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View Full Version : Something to think about next time you fly



Classic Daycruiser
04-27-2007, 04:49 PM
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
> high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who
> fly routinely in our jobs.
>
> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a
> "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
> aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their
> repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
> before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
> lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance
> complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the
> solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
>
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never,
> ever, had an accident.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> P : Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> minute descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: S uspected crack in windshield.
> S: Sus pect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
>
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
> midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.

Hotcobra270
04-27-2007, 05:01 PM
:d :d

SmokinLowriderSS
04-27-2007, 05:24 PM
Those are great, and, having been ground crew in the millitary, the colledge degree does not insure enough functional grey matter to help the GC actually find a problem.
At times I felt like the guy at the auto parts store when the blonde came in looking for a new 710 cap. :D

wsuwrhr
04-27-2007, 06:31 PM
I hope you don't mind me sending that to a couple buddies.
I hope those are true, that is some funny shit

wsm9808
04-27-2007, 07:04 PM
You might have to be a mechanic to get how funny some of those are.
I worked in several (auto)dealership service departments when I was younger. Some of the hardest laughing I've ever done in my life was at the jokes that could be made from complaints about a car by people that know nothing about how a car works.

John.
04-27-2007, 09:03 PM
LOL! I just read these to my wife and we got a good laugh.