Gentlemen, It's Time For Your Annual "am I Gay?" Self-examination

[Mid-life Crisis]

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog ... "Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat ... "Bun-bun,
come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard, strong, black, and full aroma.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If
you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap
as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL,
college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you
know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.

[Firecracker]

What a way to start off a Sunday morning! Did you have a close encounter of the fag kind this morning?

[KINGVIZION]

You just made my day!

[Moneypitt]

Hey hairball, bring your dog over and get him NEUTERED by my cat. My cat can kick your dogs ass in a heartbeat..........Yeah, yeah yeah, I hear all the stories about bad ass dogs...So what? A cat on the prowl for prey would have your dogs gonades ripped and bleeding.............I don't need no asslicking dog to "compensate" for any "shortcomings"...........Homophobia is a disease, get some help............Try the Seaport Marina hotel in Long Beach...Someone there will help you in and out........MP

[wsuwrhr]

Sounds like you are familiar with the locals MP.
Try the Seaport Marina hotel in Long Beach...Someone there will help you in and out........MP

[Mid-life Crisis]

What a way to start off a Sunday morning! Did you have a close encounter of the fag kind this morning?
Just makin sure that all the fence sitters out there understand which side they fall on.:D :D

[Moneypitt]

Sounds like you are familiar with the locals MP.
August 05' the boat racers kinda took over a corner of the fag bar. We refused to pay the cover, were let in free, had our sodas,(remember, boat racers don't drink), enjoyed ourselves, and were never homophobic.....Well almost never, one gentleman with us was a little shocked to see a guy in hotpants dancing on the bar for tips into his g string. But another "soda" or two and he was fine with it as well......When you hang with cracker box people, fear, (and fags), stay away.......MP

[Firecracker]

Just makin sure that all the fence sitters out there understand which side they fall on.:D :D
:eek: Some of them may not fall off the fence! They might just stay there because they like things up their butt! :220v:

[cxr133]

August 05' the boat racers kinda took over a corner of the fag bar. We refused to pay the cover, were let in free, had our sodas,(remember, boat racers don't drink), enjoyed ourselves, and were never homophobic.....Well almost never, one gentleman with us was a little shocked to see a guy in hotpants dancing on the bar for tips into his g string. But another "soda" or two and he was fine with it as well......When you hang with cracker box people, fear, (and fags), stay away.......MP
Hmmm.. sounds suspect to me.
1. you own a cat
2. you frequent gay bars
i think you pole vaulted over the fence:eek: :D :D :) :)

[Kim Hanson]

So I have a six pack, whoopee shit ! I tried for the keg look and it just wouldn't attach to my belly :( My kids have a tomcat that will kick the shit out of most dogs out there! Now Merry Christmas, kiss my ass and fock off!.........I'm so nice during the festive season :D .........( . )( . )...........

[Mid-life Crisis]

So I have a six pack, whoopee shit ! I tried for the keg look and it just wouldn't attach to my belly :( My kids have a tomcat that will kick the shit out of most dogs out there! Now Merry Christmas, kiss my ass and fock off!.........I'm so nice during the festive season :D .........( . )( . )...........
#8. Guys who are defensive about rules 1-7 are masking a homosexual experience from the past. Acting overly "MACHO" on the topic suggests deep resentment that "Bubba" didn't let you be the one on top.:sqeyes: :idea: :jawdrop: :eek:

[Moneypitt]

Hmmm.. sounds suspect to me.
1. you own a cat
2. you frequent gay bars
i think you pole vaulted over the fence:eek: :D :D :) :)
3 cats, but only one bad ass cat.:devil: Frequent gay bars? Nah, just man enough to drink where I want, regardless of who else is there, and there wasn't any fence, just a velvet cord across the entryway, (it was red:D :D .....).........MP

[YeLLowBoaT]

I'm guilty of # 6.... but it is my job to know colors....

[396_WAYS_TO_SPIT]

Sure glad that I dont fall under any of those;)

[Kim Hanson]

#8. Guys who are defensive about rules 1-7 are masking a homosexual experience from the past. Acting overly "MACHO" on the topic suggests deep resentment that "Bubba" didn't let you be the one on top.:sqeyes: :idea: :jawdrop: :eek:
Sounds like you have been there.........( . )( . )........Merry Christmas and bite me.:D

[Kim Hanson]

Sure glad that I dont fall under any of those;)
Ya right...#9 you have a Jet Boat and think its the shit, even if its slower than Granny walking across ice covered streets.........( . )( . )..........:D

[Biglue]

Hmmm.. sounds suspect to me.
1. you own a cat
2. you frequent gay bars
i think you pole vaulted over the fence:eek: :D :D :) :)
LMAO....MP is definitely a rectum raider. :)

[lucky]

I scratch my nuts !

[YeLLowBoaT]

I scratch my nuts !
You have nuts???? I though topless whas playing jacks with them...:eek:

[lucky]

You have nuts???? I though topless whas playing jacks with them...:eek:
I didn't say they where on me - i just said i had some ! :D geezzzzzz

[Moneypitt]

LMAO....MP is definitely a rectum raider. :)
Last raid I was on had no guy/gay connection. SHE asked for it.......MP

[Biglue]

Last raid I was on had no guy/gay connection. SHE asked for it.......MP
But I bet it brought out the few "man holes" you've raided huh? :D
You can try to back peddle from that one, but once you're out of the closet there's no going back in. :)

[Moneypitt]

But I bet it brought out the few "man holes" you've raided huh? :D
You can try to back peddle from that one, but once you're out of the closet there's no going back in. :)
No, not few, zero.........I have no need to re enter the closet as I was never there to begin with.
Maybe you're speaking of YOUR personal experiences, and the memories that were re lived?:o :o You seem sort of fixated on mens holes.:sqeyes: Get some professional help, there may be hope for you, or not: :confused: ......................MP

[TAF]

10. You have "hotties" knocking down yer door and wanting "IT" but you have issues and just want to be friends. Good morning Lucky, I'm feeling :D better now.:devil: You pimp daddy!

[lucky]

I'm telling you Rob - If you screw around with the Physco's, you might as well fock a box of fishing lures......... So do you really want to fishing :D

[TAF]

I'm telling you Rob - If you screw around with the Physco's, you might as well fock a box of fishing lures......... So do you really want to fishing :D
Been there, done that. I learned the HARD way w/ dating / living w/ someone who worked in the same building. :devil: OUCH
:mad:

[wright27]

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog ... "Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat ... "Bun-bun,
come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard, strong, black, and full aroma.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If
you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap
as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL,
college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you
know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
I didn't even know these rules existed. You sure know alot about being gay.
How does that saying go. It takes one to know one.:eek: