Teenage Curfew?

[halfhers]

i need advise from HB peeps. :confused:
I'm not over protective just worry about my boys, durning school season it was 10 pm on school nights and 12:30am on weekends, now it's summer and they think it's ok to come home @ 12 am. they are 18/19.
One just graduated high school and the other one's in college, but they still live under my roof and my rules. now it's 11:00 pm on weekdays and 12:30 pm weekends.
i can't sleep until they are home, just making sure they are ok.
is it me or times have change, when my dad said a certain we were home.
they said i'm not being resonable to the new curfew, cause their friends could stay out later
the question is am i fair or not resonable????? :confused:

[LAFD]

your roof your rules. tell them to hit the road if they dont like it.

[dunaholic]

The're adults, tell them they can get their own place and come home as late as they want.

[gabe1]

Me personally I am keeping my daughters home till they are 30 yrs old 8pm. LOL If they are god kids no drugs, drunk driving or any other troubles, give them a chance.

[Boatcop]

i need advise from HB peeps. :confused:
I'm not over protective just worry about my boys, durning school season it was 10 pm on school nights and 12:30am on weekends, now it's summer and they think it's ok to come home @ 12 am. they are 18/19.
One just graduated high school and the other one's in college, but they still live under my roof and my rules. now it's 11:00 pm on weekdays and 12:30 pm weekends.
i can't sleep until they are home, just making sure they are ok.
is it me or times have change, when my dad said a certain we were home.
they said i'm not being resonable to the new curfew, cause their friends could stay out later
the question is am i fair or not resonable????? :confused:
Tell them to move in with their friends.
Better yet. Tell them to get a job and pay rent.
Or even better yet, tell them to get a job and move out period.

[CarBizIndio]

Cut them off if they cant go by your rules.

[pw_Tony]

If they're over 18 and they're not screwing up why enforce a cerfew on them?
Long as they're not doing stupid things like drugs or alcohol it shouldn't be a worry. When I was under my fathers roof back in the day my cerfew was 11pm durin the week and 2am on the weekends. But once I turned 18(god thats a long time ago) I had no cerfew. If they're in school and have jobs it shouldnt be an issue if they're doing bad things late at night or not. Just cause they're stayin out at night doesn't mean either than they're doin bad stuff, they can just be hanging out with friends and what not. If they had work and school they probably wouldnt want to stay out too late if they had to get up in the morning. Being 19 with a cerfew is embrassing for them to their friends. Not that that matters. But if they're good kids there really is no difference between 12:00am and 4:00, they're just numbers...

[halfhers]

Tell them to move in with their friends.
Better yet. Tell them to get a job and pay rent.
Or even better yet, tell them to get a job and move out period.
that's what i told them, mom's in the way, now i'm the bad guy, they are good kids but give them an inch they will take a mile.
the middle child is who i worry about, he's the leader among my kids.....:devil:

[Cigalert]

I'm 31 so I think I remember "those" days being a little more recent than some of you ;) I got the kidneys kicked out of me if I didn't do what I was told that includes curfew. I owned my own car detailing company from 16-19, I had 40 monthly customers and I gave money to my mom all the time for anything she needed....but I still followed her rules.
A lot of my friends didn't have any curfews and I tried pulling that same crap of "but they can do it ....wahhh". I ended up moving out when I was 19 (Thanks mattman!) I wouldn't worry about being viewed as "the bad guy" if you're kids can't listen boot them in the dome. I couldn't see it before when I was pissin and moaning but now with a little one on the way I completely agree with how I was raised.
On a different note if they're not raising hell, driving through peoples lawns, stealing grocery carts and knocking down homeless people I say cut them a little slack on the weekends. I was able to stay out till 2 on the weekends.

[halfhers]

I'm 31 so I think I remember "those" days being a little more recent than some of you ;) I got the kidneys kicked out of me if I didn't do what I was told that includes curfew. I owned my own car detailing company from 16-19, I had 40 monthly customers and I gave money to my mom all the time for anything she needed....but I still followed her rules.
A lot of my friends didn't have any curfews and I tried pulling that same crap of "but they can do it ....wahhh". I ended up moving out when I was 19 (Thanks mattman!) I wouldn't worry about being viewed as "the bad guy" if you're kids can't listen boot them in the dome. I couldn't see it before when I was pissin and moaning but now with a little one on the way I completely agree with how I was raised.
On a different note if they're not raising hell, driving through peoples lawns, stealing grocery carts and knocking down homeless people I say cut them a little slack on the weekends. I was able to stay out till 2 on the weekends.
it's true kids don't see it that way we are always not kool enough for them also not flexible and what other kids are doing, i hope they realize it how you did. maybe for now i'll stick with my guns and flex alittle after awhile (way after) :D
thanx for your inputs

[pw_Tony]

I dunno, being restraining on kids could end up with lies and sneaking out and what not.... or it might work, they like to know that you trust them so they can trust you, and not staying out past a certain time isn't show trust, but I'm sure whatever happens it'll work out for the better:)

[plaster dave]

Me personally I am keeping my daughters home till they are 30 yrs old 8pm. LOL If they are god kids no drugs, drunk driving or any other troubles, give them a chance.
I second that let them have some freedom until they prove they don't deserve it.

[Cheap Thrills]

now it's 11:00 pm on weekdays and 12:30 pm weekends.
You want them home after lunch ? :D
C.T. :wink:

[Pete454]

My G/f son is now 15 he goes to a private military prep school, the decision to send him there was declining grades, and the straw that broke the camels back was he got caught sneaking out at 100 am! the 2 years he has attended this school, he has the highest GPA in his class, went to state finals in track as a freshman, and has matured beyond our expectations, due to the leadership roles he has been placed in in school.
on weekends when he is home we are very lax with him within reason. he has earned our trust back.
If you trust they are obeying the law, and have specific place they are at , ie Movies , friends etc. relax and show you trust them. but , if they abuse your trust. show them the highway.
Also with them out of HS, make them pay some rent, $50 a week or so, they will realize its a bargain once they get to the real world.
Good luck

[Pheelin Phroggy]

The're adults, tell them they can get their own place and come home as late as they want.
yep.... our son did not like the rules, got a job and has been doing great (after a few months of parent funded financial assistance) on his own since he was 18 (21 now), throwing them to the wolves is never a good answer, they DO still need all the support and re-inforcement you can give them to help them succeed.

[HocusPocus]

do they have regular jobs? or are they hitting you up for spending $$
if they live at home and your paying their way then you get to make the rules.
if they live at home, have jobs, pay rent then your just their landlord.

[3 daytona`s]

My G/f son is now 15 he goes to a private military prep school, the decision to send him there was declining grades, and the straw that broke the camels back was he got caught sneaking out at 100 am! the 2 years he has attended this school, he has the highest GPA in his class, went to state finals in track as a freshman, and has matured beyond our expectations, due to the leadership roles he has been placed in in school.
on weekends when he is home we are very lax with him within reason. he has earned our trust back.
If you trust they are obeying the law, and have specific place they are at , ie Movies , friends etc. relax and show you trust them. but , if they abuse your trust. show them the highway.
Also with them out of HS, make them pay some rent, $50 a week or so, they will realize its a bargain once they get to the real world.
Good luck
Sent jr. to a military school and as much as he hated ant fought it,I just saw an interview where he said it made him what he is today. Discipline,rules and honor. Better than jail/prison

[Ike]

They're 18 and 19, they can vote, join the military and go off to war, but they have a curfew??
Do you trust them? That's what it is all about. If you trust them, then what's the problem? I am a parent, raised a boy and a girl, they are now 38 and 28. They are both good solid citizens. Sure they did some things that I sure didn't want to know about but after high school it was their responsibility. If they screwed up then they had to face the consequences. Its the same with yours. If they get caught drinking, doing drugs, what ever, they are going to be the ones to pay.
If you are that concerned (as all of us parents are), then get them each one of those cell phones that has a GPS tracking feature that they can't turn off. Then you can track them on the web day and night. If they drive the family car there are also GPS tracking devices you can install in the car that not only tell you where they are but also tell you their speed and mileage.
It's all about control. As a parent you have been in control for 18/19 years. It is very hard to let go. I know my wife and I went through hell at first when our kids moved out and went to college. But you have to let go eventually and now is the time ot start. Let them begin to take control of their own lives. They will find out soon enough it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Just make sure you let hem know that trust is earned and depends on honesty. If they are honest with you then you will continue to trust. If they lie or cheat, well then, as others said, tell them to get a job and their own place. And stick to it. THey don't understand yet, even at 18 how hard it is out there on your own. They will soon find out.
Think about this: somewhere around the age of 21 -25 people suddenly realize their parents weren't so dumb after all. I know I did, and I know my kids did. And I am sure your's will too.

[halfhers]

do they have regular jobs? or are they hitting you up for spending $$
if they live at home and your paying their way then you get to make the rules.
if they live at home, have jobs, pay rent then your just their landlord.
the oldest goes to college and plays football the other just gradated high school and will attend college in the fall

[Havasu_Dreamin]

As has been said, it is your house so it is your rules they must abide by. If they do not like it, don't let the door hit them on the way out.
That being said, after I turned 18 the curfew went to 2 AM and if I was going to be any later than that my ass better have called to let mom and dad know. It seems weird looking back on it now being an 'adult' and having a curfew but I was living at home for free and they were paying for college.....

