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View Full Version : Dealing with Death and Dieing, are we ever prepaired?



Trailer Park Casanova
04-20-2007, 02:23 PM
I remember the country tune "These Old Eyes" that tells a story about a dieing dad, and what he's seen in his lifetime.
My wifes dad is now passing, he doesn't want us giving him any medication or any more attempts to keep him alive, just to be let go.
Wife said probably by tomorrow morning he'll be gone.
He's flirting with 90, and despite being from a privleged family, had a distinguished and instrumental career & eventually gaining the rank of Captain in the US Coast Guard from WW2 on.
He was at the Normandy invasion, and most don't realize, the US Coast Guard got chopped up pretty bad there. They took horrendous bloody casualities in action.
The US Coast Guard did alot in the English channel too, including locating and sinking German U boats, & also the Bismark, leading to it's sinking too. He was right in the middle of it all.
I can't help but think of what "these old eyes" have seen in his lifetime when I look at the guy while he is fading away. A man of incredable character.
Another great WW2 vet is about to pass before us.
Saw the depression, the big war, raised a couple of teriffic kids, leaving a charming little Swiss wife & daughter that are sweet as sugar.
My wife is all prepaired I guess, I never seem to be ready when someone in the family is slowly on their way out.

LAFD
04-20-2007, 02:36 PM
its definitly a hard thing no matter what. i bet he has told some awesome storys. man if ya could write a book. sounds like he was one hell of a person.

boatsnblondes
04-20-2007, 02:40 PM
Be strong bro, not so much for you, but for your wife, she's gonna need you....and for him....best to you, may the Lord bless you and keep you through all of this....

Not So Fast
04-20-2007, 03:27 PM
It is a very sad moment when you lose your parents, so to all of you that are lucky enough to still have them with you, think about how they should be treated and how you will feel when they leave this place, appreciate them and love them for the time passes quickly.:( NSF

Flyinbowtie
04-20-2007, 03:28 PM
Prepared is a damn big word, and even moreso when attached to reaching the end of life.
Your F-I-L has lived a very full, very worthwhile life from the sound of it, and he has clearly made a huge difference in the world while he lived in it.
He made a difference, he has watched his children grow and met his grandchildren, and now, toward the end, he is a position to still have some say in how he wants it to end.
I think that is a full, blessed life. So many of us don't have those blessings, and don't have that level of control at the end.
Prepared? No, probably not. Humans are wired with self preservation as a high-priority. Leaving loved ones behind and crossing into the breach alone isn't something to take lightly.
My wife's grandmother is 94, and has been a widow for 7 years. She is a woman of incredible faith, and when I see her I am always moved by her wisdom and a certain combination of strength and fragility that are strangely powerful.
She often wonders outloud why she has lived so long; and speaks of her readiness to see, "The Great Beyond", and to be re-united with her husband of over 65 years.
She is not only prepared, she is ready. I tell her, "Granny, you are still here for a reason, your mission isn't over, you still have something to teach, perhaps my boys have something to learn from you yet."
Losing these heros from WWII, the men and women who quite literally saved the world from an evil many of us cannot fathom is weakening this country.
There are so many stories out there that have never been told, and never will be.
Ross, you and yours will be in our thoughts and prayers tonight. Stay close to Alice, I know she is strong but the days ahead will exhaust her. Cindy lost her father one year ago last St. Valentine's Day, and she is still recovering.

boatsnblondes
04-20-2007, 03:33 PM
Prepared is a damn big word, and even moreso when attached to reaching the end of life.
Your F-I-L has lived a very full, very worthwhile life from the sound of it, and he has clearly made a huge difference in the world while he lived in it.
He made a difference, he has watched his children grow and met his grandchildren, and now, toward the end, he is a position to still have some say in how he wants it to end.
I think that is a full, blessed life. So many of us don't have those blessings, and don't have that level of control at the end.
Prepared? No, probably not. Humans are wired with self preservation as a high-priority. Leaving loved ones behind and crossing into the breach alone isn't something to take lightly.
My wife's grandmother is 94, and has been a widow for 7 years. She is a woman of incredible faith, and when I see her I am always moved by her wisdom and a certain combination of strength and fragility that are strangely powerful.
She often wonders outloud why she has lived so long; and speaks of her readiness to see, "The Great Beyond", and to be re-united with her husband of over 65 years.
She is not only prepared, she is ready. I tell her, "Granny, you are still here for a reason, your mission isn't over, you still have something to teach, perhaps my boys have something to learn from you yet."
Losing these heros from WWII, the men and women who quite literally saved the world from an evil many of us cannot fathom is weakening this country.
There are so many stories out there that have never been told, and never will be.
Ross, you and yours will be in our thoughts and prayers tonight. Stay close to Alice, I know she is strong but the days ahead will exhaust her. Cindy lost her father one year ago last St. Valentine's Day, and she is still recovering.
Well said, very well said..he's lucky to have a friend like you....

