Update on Val and friends

[thatguy]

Hello everyone,
Several people have asked about Val and here is the latest.
Val stood up this morning and walked with a wheeled walker down the hall. Kailey's services and funeral are today @ 1:00 PM in Sacramento.
Val swore she was going, and since the doctors refused to release her until she could stand, she had incentive. She will be released today from Kaiser, and it is expected she will stay at her dads, since there will be a long haul of physical therapy in Sac.
There is no new developments with Seychelle, to our knowledge. They are only talking with immediate family, as can be expected.
The details about the crash are very disturbing. I find it very troubling that alot of young people that know them are focusing on the white truck.
They seem to be ignoring the truth that these were 3 VERY DRUNK teenage girls out at 4:00 AM, driving, and antagonizing people.
Almost unbelievably, Val's attitude has not seemed to change in the least since the crash. She is cursing out her mother, who has spent the entire time with her. And calling her brother all sorts of dreadful names, the same brother that would not leave the Hospital for 2 days.
Her drinking and hateful nature is the very reason she left my house. Her mother and I took away all driving privileges, restricted her, and tried everything short of Juvie to get her to understand. Any mention of help or counseling, She just said fock you and moved to her dad's in Sac.
This crash was overdue, truthfully. This is what they do for fun on a nightly basis. Her mother will be taking her to Kailey's funeral today.
We hope that the reality will hit her when she sees her friend get lowered into the ground. Like so many of us have seen over the years.
It is hard understand how a straight A student, who routinely makes honors in school, is drop dead gorgeous, can harbor so much hate for adults in general, and Men in particular. (She thinks I am the biggest "focking gay idiot" on the planet) And basically holds any and all authority figure or rules in pure contempt.
I did not know her before she was 13, so I can't speak to what that was like for her. It must have been very traumatic, in some way.
I know right now you are thinking "smart ass kid". Trust me, you would have to see it to believe it. She is unreachable.
She will never believe it, but I do think of her as my child and love her as such. I have 4 kids myself (all grown) and they do not have this contempt for life.
Thanks for everyones kind words and support. It has been difficult and I pray that Val will soon realize that she was given a pass on this one. We still are in shock and a kind of disbelief that she was looked over and spared.
Thank You again from Debbie and Myself, it is a great feeling to know you have hundreds of friends that are there for you.:)
Tommy
Here is a link for the latest article, the video of the car is unbelievable. Truly a miracle.
http://www.kcra.com/news/14340321/detail.html

[My Man's Sportin' Wood]

I hope she figures out what's important before it's too late. Sounds like she could achieve anything she wants in life and is just pissing it away. Does she have goals? I hope she finds some direction. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts.

[Flyinbowtie]

Tommy hang in there. if she comes around, it will not happen overnight, although the funeral will be a serious reality check for her and I am glad she is going.

[Ziggy]

Sad.........:(
Wish you all the best and hope she opens her eyes to whats important in life.

[Baja Big Dog]

:(

[Shreve"T"]

Man hang in there... This is truly SAD...:D :D :D :D

[boatsnblondes]

I gotta ask..Tommy...but did anyone EVER discipline her?? I don't meant he stuff like taking away her car and restricting her, but a good spanking?? Seems to me, that cussing out her mom, even in this day and age, was cause to at least get her face slapped.....not my place, and don't take it the wrong way, but she has zero respect for anyone....where did that come from???
I wish you only the best brother, and have held you up in our prayers for the last few days....for God to give you strength and guidance through this whole thing....again, if theres anything Chris and I can do, please don't hesitate to ask....our home is open to you if you need it.....

[ULTRA26 # 1]

Tom,
Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear that some of the issues haven't changed for the better.
John

[thatguy]

