TOBTEK
01-24-2006, 12:49 PM
> > NEW BARBIES OUT (SAN DIEGO STYLE)...
> > Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie
dolls for the San Diego, California area market:
> >Rancho Penasquitos Barbie: Fine ass, stuck up gangsta bitch who only
dates people from other cities. She can be found hanging out with
Mira Mesa Barbie at the races on Saturday nights, but swears she
thinks racing is stupid. Optional North Side Blood Ken with
wannabe gangsta flannel jacket. Ken also comes with a voice box that
includes over 200 gang member phrases to cover up that he lives in a
nice house, in a nice neighborhood with his parents.
> > Chula Vista Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a
1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
pickup truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses.! Green cards are not
available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.
> > National City Barbie - This Barbie now comes with a stroller and an
infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus/trolley
pass. Gangsta Ken and his 79 Caddy (with switches) were available, but
are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
> > Rancho Bernardo Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is
available with a Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost
easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education.
Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
> > Oceanside Barbie - This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced
Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a ready lifted desert/river Chevy truck
with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available
after dark and can only be paid for in cash - preferably in small,
untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about.
> > Vista Barbie - The upgrade from O'side Barbie. Married Camp
Pendelton Ken and now tries to raise 3 kids under age 8 while husband is ! ;
deployed in Iraq. Available in White, Black and Samoan.
> > Del Mar Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks
cup, credit card, and country club membership. Optional children
available only after a visit with Plastic Surgeon Ken.
> > Rancho San Diego Barbie - Comes with a towel for her head. Is
co-owner of a liquor store, along with Ken. (K pronounced like G in Spanish)
Nose job already done, and Ken comes with his own bottle of hennessy and
a cigar. Hopes Anglo neighbors never see Iraqi flag inside house.
> > Santee Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in a shirt, and a
Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a
Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's back side when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker
absolutely free.
> > La Jolla Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears
a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Lakeside Barbie - This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see- through
halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
> > Leucadia Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long,
straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and
&nb! sp;prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional
Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole
Food's Market.
> > Poway Barbie - She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is
because he's always away working. The only Barbie with anorexic male
children because they wrestle for Poway High.
> > Reservation Barbie - Available only at Viejas Outlet Stores. Wears
large t-shirts and leather & turquoise beaded belts. Miffed that she was
not chosen as the Ice Princess for the Viejas Holiday Nights Show (they
> > wanted a white girl). Peace Pipe Ken drives Dodge Ram with all
factory options but can never be cleaned. Also comes with magnetic bullet
holes and never ending supply of peyote.
> > Hillcrest Ba! rbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily conve! rted&nbs p;
from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"
parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag sticker with proof of purchase,
along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.
> > Pacific Beach Barbie -This Barbie is always bitching that she can't
find a good man in Pacific Beach. Comes with heart & wings lower back
tattoo.
> > Carlsbad Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand
new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken
sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
> > Valley Center Barbie - Thinks she is better than Escondido Barbie
because she doesn't live in town and rich enough to live in the
country. Secretly wishes to be either Carlsbad or Del Mar Barbie.
Consoles herself by frequenting Pala Casino. Child with missing
hand is not factory defect but due to a bad encounter with a lion at the San
Diego Wild Animal Park after mom stopped watching children due to a
depression induced migraine.
> > Southeast Barbie - This Ghetto Queen comes with optional
'baby-daddy' car and pop-out baby seats. This barbie comes standard with a set of
press-on nails and ponytails in various lengths. Don't mess with the
breezie. She has a strong attitude and a mouth to prove it. This barbie
also comes with optional girlfriends to help you do drive-by's to
find out if Ken is out with some other hoochie.
> > Mira Mesa Barbie - This Barbie is skinny and asian who thinks she
knows how to drive. She comes standard with a s00ped up Honda Civic that
can only drive 15mph in the city but 90mph on the freeway.
Available with a big six bedroom house, 5 grandparents and 20 kids
who can run around screaming. Ken comes with a garage so he can s00p up
all his friends Hondas too. He can be seen between 12am - 2am zipping up
Kearny Villa Road or Mira Mesa Blvd by the 5/805 split.
> > East County Barbie - Was a cheerleader in middle school but now only
rides with Desert Rat Ken in his California lifted Ford F-150,
complete with white unfinished flair fenders, bed floor removed for spare
tire holder, and no carburator. F-150 can only be purchased by parents
who live in Al! pine. Both come with optional Weed from Harbison Canyon
and/or barbed wire tattoo. Will party in the desert all through her 20s and
then finish her AA at Grossmont College when she's 35.
> > Temecula Barbie - Desperately wants to be part of San Diego Barbie
collection but can't afford a house in SD. But she does actually own
a house with Commuter Ken. Ken knows I-15 like the back of his hand
as he spends 4 hours a day driving to and from work.
> > Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie
dolls for the San Diego, California area market:
> >Rancho Penasquitos Barbie: Fine ass, stuck up gangsta bitch who only
dates people from other cities. She can be found hanging out with
Mira Mesa Barbie at the races on Saturday nights, but swears she
thinks racing is stupid. Optional North Side Blood Ken with
wannabe gangsta flannel jacket. Ken also comes with a voice box that
includes over 200 gang member phrases to cover up that he lives in a
nice house, in a nice neighborhood with his parents.
> > Chula Vista Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a
1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
pickup truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses.! Green cards are not
available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.
> > National City Barbie - This Barbie now comes with a stroller and an
infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus/trolley
pass. Gangsta Ken and his 79 Caddy (with switches) were available, but
are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
> > Rancho Bernardo Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is
available with a Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost
easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education.
Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
> > Oceanside Barbie - This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced
Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a ready lifted desert/river Chevy truck
with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available
after dark and can only be paid for in cash - preferably in small,
untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about.
> > Vista Barbie - The upgrade from O'side Barbie. Married Camp
Pendelton Ken and now tries to raise 3 kids under age 8 while husband is ! ;
deployed in Iraq. Available in White, Black and Samoan.
> > Del Mar Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks
cup, credit card, and country club membership. Optional children
available only after a visit with Plastic Surgeon Ken.
> > Rancho San Diego Barbie - Comes with a towel for her head. Is
co-owner of a liquor store, along with Ken. (K pronounced like G in Spanish)
Nose job already done, and Ken comes with his own bottle of hennessy and
a cigar. Hopes Anglo neighbors never see Iraqi flag inside house.
> > Santee Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in a shirt, and a
Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a
Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's back side when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker
absolutely free.
> > La Jolla Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears
a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Lakeside Barbie - This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see- through
halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
> > Leucadia Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long,
straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and
&nb! sp;prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional
Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole
Food's Market.
> > Poway Barbie - She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is
because he's always away working. The only Barbie with anorexic male
children because they wrestle for Poway High.
> > Reservation Barbie - Available only at Viejas Outlet Stores. Wears
large t-shirts and leather & turquoise beaded belts. Miffed that she was
not chosen as the Ice Princess for the Viejas Holiday Nights Show (they
> > wanted a white girl). Peace Pipe Ken drives Dodge Ram with all
factory options but can never be cleaned. Also comes with magnetic bullet
holes and never ending supply of peyote.
> > Hillcrest Ba! rbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily conve! rted&nbs p;
from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"
parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag sticker with proof of purchase,
along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.
> > Pacific Beach Barbie -This Barbie is always bitching that she can't
find a good man in Pacific Beach. Comes with heart & wings lower back
tattoo.
> > Carlsbad Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand
new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken
sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
> > Valley Center Barbie - Thinks she is better than Escondido Barbie
because she doesn't live in town and rich enough to live in the
country. Secretly wishes to be either Carlsbad or Del Mar Barbie.
Consoles herself by frequenting Pala Casino. Child with missing
hand is not factory defect but due to a bad encounter with a lion at the San
Diego Wild Animal Park after mom stopped watching children due to a
depression induced migraine.
> > Southeast Barbie - This Ghetto Queen comes with optional
'baby-daddy' car and pop-out baby seats. This barbie comes standard with a set of
press-on nails and ponytails in various lengths. Don't mess with the
breezie. She has a strong attitude and a mouth to prove it. This barbie
also comes with optional girlfriends to help you do drive-by's to
find out if Ken is out with some other hoochie.
> > Mira Mesa Barbie - This Barbie is skinny and asian who thinks she
knows how to drive. She comes standard with a s00ped up Honda Civic that
can only drive 15mph in the city but 90mph on the freeway.
Available with a big six bedroom house, 5 grandparents and 20 kids
who can run around screaming. Ken comes with a garage so he can s00p up
all his friends Hondas too. He can be seen between 12am - 2am zipping up
Kearny Villa Road or Mira Mesa Blvd by the 5/805 split.
> > East County Barbie - Was a cheerleader in middle school but now only
rides with Desert Rat Ken in his California lifted Ford F-150,
complete with white unfinished flair fenders, bed floor removed for spare
tire holder, and no carburator. F-150 can only be purchased by parents
who live in Al! pine. Both come with optional Weed from Harbison Canyon
and/or barbed wire tattoo. Will party in the desert all through her 20s and
then finish her AA at Grossmont College when she's 35.
> > Temecula Barbie - Desperately wants to be part of San Diego Barbie
collection but can't afford a house in SD. But she does actually own
a house with Commuter Ken. Ken knows I-15 like the back of his hand
as he spends 4 hours a day driving to and from work.