mike37
04-20-2007, 03:41 PM
my Dad and Mom are both 86 and doing OK but its hard to think of them gone
my dad was in WWII in the Philippine Islands he rarely talks about war but but when he does I cant believe the thing's they endured
and my mom worked at a artillery plant

boatsnblondes
04-20-2007, 03:45 PM
my Dad and Mom are both 86 and doing OK but its hard to think of them gone
my dad was in WWII in the Philippine Islands he rarely talks about war but but when he does I cant believe the thing's they endured
and my mom worked at a artillery plant
In the Philippines?? He wasn't part of the Bataan death march was he?? Or did he return with McArthur??? If he was in Bataan, shake his hand for me, heck, even if he wasn't, shake it for me...thanks..

Coded-Dude
04-20-2007, 03:46 PM
I would say we merely begin to understand the concept better.
We are NEVER prepared. However, as you grow older and gain experience, you realize that the longer you live the more people you will see pass.
This is something not everybody understands - especially those that have yet to lose a close personal friend/family member.

Flyinbowtie
04-20-2007, 03:53 PM
I guess I should own-up here, I ain't no poet or expert.
My father died December 19th 1983, at 4:47 in the afternoon.
A short battle with cancer took him.
He was 58, I was 23.
He was my best friend.
His first grandchild was born the following May, 3 days prior to what would have been Dad's 59th birthday. Dad got to feel Christopher move in inside Cindy's tummy; he even talked to him a bit.
So I have had a long, long time to think, and to learn to appreciate, and to wonder.
And to cry, which I still do from time to time, when I work on his hot rod, or fiddle with his guitar..
Or see him in the eyes of his grandson...

JB in so cal
04-20-2007, 04:22 PM
My Mom passed away 3 months ago. Think of her every day.:(

Coach
04-20-2007, 04:29 PM
I had a very similar thing happen 2 years ago much like T&B did
My dad had incurable cancer which took over his body in months. I ened up having to make the decision to take him off of all the meds keeping him alive as his condition became worse and worse. It was the hardest and worst thing I ever had to do. With in 45 mins of stopping the meds he was gone. That was just over 2 years ago Sunday. I am just starting to deal with it and must say I had some bouts of depression for about a year. He did get to meet both of his grandchildren and my son's middle name is my dad first. I don't think you ever really get over it but my dad died at 61 and I think we all feel cheated vs my grandparents who lived into their late 80's and 90's. I guess it was easier for me with my grandparents because they lived a full life and got to see many things happen in our lives and I will have kids who will never have a grandfather (on either side). Just like most things in life time does heal, just sometimes it takes longer.

Tom Brown
04-20-2007, 06:48 PM
I've always respected you, Ross. You're a good man. I wish I had some words of comfort.
In the time I've been reading your posts, I feel like I've come to know you a little. It has been a privilege to do so.
My heart is a little heavier knowing you and your family are going through a difficult time.
Take care my friend,
Tom

work2play
04-20-2007, 07:55 PM
Sorry about your father in law. Be strong for your wife. My the Lord bless you with strenght and wisdom. Strenght ...so you can be a shoulder to cry on. Wisdom...to say the right things.My father in law was on the front lines in Italy. He died of cancer a year ago. The toughest part for my wife and me is she has lung cancer, bone cancer, and brain tumers. And as she watched her Dad slip away, of course she saw herself in him and in his illness. But we haven't given up. She's been fighting for two years and is actually doing better now than a year ago. Pity is not acceptable. But suport is.. hang in there man.

Windy
04-20-2007, 08:01 PM
I lost my younger brother 4 months ago to cancer. There was nothing we could do to prepare ourselves for that day...and it hasnt gotten any easier since. He was too young to leave us. :( :( :(

Kim Hanson
04-20-2007, 08:16 PM
I allways thought I was with the amount of deaths close to me, till one really hits close with a fellow worker that I have spent more hours in a day to my wife, I don't think you can ever be ready for it :( :( I felt sad, anger and disbelief. Why would this happen to a 33 year old guy with 2 young kids, wife that just doesn't know what to do now!
I have found every person deals with it there own way, mine was sit and think and cry........It worked, there is no tears left in me now. He sat beside me in the doghouse for 12 years, crew truck also! :( I think now of all the good stuff we did at work, playing golf, barbeques and getting plastered at company partys.
I have a picture of him right beside my computer to remind me everyday, he is another friend I will never forget!............( . )( . )..............