I gotta ask..Tommy...but did anyone EVER discipline her?? I don't meant he stuff like taking away her car and restricting her, but a good spanking?? Seems to me, that cussing out her mom, even in this day and age, was cause to at least get her face slapped.....not my place, and don't take it the wrong way, but she has zero respect for anyone....where did that come from???
You are very much justified in asking that.
In my 4 years with her, She was always "low key". Under the radar. I know that Debbie has slapped her a couple times when she called her names.
But she really never showed this until she hit 16-17.
More or less exactly when she got her license. Imagine that.
My Dad took little interest in us once we were 15 or so. BUT, if we did something that inconvenienced, or cost him, We got NAILED with a fist.
Debbie did not come from that kind of household. Corporal punishment was not required in her childhood house. It was truly Ozzy and Harriett. One dinner with my in laws and I know this is true. Very, Very nice people and deeply in love at 72.
As Val got older, and more exposed to adulthood, I tried to give her good advice and tips from my experiences. That is when it began to become clear that she had harbored a very strong dislike for me from the beginning. When it became clear to Her that I was NOT going to kiss her ass like everyone else was required to do, that turned to hatred.
She was moved from Sac at 14 against her wishes, I lived in Redding already.
We bought there to get Debbie's kids away from Sac.
Strike 1
I am gone to work for a month at a time. Then come home and attempt to enforce the house rules upon her. (By rules I mean normal stuff, homework, no swearing at Mom. etc.)
Strike 2
When Debbie attempted to enforce the rules in my absence, "Your just doing what Tom wants you to!!! I HATE Him!!"
Strike 3
The list goes on, but maybe you get the picture.
I feel she has very strong abandonment issues.
She feels her mom abandoned her when she married me. The more Debbie shows Val that I care for and Love and support them, the more Val Hates me.
I can live with that, but how will She ever learn? For her own good?
I gotta tell ya, it sucks to be a kid these days. When I was that age, I felt lucky to be independent. She feels Martyred, that it was forced on her.
A very angry girl who acts out by drinking and showing contempt. Not exactly a new thing.
In this case B&B, corporal punishment doesn't work. It's beyond that.
They are not small children.
They were teens when I came into their life. I really was "thatguy".
They came from, by all accounts, a very confusing, at times scary and traumatic home.
The 15 year old (Jeffrey) is really maturing nicely. He was younger. 11 when he moved in.
So, he kind of gained a male friend and father figure. Val lost half her Mom, Her only sanctuary, to Me.
So, I think I understand her reasons per say, but the question remains, what do you do to fix it?

[Ziggy]

You are very much justified in asking that.
In my 4 years with her, She was always "low key". Under the radar. I know that Debbie has slapped her a couple times when she called her names.
But she really never showed this until she hit 16-17.
More or less exactly when she got her license. Imagine that.
My Dad took little interest in us once we were 15 or so. BUT, if we did something that inconvenienced, or cost him, We got NAILED with a fist.
Debbie did not come from that kind of household. Corporal punishment was not required in her childhood house. It was truly Ozzy and Harriett. One dinner with my in laws and I know this is true. Very, Very nice people and deeply in love at 72.
As Val got older, and more exposed to adulthood, I tried to give her good advice and tips from my experiences. That is when it began to become clear that she had harbored a very strong dislike for me from the beginning. When it became clear to Her that I was NOT going to kiss her ass like everyone else was required to do, that turned to hatred.
She was moved from Sac at 14 against her wishes, I lived in Redding already.
We bought there to get Debbie's kids away from Sac.
Strike 1
I am gone to work for a month at a time. Then come home and attempt to enforce the house rules upon her. (By rules I mean normal stuff, homework, no swearing at Mom. etc.)
Strike 2
When Debbie attempted to enforce the rules in my absence, "Your just doing what Tom wants you to!!! I HATE Him!!"
Strike 3
The list goes on, but maybe you get the picture.
I feel she has very strong abandonment issues.
She feels her mom abandoned her when she married me. The more Debbie shows Val that I care for and Love and support them, the more Val Hates me.
I can live with that, but how will She ever learn? For her own good?
I gotta tell ya, it sucks to be a kid these days. When I was that age, I felt lucky to be independent. She feels Martyred, that it was forced on her.
A very angry girl who acts out by drinking and showing contempt. Not exactly a new thing.
In this case B&B, corporal punishment doesn't work. It's beyond that.
They are not small children.
They were teens when I came into their life. I really was "thatguy".
They came from, by all accounts, a very confusing, at times scary and traumatic home.
The 15 year old (Jeffrey) is really maturing nicely. He was younger. 11 when he moved in.
So, he kind of gained a male friend and father figure. Val lost half her Mom, Her only sanctuary, to Me.
So, I think I understand her reasons per say, but the question remains, what do you do to fix it?
Doubt you can.
My wifes dad was her sister's stepdad. He tried everything he could to have them like him but for whatever reason they always resented him.
The only thing that finally fixed it was time and maturity, well into their 20's before they appreciated him.
Similar with my son. My wife is his stepmom, and not until he was into his 20's did he realize how much she did for him growing up.
.
All I can say is don't give up on her and hopefully one day the light will go on for her.

[boatsnblondes]

You are very much justified in asking that.
In my 4 years with her, She was always "low key". Under the radar. I know that Debbie has slapped her a couple times when she called her names.
But she really never showed this until she hit 16-17.
More or less exactly when she got her license. Imagine that.
My Dad took little interest in us once we were 15 or so. BUT, if we did something that inconvenienced, or cost him, We got NAILED with a fist.
Debbie did not come from that kind of household. Corporal punishment was not required in her childhood house. It was truly Ozzy and Harriett. One dinner with my in laws and I know this is true. Very, Very nice people and deeply in love at 72.
As Val got older, and more exposed to adulthood, I tried to give her good advice and tips from my experiences. That is when it began to become clear that she had harbored a very strong dislike for me from the beginning. When it became clear to Her that I was NOT going to kiss her ass like everyone else was required to do, that turned to hatred.
She was moved from Sac at 14 against her wishes, I lived in Redding already.
We bought there to get Debbie's kids away from Sac.
Strike 1
I am gone to work for a month at a time. Then come home and attempt to enforce the house rules upon her. (By rules I mean normal stuff, homework, no swearing at Mom. etc.)
Strike 2
When Debbie attempted to enforce the rules in my absence, "Your just doing what Tom wants you to!!! I HATE Him!!"
Strike 3
The list goes on, but maybe you get the picture.
I feel she has very strong abandonment issues.
She feels her mom abandoned her when she married me. The more Debbie shows Val that I care for and Love and support them, the more Val Hates me.
I can live with that, but how will She ever learn? For her own good?
I gotta tell ya, it sucks to be a kid these days. When I was that age, I felt lucky to be independent. She feels Martyred, that it was forced on her.
A very angry girl who acts out by drinking and showing contempt. Not exactly a new thing.
In this case B&B, corporal punishment doesn't work. It's beyond that.
They are not small children.
They were teens when I came into their life. I really was "thatguy".
They came from, by all accounts, a very confusing, at times scary and traumatic home.
The 15 year old (Jeffrey) is really maturing nicely. He was younger. 11 when he moved in.
So, he kind of gained a male friend and father figure. Val lost half her Mom, Her only sanctuary, to Me.
So, I think I understand her reasons per say, but the question remains, what do you do to fix it?
Ya know Tom, I'm no parent..but...through my years at the schools...I would say that I know more about this stuff than you would give me credit for....but the guru, the real one to ask, is my mom...so if you don't mind, I need to talk to her, ask her what she thinks..she has run the schools since 69, and is truly a been there done that woman when it comes to kids...not only with us, but with the myriad of other parents who have come to her over the years for advice....give me a little time to talk with her...maybe in the AM..maybe I can come back with something you can use...I would sure hope to...until then, be well and know your in our thoughts down here....BnB

[3 daytona`s]

Destroys families and CHILDREN,I have several friends and out of the blue have broke down and cried like a baby and said how much they missed and were so pissed at the other kids who fathers were ther "EVERY" day and evening. Might be a wake up call to some who are thinking of divorce. I pray for you man, but she is a very angry young girl and IMO someone is going to have to take this BULL by the horns or you will be putting her in the ground,GOD forbid. Best of luck P.S was not going to say but I really believe tough love does work and if not at home then drastic as it is to a home. She must learn from here on out there is going to be a "NO" there is an easy way or there is a hard way,but there is going to be a correction.:(

[IMPATIENT 1]

take the cell phone, car(and sell it!), ccards/money, phone in her room. if she can't learn to respect her mother, why should you or her lovin mother sacrifice anymore than you guys already do? take it all away, and not for a month, for good. sell the car if you and your wife are payin for it.it'll make her have to go to work to buy and afford her own, and if she's at work, she's not party'n. cancel her cell phone if she has 1. try a new school.
good luck bro!!!

