running around like little monkeys. It was treed pretty heavily, the clearing was pretty small with a couple of picnic tables. I was out of options.
A few hours earlier, I fueled at a station that offered a free roll of paper towel per 25 liters of gas. I grabbed a roll from the trunk and headed to the edge of the bush. The kids were watching but I was cramped up so bad by then, I could feel the soft serve starting to squeeze past the gates.
I hobbled to the most distant part of the clearing, dropped trou and did my business in about 15 seconds. It was basically coffee colored rain with a lot of moist wind. That sum-bitch was burning like hell. I knew the kids were watching from a short distance so I handled things as quickly as possible and then used about half the roll of paper towel to clean my ass, thighs, and buff the skid mark as best I could before high-tailing it to the car and flooring it.
When the ass of your pants are moist, you know you’ve held it in a little longer than you should.

blown dough
08-01-2006, 03:53 PM
OK... so I go on a long trip. About 36 hours of driving. My girlfriend at the time packed me a bunch of food.
The food is packed into a 3 gallon ice cream bucket. I crack it open and it's full of fruit and sandwiches. About 2/3 fruit, 1/3 sandwiches. The sandwiches are on the bottom, with bananas on top of them, a few apples, and grapes on top. The bucket is full.
I'm driving along, stereo pounding away, the miles are rolling by. Not wanting to exert any effort beyond what is absolutely necessary, I consume the bucket from top to bottom, beginning with the grapes, progressing to the vine of bananas, the apples, and then I begin on the sandwiches.
I had just finished the fruit and begun the sandwiches when things got real urgent. I was driving along the north side of lake Huron and there were no grid roads. I finally come upon a picnic/rest stop area, hit the brakes and cut in. The shitters were locked. I don’t know why anyone would lock an outhouse but these were locked.
There were some people there including children running around like little monkeys. It was treed pretty heavily, the clearing was pretty small with a couple of picnic tables. I was out of options.
A few hours earlier, I fueled at a station that offered a free roll of paper towel per 25 liters of gas. I grabbed a roll from the trunk and headed to the edge of the bush. The kids were watching but I was cramped up so bad by then, I could feel the soft serve starting to squeeze past the gates.
I hobbled to the most distant part of the clearing, dropped trou and did my business in about 15 seconds. It was basically coffee colored rain with a lot of moist wind. That sum-bitch was burning like hell. I knew the kids were watching from a short distance so I handled things as quickly as possible and then used about half the roll of paper towel to clean my ass, thighs, and buff the skid mark as best I could before high-tailing it to the car and flooring it.
When the ass of your pants are moist, you know you’ve held it in a little longer than you should.
Thats good, you made me laugh really hard after a bad day. We would all be liars if we said we have never had a incident something like that. Rumor has it socks can be a big help in most cases. If their black all the better!!!!!

ratso
08-01-2006, 03:57 PM
We were camping once and one of the girls "started" and didn't have any feminine hygeine products... oh never mind...

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 03:59 PM
We were camping once and one of the girls "started" and didn't have any feminine hygeine products...
... and everyone had left their socks at the last camp site so we had to....

DeeCandyBar
08-01-2006, 04:03 PM
OK... so I go on a long trip. About 36 hours of driving. My girlfriend at the time packed me a bunch of food.
The food is packed into a 3 gallon ice cream bucket. I crack it open and it's full of fruit and sandwiches. About 2/3 fruit, 1/3 sandwiches. The sandwiches are on the bottom, with bananas on top of them, a few apples, and grapes on top. The bucket is full.
I'm driving along, stereo pounding away, the miles are rolling by. Not wanting to exert any effort beyond what is absolutely necessary, I consume the bucket from top to bottom, beginning with the grapes, progressing to the vine of bananas, the apples, and then I begin on the sandwiches.
I had just finished the fruit and begun the sandwiches when things got real urgent. I was driving along the north side of lake Huron and there were no grid roads. I finally come upon a picnic/rest stop area, hit the brakes and cut in. The shitters were locked. I don’t know why anyone would lock an outhouse but these were locked.
There were some people there including children running around like little monkeys. It was treed pretty heavily, the clearing was pretty small with a couple of picnic tables. I was out of options.
A few hours earlier, I fueled at a station that offered a free roll of paper towel per 25 liters of gas. I grabbed a roll from the trunk and headed to the edge of the bush. The kids were watching but I was cramped up so bad by then, I could feel the soft serve starting to squeeze past the gates.
I hobbled to the most distant part of the clearing, dropped trou and did my business in about 15 seconds. It was basically coffee colored rain with a lot of moist wind. That sum-bitch was burning like hell. I knew the kids were watching from a short distance so I handled things as quickly as possible and then used about half the roll of paper towel to clean my ass, thighs, and buff the skid mark as best I could before high-tailing it to the car and flooring it.
When the ass of your pants are moist, you know you’ve held it in a little longer than you should.
anyone that knows you from these forums knows this is bullshit. it's incomprehensible to everyone here to believe this. we all know there's no way...
you've ever...
had a girlfriend :D

RitcheyRch
08-01-2006, 04:12 PM
This is too darn funny. Am sure we have all done this at one time or another.