[jimslade]

Curfew will depend on the child. I have 3 boys 21,19 and 14. Its also how they have been raised. My 21 year old never had a curfew. He just had to call at 11 pm and let us know what's happening. My 19 year old we keep on a tight string, he loves life too much. Trust is hard have with kids while their hormones are raging. Try to strike a balance with your kids.

[Tom Brown]

They're 18 and 19, they can vote, join the military and go off to war, but they have a curfew??
I'm with Ike. A curfew of any kind doesn't seem reasonable to me at 18+ years of age.
Sure, you can make up whatever rules you want but I hear you asking if you're being reasonable and a curfew doesn't seem reasonable to me. In fact, I think it's awesome they are honoring it at all. I rebelled heavily at that age and would have ignored it and paid whatever consequences were required.

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

well I don't really have the right to comment because my kids are only 12 and 13.. But When I was younger my cerfew until I moved out was 12:00. No matter what on the weekends and I couldn't go out on the weekdays.
I moved out at 17.:D
I attended 2 yrs of college and worked so it was rough but it was tough love.
I think I came out fine. Maybe, don't know.:D :D
I think if they are doing good and not trouble makers give them a chance if they screw up then take away the time you gave them. If they did move out would you worry more? Be glad you have your eye on them right now. When they move out you won't know 1/2 of what you do know.:)
They sound like good kids and if they have not got in trouble I think they have earned a little more time.

[ratso]

Let em do what they want... I think there should be rules as far as not waking anyone up if they come home late. I know it really pisses my son off if I come stumbling in at 3am with some chick and wake him up when he has to go to work the next morning...

[halfhers]

I'm with Ike. A curfew of any kind doesn't seem reasonable to me at 18+ years of age.
Sure, you can make up whatever rules you want but I hear you asking if you're being reasonable and a curfew doesn't seem reasonable to me. In fact, I think it's awesome they are honoring it at all. I rebelled heavily at that age and would have ignored it and paid whatever consequences were required.
that's why it's my house if they don't like it i'm sorry to say "don't let the door hit them on the way out........

[ratso]

that's why it's my house if they don't like it i'm sorry to say "don't let the door hit them on the way out........
Most guys I see like you usually have a wife that wears the pants in the family... so you have to enforce what little authority you may have on something, which unfortunately is usually your kids, even when there is no reason for it, except something as pathetic as "It's my house" http://www.***boat.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif
My son hasn't had a curfew since he started driving at age 16. The only rules were he had to go to school and he had to go to work. As long as he helps with things around the house, we're cool.;)

[Baja Big Dog]

What do you want to do?
How do you expect the kids handle this?
Talk to them, and come up with a joint solution between you and them, not ***boats...you may have to give in and give them a chance to prove themselves.
They sound like good kids...talk to them, when you are done, talk to them some more!!!

[Devil's Advocate]

I'd loosen the reigns a little. They are adults, though young adults, and you can't keep them under lock and key forever. They need to grow and become responsible on their own too. Like others said, if they're good and not doing anything stupid, cut them the slack they should have. If they screw up, they pay the consequences and stick to those consequences. If they are working, going to school, managing their own bank accounts (what little would go in there) like reasonable adults then I don't see why they would need an adolescent curfew IMO. ;)

[UltraStealth]

Give them a chance until they prove otherwise. Let them stay out til 12:00 on weekdays and 1:00 - 2:00 on weekends. Eventually, they will get tired of it if they have to get up early. My curfew was always 2:00 when I lived with my parents. If something was going on later then 2:00 and I wanted to be there, I called and told my parents what was going on. You can always try extending their curfew a half-hour or hour every 6 - 12 months. Make them earn it based on behavior and so forth. Ultimately, it is your house and they need to abide by your rules. Good luck!

[Wmc]

I think the times you have set are perfect. Unless they are going midnight bowling or to a movie, (or on a case by case basis) you can adjust times and have them call when they are on their way home so you know when to expect them. What else are any kids under the age of 21 going to do after midnight?? Nothing. So there is nothing to be upset about?? The kid's today will try and push the boundaries and limits if allowed. As long as they are under your roof, it is your rules. If they don't like it get a job and move out, that is what I tell my son. My son is going to be a Junior this year. His curfew is 11:00.

[BADBLOWN572]

I lived with my parents until I was 21-22. Up until 21, my parents said that while living in their house, curfew was 10:00 on school nights and 12:00 on the weekends. After 21, it got extended to 1:00am. Didn't matter how old. While I lived in their house, I had to play by their rules. They also said that if I did not maintain a minimum of 3.0 gpa in college, work at least 30 hours a week, and stay out of trouble, I was free to go out and get my own place any time I wanted it. Granted, while I was at their house, I was rent free, but had to self sustain my spending habbits.
In my background though, I was kind of a "troubled" kid and did get into some problems (sub 18 years old). This was my parent's way of giving me structure and discipline. Personally, I think it worked. Depending on how my kid is, I would have no problem emposing this type of system on them.