[IMPATIENT 1]

Destroys families and CHILDREN,I have several friends and out of the blue have broke down and cried like a baby and said how much they missed and were so pissed at the other kids who fathers were ther "EVERY" day and evening. Might be a wake up call to some who are thinking of divorce. I pray for you man, but she is a very angry young girl and IMO someone is going to have to take this BULL by the horns or you will be putting her in the ground,GOD forbid. Best of luck P.S was not going to say but I really believe tough love does work and if not at home then drastic as it is to a home. She must learn from here on out there is going to be a "NO" there is an easy way or there is a hard way,but there is going to be a correction.:(
i take alot of shiat sometimes just for this very reason:rolleyes: ain;t married life grand,lol:D my mom's been married more times than you can count on 1 hand:eek: no shit. so i'm breaking the cycle;) no matter how much i'd like to slap-o-ho at times:D :D :D i've got 3 rock solid reasons not too;)

[mobldj]

i dont mean to be unsensative but you better pre pay the cemetary lot,shes on a road to destruction that only she can stop,my girl was the same and after all you do and try to make a differance you eventually give up and let the cards fall where they may,you did your job as a parent so dont try to find the blame.good luck

[DeltaSigBoater]

Well again not really sure what to say, but its good to hear that she is on her road to a recovery.
Unfortunately, and speaking from experiences based on that I've witnessed, the worst is yet to come once she's 18. Hopefully she will change her ways before its too late.
Feel free to tell me if I'm over stepping my bounds, but my sugguestion would be to get her into some therapy, in addition to her upcomming physical rehibliitation. The loss of her friends is only adding to her anger, hate, and resentment.
Best of luck to you & your family!

[thatguy]

Thanks guys,
No, I don't think anybody has overstepped. I put it up, so I welcome all input.
We did everything posted for the tough love route. Including the cell phone and selling the car.
She just moved out to continue her ways.
As a step child with 2 homes to choose from, she does have that option at 17. So in a way, our hands were tied. We knew she would move, but we did not back down from the conditions.
I don't think Her Dad realized what was coming, although we told him everything that had transpired. In very short order he took her driving priveledges away also. Thats the only reason she was a passenger. The only way he could have stopped her was to call the kiddie cops and tell them she was out of control.
I agree with the posts about time will heal. I just hope that she makes it until then.
The fact is She will soon be 18. There is little else that can be done by us, as adults and parents. If she was younger when we met, like her brother, maybe it would be different.
In a way, I think maybe when she is on her own, she may "cool it" when nobody is telling her what to do. Paying your own bills and managing your own life tends to eat up that free time, don't ya' know.
She is very smart in school and I hope that that sort of comes to the front soon, when she is on her own.
Thanks again, and I take no offense to anybody's suggestions or comments. We'll listen to any and all thoughts at this point.
Tommy

[Parker Dreamin]

At the age of 17 what was she doing out at 4am? When I was 17 my parents knew where I was all the time, for the most part. Was home no later then midnight.
Glad to hear she is still around so you still have a chance to get her arse in gear. Dont give up, always show her love and be there for her when she needs it.

[racecar.hotshoe]

This is what you get when you live in a world that a spanking is taboo.You now get a time out.I hope today she learns a lesson,But once teens become hardened like this they just dont care.Good luck and take care.Mark

[Ryphraph]

My sincerist apologies for the tradegy that you are going through. I could not imagine it myself.
I hope the break-down she is headed toward happens at the funeral rather than later in life.
Ryph

[hoolign]

Hey Tommy,
Not what to say here dude?? kinda at a loss for words..I cant help but feel sorry for her, not only because of her current situation but for her future of she does not get changed around.
Its amazing how much we see in our industry , and how much we can talk about "or lecture" as kids call it. Then have to sit back and watch something that could have been prevented. It boggles my mind. I hope she does actually learn and grow from this!
You have my number
jeff

[suckin&pumpin]

I hope I am not out of line but I would like to tell you something about myself in hopes that you will never give up trying to help her. When I was 15 I was as you describe her, we were getting hammered and cruising all night and at 17 I was involved in a fatal accident, but I thought I was bullet proof. The partying grew out of control and eventually meth went hand in hand with the alcohol. At some point people who loved me started giving up one by one until I found myself fighting a 64 year prison sentence. I fought it and got 11 years and it turned out that that was the best thing in the world for me. It has taken me many many years to rebuild relationships with family, but the lesson is all you can do is love someone until they reach the point in which theey want to change. 99% of the time you can not make or "convince" people to change. They have to get there by themselves. I pray her breaking point comes soon and without any further injury, and that you and your wife are spared much more heart wrenching experiences. I am very sorry for her injuries and for the families of the other two, I pray for some good to come out of this tragic situation.

