Proof all cops are on a power trip.

[Tom Brown]

It was a beautiful day here. Even out of the sun, it was plenty hot. I went cycling through the park by the lake..... some great music..... glorious.
There is one more day of a sculling meet left and then there is going to be a wakeboard competition this weekend. Normally, they ban all power boats on that lake but they allow boats for the wakeboard competitions and small support boats for rowing events.
There is quite a bit to see in the park but there are probably only 25 spectators in several square miles of park. The place is basically deserted during the day so I like to bike the trails in the park on my days off.
An ice cream confection stand is set up by the finish line of the rowing track. Presumably, they are catering to skullers as they come off the water.
At this confection stand is a nasty looking old woman with two packs of smokes in her hand... Du Maurier regular... and there is also an extremely cute looking, and quite chubby, young girl of roughly 20 years. In fact, they both look like they are career ice cream girls, if you know what I mean.
I pulled into the stand on my bike, took my gloves and headphones off, and the young girl came bouncing over, smiling like crazy.
Now.... here's something I'm still pretty upset about. They didn't have vanilla. I mean, what kind of assholes don't have vanilla ice cream?
Normally, I would have exploded on them with rage filled fury but it was really hot so I just selected another flavor. Blowing by the pregnant chick flavors, I went right to the maple walnut. You're not going to go wrong with maple walnut. I'm sure they ate maple walnut ice cream on the Mayflower as they headed to the new world. It gets the job done.
"How many scoops?"
"One please"
This young girl was really smiling at me and she was chattering away the whole time. She had a barely contained giggle to her voice. Seriously, I think she was digging the Tomster.
Anyway, she proceeded to stack up an 8 inch ice cream spire on top of a John Holmes waffle cone. I felt like Luke Skywalker receiving his Dad's light saber when she handed to me. She was laughing her ass off by this point.
I think the freezer was not keeping up with the heat and they wanted to get rid of the ice cream before it went bad.
I hand her the cone while I put my headphones, crank up the iPod, and mount up. She hands me the cone, touches my arm about 17 times, and I headed off.
Rivulets of shit colored gravy were flowing from that ice cream mountain. I was trying to eat it as fast as I could while also slurping up the slurry running over my hand and down my arm. I'd suck the gobby juice, take a bite from the summit, and occasionally pull a walnut stalactite out of the delicious mud with my teeth, before it tumbled to the ground. The whole deal was almost sexual.
.... so I'm pedaling away just fast enough to keep from falling over, frantically trying to eat this cone, and a city policeman on a bike pedals over and does a two finger pistol wave, like he's giving semaphore to a taxiing airplane.
I put my feet down and did my best to take my ball cap and headphones off so I could speak with the police officer but didn't stop sucking on what was now a raging torrent of shit colored sugar mud. Even though I was 80% done, the ice cream had lost it's body and I was basically drinking it like it was an ice cream fountain pouring straight down.
The officer didn't say too much. He basically asked if I felt what I was doing was safe and reasonable. I explained to him that I was no safety expert and highly recommended the ice cream stand and their delicious confectionery treats as I popped the last of the cone into my mouth. He chuckled.
In a nutshell, he recommended I consider swapping my ball cap for a bike helmet and look at eating at a picnic table, instead of on the bike. I suppose he was courteous enough. I have to admit, it would have been pretty jerky to be paying attention to an ice cream that's exploding in your hand, with headphones on, while cruising through a crowd of people. The thing is, nobody was around and no one got hurt.
He left pretty amicably but I'm just as glad I didn't point out that I wasn't listening to music on the iPod. I was watching the Daily Show from last night.
... so there you have it. That is positive proof that all cops are on a power trip.

[Rexone]

Your lucky I wasn't the cop. I'd have wrote you a GDamn ticket for slobering in the presence of an officer. And wtf... maple walnut... :yuk:

[C-2]

You fawkin rock.:D

[Tom Brown]

wtf... maple walnut... :yuk:
Hey now... don't be ragging on maple walnut. That delicious shit is straight from God's vagina. :cool:

[Rexone]

Hey now... don't be ragging on maple walnut. That delicious shit is straight from God's vagina. :cool:
Pervert.

