To anyone divorced with kids..

[ROZ]

How does custodial parent get decided?
money
support system
affidavits from family and friends
How?

[Ultracrazy]

How does custodial parent get decided?
money
support system
affidavits from family and friends
How?
Normally it's very tough to get the kids away from the mom. However, there is an ever increasing trend to have both parents share custody. Unless you can prove negligence on the part of the mom........it's tough to get full custody.
Steve

[Focker]

it cost me 50k
but was worth every penny

[Old Texan]

How does custodial parent get decided?
money
support system
affidavits from family and friends
How?
Mom- pretty much by default
Dad- DEEP pockets
The best scenario is to be able to bury ill feelings and become friends. Not close friends necessarily, but 2 adults that objectively consider the most important responsibility, the children. Joint custody done intelligently is the easiet road to making things work out. If the animosity is not present, it's a whole lot easier on children to accept the major change.
Life goes on and if the love part on either or both sides is gone, the resulting split needs to be dealt with on a non adverserial level. Depending on the make up and maturity of the couple this can be as challenging as they make it.
I've been married 31yrs. and raised 2 now grown children. Not had to experience divorce first hand but have more friends than I'd care to recall go thru it. The ones that dealt with it on a mature and respectful level made their new lives a lot simpler. Those that didn't gave a lot of lawyers and counselors the funds too upgrade to much bigger boats.

[Ultracrazy]

Mom- pretty much by default
Dad- DEEP pockets
The best scenario is to be able to bury ill feelings and become friends. Not close friends necessarily, but 2 adults that objectively consider the most important responsibility, the children. Joint custody done intelligently is the easiet road to making things work out. If the animosity is not present, it's a whole lot easier on children to accept the major change.
Life goes on and if the love part on either or both sides is gone, the resulting split needs to be dealt with on a non adverserial level. Depending on the make up and maturity of the couple this can be as challenging as they make it.
I've been married 31yrs. and raised 2 now grown children. Not had to experience divorce first hand but have more friends than I'd care to recall go thru it. The ones that dealt with it on a mature and respectful level made their new lives a lot simpler. Those that didn't gave a lot of lawyers and counselors the funds too upgrade to much bigger boats.
The man speaks the truth...........but we are dealing with women here :rolleyes:

[ROZ]

I'm for joint custody, for sure... My main concern is where she's going to live.. I believe I have a much better parental abilities...

[JB in so cal]

Roz,
always sad to hear of a breakup, but if it's better for you both...
Always keep the kids as your primary concern and make the best of it.
Made out with any Hot Boat chicka's, yet???

[73kona455]

the father has to prove he can provide a better home environment for the child/children.. the mom has to be a pretty big screw up...i have had full custody fof my son since he was 8 months old.. he was 13 yrs old last sept.... the major thing that went against my ex is that she is an alcoholic.... good luck,,,stand your ground..

[jtmarten]

I've had physical custody of both my kids for almost 8 years now. I ageed whole-heartedly that she should get the fuk out, and she agreed I was a better parent and I should raise the kids. We have joint legal custody though. It's really hard to get sole custody (as a father) unless you can prove the mom unfit.

[73kona455]

how old are the kids?

[riverroyal]

you gettin the big D?Sorry to hear that,my guess is youve tried everything to make it work right?Need any help or just someone to drink beer with let me know,Im only a few minutes away,,steve

[Slacker]

Its best to try and work things out yourself, you will save a lot of money that way. The woman will usually get physical custody of the child and you can share legal custody. The only way (not in all cases) is to prove that the other parent is not capable to take care of the child. For example i caught my wife cheating, My lawyer was a Real hard ass and he even told me " That just because she is an unfaithful wife doesnt mean she is a bad mother". So the best thing to do is think of the kids first and try and get along. JMO from my experience with the big "D"
Good Luck,
CT

[ROZ]

how old are the kids?
WE have a 6yr old little girl and I know it's going to be tough on her.. A few weeks ago we were driving through a neighborhood in carlsbad, and I said how nice it would be to live here... She pondered for a moment and began to cry saying she was going to miss her school friends and neighbor(girl next door is the same age and they are inseperable).. I told her that I was speaking of the future, blah , blah not thining this day would come..
My parents live around the corner, so I'm thinkning of selling here and helping them fix their home up, and live there until my business gets off the ground... School and friend close, so that may be a plus, no?

