For those of you with kids driving.....

[NashvilleBound]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????

[Jetaholic]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
Sounds to me like he's a good kid...I think everyone "tries" pot at least once. The important thing is if he liked it or not. I personally didn't like it when I tried it, which kept me away from it.
Yeah, it can be perceived as "wrongfully accusing"...especially with the tobacco part. Yes I know no parent wants their kids to take up smoking cigarettes, but on the upside it's not illegal to smoke behind the wheel (not sure if that applies to underage drivers or not but may be worth looking into...some states may have a law against it due to the driver being under the legal age to purchase them) and the only way it can affect your ability to drive is the distraction of lighting one up while driving or having it in your hand while driving.
In regards to the drug test and breathalyzer here's something to think about. Are you putting him on your insurance? If so, imagine what it will do to your record if he gets popped for DUI alcohol or drugs. Don't tell him you have the stuff to test for alcohol/drugs, but if you ever suspect that he's under the influence, use them on him as a safeguard to protect yourself with your insurance.

[thatguy]

Uh, Yeah!
Driving at night is the killer. Cell phone MUST be answered if you call him. Car MUST be where he says he is going, do a drive by now and then. These are lifesaving measures until he gets experience. Kudos on the test equipment.
Don't test him every time, just randomly. Tell him you are trying to keep him alive until he learns to avoid the idiots.
Have him read this thread. http://www.***boat.com/forums/showthread.php?t=166906&highlight=Info+car+wreck
Tommy

[Mandelon]

Not yet, two more years to go. Thinking back I had friends who were given nice cars for their first rides. No investment, just given. One got a Jag for his 16th bday....XKE convertible :rolleyes: Took him two weeks to wrap it around a telephone pole, not many rules in that family. He's now dead from heroin and coke.
Others with weak dads....all three sons dead from drug related issues. :( Years in jail from dealing coke....then shot and killed during a car jacking while trying to score, other two brothers killed in similar events.
Be tougher than you want to......lay down rules, and make damn sure they follow them and failure must have repercussions.

[thatguy]

Be tougher than you want to......lay down rules, and make damn sure they follow them and failure must have repercussions.
We have a winner. Don't be influenced by others who think you are being too tough. It's not a "mean" thing, it is a "survival" thing.
Tommy

[2forcefull]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
Yep, I'm on my third son, he'll be 16 in feb
Foc what anybody thinks, you are responsable for how he turns out!!!
I told all my boys that while they were sleep'n I was clip'n there hair
and hav'n it drug tested, the other thing I do is if he's been out for
more than an hour I give him a big hug right when he comes in the door
smoke of any kind you will smell, I take it you don't smoke, cause if you do
none of this applys.
my oldest is 34 and he thanks me constantly now for keep'n him straight
You'll be an as4 hole for about a year, but my 18 yr old is allready thankfull
and knows I did it out of love for him,and points out the liberal parent kids
that are drug addicks and suicidal.
under age means just that , not able to make life long decisions

[LHC Kirby]

Be tougher than you want to......lay down rules, and make damn sure they follow them and failure must have repercussions.
I agree with Mandelon . . . with one added part.
Everytime he passes your testing equipment he should get a reward. After all he is doing what you asked. If you really want to know where he is, they make GPS tracking devices for cars, that you could get.
On the part of answering the cell phone. He should NOT answer it while driving, but should call you back as soon as he finds a safe place to park.
Regarding Insurance - I have had insurance agents/lawyers tell us that the cost of putting a yong man on his OWN insurance policy is way better than having him on yours!