[Rexone]

By the way it's not safe riding with headphones. You could get rammed in the ass by a stray Canadian goose and never hear it coming.
So you headin back tomorrow to see the chicks? :D

[Tom Brown]

Pervert.
Amen!
So you headin back tomorrow to see the chicks? :D
You know it. :D

[Jbb]

I'd suck the gobby juice, take a bite from the summit
:jawdrop:

[djunkie]

"The Tomster" LOL!!!!!!!!! I have a friend here named Tom. He's one of those guys that loves to tell stories. We call them "Tom Tales". This sounds like one of them. :idea: :D :D

[NashvilleBound]

I dont know Thomas.....the visual you paint of you deepthroating the big icecream kinda freeked me out. And Maple Walnut? Barffffffffffffffffff. I think they should have had you dismount and sit in the grass to finish your sexual liason with the cone. And a ticket for choosing the nasty flavor. What ever happened to Peanut butter and Chocolate in a CUP?

[GHT]

Sometimes (well most of the time) I Marvel at your perspective of the world. You sure are funny.
I did learn one thing, well maybe two: #1. They had Maple Walnut on the Mayflower.:rolleyes: . #2. The way you describe Maple Walnut just solidified the fact I will never order it again.
Thanks Tom.. Why didn't you get the girls Phone Number?

[Cigalert]

I guess that ice cream gave new meaning to "Mr. Brown".

[tmdog]

Tom Brown is my hero. I wish he would of been my history teacher back in high school. On the other hand, I don't think they had work release back. than.:D :D :D

[adjones419]

Tom Brown is my hero.
You really should talk to someone about that. Anyone know a good shrink?

[HitIt]

One of my friends got a ticket in Simi Valley for riding a bicycle with one hand. He was coming back from 7-11 with a big gulp. I am serious.
The cops in Simi Valley are seriously out of control. When I lived there I would get pulled over about once a month for nothing. I almost got arrested once because I got pulled over for having my license plate light out. Well, I knew it was working so when the cop told me this I threw open the phucking door, almost hitting him, to go show him it was working. He told me to get back in the car but I said "phuck no" and went to the back of the truck to show him it was working. He said it was too dim. It was the stock light on a Ford Ranger. Complain to Ford you POS.
This kind of crap happens every day in Simi. I still have friends that live there and the stories are ridiculous. Is there anything they can do?

[socalmoney]

I would say "Power "Trip" if you actually got a ticket for something but sounds to me like the cop might have wanted to touch your arm 17 times. If you know what I mean. He stopped you for a closer look Tom. You probably turned him on watching you lap up that cream. He figured if you can peddle, steer, lick, listen, and balance all at the same time, you would be a lot of fun.

[socalmoney]

One of my friends got a ticket in Simi Valley for riding a bicycle with one hand. He was coming back from 7-11 with a big gulp. I am serious.
The cops in Simi Valley are seriously out of control. When I lived there I would get pulled over about once a month for nothing. I almost got arrested once because I got pulled over for having my license plate light out. Well, I knew it was working so when the cop told me this I threw open the phucking door, almost hitting him, to go show him it was working. He told me to get back in the car but I said "phuck no" and went to the back of the truck to show him it was working. He said it was too dim. It was the stock light on a Ford Ranger. Complain to Ford you POS.
This kind of crap happens every day in Simi. I still have friends that live there and the stories are ridiculous. Is there anything they can do?
Surprised you didn't go to jail with an attitude like that. Once you figure out that cops are mostly about "your" attitude, you will be ahead of the game. Or at least ahead of your friend on the bike. I am not saying it's right but it is a fact.

[HitIt]

Surprised you didn't go to jail with an attitude like that. Once you figure out that cops are mostly about "your" attitude, you will be ahead of the game. I am not saying it's right but it is a fact.
Ya, he caught me on a bad day and this was a looong time ago when I was younger and dumber ;) After so many times of being harassed just for being a kid in Simi you get pissed off.

[lucky]

If i was the cop i would have pulled my night stick and beat you senceless :D YOu big Waffle cone sissy ! I mean what kind of man Rides his Princess barbie bike in park and doesn't hop on a fattie that is giving the goods away for free ? You Sir Discusse me !!!! you could have at least let her taste your flavor ! :D
Tom always entertaining , never boring :D ..... john holmes cone , I'm gonna use that next time --- Hey bitch - I want a john homes cone full of Cherry Juice ice Cream .... Pronto :D

[RitcheyRch]

Surprised he didnt give you a ticket for riding with both hands not on the handlebars.