[riverroyal]

WE have a 6yr old little girl and I know it's going to be tough on her.. A few weeks ago we were driving through a neighborhood in carlsbad, and I said how nice it would be to live here... She pondered for a moment and began to cry saying she was going to miss her school friends and neighbor(girl next door is the same age and they are inseperable).. I told her that I was speaking of the future, blah , blah not thining this day would come..
My parents live around the corner, so I'm thinkning of selling here and helping them fix their home up, and live there until my business gets off the ground... School and friend close, so that may be a plus, no?
live if you sell?Id try to stay close,if thats possible.Tobys house has 10 extra rooms,maybe rent one :rolleyes:

[ROZ]

We're using mediation... i found something out and when she called to see how our morning went, I told her to call the mediation service..Hopefully things will remain civilized...

[RiverOtter]

How does custodial parent get decided?
money
support system
affidavits from family and friends
How?
I'm not divorced but from seeing friends go throught em. Looks like the parent with the penis does not get the kids.

[JB in so cal]

I'm not divorced but from seeing friends go throught em. Looks like the parent with the penins does not get the kids.
What's that?

[RiverOtter]

What's that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to type with webbed paws :D

[JB in so cal]

Do you have any idea how hard it is to type with webbed paws :D
I know how it is with one hand :)

[riverroyal]

:rollside: I know how it is with one hand :)

[JB in so cal]

Shut up, fag!
Still coming up for the Big Game, pussy?
PS. I'm sure ROZ will get a kick out of jacking his thread.

[ROZ]

PS. I'm sure ROZ will get a kick out of jacking his thread.
Actually, threads are more entertaining after they've been hijacked :D

[riverroyal]

Shut up, fag!
Still coming up for the Big Game, pussy?
PS. I'm sure ROZ will get a kick out of jacking his thread.
thats weeks away,,,,

[JB in so cal]

thats weeks away,,,,
the guest list grows more every day. :)

[NashvilleBound]

it cost me 50k
but was worth every penny
Thats it?? I was told, hypothetically of course, in someones scenario like mine, it would add two zeros to that number.... how much is a hit now adays??? (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Roz, Sorry to hear....sometimes its gets nasty...I hope it works out for you and your kids.....

[riverroyal]

and income,its a lose lose situation either way

[Red Horse]

If you are concerned with your ex moving away get her to sign a domocile restriction. My brother did this. He told her he would up her child support if she did this. In turn she could not go after him for more money during the next 3 cycles. I think 9 years. Money hungry bitch went for it. In Texas you get reviewed every so often to see how much money you are making and then they base child support off of that. He got a promotion at work, kept his mouth shut and it worked. Of course he is paying for her new Expedition among other things, but he know his kid is going to be close by.

[cola]

Thats it?? I was told, hypothetically of course, in someones scenario like mine, it would add two zeros to that number.... how much is a hit now adays??? (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Roz, Sorry to hear....sometimes its gets nasty...I hope it works out for you and your kids.....
Baller, I'd buy that red Trident. :)

[NashvilleBound]

Baller?????? Actually me looking for a new toy sparked one of these very conversations........Cest La Vie

[Biglue]

Sorry to hear about your situation Roz. Best of luck to you buddy. Hope your family has the best possible outcome.
Louie.

[Tom Brown]

ROZ, sorry to hear about your problems. I think you're a great person and have always admired the way you conduct yourself and your generosity.
You have my very best wishes. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

[robsformula]

Roz, what you need to do is make sure that both of you get (joint physical custody) also make sure that it is stipulated that neither one of you can move out of the county/city without giving up custody of the minor children. In the event of job transfer,marrage,what ever the essue may be that parent will give up its custody rights of the child/children. I lost my daughter when she was only 4 when her mother had been seeing our neighbors best friend who at the time was living in the bay area/Berkley. She then decided to move there and the corts aloud it. They then tried to move to Germany because of a job, I was able to stop that because it was a non English speaking country. They decided to move to England which the courts granted. I never gave up on my daughter and our relationship. She is now going to be 15 this month and has been living with us for the last 3 1/2 years. If you like more details and more information and ideas that might help you in your situation please do not hesitate to call me at 209-471-7199 leave a voice message and how I can get back to you. I will call back.
good luck and dont give up on yourself and your daughter.
Rob

