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Panic Button
08-22-2006, 02:25 PM
WASHINGTON - Citing an increased fear of being attacked, the Department of Homeland Security announced today an unprecedented ban on clothing for all airline passengers traveling to or within the United States.
"From now on, no clothing of any kind will be allowed," Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told reporters in a press conference today. "I repeat, this ban is on all forms of clothing, from hats to gloves to baby diapers. There will be no exceptions made on this."
The move comes after a potentially devastating airline attack involving sports drinks was foiled last week.
"This permanent clothing ban will finally make airline travel completely safe from terrorists," Chertoff said. "From this point on, no matter what plots they attempt on our planes they will not be able to succeed. The simple fact of the matter is, when a terrorist is buck naked, they have nothing to hide, and nowhere to hide it."
Taking effect immediately, the clothing ban triggered strong reactions at airports across the country, and governors in at least 22 states ordered National Guard troops to help enforce the new regulations.
"I think this is the best idea yet for securing our nation's airports," said 25-year-old passenger Bryan Wright, shedding all his clothes in a manner of seconds. "It's extremely important for the continued existence of democracy that we, that we......damn! Did you see the goods on that girl who just walked by? Oh man, I am loving this."
Homeland Security made it clear that the clothing ban will remain in effect indefinitely. One lawmaker, Rep. Pete Hoekstra, R-Mich., said the situation "is completely untenable, and the American people won't stand for it."
"We understand fully the many embarrassing sacrifices that must be made by the American people for the sake of securing the homeland," said Chertoff. "And while the clothing ban will not apply to privately chartered jets, or to government planes such as Air Force 1, at the Department of Homeland Security we will never back down from instituting the most extreme of measures on the general public to secure us from danger."

Sleek-Jet
08-22-2006, 02:27 PM
Laugh now... it probably isn't that far off...
Anyone want to help me start a jet charter company???