Guess what

[Kim Hanson]

I am back with a really pissed off attitude, who wants some of this shit......( . )( . )..........the ticket girls just stepped out for a new batch and will be back soon. So get in line now while you can :D :D
In the mean time, kiss my arse....I have 18 holes of golf to play , so laddey da and rememmber I open at 7 am :idea: New Zeland Time:D ...........( . )( . )...........

[Kim Hanson]

Hello, it's 1:00 am my time and I have to sya wasted..golf sucked..lost:( ..........( . )(, . );............my tits are even focked up :D :D I need some sleep so later people :D :D I will be back in daylight saving time, what ever the hell that is :D :D Turn off the lights the last person in here..we don't need no strays now ya hear:idea: ............( . )( . ).............:D

[BUSHWACKER]

lights are being left on sell some of your stero stuff pay the bill and STFU :D
Real Canooks play golf on ice it's called Hockey, even in Kiwi land, mate!
Gud to see some humor cumin from ya. Now go bark at the moon. In the REAL world it's 3:34 am.

[Kim Hanson]

lights are being left on sell some of your stero stuff pay the bill and STFU :D
Real Canooks play golf on ice it's called Hockey, even in Kiwi land, mate!
Gud to see some humor cumin from ya. Now go bark at the moon. In the REAL world it's 3:34 am.
Bark at the Moon....I did that last night and my throat is alittle sore today :D :D Shit we play golf in the winter here, it's a biatch to find the ball sometimes though:D :D We had a hockey team with the Oilers, they just want to go golfing instead and called it a season :( .........( . )( . )..........

[Kim Hanson]

Well here I sit bored and trying to take some frustration out on someone and no bites, what has Bench Racers become :( Or are you all just watching cause you know I am not a bad guy just really mad right now? If my post lady don't bring me some goodys today, I will go postal on her arse big time..I am just waiting to hear the mail box clang right now :D :D I only have 1 gun..pellet gun and I am sure I can make her move that slow arse of hers :D :D I killed a crow last year with it, I can kill one of her arse cheeks for sure..........( . )( . )...........Playboy Mansion called and asked me to cum visit, I had to decline..I don't have a passport yet :( I actually was asked to go with someone there this week, Marcy would freak out and I have a funeral anyways :D :D

[Biglue]

Get the golf balls out of your mouth homo. :D
Sup Kimmy, looks like you're in better spirits buddy.

[Kim Hanson]

Get the golf balls out of your mouth homo. :D
Sup Kimmy, looks like you're in better spirits buddy.
Much better today Luey and don't be talking about balls, we don't need you excited now do we :idea: ..........( . )( . )..........:D :D

[Rexone]

Well here I sit bored and trying to take some frustration out on someone and no bites, what has Bench Racers become :( :D
Golf is for homos.

[rrrr]

..........( . )( . )...........Playboy Mansion called and asked me to cum visit, I had to decline..I don't have a passport yet :( I actually was asked to go with someone there this week, Marcy would freak out and I have a funeral anyways :D :D
Kim, I know you are hard of hearing from years of working on the rigs.......that was someone calling from the Gayboy mansion, not Playboy Mansion.
:jawdrop: :crossx: :crossx:

[BUSHWACKER]

Kim, I know you are hard of hearing from years of working on the rigs.......that was someone calling from the Gayboy mansion, not Playboy Mansion.
:jawdrop: :crossx: :crossx:
That's funny, :D

[Kim Hanson]

Golf is for homos.
So how long you been golfing Mikey :D :D ..........( . )( . )...........

[Kim Hanson]

Kim, I know you are hard of hearing from years of working on the rigs.......that was someone calling from the Gayboy mansion, not Playboy Mansion.
:jawdrop: :crossx: :crossx:
I am serious, it was Hughs Mansion........( . )( . ).......now why would I shit you, you have to right up there in my favorite turds section:D :D .........

[Kim Hanson]

That's funny, :D
This is funny..........( . )( . )...............:D
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun-dress, walked into a Pub in
Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man
here will buy a lady a drink?"
The Pub went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the
end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the
counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The barman poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,
revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy
a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The barman approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high
has got to be a ballerina!"

[LAND_LOVER69]

This is funny..........( . )( . )...............:D
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun-dress, walked into a Pub in
Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man
here will buy a lady a drink?"
The Pub went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the
end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the
counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The barman poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,
revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy
a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The barman approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high
has got to be a ballerina!"
:D :D :D

[Kim Hanson]

NO ANESTHETIC NEEDED
A man went to have a tooth pulled, and the dentist said, "I will need
to give you an anesthetic."
The man said, "No, I don't need anything. Just pull the tooth."
The dentist said, "You won't be able to withstand the pain!"
The man said, "I have been through excruciating pain twice in my life.
Just pull the tooth."
The dentist pulled the tooth, and the man didn't even flinch. The
dentist said, If pain experience left you with that pain tolerance, I
would like to know about it."
The man said, "I went on a hunting trip with three other men, and we
stayed in a cabin. We hunted Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and when
Thursday came, all were tired but me,,so I went out by myself. When I
got about four miles from the cabin, on snow-covered ground, I
realized I had to 'do my business.' Knowing I couldn't make it back
to the cabin, I decided to go right there. I tucked behind a tree and
dropped my pants and squatted down to go. I didn't see the trap under
the snow cover, and when I squatted, my privates dropped in the trap
and tripped it, and it slammed shut on them."
The dentist said, "Wow! If that was the first time, when was the
second experience?"
The man replied, "When I ran out of chain on the trap."...........( . )( . ).........:D :D

[Kim Hanson]

Best joke ever
> If you can read this whole story without tears of laugher running down your
> cheeks then there's no hope for you! **Note: Please take time to read this
> slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the
> third judge is even better!
> For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They
> actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It
> takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes
> are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas
> from the East Coast.
>
> Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
> cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
> happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
> to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other
> two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
> besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I
> accepted". Here are the scorecards from the event:
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
> Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> Judge # 2--Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
> Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
> flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.!!!!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> Judge # 2--Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
> Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
> supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
> to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when
> they saw the look on my face.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
> Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
> Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
> I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me
> more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
> backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
> all of the beer.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
> other mild foods, not much of a chili.
> Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
> taste it. Is it possible to burn out ones taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
> was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to
> look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
> considerable kick. Very impressive.
> Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
> Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
> can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
> had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
> pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips
> off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
> Screw those rednecks!!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
> spices and peppers.
> Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
> Superb.
> Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
> sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
> through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
> slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore.
> I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
> chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
> about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
> uncontrollably.
> Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
> like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid
> unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match
> my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
> decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any
> oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
> hole in my stomach.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
> but spicy enough to declare its existence.
> Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot.
> Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over
> and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure he's going to
> make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili ..........( . )( . )...............:D :D :D

[dragboat]

Ifin Ya aint sweatin, ya aint eaten.:devil:

[Kim Hanson]

Ifin Ya aint sweatin, ya aint eaten.:devil:
I use habaneros with my chili, sweat...hell it looks like some are crying :D :D ...........( . )( . ).........My buddys dad grows them in British Columbia and the grinds them down into a powder, hottest damn thing that has ever hit my mouth :D :D

[dragboat]

I use habaneros with my chili, sweat...hell it looks like some are crying :D :D ...........( . )( . ).........My buddys dad grows them in British Columbia and the grinds them down into a powder, hottest damn thing that has ever hit my mouth :D :D
When we go to a Mexican restaraunt, I dont want to here any english coming from the kitchen. I order it HOT. If my eyes don't water I figure I got the wrong place. I tell the waitress that I want to burst into flames!:devil: :devil:

[Kim Hanson]

When we go to a Mexican restaraunt, I dont want to here any english coming from the kitchen. I order it HOT. If my eyes don't water I figure I got the wrong place. I tell the waitress that I want to burst into flames!:devil: :devil:
I try to stay calm cause you know the fire farts at work just don't work so good, then you get to explain how a fire started inside your Fire Proof Coveralls..embarrassed is an understatement :D :D ..........( . )( . )........

[dragboat]

I try to stay calm cause you know the fire farts at work just don't work so good, then you get to explain how a fire started inside your Fire Proof Coveralls..embarrassed is an understatement :D :D ..........( . )( . )........
That is some FUNNY sheet right there!!!!!:D :D :D
I've got some hot stuff called "The Last Supper" from a place here called "Big Daddy's Barbecue" It comes in a glass jar about the volume of a golf ball, costs 20.00. That is so freakin hot that I dip a toothpick in it , shake off the drop and then stir the toothpick in some baked beans and it makes me sweat bad.... its EVIL.... in a good way.:devil:

[Kim Hanson]

That is some FUNNY sheet right there!!!!!:D :D :D
I've got some hot stuff called "The Last Supper" from a place here called "Big Daddy's Barbecue" It comes in a glass jar about the volume of a golf ball, costs 20.00. That is so freakin hot that I dip a toothpick in it , shake off the drop and then stir the toothpick in some baked beans and it makes me sweat bad.... its EVIL.... in a good way.:devil:
I love the name...........( . )( . )..........:D :D

[BUSHWACKER]

What would any self respecting Mexican be doin in Canada, did they forget to stop runnin from the INS when they were just tryin to come into the US? :D

[OKIE-JET]

hottest damn thing that has ever hit my mouth :D :D
somehow I doubt that ....:D :D

[Kim Hanson]

What would any self respecting Mexican be doin in Canada, did they forget to stop runnin from the INS when they were just tryin to come into the US? :D
I call them truck dodgers.........( . )( . )...........:idea: :D :D

[Kim Hanson]

somehow I doubt that ....:D :D
I tell the truth brah, crazy shit..........( . )( . )..........and don't doubt me! :D :D

[dragboat]

Crazy Hot :devil: :devil: :devil:

[Kim Hanson]

Crazy Hot :devil: :devil: :devil:
Makes your mouth cry momma and your arse pray for a wetnap :D :D .........( . )( . ).........Just for the cooling effect!

[dragboat]

Makes your mouth cry momma and your arse pray for a wetnap :D :D .........( . )( . ).........Just for the cooling effect!
Out scootin in the yard! LMAO :D :D