Froggystyle
10-17-2006, 08:39 AM
I got this in my e-mail today and couldn't help but think there are some great sig lines in here....
> * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
> most people die of natural causes.
>
> * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
> are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
> comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
> * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
> to buy a replacement.
>
> * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway
>
> * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
> dead.
>
> * Life is sexually transmitted.
>
> * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
> die.
> * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
> depth.
> * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for
> anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
> down the stairs.
> * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
> hospitals dying of nothing.
> * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
> no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
> * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
> attention to criticism.
> * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
> the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
> it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
> think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
> out?"
> * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
> I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
> * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
> freezer?
> * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
> song about him?
> * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
> * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
> morons?
> * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
> Soup?
> * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
> gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his
> head out the window?
> * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
> arrive faster?
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
> * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
> most people die of natural causes.
>
> * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
> are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
> comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
> * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
> to buy a replacement.
>
> * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway
>
> * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
> dead.
>
> * Life is sexually transmitted.
>
> * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
> die.
> * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
> depth.
> * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for
> anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
> down the stairs.
> * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
> hospitals dying of nothing.
> * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
> no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
> * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
> attention to criticism.
> * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
> the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
> it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
> think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
> out?"
> * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
> I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
> * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
> freezer?
> * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
> song about him?
> * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
> * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
> morons?
> * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
> Soup?
> * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
> gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his
> head out the window?
> * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
> arrive faster?
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?