[2forcefull]

Sounds to me like he's a good kid...I think everyone "tries" pot at least once. The important thing is if he liked it or not. I personally didn't like it when I tried it, which kept me away from it.
Yeah, it can be perceived as "wrongfully accusing"...especially with the tobacco part. Yes I know no parent wants their kids to take up smoking cigarettes, but on the upside it's not illegal to smoke behind the wheel (not sure if that applies to underage drivers or not but may be worth looking into...some states may have a law against it due to the driver being under the legal age to purchase them) and the only way it can affect your ability to drive is the distraction of lighting one up while driving or having it in your hand while driving.
In regards to the drug test and breathalyzer here's something to think about. Are you putting him on your insurance? If so, imagine what it will do to your record if he gets popped for DUI alcohol or drugs. Don't tell him you have the stuff to test for alcohol/drugs, but if you ever suspect that he's under the influence, use them on him as a safeguard to protect yourself with your insurance.
if my boys try pot or any other drug they're gett'n the as$ whomp'n that goes with it, they wanna see shit that aint there, when I get done whomp'n their as$ they have done seen the galaxy, and have the hang over to go with it.
I've told all my boys, you won't know if you are an alcohlic tell you try drink'n alcohol. and your not gonna find out that till you're 21
another thing. I have bought all my boys new trucks, I bought them way before they were old enough to drive, that way they could set in them,
wash and wax them, know where all the controls are.
If you think about it more wreck are caused by kids tak'n ther eyes of the road, try'n to change the radio, look'n for the dimmer switch, try'n to turn on the windshield wipers. so far all has worked for me, and I'll only have myself to blame if it don't
I blind fold them and make them touch all the controls before they can drive,
that what they did to me to get my NHRA fuel license

[Jetaholic]

if my boys try pot or any other drug they're gett'n the as$ whomp'n that goes with it, they wanna see shit that aint there, when I get done whomp'n their as$ they have done seen the galaxy, and have the hang over to go with it.
I see where you get you screen name...:D :D :D

[Flyinbowtie]

That Guy has lived this, I agree with his take.
I have raised two sons, they are now 19 and 23. I applaud what you are trying to do, which, when it comes right down to it, is nothing short of saving his live.
You are providing the wheels, you have a right to set some standards. I wouldn't make it a big case about testing him, but do it every once in a while in an unannounced manner. Booze is one thing, going out your front door drunk to get in his ride is gonna be tough to hide. Weed and other substances are a bit easier to walk out the door with them on board.
Pull the tester out if he is late getting home.
Pull the tester out if you suspect something.
My boys knew that getting over on me was next to impossible; I was a cop, and a dope cop to boot. I knew every cop within 100 miles that they might encounter.
I sent them out the door with the following words.
"You've got the car. You now have responsibility for it, and for what you do with it. So that responsibility comes with accountability, and I am going to hold you accountable."
Be fair and consistent. Be VERY clear on what the rules are. Make him understand the law of unintended consequences; reading that thread about Tommys' daughter is a great start.

[2forcefull]

I see where you get you screen name...:D :D :D
thankyou, I've earned it,
you never read a post that says, Help my kid wont do what I say, from me
have ya,
that and i'm a mean ugly dad
http://www.***boat.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=44257&stc=1&d=1196616428
you smoked what????

[soupersonic]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
Just thank the "Almighty Lord in Heaven" that you got a boy and didnt get girls.

[2forcefull]

Just thank the "Almighty Lord in Heaven" that you got a boy and didnt get girls.
Ok, I be the first to say I don't get it

[BigDoug]

You are absolutely doing the right thing !!.......................it only means you care and love him, he may not like it now but when he hugs you down the road cause he's alive..............................he means "thank you" :D

[Kurtis500]

Forget what other people think, including his friends. it only takes one mistake on his part for you to never see him again. If you can reduce his chances of making that mistake you, AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, are much better off.

[2forcefull]

You are absolutely doing the right thing !!.......................it only means you care and love him, he may not like it now but when he hugs you down the road cause he's alive..............................he means "thank you" :D
Good post!!!

[BadKachina]

I have instant at home drug tests in the cabinet. He's aware that his driving privilege is dependent on him taking and passing them. I've only made him use one time. My son also goes to a private school where they test for drugs and they use hair follicles for the testing.
I'm all for testing of any kind. Screw their privacy, they aren't old enough to make decisions for themselves about drugs and alcohol. Weak parents will have weak kids. It's hard enough to fight off peer pressure, it's easier when they can say "I can't because my dad and school drug test me."