Rexone
04-20-2007, 08:18 PM
It is a very sad moment when you lose your parents, so to all of you that are lucky enough to still have them with you, think about how they should be treated and how you will feel when they leave this place, appreciate them and love them for the time passes quickly.:( NSF
Oh so true. Mine have been gone the better part of 2 decades and I still think of them almost on a daily basis. I think about things I would have like to told them. I think about things I'd like to have done with them. There were several years following their deaths I could barely discuss anything regarding them with anyone without losing it.
My thoughts are with you and Alice, Ross. Like Tom, I feel to in some small way to know you through your stories and adventures. No you are never prepared for a loved one's passing, regardless of what you think imo. Alice will need you in a big way shortly. Stay close to her and comfort her. And Godspeed to her dad who sounds like he is a great man.

Rexone
04-20-2007, 08:20 PM
I lost my younger brother 4 months ago to cancer. There was nothing we could do to prepare ourselves for that day...and it hasnt gotten any easier since. He was too young to leave us. :( :( :(
Time is the only thing that will eventually bring you some peace in it all Windy. Hang in there.

Windy
04-20-2007, 08:33 PM
Time is the only thing that will eventually bring you some peace in it all Windy. Hang in there.
Thats what everybody keeps telling me and my dad...but it is still so hard to believe he is really gone.:(

HavasuHome
04-20-2007, 09:27 PM
Hang in there. We are never prepared for death of a loved one. I lost my wife, of 35 years, 5-1/2 years ago of a massive heart attack:(. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her. People say it gets easier but I am not so sure. My mother is 95 and lives in a home. I am not looking forward to the day that she passes on. Keep the good thoughts of your loved ones in your heart and remember them daily.

JetBoatRich
04-21-2007, 06:35 AM
Sounds like he is a great man:D which may help knowing he a great life and was able to do so many things. Your wife's memories will last forever.

HavaSkank
04-21-2007, 06:52 AM
It sounds like you and your family will have one bad-ass guardian angel. You are blessed

Tremor Therapy
04-21-2007, 07:04 AM
I can't say anything better than what Flyinbowtie stated. Well said, here, here. It sounds like your F-I-L lived a full life. He saw and experienced many things, both the best mankind has to offer, and the worse. I hope that the brief time you have spent with him has made you a better person Ross. I have never met you or your wife, but will say a prayer for all of you. Godspeed to your F-I-L, and peace to your extended family.

lewiville
04-21-2007, 07:06 AM
I remember the country tune "These Old Eyes" that tells a story about a dieing dad, and what he's seen in his lifetime.
My wifes dad is now passing, he doesn't want us giving him any medication or any more attempts to keep him alive, just to be let go.
Wife said probably by tomorrow morning he'll be gone.
He's flirting with 90, and despite being from a privleged family, had a distinguished and instrumental career & eventually gaining the rank of Captain in the US Coast Guard from WW2 on.
He was at the Normandy invasion, and most don't realize, the US Coast Guard got chopped up pretty bad there. They took horrendous bloody casualities in action.
The US Coast Guard did allot in the English channel too, including locating and sinking German U boats, & also the Bismark, leading to it's sinking too. He was right in the middle of it all.
I can't help but think of what "these old eyes" have seen in his lifetime when I look at the guy while he is fading away. A man of incredible character.
Another great WW2 vet is about to pass before us.
Saw the depression, the big war, raised a couple of terrific kids, leaving a charming little Swiss wife & daughter that are sweet as sugar.
My wife is all prepaired I guess, I never seem to be ready when someone in the family is slowly on their way out.
TPC,
very well said. Sorry to hear about what your going through.
We in the neighborhood just lost our good buddy Bob. It was just like yesterday that he would take his walk around the block with his American flag. He always came over when I had the kids and wanted to talk to them. And just like clock work, we had to hear about all of the wars and how much things have changed. God speed Bob.

Mrs. 20
04-21-2007, 07:18 AM
Praying for you and your wife through this difficult time. :(

mike37
04-21-2007, 03:27 PM
In the Philippines?? He wasn't part of the Bataan death march was he?? Or did he return with McArthur??? If he was in Bataan, shake his hand for me, heck, even if he wasn't, shake it for me...thanks..
he was not part of the bataan march he was part of McArthur return
he saw some horable things landind on that beach