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fatboy95
04-30-2007, 02:30 PM
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
> high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who
> fly routinely in our jobs.
>
> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a
> "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
> aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their
> repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
> before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
> lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance
> complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the
> solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
>
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never,
> ever, had an accident.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> P : Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> minute descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: S uspected crack in windshield.
> S: Sus pect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
>
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
> midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
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