[socalmoney]

Brown used to follow the rules a long time ago.
http://www.danheller.com/images/Europe/Italy/Venice/People/Kids/kid06-big.jpg
Get one of these. You could have ice cream anytime.
http://www.industrialbicycles.com/images/vict.jpg

[framer1]

I cut a park ranger off on Highway one in Morro Bay, the guy lit me up and gave me a speeding ticket;) Didn't know park rangers carried that kind of clout:eek:

[my21advantage]

Did someone say Kilrtoy?:jawdrop: :idea: :D

[BadKachina]

Tom, you are so special. Your mind is a wonderland.........:)

[Baja Big Dog]

It was a beautiful day here. Even out of the sun, it was plenty hot. I went cycling through the park by the lake..... some great music..... glorious.
There is one more day of a sculling meet left and then there is going to be a wakeboard competition this weekend. Normally, they ban all power boats on that lake but they allow boats for the wakeboard competitions and small support boats for rowing events.
There is quite a bit to see in the park but there are probably only 25 spectators in several square miles of park. The place is basically deserted during the day so I like to bike the trails in the park on my days off.
An ice cream confection stand is set up by the finish line of the rowing track. Presumably, they are catering to skullers as they come off the water.
At this confection stand is a nasty looking old woman with two packs of smokes in her hand... Du Maurier regular... and there is also an extremely cute looking, and quite chubby, young girl of roughly 20 years. In fact, they both look like they are career ice cream girls, if you know what I mean.
I pulled into the stand on my bike, took my gloves and headphones off, and the young girl came bouncing over, smiling like crazy.
Now.... here's something I'm still pretty upset about. They didn't have vanilla. I mean, what kind of assholes don't have vanilla ice cream?
Normally, I would have exploded on them with rage filled fury but it was really hot so I just selected another flavor. Blowing by the pregnant chick flavors, I went right to the maple walnut. You're not going to go wrong with maple walnut. I'm sure they ate maple walnut ice cream on the Mayflower as they headed to the new world. It gets the job done.
"How many scoops?"
"One please"
This young girl was really smiling at me and she was chattering away the whole time. She had a barely contained giggle to her voice. Seriously, I think she was digging the Tomster.
Anyway, she proceeded to stack up an 8 inch ice cream spire on top of a John Holmes waffle cone. I felt like Luke Skywalker receiving his Dad's light saber when she handed to me. She was laughing her ass off by this point.
I think the freezer was not keeping up with the heat and they wanted to get rid of the ice cream before it went bad.
I hand her the cone while I put my headphones, crank up the iPod, and mount up. She hands me the cone, touches my arm about 17 times, and I headed off.
Rivulets of shit colored gravy were flowing from that ice cream mountain. I was trying to eat it as fast as I could while also slurping up the slurry running over my hand and down my arm. I'd suck the gobby juice, take a bite from the summit, and occasionally pull a walnut stalactite out of the delicious mud with my teeth, before it tumbled to the ground. The whole deal was almost sexual.
.... so I'm pedaling away just fast enough to keep from falling over, frantically trying to eat this cone, and a city policeman on a bike pedals over and does a two finger pistol wave, like he's giving semaphore to a taxiing airplane.
I put my feet down and did my best to take my ball cap and headphones off so I could speak with the police officer but didn't stop sucking on what was now a raging torrent of shit colored sugar mud. Even though I was 80% done, the ice cream had lost it's body and I was basically drinking it like it was an ice cream fountain pouring straight down.
The officer didn't say too much. He basically asked if I felt what I was doing was safe and reasonable. I explained to him that I was no safety expert and highly recommended the ice cream stand and their delicious confectionery treats as I popped the last of the cone into my mouth. He chuckled.
In a nutshell, he recommended I consider swapping my ball cap for a bike helmet and look at eating at a picnic table, instead of on the bike. I suppose he was courteous enough. I have to admit, it would have been pretty jerky to be paying attention to an ice cream that's exploding in your hand, with headphones on, while cruising through a crowd of people. The thing is, nobody was around and no one got hurt.
He left pretty amicably but I'm just as glad I didn't point out that I wasn't listening to music on the iPod. I was watching the Daily Show from last night.
... so there you have it. That is positive proof that all cops are on a power trip.
So, Mr. Brown is a "chubby chaser"!!!:eek:

[VEGASBABY]

Wow that story was better then a Jackie Collins novel! Tom you be a writer:D

[yopengo]

God I miss Canada...Next summer its back to Thunder Bay :D

[Froggystyle]

So what were you listening to?
You should have called the cop Ravene.

[hoolign]

So what were you listening to?
You should have called the cop Ravene.
You mean Lahey:D

[Dave C]

LMAO... I wonder if Brown even has a seat on that bike..... :eek:
If i was the cop i would have pulled my night stick and beat you senceless :D YOu big Waffle cone sissy ! I mean what kind of man Rides his Princess barbie bike in park and doesn't hop on a fattie that is giving the goods away for free ? You Sir Discusse me !!!! you could have at least let her taste your flavor ! :D
Tom always entertaining , never boring :D ..... john holmes cone , I'm gonna use that next time --- Hey bitch - I want a john homes cone full of Cherry Juice ice Cream .... Pronto :D

[Froggystyle]

You mean Lahey:D
He was still active duty... Lahey wouldn't have worked out. Could have called him Patrick Swayze though... :D
I pay your bills... shoot the dog.