[robsformula]

that was (joint legal and physical custody) call me for more information.
hang in there it will get better :boxed:

[Desert Rat]

I got my oldest son by providing the most stable enviorment. Ex lived in a rundown apartment and I was remarried with a house. I threatened court action but she knew she would not have stood a chance in court. I waived what little support she would have had to pay for full custody rights and she went for it. Shorty after that we moved to So Cal :crossx: He just graduated from college and turned out to be a young man that i'm VERY proud of. I guess I would have to say try and NOT give up anything up front. You will have to deal with the Ex for the rest of your life in one way or another (birthdays, holidays, graduations, wedding) I know these are way down the road for you right now but they sneak up REAL fast! If you can at least get along it makes it easier.. I speak from experience because that is NOT the way mine went up until a year or two ago! good luck and whatever you do put your child first even if the other half is throwing knives at you. You'd be surprised how the child looks up to the parent that trys to keep it nice and sane

[Tremor Therapy]

Chris...sorry to hear about this my friend. I got taken to the cleaners when my first wife and I got divorced. It sounds like some folks here have some savy advice. Hang in there brother, you know that little girl loves you to death, and that is where you need to concentrate!

[1stepcloser]

Chris,
Jesus man, I'm kind of shocked. Call me when you can, I have something for you.

[NoCal NoBoat]

Roz -
Sorry to hear about it. I've been down this road, daughter was 5. Tough days ahead, but trust that family and friends want to be there for you.
I hope the mediation can work for you. Can save you a lot of $$$'s.
I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but here's what worked for me.
Insist on joint legal and joint physical custody.
Courts seem to appreciate dads who want to stay part of their kid's lives. I had a couple of incidents where my daughter's doctor and teachers expressed reluctance to discuss my daughter's classroom and medical issues with me, until I proved to them that I was just as entitled to the information as her mother.
The Dissomaster (the software that CA uses to award child support) considers
income of both parents, time spent with each parent, and # of children supported. If the mediation doesn't go well, and your situation gets adversarial, it would be nice if you could produce documentation showing the time you spent with your daughter post separation. My ex-wife told everyone she "knew nothing" about the legal process of divorce, but understood very clearly that if she could reduce her income or increase the percentage of time spent, she would net more.
It turned out my daughter liked to play rec soccer. I volunteered to coach her team, and did so for 10 years. Not because I had an agenda or motives, just because it was good quality time together. It ulimately did come up in Family Court, when my ex tried to lowball the amount of time spent. My lawyer stood up and said "Your Honor, that can't be right, he coaches her soccer team". Goal !!!
Trust me, it wasn't about the money. It was the concept of what was best for my daughter, and what allowed me to continue to live my life while supporting 1 and 1/2 households.
Sorry for the long read, but I thought it might address your question about time spent.
Let me know if you need anything else. I made enough mistakes for 10 newly single guys. But my daughter just turned 19, and pulled a 3.4 in her first semester at a competitive college. We get along pretty good, and I'm pretty sure I'll be chosen to walk her down the aisle someday in the (distant) future.

[Mrs. HOOTER SLED]

I'm for joint custody, for sure... My main concern is where she's going to live.. I believe I have a much better parental abilities...
You can ask your lawyer to make it so that she can only move so far from you at least till the children are older......
I know this because my sister just went through this.....and they ended up with a 50/50 in time........no matter how hard she tried to get more then that!!!!! Her ex made it in the papers that she can only move so many miles or something from him...so that he is always close by.

[Ziggy]

This catches me totally off gaurd Chris.
I wish you the best and hope it works out so it benefits your daughter the best way possible for her....cuz thats all that really matters at this point.
I had joint custody of my son and domicile order, but that didn't mean shit cuz she moved away anyhow with no repercussions. For 6 years I battled to no avail, then when he turned 10 she turned him over to me. Glad I did get him when I did...
Good luck bud, if you need to chat you gots my #.