[2forcefull]

I have instant at home drug tests in the cabinet. He's aware that his driving privilege is dependent on him taking and passing them. I've only made him use one time. My son also goes to a private school where they test for drugs and they use hair follicles for the testing.
I'm all for testing of any kind. Screw their privacy, they aren't old enough to make decisions for themselves about drugs and alcohol. Weak parents will have weak kids. It's hard enough to fight off peer pressure, it's easier when they can say "I can't because my dad and school drug test me."
Good post!!!

[2forcefull]

My parents didn't do any of that and I've never used any drugs, never been in an accident, never beat my wife, never killed anyone that didn't need killing, you get the point. In fact, I'd venture to say my parents were almost neglectful in my upbringing. They didn't care if I did homework, never lectured me about drugs or drinking, didn't really care too much what time I came home. We all know our kids, I think each us us has to choose the appropriate method of parenting for that child. I have two kids and they really couldn't be more different, in terms of how I deal with them. Most of you are much further along than I am, so I'll have to wait and see.
good post, of my 3 sons everyone has been different.
although my first son seen me in my drink'n days, he also
seen my life change when I quit. he's 34 now and I've never
seen him smoke or drink. I have told him, you have seen the life
of an alcoholic, you choose.

[2forcefull]

My parents didn't do any of that and I've never used any drugs, never been in an accident, never beat my wife, never killed anyone that didn't need killing, you get the point. In fact, I'd venture to say my parents were almost neglectful in my upbringing. They didn't care if I did homework, never lectured me about drugs or drinking, didn't really care too much what time I came home. We all know our kids, I think each us us has to choose the appropriate method of parenting for that child. I have two kids and they really couldn't be more different, in terms of how I deal with them. Most of you are much further along than I am, so I'll have to wait and see.
would you water grass in the rain? sounds like you were doing a good job on your own,my dad never told me I done anything good till I was 50.
he would tell others though

[Nord]

I think you should help him buy a car. Nobody treats material things better than when they buy those material things themselves. Let him figure out the value of a dollar. As far as the rest of the post, you raise your kids your way not anyone else's.:)

[ratso]

If you are truly involves in your kids lives from day 1... there is no need for that kind of shit. The only way I would think you would need to be that way with your kids is if you've already lost some control. The ground rules are set as soon as they know right from wrong.

[Wild Horses]

I think you should help him buy a car. Nobody treats material things better than when they buy those material things themselves. Let him figure out the value of a dollar. As far as the rest of the post, you raise your kids your way not anyone else's.:)
We have a winner!!! This is what you do when you want to raise a responsible adult! :D

[roostwear]

My oldest has his learner's permit and will get his license early next year. I bought him his first car, but I refused to buy him something new when I KNOW it'll get trashed/totaled. I have a different approach. There were a couple things I wanted him to gain from his first car.
Hands-on learning the different systems in a car (cooling, fuel, brakes, etc)
Respecting the vehicle, and the very real threat of bodily injury if he screws up while driving. What did I buy him?
http://www.vintagerodcomponents.com/toy/dvan1.jpg
Yup, a 1963 Econoline van. We rebuilt it and he knows how to fix whatever breaks now. He also knows that he doesn't have 80 airbags surrounding him, and he needs to DRIVE (not aim) it, as well as being accutely aware that someone's back bumper is a mere 12" from his feet.
As far as drinking and drugs, he knows I will not hesitate to test him and I know what to look for (I read alot :D )
Is my way better than any other? I don't know... I only know that for what I want to accomplish, I feel this will make him a better driver.
Oh, and for a 16 year old driver with full coverage, it's only $900 per year!