SmokinLowriderSS
08-01-2006, 05:12 PM
US Ranger toilet paper field rationing ....... 1 square per trooper per day. Yes, it can be done ........ but socks are better.LOL
We buy by the case lot here, so we never run out. This souse has occupied 6 children at times, 4 female, we buy a LOT when we buy.

Jbb
08-01-2006, 05:14 PM
.
It was basically coffee colored rain with a lot of moist wind. That sum-bitch was burning like hell.
Most people dont know this,but after reading this story years ago on another forum.......Prince was inspired to write his big hit....Purple Rain....sadly,Brown was left off the credits......Prince is just that way....

JB in so cal
08-01-2006, 05:26 PM
:)
add a little squirt of water to the towel to ensure the least amount of chaffing!!
It flushes more easily if you soak it down with spooge prior to flushing.
I dropped my shorts and blew mud for like 20 minutes.
so I used my boxers and my socks. Left them out there for the birds, and bounced....It was terrible...
I was cramped up so bad by then, I could feel the soft serve starting to squeeze past the gates.
It was basically coffee colored rain with a lot of moist wind.
When the ass of your pants are moist, you know you’ve held it in a little longer than you should.

lucky
08-01-2006, 07:55 PM
never shake the hand of a one socked man while lost in the forest ......

Biglue
08-01-2006, 08:14 PM
When the ass of your pants are moist, you know you’ve held it in a little longer than you should.
Ferchrist'sake. ROTFLMAO....... No one can tell a shitter story like you Brown. LMAO
never shake the hand of a one socked man while lost in the forest ......
That's sheer genius right there Lucky. LMAO

HM
08-01-2006, 08:17 PM
Paper towells, Carl's Jr. napkins, and one time a t-shirt out at glamis after having pizza at the Glamis Beach Store - Socks filled with sand just weren't an option.

DILLIGAF
08-01-2006, 08:44 PM
Not PT related but somehow I consider it on topic in here...
My ex lived about an hour away from me and I was always in the area because of my son. One day we went out to dinner after his baseball practice and it was running right thru me. I was never allowed in their house as she was re-married and the guy did not like me for whatever reason :). Anyhow, I had to do something and they weren't home so I made a run for it into the house. My son told me to use the front toilet. I let out some unbelievable mess and went to flush. Nothing happened. "Justin, WTF, it won't flush" "Sorry Dad I forgot the toilet is busted" As I left that horrible mess in the ex's bathroom I threatened my sons life to take the fall for me. To this day I don't know if he told the truth or not. I somehow get a big smile on my face everytime I think of this story
:)

DeeCandyBar
08-01-2006, 09:39 PM
this thread's run two pages now and still no mention of the infamous "stink pickle"

Tom Brown
08-01-2006, 11:41 PM
Most people dont know this,but after reading this story years ago on another forum.......Prince was inspired to write his big hit....Purple Rain....sadly,Brown was left off the credits......Prince is just that way....
I'm pretty sure Prince was het prior to reading my story.

ROZ
08-02-2006, 01:41 AM
used some today :boxed:

RitcheyRch
08-02-2006, 04:43 AM
Thats funny. Hopefully your Son didnt get in too much trouble.
Not PT related but somehow I consider it on topic in here...
My ex lived about an hour away from me and I was always in the area because of my son. One day we went out to dinner after his baseball practice and it was running right thru me. I was never allowed in their house as she was re-married and the guy did not like me for whatever reason :). Anyhow, I had to do something and they weren't home so I made a run for it into the house. My son told me to use the front toilet. I let out some unbelievable mess and went to flush. Nothing happened. "Justin, WTF, it won't flush" "Sorry Dad I forgot the toilet is busted" As I left that horrible mess in the ex's bathroom I threatened my sons life to take the fall for me. To this day I don't know if he told the truth or not. I somehow get a big smile on my face everytime I think of this story
:)