[Racey]

So, Mr. Brown is a "chubby chaser"!!!:eek:
"All you chubby chasers find a fatty and phock it, like harpoonin a whale Nantucket sleigh ride"
Lyrics from The Phantom Surfers, totally got that song stuck in my head now.:D :D :D

[socalmoney]

Good thing you don't live in San Diego Tom. I think this guy was eating Rocky Road in a sugar cone.
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/motivator8767330.jpg

[Screemy1]

Damb cops.... last Thursday while in Denver, I was coming off the E470 to the airport at 75mph on the cruise control..... as I rounded the long sweeping offramp to the 8 lane divided road to the airport i see a copper on a motor bike.... I glanc down at the guage and see 75 in a 70 mph zone and figure.... I am ok.... no shiit he lights me up and is prick from second one.... He yells at me saying your doing 78 in a 50.... I was like... okay, sorry bout that, I thought it was a 70.... then he goes, well it is 70 back there, then it drops to 50 for the curve and then goeas back to 65 for the road to the airport.... so I said I basically was speeding for the 300 ft through the turn ??? he said NO WAY BUDDY!!! you were speeding the whole time.... 70 mph is 70 mph... you were going 78.... I said, oh, well the digital guages in this rental car had the cruise locked on 75.... then he said well that is 5 mph over, but I am writing you up for 78 in a 50..... I said okay, no prob I am due for a ticket, it has been over 5 years.... he yelled back and said ticket.... you have to see a judge for this.... it is over 25mph over.... I said that sounds a little chicken shit to me, a speed that goes from 70 to 50 then back to 65 in about a little over 400 yds... whatever, and you just happen to sit in the curve at the 50 mph section.... sounds desperate.... he asks for my drivers license and I hand it to him..... then he yells... YOU STILL IN CALIFORNIA??? I said... no, I am currently in Colorado.... I wouldn't be pulled over for this BS ticket in California.... then he yells... I MEAN, YOU STILL RESIDE IN CALIFORNIA???? I said sure do.... he said Well, you have to go to court for this one..... I said, that's too bad... because I won't make it.... Then he said IT'S MANDATORY..... then I said, that's too bad, I just got out of the polic academy 3 months ago and I know I do not have to go to court.... I just have to call the courts and arrange to pay... you must have forgot about that.... Then he hands me the ticket and slow it down..... I said thanks.... I will keep it at 70..... IN THE 65!!!! 5 MPH will never kill you!, speeding in a construction zone or school... yeah follow the limit or even go less.... but on a normal road with no traffic.... PLEEEEZ.... 5mph over , whatever... and as for chicken shiit 70 to 50 to 65..... I guess they need the money???

[dunaholic]

Hey now... don't be ragging on maple walnut. That delicious shit is straight from God's vagina. :cool:
God has a Vagina???? I can't wait to ge to Heaven now!!

[socalmoney]

Damb cops.... then I said, that's too bad, I just got out of the polic academy 3 months ago and I know I do not have to go to court....
So did you go to the academy to become a "Damb" cop.

[finsfan4life]