[2forcefull]

bought all my boys reg cab trucks, didn't want them haul'n around
a bunch of kids, didn't want any distraction from kids in the back seat
http://www.***boat.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=44265&stc=1&d=1196621936

[thatguy]

If you are truly involves in your kids lives from day 1... there is no need for that kind of shit. The only way I would think you would need to be that way with your kids is if you've already lost some control. The ground rules are set as soon as they know right from wrong.
That is as true as it gets, Ratso.
BUT, the influences today are different. My first car was a $500.00 vega. Kids today get a Honda handed to them that will do 120 mph, right now.
A family with 2 working parents (which is common, if you want to live anywhere middle class, in most cases) doesn't mean that the parents are uninvolved. But they certainly have less kid time.
In short, kids today, even "good" kids with "good" parents have resource and freedom beyond their ability to manage.
Add a larger population, more traffic, more crime, and an almost non-existant value on life and it quickly becomes a killing field.
My teen years were somewhat similar to Shockwaves, from the sound of it.
My parents were COMPLETLEY unattached from my doings. I had a car, license, quit school and was working full time at 16. And they never even noticed. No one helped or guided me except me. (And Led Zep!)
So there are exceptions, of course.
I dodged a few very big bullets along the way, but they are much harder to dodge these days.
Kids feel it is a right to drive today, they HAVE to be made to understand, by any means neccesary, that is a privelidge that come with a huge responsibility.
Tommy

[canuck1]

If you are truly involves in your kids lives from day 1... there is no need for that kind of shit. The only way I would think you would need to be that way with your kids is if you've already lost some control. The ground rules are set as soon as they know right from wrong.
This is the only post in this whole thread that is worth anything
And the "I'll kick his ass for smokin pot" as you sit there and down 30 beers BS :rolleyes:

[thatguy]

I could have gone all day without seeing this. :(
Thats what I mean, I could have went my whole life.
Phucker hit a nerve with me. I will take it down.
Tommy

[NashvilleBound]

First off Tommy...uh...WOW... That is some crazy shit. Glad its turning out well!!! I went back to read the previous thread... uh...again... WOW.
I am buying this car because he is such a good kid. I wish he could buy it but I want him staying in school all the way through college. No distractions. He does cut our yard (2 acres) and WILL keep his car is good order. He has no idea he's getting it. But he does know that once he does get a car there are no second chances. That goes for grades, damage to it from friends (he's responsible for) tickets...not where he should be when I drive by... and GOD forbid I test him and get a positive result. Life as he knows it will change for good!
We have been easing our way into this for several months now. I feel he is now ready to drive. He's 16 and a half....but like I told him when he turned 16, just because your 16 doesn't mean your ready to drive. So he's been driving us around for 8 months now. And understands its a PRIVILEGE NOT A RIGHT!!
I chose this Scion Xb because its no speed racer, it has lots of airbags and very easy to use, basic controls. If he does get a job he can customize it himself. Pride of ownership....
The whole thing still scares me and I don't scare easily. But like was previously stated....you cant lock them in a room to keep them safe. Shit happens, I'm a big believer in that.... just trying to limit how much.
I WILL test him. The decision has been made.
I appreciate all the advice.

[thatguy]

First off Tommy...uh...WOW... That is some crazy shit. Glad its turning out well!!! I went back to read the previous thread... uh...again... WOW.
I am buying this car because he is such a good kid. I wish he could buy it but I want him staying in school all the way through college. No distractions. He does cut our yard (2 acres) and WILL keep his car is good order. He has no idea he's getting it. But he does know that once he does get a car there are no second chances. That goes for grades, damage to it from friends (he's responsible for) tickets...not where he should be when I drive by... and GOD forbid I test him and get a positive result. Life as he knows it will change for good!
We have been easing our way into this for several months now. I feel he is now ready to drive. He's 16 and a half....but like I told him when he turned 16, just because your 16 doesn't mean your ready to drive. So he's been driving us around for 8 months now. And understands its a PRIVILEGE NOT A RIGHT!!
I chose this Scion Xb because its no speed racer, it has lots of airbags and very easy to use, basic controls. It he does get a job he can customize it himself. Pride of ownership....
The whole thing still scares me and I don't scare easily. But like was previously stated....you cant lock them in a room to keep them safe. Shit happens, I'm a big believer in that.... just trying to limit how much.
I WILL test him. The decision has been made.
I appreciate all the advice.
It sounds like you have done all the right things and are very much involved. They do grow up and this is a big step. Good luck and it sounds like your boy is a good one!:D :D
Now just sit back and worry!:D I have 6 kids counting mine (all grown) and Hers. Let me tell you, the worrying may lessen, but it is ALWAYS there!:)
Tommy

