Strippoker
05-25-2007, 12:53 PM
For those of you that might stop off at your local stripclub this weekend this is too damn funny.
The small little things to know when you go to a stripclub from a pissed off dancer.
1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with
a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the f**king deed to
Trump Towers... what the f**k do you want me to do, grow another
pussy?!? It's a f**kin' dollar, put it down on the tip rail and blow
my world away already.
2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO
underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide
on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine
point)...f** k you.
3) You with the tight:D -ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?
4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good.
IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.
5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 b**ks in one dollar
increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you
are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.
6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more
b**ks.
7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.
8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for
being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.
9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason
I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside
of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.
10.) Yeah I will give you my cell number, Im into fat geeks calling me all the time.
11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of
all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and
shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno.
More importantly: I don't give a shit.
12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide
a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else
does.
13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.
14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.
15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all
engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance
because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot,
naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting
any.
16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer
chrissakes!! !!!!!!!!!
17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I
lap dance with guys in dark pants.
18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.
19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty f**k!
20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care
to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and
obnoxious perfume before our dance.
21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and
jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a
lot of unpleasantry.
22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all
psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's
why.
23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.
24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's
oregano anyway you stupid mutherf**ker!
25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the
black roots and overbite.
26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain
the dynamics to you. If you want a f**k or a blow-job, go to the ugly
chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you
some recommendations for a small fee.
27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your c**k like a baby on a
knee.
28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the
f**king maxi-single to me.
29)Yes I will f**k you, but only for 1 mill. More if you're ugly.
So basically, more.
30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's
like me going to PETA looking for a steak.
31) Girls--what' s with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene
check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a
whiff of stale pussy.
32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage.
Especially if you don't know all the words.
33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la'
Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.
34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not
worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you
smell like lapdance funk.
35) Hey DJ! You s**k!
36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up?
Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at
least semi semi-meaningful. That f**king dancing llama on your ass is
so lame.
37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No
Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you f**king weirdo), Sade,
Boys II Men, or Bjork. Please.
The small little things to know when you go to a stripclub from a pissed off dancer.
1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with
a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the f**king deed to
Trump Towers... what the f**k do you want me to do, grow another
pussy?!? It's a f**kin' dollar, put it down on the tip rail and blow
my world away already.
2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO
underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide
on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine
point)...f** k you.
3) You with the tight:D -ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?
4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good.
IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.
5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 b**ks in one dollar
increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you
are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.
6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more
b**ks.
7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.
8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for
being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.
9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason
I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside
of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.
10.) Yeah I will give you my cell number, Im into fat geeks calling me all the time.
11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of
all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and
shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno.
More importantly: I don't give a shit.
12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide
a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else
does.
13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.
14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.
15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all
engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance
because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot,
naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting
any.
16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer
chrissakes!! !!!!!!!!!
17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I
lap dance with guys in dark pants.
18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.
19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty f**k!
20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care
to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and
obnoxious perfume before our dance.
21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and
jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a
lot of unpleasantry.
22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all
psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's
why.
23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.
24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's
oregano anyway you stupid mutherf**ker!
25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the
black roots and overbite.
26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain
the dynamics to you. If you want a f**k or a blow-job, go to the ugly
chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you
some recommendations for a small fee.
27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your c**k like a baby on a
knee.
28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the
f**king maxi-single to me.
29)Yes I will f**k you, but only for 1 mill. More if you're ugly.
So basically, more.
30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's
like me going to PETA looking for a steak.
31) Girls--what' s with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene
check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a
whiff of stale pussy.
32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage.
Especially if you don't know all the words.
33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la'
Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.
34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not
worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you
smell like lapdance funk.
35) Hey DJ! You s**k!
36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up?
Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at
least semi semi-meaningful. That f**king dancing llama on your ass is
so lame.
37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No
Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you f**king weirdo), Sade,
Boys II Men, or Bjork. Please.