[OGShocker]

I read just this for the first time.
Tommy,
God speed and quick recovery to Val. We hope all things will be sorted out soon.
Mark

[~FM]

As I was reading your description of how she's lashing out at everyone since the accident, one thought kept cropping up in my mind ... survivor guilt "why'd my friend die and not me?" Maybe I'm way off base with that but maybe someone she "hates" less than the rest could ask her about it. :idea:
When I was growing up, I hated my step-father and I do mean hated. I let go of that as time went on and I got to know him as a person and not as "that guy my Mom sleeps with that's ruining my life". Looking back I can see the ways I misunderstood his role in my life. He has memory problems now (lucky for me) and doesn't recall just how awful I was to him, but I remember and I do feel remorse. He's a good man. I get along better with him now in some ways, even better, than I do my Mom.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's hope. If anyone had told me I'd ever tell my step-Dad I love him and mean it, I would have cussed at them and thrown something hard and preferably sharp at them.
You strike me as a good guy; she is likely to realize that someday.
Takes time.
I hope you and your wife will hang in there and just keep being who you are; the consistency is what will count in the long run. I hope Val gets to feeling a lot less angry and I hope her growing pains don't do much more damage to any of you.
I wish her a speedy recovery in every sense. :chi:

[thatguy]

Wow, there are some pretty amazing stories to tell here.
I sincerely appreciate every one sharing such private experiences, it means a lot.
There is some encouraging news.
Val is at her fathers house. Debbie told me Val picked up her phone, kind of got a shocked look on her face, then FINALLY broke down. She was going to call Kailey. For a second, she forgot Kailey was not alive.
It hit and hit hard. The cold reality seems to have made it's way to the front.
Her celebrity status at the hospital, and among classmates is suddenly gone.
She can't walk, eat, bathe, use the restroom, or anything really without help.
She is in constant pain, can't wash her hair (staples and stitches), Her face has stitches in it.(not bad, but pure horror to her). Legs broken and steel rods in them.
To say that she is getting a crash course in humility is tragically understated.
Debbie overheard her tell a friend on the phone that she "will never drink again". I realize that she is shooting from the hip, and there is a lot of overwhelming emotions that she has yet to go through.
But it is certainly a positive change and at least some realization of the gravity of what happened, and the reasons it did.
It is heart wrenching to see her go through so much physical and emotional trauma at 17, but thankfully it's starting to sink in.
Thanks, Tommy

[boatsnblondes]

Wow, there are some pretty amazing stories to tell here.
I sincerely appreciate every one sharing such private experiences, it means a lot.
There is some encouraging news.
Val is at her fathers house. Debbie told me Val picked up her phone, kind of got a shocked look on her face, then FINALLY broke down. She was going to call Kailey. For a second, she forgot Kailey was not alive.
It hit and hit hard. The cold reality seems to have made it's way to the front.
Her celebrity status at the hospital, and among classmates is suddenly gone.
She can't walk, eat, bathe, use the restroom, or anything really without help.
She is in constant pain, can't wash her hair (staples and stitches), Her face has stitches in it.(not bad, but pure horror to her). Legs broken and steel rods in them.
To say that she is getting a crash course in humility is tragically understated.
Debbie overheard her tell a friend on the phone that she "will never drink again". I realize that she is shooting from the hip, and there is a lot of overwhelming emotions that she has yet to go through.
But it is certainly a positive change and at least some realization of the gravity of what happened, and the reasons it did.
It is heart wrenching to see her go through so much physical and emotional trauma at 17, but thankfully it's starting to sink in.
Thanks, Tommy
The power of prayer brother...hopefully, this will all run it's course as it should, and she will come out on the other side a different person....Still praying for ya guys down here, but I'm glad to see the chink in her armor is starting to show...she ain't that tough...no one is.....but she puts on a good show....now, being able to see it for what it is, a smokescreen, you can chisel a hole through it big enough for you two to communicate, huh?? Keep the updates coming....

