PDA

View Full Version : AZ Barbies



Todd969
08-09-2006, 11:10 AM
Got this from a friend, thought I'd share.
ARIZONA BARBIE DOLLS!
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls For
the Arizona market:
Scottsdale Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Center. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign lapdog named Honey, and a semi-custom dream house with a Saguaro Cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.
Chandler Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no
full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone
sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target.
Apache Junction Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Ahwatukee Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or HummerH2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card
set, and country Club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and
Private School Skipper. Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the
early 80's.
Mesa Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors
Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Available at Ross.
El Mirage Barbie :This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry
lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream
doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
Sedona Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie
wears leopard print spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music
with friends at the lodge. She's into crystals. Comes with Percocet
prescription and two alimony checks. Also cheap.
Phoenix Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy Were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Flagstaff Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Gilbert Barbie: Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
Tucson Barbie: Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.
Guadalupe Barbie: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left
hand. Green cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken.
Available at Food City.
Sun City Barbie: These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to turn left. Can
be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices.
Available at the doctor's office.
Glendale/Arrowhead Barbie: Owns mini van or SUV bearing vanity plates and the CCV and multiple "my kid is (pick any NUMBER of wonderful adjectives)" stickers, lives in Tuscan or Santa Fe style-home with 2.5 children, one dog, one cat (optional), Ken works as a police
officer/firefighter/realtor/construction supervisor. Arrowhead Barbie is
fit and fashionable but frugal (she does, after all, help to pay the
mortgage), she works outside the home AND in the home, hosts small groups
and monthly gatherings of friends and family, does not know how to form
the word "no" on her lips and comes with bruise permanently tattooed on
forehead from banging head against the wall in frustration because her
plate is far too full!
Tempe Barbie: Loves booze, Einstien's bagels, and shorts with stuff
written across the ass. Is experiencing way too much life to have a Ken
doll, a clean apartment, or job that starts before noon. Is probably late
for class right now, cuz she can't remember where she parked her white
2001 Civic Coupe. Comes in two models: light blonde and dark blonde.
Thinks she saw P.Diddy at Fat Tuesday's.
Bullhead Barbie:
Could very easily have been Kingman Barbie, but all of a sudden a few nice
housing developments and new restaurants that aren't in Havasu makes
Bullhead City Barbie think she's hot stuff. Works across the river in
Laughlin as a cocktail waitress, pretending getting pinched in the ass 500
times a day makes for a good job. Still lives in a doublewide that costs
$500,000 due to housing inflation, but plans on moving to Laughlin Ranch
someday, once that meth-lab pays off. Ken now works for the city of
Bullhead, but used to work for the city in Lake Havasu.
Kingman Barbie:
Looks like she might have been attractive, but something tragic happened
in the final stages of manufacturing at the Mattel plant. Lives with Ken the
Cable Guy (Git 'R Done!) who is missing many of his teeth. She works at one of the convenience stores, smoke four packs a day and wonders why her teeth are yellow. Complains about Havasu Barbie thinking she's such hot stuff, but secretly wants to be her. Comes with a brown 1982 Chevy pickup truck. Ken the Cable Guy comes with an old aluminum bass tracker and a white '78 Camaro that hasn't run in 10 years, but Ken plans on fixing it up.
Lake Havasu City Barbie:
Was LA Barbie, but decided to sell her Malibu mansion and move to Lake
Havasu where she and big-ass truck towing, big-ass boat driving Ken
frequently vacationed. She's starting to show her middle age, all except her boobs, which are only 10 years old. She has two kids, but who knows where they are? Besides, she and Ken have their own lives to live, going to Red Room and out on the lake. Comes with big truck, big boat, 350Z and a stack of letters from collections agents.

KLEPTOW
08-09-2006, 11:24 AM
That's Good..........LMAOF

Phat Matt
08-09-2006, 12:03 PM
Looks like the Red Room is on the map. :)

purrfecttremor
08-09-2006, 12:29 PM
Barbies ah i dont like barbies but my wife has a large collection that apparently aint worth shit anymore.What is the point of this anyway :rollside:

SHOTKALLIN
08-09-2006, 01:10 PM
pretty funny :)

AZJD
08-09-2006, 01:37 PM
Thats funny! Just e-mailed it to our friends....her name is Barbie! (Phx Barbie)

BajaMike
08-09-2006, 01:41 PM
:rollside:

Outnumbered
08-09-2006, 02:20 PM
Those Barbies always crack me up. :D Dead-on descriptions...LMAO!

Sleek-Jet
08-09-2006, 03:04 PM
Got this from a friend, thought I'd share.
ARIZONA BARBIE DOLLS!
Tucson Barbie: Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.
LOL...
But I bet this was writen by some asshole in that pit of a town Phoenix.. :mad: :mad: :D