[canuck1]

Brought to you by the master of the personal relationship.
NB knows his kids, so does Ratso, so do I. So what does personal relationships have to do with knowing your kids?

[NashvilleBound]

Come on guys.... lets keep this thread informative.... :idea:
Nothings more important than ones kids.... lets stay focused here..... :D

[NashvilleBound]

Before I forget...
I did let him drive the Viper the other day. It was TOO funny. He was SOOOO nervous. But his friends were all here and wanted a ride. Being the nice guy I am (clearing throat) I gave them a ride to remember.... safely of course.
I thought it would be a good time for him to score some points... so I asked if he wanted to drive it. He was reluctant but did it.
When we were done I heard one of his friends say he was living his dream.
It was classic... and I was the cool dad. I like when they hang here so I can see whats up and whos acting a fool.
I dont remember being so retarded and thinking I was cool at that age but Im sure I was.

[thatguy]

All I am saying is, no matter how well you know your kids, You don't know everything about them.
Whatever you KNOW they are doing, they are doing more.
However much they tell you, they do have some secrets.
No matter how "good" they are, they WILL put themselves in bad situations at times.
Just think about your own teen years, did your folks know EVERYTHING that you did?
Driving as a teen in todays world is dangerous, more so than it was for us.
It is irresponsible to "trust" your kid with lives 100%.
The rules of the house for letting them drive must be exaggerated and heavy handed. It may save their life.
I am not over dramatizing, it is for real.
Tommy

[canuck1]

All I am saying is, no matter how well you know your kids, You don't know everything about them.
Whatever you KNOW they are doing, they are doing more.
However much they tell you, they do have some secrets.
No matter how "good" they are, they WILL put themselves in bad situations at times.
Just think about your own teen years, did your folks know EVERYTHING that you did?
Driving as a teen in todays world is dangerous, more so than it was for us.
It is irresponsible to "trust" your kid with lives 100%.
The rules of the house for letting them drive must be exaggerated and heavy handed. It may save their life.
I am not over dramatizing, it is for real.
Tommy
But for the times that you can't be there to hold their hand you have to trust them and hope that you taught them well enough to survive.

[canuck1]

I honestly didn't know that Ratso had kids. But, I'm not taking parenting advice from someone that can't even stay married when they've had 5 or 6 chances. Relationships are the same, whether they're with your kids or your wife, they take work.
This is just so wrong.......

[IMPATIENT 1]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
kudus on care'n about your kids!! i think your doin the right thing if there's already been trouble, the testing is for your kids own good. bad thing about the analizer is that if you put it on the car, someone else can blow into it to start the car.
if my kids do something similiar, they won't get a car till there old enough to move out.they get caught drinking or smoking after they get a car, i'll sell the damn thing. my goal in life now is to make good/responsible people outta my kids. once i get them into college, its on them, so its my job to teach them what how a real man lives his life and takes responsiblility for his actions. a dad is his son's hero and example or what a man is, its our job as dad's to show them a good example!