[ULTRA26 # 1]

Wow, there are some pretty amazing stories to tell here.
I sincerely appreciate every one sharing such private experiences, it means a lot.
There is some encouraging news.
Val is at her fathers house. Debbie told me Val picked up her phone, kind of got a shocked look on her face, then FINALLY broke down. She was going to call Kailey. For a second, she forgot Kailey was not alive.
It hit and hit hard. The cold reality seems to have made it's way to the front.
Her celebrity status at the hospital, and among classmates is suddenly gone.
She can't walk, eat, bathe, use the restroom, or anything really without help.
She is in constant pain, can't wash her hair (staples and stitches), Her face has stitches in it.(not bad, but pure horror to her). Legs broken and steel rods in them.
To say that she is getting a crash course in humility is tragically understated.
Debbie overheard her tell a friend on the phone that she "will never drink again". I realize that she is shooting from the hip, and there is a lot of overwhelming emotions that she has yet to go through.
But it is certainly a positive change and at least some realization of the gravity of what happened, and the reasons it did.
It is heart wrenching to see her go through so much physical and emotional trauma at 17, but thankfully it's starting to sink in.
Thanks, Tommy
Tom,
It's beginning to sound as if the state of shock that Val has been in is finally wearing off and reality is setting in. She now has no other choice other than to begin the healing process which is slow. In the mean time, she will time to reflect and think about what she has lost and why. I honestly believe that when she returns to her feet, you are likely to see a different Val.
John

[boatsnblondes]

Tom,
It's beginning to sound as if the state of shock that Val has been in is finally wearing off and reality is setting in. She now has no other choice other than to begin the healing process which is slow. In the mean time, she will time to reflect and think about what she has lost and why. I honestly believe that when she returns to her feet, you are likely to see a different Val.
John
Wow, for the first time in a LONG time, I agree with John.....kinda nice....:D

[#78corvette]

Tommy,
My name is Robert I'm the father of Alexis Wardlow who was very close to the girls involved in this crazy event! I have been experiencing all the same issues as you since Alexis got her license.
There was a very good chance she could have involved that evening had it not been for being grounded, no car or phone! I'm just suprised that she did'nt sneak out.
She has been spiraling out of control ever since she gained that freedom. Good grades, great volleyball player and a beautiful girl! she will be lucky to graduate at this point, quit volleyball and has lost respect for her mother and I.
Her mother and I are divorced and try our best under the circumstances but what really are perfect circumstances?
I will be having lunch with her today, which is the first time we have seen each other since the accident. She has been completely in shut down mode and will not talk much to any of her family. I'm afraid that she still does not get it!!
Robert::confused:

[boatsnblondes]

Robert, welcome to ***boat.....Tommy is a great guy, you and he should be able to talk and console and help each other through all of this....a lot has been said about all of this, and the circumstances that led up to it...hopefully, you will be able to discern a process to help your daughter also....best of luck to you...and again, welcome!!!

[thatguy]

Thanks B.
Hello Robert,
I am sorry to hear of your troubles.
The biggest thing with Val seemed to be the overnight attraction to Alcohol. She really didn't even care if we knew.
She was like the freakin Paris Hilton of Redding when she lived with us. She acted like some kind of rock star.
The biggest problem, as you already know, is enforcing rules or punishment. If they don't like it, they just go to their "other house".
It's as if they think they are inventing the whole teenage rebellion deal. The outright contempt for adults, rules, and other peoples property is shocking. Far more than I remember it.
Am glad that your daughter stayed home that night, hopefully at least some of these kids will get the idea.
I understand that a private party involved is purchasing the vehicle from the wrecking yard to display at the school. Heard anything like that?
Tommy

[MsPatriYacht]