[H20 Toie]

We are going to have Joint custody but it still sucks i miss her more than anything.

[Kindsvater Flat]

I have had sole physical and legal custody of Taylor since he was 3. He is now 14 and very happy. His mother is a drug addict and I had a very hard time convincing the psyco she-bitch mediator that. Even though the courts given me the custody the battle was on for visitation. She hasn't seen him in a couple of years, before that maybe once a year. Never a present or card.
I feel for you Roz but they main thing is the kids. Unless you absolutely know you can win make sure you can get along for the kid.

[MAINEVENT]

Hey Roz.
Good luck on the situation its a tough one, the best is if you can remain civil and possibly friends with the mom its hard to do at first but when it all comes down to it your daughter will see that mom and dad are getting along and it wont make it seem so bad or hard on her IMO as far as courts go they favor the mom but there is alot of source's you can go through if you are looking for full custody of your daughter i looked into some when my situation got bad for awhile... in any matter good luck and i'm sure in the end hopefully it will work out for you...
ALEX

[riverbound]

We have joint custody. We also have agreed on everything upfront as far as child support property etc....
Good luck to you Roz. It will be very dificult but in the end making sure the kids are happy is the most important thing. My ex and I will NOT fight in front of the kids (did that too much when we were together). The kids see us geting along and that is all they need to see.
Keeping it civil is the only way to make this any easier. Best of luck to you.

[a catered life]

Its best to try and work things out yourself, you will save a lot of money that way. The woman will usually get physical custody of the child and you can share legal custody. The only way (not in all cases) is to prove that the other parent is not capable to take care of the child. For example i caught my wife cheating, My lawyer was a Real hard ass and he even told me " That just because she is an unfaithful wife doesnt mean she is a bad mother". So the best thing to do is think of the kids first and try and get along. JMO from my experience with the big "D"
Good Luck,
CT
everyone has given you some great advice and i am sorry you must go thru this crap :yuk: i have joint legal and she has physical but the cool part is that we trade off the kids each week i get a full 7 day week and she gets the next and we trade off all holidays no excuses when we divorced she was a anger BIACH but she was smart enough to sit down with me and a court appointed middle man and make our own divorce and child custody arrangements.. its been 7-8 years since this and its working out great for everyone especially the kids they get to see both parents equally and we back each other on things regarding the kids for example if i put any of the kids on restrictions she follows thru at her house with the punishment and like wise for me.....with a court appointed middleman you can set up what you 2 really want instead of some dam old crappy stuck in the mud judge giving her everything you can even set your own child support and vaginamoney hey as my kiids get older the see where which parent supports them and will have more options for them for their future..my oldest just moved out of her moms house last year to stay with me permentatly the only difference now is she only see's her mom every other weekend but she knows for her to get to the next level she must sacafice seeing mom right now she call her daily and loves her but this one wants more out of life and i do what i have to do to support my kids in anything they do...that is the most important thing to remember is to support and be ther for the kids good luck with everything

[Blow-n-Time]

Just remind your self from time to time that your daughter comes first, and let the lawers? handle it. I should know, Im in the same mess. 20k and still fighting. what a wast of money. A friend of mine made it clear, he said you know why divorce is so expensive ? because its worth it. good luck

[sorry dog]

One other piece of advice that I'll give from the perspective of being child of divorce.
This may be idealistic for your situation, but do what you can to make the physical distance between where yall live as small as possible (with a reasonable comfort level). Make sure your daughter has her own bedroom at both places.
My father and his new wife at time (when I was 7) missed this point and it always helped to make visits more awkward and less comfortable. I rarely enjoyed being there. I think this ultimately had a negative impact on our relations.
If the distance between homes is small, then that can help mitigate the split home feeling that a kid can get.
One of my older friends had 2 kids with a total loon and after separation he sold the big house and bought two smaller ones within walking distance. If the ex goes on a phyco trip then the kids are able to walk to his house to escape.