It was a beautiful day here. Even out of the sun, it was plenty hot. I went cycling through the park by the lake..... some great music..... glorious.
There is one more day of a sculling meet left and then there is going to be a wakeboard competition this weekend. Normally, they ban all power boats on that lake but they allow boats for the wakeboard competitions and small support boats for rowing events.
There is quite a bit to see in the park but there are probably only 25 spectators in several square miles of park. The place is basically deserted during the day so I like to bike the trails in the park on my days off.
An ice cream confection stand is set up by the finish line of the rowing track. Presumably, they are catering to skullers as they come off the water.
At this confection stand is a nasty looking old woman with two packs of smokes in her hand... Du Maurier regular... and there is also an extremely cute looking, and quite chubby, young girl of roughly 20 years. In fact, they both look like they are career ice cream girls, if you know what I mean.
I pulled into the stand on my bike, took my gloves and headphones off, and the young girl came bouncing over, smiling like crazy.
Now.... here's something I'm still pretty upset about. They didn't have vanilla. I mean, what kind of assholes don't have vanilla ice cream?
Normally, I would have exploded on them with rage filled fury but it was really hot so I just selected another flavor. Blowing by the pregnant chick flavors, I went right to the maple walnut. You're not going to go wrong with maple walnut. I'm sure they ate maple walnut ice cream on the Mayflower as they headed to the new world. It gets the job done.
"How many scoops?"
"One please"
This young girl was really smiling at me and she was chattering away the whole time. She had a barely contained giggle to her voice. Seriously, I think she was digging the Tomster.
Anyway, she proceeded to stack up an 8 inch ice cream spire on top of a John Holmes waffle cone. I felt like Luke Skywalker receiving his Dad's light saber when she handed to me. She was laughing her ass off by this point.
I think the freezer was not keeping up with the heat and they wanted to get rid of the ice cream before it went bad.
I hand her the cone while I put my headphones, crank up the iPod, and mount up. She hands me the cone, touches my arm about 17 times, and I headed off.
Rivulets of shit colored gravy were flowing from that ice cream mountain. I was trying to eat it as fast as I could while also slurping up the slurry running over my hand and down my arm. I'd suck the gobby juice, take a bite from the summit, and occasionally pull a walnut stalactite out of the delicious mud with my teeth, before it tumbled to the ground. The whole deal was almost sexual.
.... so I'm pedaling away just fast enough to keep from falling over, frantically trying to eat this cone, and a city policeman on a bike pedals over and does a two finger pistol wave, like he's giving semaphore to a taxiing airplane.
I put my feet down and did my best to take my ball cap and headphones off so I could speak with the police officer but didn't stop sucking on what was now a raging torrent of shit colored sugar mud. Even though I was 80% done, the ice cream had lost it's body and I was basically drinking it like it was an ice cream fountain pouring straight down.
The officer didn't say too much. He basically asked if I felt what I was doing was safe and reasonable. I explained to him that I was no safety expert and highly recommended the ice cream stand and their delicious confectionery treats as I popped the last of the cone into my mouth. He chuckled.
In a nutshell, he recommended I consider swapping my ball cap for a bike helmet and look at eating at a picnic table, instead of on the bike. I suppose he was courteous enough. I have to admit, it would have been pretty jerky to be paying attention to an ice cream that's exploding in your hand, with headphones on, while cruising through a crowd of people. The thing is, nobody was around and no one got hurt.
He left pretty amicably but I'm just as glad I didn't point out that I wasn't listening to music on the iPod. I was watching the Daily Show from last night.
... so there you have it. That is positive proof that all cops are on a power trip.
Well dude to be honest with you, in California, the bicycle helmet law only applies to minors, so god only knows what his problem was..Wait I now, he was pissed beause he was on a bike, and not in a patrol car in the ghetto taking shitbags to jail like he should have been doing !!!! Was it Sunnyvale P.D. by chance..???.

[HitIt]

Well dude to be honest with you, in California, the bicycle helmet law only applies to minors, so god only knows what his problem was..Wait I now, he was pissed beause he was on a bike, and not in a patrol car in the ghetto taking shitbags to jail like he should have been doing !!!! Was it Sunnyvale P.D. by chance..???.
You are not allowed to ride a bike with one hand. Crazy, huh?
EDIT: Actually, I think that you arent allowed to carry anything that prevents you from using both hands to operate the bicycle
The law:
Carrying Articles. VC 21205
No person operating a bicycle shall carry any package, bundle, or article which prevents the operator from keeping at least one hand upon the handlebars.
Since he was carrying the ice cream cone, that left one hand on the bike. You are legally required to make hand signals when operating a bike. Since both hands would be occupied, no hands would be on the handlebars. Apparently, you cant signal with the cone in your hand.
This kind of crap makes me want to move some somewhere else, just not sure where yet.

[socalmoney]

Wait I now, he was pissed beause he was on a bike, and not in a patrol car in the ghetto taking shitbags to jail like he should have been doing !!!!
Bike Cops get more arrests than guys in cars because they have the element of silent surprise. Just ask Tom.

[finsfan4life]

Bike Cops get more arrests than guys in cars because they have the element of silent surprise. Just ask Tom.
Ha, that can be actually true..But bike detail usually involves targeting things like, "Quality of life" offenses, is this not the truth.....???
Now if the bike detail involved crusing Compton BL, then I am totally wrong...

[SB]

Anyway, she proceeded to stack up an 8 inch ice cream spire on top of a John Holmes waffle cone. Rivulets of shit colored gravy were flowing from that ice cream mountain. I was trying to eat it as fast as I could while also slurping up the slurry running over my hand and down my arm. I'd suck the gobby juice, take a bite from the summit, and occasionally pull a walnut stalactite out of the delicious mud with my teeth, before it tumbled to the ground. The whole deal was almost sexual.
I'm guessing the men's room at that park was a little slow that day?:D