Breaks my heart to hear all this. If my parents had divorced and if my mom would have worked I probably would have gone down the same road.
Tommy perhaps this might be the time to get her to come back with you and her mother. She might want to be away from her current school and it's memories. She also sounds like she will need allot of motherly care. Is her Dad remarried, does his wife or your wife work. If she does come home sounds like her injuries will have her sidelined from partying for a while so this might be a good time to try to get things back on track. It also would be a good idea to get her into family and individual counseling.
I am 50 so things were different when I was a kid, lots of moms did not work, I thought that idea was pretty old fashioned until I heard Dr. Laura recently talk to a parent with a problem kid, she said do what ever you have to to be home when your kid is home from school, work opposite shifts as your spouse if you have to. I see it with my friends, they are educated with nice homes, but with demanding jobs and active social lives and are away from their homes a lot. Some are lucky and their kids are great while others get into trouble due to lack of supervision.
Tommy I know that this is hard to do since it sounds like you are not close to where Val now lives but another idea is to form a parents group. Kids have a hard time getting away with something if they don't have an alibi or a buddy to lie for them. Robert do you know Tommy's stepdaughter's father, or the parents of the other kids in the car. I wonder if all of the parents had been in contact with each other prior to the accident that perhaps they might not have been able to be out at 4:00 AM. I have a friend with a 10th grader and a large majority of parents in that grade have been networking information on what the kids are up to, this has enlightened her a lot, and she feels a lot more strength in knowing that she is not alone when taking a cell phone away or enforcing a curfew. Her kid has been busted several times for not telling the truth about where she has been and is starting to realize that she can't get away with stuff. I think it is a shame, but I think parents today feel reluctant to share information and to approach parents of their kid’s friends about destructive behavior.
My next door neighbor is a single mom and as sweet as they come, but also as naive as they come, her kid started getting in trouble and was friends with Jerry who lived around the corner with another naive mother and tough step dad. Long story short they were breaking into cars, mailboxes, and houses. I got very involved and started calling all the parents. I could not believe they did not know each other even though the boys were best friends. During this time, my neighbor said to me, the boys were here last night till around 10 and Jerry said he was leaving to go home, then she said when he left he went the other direction. I asked did you call his Mom and she said no I did not think it was my place to do that!!!!!! I suggested several times that they speak to each other and compare stories, they never did. The kid around the corner wound up in juviey so the break ins stopped and the stepfather couldn't take it anymore and left the mom.
Hope everything works out for you, I know it is easy for me to sit here and give advice, but I am not in your shoes.

[#78corvette]

Just got back from lunch with Alexis and I think its setting in just a bit. The funeral and viewing gave her the sense of how final this played out.
I does worry me a bit how the white truck plays such a big role in this. She spoke with Val about the moments that led up to the crash and it seems they were trying to outrun someone they had egged?
They found a white truck in Roseville that matched the decsription given by your daughter and a residential security camera footage near the scene.
I truely feel sorry for you and your family and hope there is something positive that can come from this for all of us. I have never met Val but I'm sure she is a good person that values life. I can't help but believe that these girls will come around from this!! I will continue to fight the fight we cannot give up on our younger generation!
I will keep you posted on the progress from my end

[thatguy]

Hello all,
Home video tapes were realesed by CHP in Sac. today showing that the girls were being pursued by a white truck
The video shows that there was contact between the vehicles when the truck blocked their path. Then the truck pursued them with it's lights off.
Without doubt they pissed off the wrong person(s), but the tragic outcome possibly could have been avoided. At least that night.
Please contact CHP if you can provide ANY information. :confused:
Thanks Tommy
Here are links to 2 different reports.
http://www.news10.net/
http://www.kcra.com/news/14433376/detail.html

[PunkAssBitch]

man...prayers & positive thoughts go out to you guys, and her. I'm in a bit of the same boat with my oldest son & have shared a little bit here about some of the stuff, but only a very little portion of it all. It's been a rough ride with that boy. I'll never give up on him completely, but I have completely quit co-signing his bull$hit, if you know what I mean.
What's you & your wife's co-parenting relationship like with Val's dad? Maybe you guys can all sit down & all get on the same page with everything...it just might be the ticket to get Val back on the right track, ya know? I know that that can be easier said than done, but it's always worth a shot.
I can almost completely ditto FM's post...I used to hate my step-dad, so much so that I left my mom & went to live with my dad when I was 12. It took some time & alot of work, but now...he IS my dad. I absolutely adore & treasure him.
Hang in there Tommy, and good luck to you all....hang in there.

[Just a passenger...]

Tommy,
I have been following the developments in your daughters accident closely. I am Robert's sister and Alexis' aunt.
Someone is posting on the news10 forums as Val. It says the server they are using is in Chico. Thought you might want to check it out.
http://www.topix.net/forum/source/kxtv/T8PFEIEKT6V18IU6P/p31
http://www.topix.net/forum/source/kxtv/TAR4TCU8VLN6EP2K1/p11
Just thought you might want to check it out.

[Just a passenger...]

http://www.topix.net/forum/source/kxtv/T8PFEIEKT6V18IU6P/p32#lastPost

[Trailer Park Casanova]

Very good take Tommy.
Keep up the real world takes and love with her, and she'll come around.
Sorry you guys had to endure this tragedy.

[AZJD]

Very sad Tommy. I hope she ends up realizing that you only get one pass if your lucky.
I have a 6 year old daughter and it scares the crap out of me to think about having to go through this type of thing....
Good luck....