[thatguy]

But for the times that you can't be there to hold their hand you have to trust them and hope that you taught them well enough to survive.
When it comes to driving, you can not just trust them and turn them loose. You have to restrict it and moniter closely until they develop driving skills. A simple reaction that we do to avoid a wreck is second nature to us, after years of driving (and crashing!). It is a first for a teen. It is a learning curve that has to be ackknowledged. Too much is at risk.
Tommy

[Sleeper CP]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
NashvilleBound,
I understand your sons past actions of "trying" pot has you concerned and rightly so, your wife really can't claim you are accusing him unnecessarily.
Maybe on Christmas morn you should give him two gift to open: First the keys to his new car and then give him the drug test to open. Tell him the drug test is "my gift to myself" and that he now know's that you have it and at anytime you may test him. If he wants to keep the car and his other priveldges he better past the test ,if and when it happens.
You can let him know the only reason you got it in the first place was because of his " little experiment" and you want to keep him safe and that you will give him some slack and you just hope he doesn't hang himself with it. Also leave the test out in plain sight so he sees it all the time.:idea:
Just my .02
Sleeper CP
Big Inch Ford Lover:D

[thatguy]

And make sure he only drives chevys'!! :eek: :eek:
Just kidding sleeper! :D :D Good post.
Tommy

[Sleeper CP]

And make sure he only drives chevys'!! :eek: :eek:
Just kidding sleeper! :D :D Good post.
Tommy
:D
I only fuss about the Ford/Chevy thing when I'm provoked (sp).
I missed your "good" post, I quess. You took it down :idea:
I like your other post's though, I know it means a lot to a kid knowing they have trust. His son may have already screwed that up but maybe he can find a way of building that back up with his dad, but with his dad still holding a hammer over his head. He just doesn't need to use it right from the start.
Sleeper CP
Big Inch Ford Lover:D
ps. My first car was a 1969 Mach 1 Mustang with a 351W. I still have the car it now sports a 427mr stroker motor. It's "parked" out in the side yard. My older brother (by a year) 1st car was a '69 Mach I that was a 390 four speed car that needed a new engine after 3 months. My dad sent him down to the local junk yard(friend of my dads) to get a "new" 390 for it. Got it back to the shop and as we cleaned all the old grease a crud off the engine found the factory tag and the engine was a 428. My brother still has that car. It's sitting at the office in the side yard.

[Jetaholic]

Another thing (of course this may be going overboard but if you feel the need to) is they make something our company trucks use called "DriveCam". It's a camera that mounts right below the rear view mirror and it records digital video in front of and behind the camera. It's always recording, but it only saves what it records if it is "triggered". They're triggered by a force of over .6 g's (basically if the driver hits a speed bump going too fast, turning into driveways too fast, rough cornering, accidents, etc etc) and it saves 10 seconds before and 10 seconds after the trigger.
Have him download it onto a PC once a week and whatever triggered incidents are stored will show you how he's driving while on his own.
They can actually come in handy for covering your ass to prove fault in auto accidents as well. We had a lady run a red light and one of our techs T-boned her in the intersection. Luckily we had the DriveCam footage to prove fault and she got the ticket.
They have a "Teen Safe Driver Program" with American Family insurance, and by insuring with them I believe they cover the cost of the equipment. Check it out on http://www.drivecam.com

[Flyinbowtie]

NB I am glad you posted this and glad so many people care enough to offer their perspective. Most of them make sense, but that is just my opinion.
We do not know everything our children do when they are out of our sight.
I can't tell you how many times I had juveniles in custody, called parents at o-dark-thirty, and the folks told me ;
"You can't have my son, he is right here in his bed"
"Ahh, go look, Ma'am..."
"My God he is not here, do you REALLY have him?":rolleyes:
I think you are being reasonable. He will understand you are not trying to catch him doing anything, just getting your on confirmation that he isn't up to anything. The point here isn't the tests, the point here is that you give a damn, and he knows it. six months down the road the expectation will be established, and the tests will probably be collecting dust somewhere.
I am going to assume Tommy posted something graphic about his situation and took it down.
We could all go all day without seeing things like that, but I saw it all the time.
If you want, share this with him.....
In my job, we were deputy coroners as well as deputy sheriffs. That means we responded to all fatal traffic accidents in the county before the scene could be disturbed in any way. The reality of a young person dying in a car crash is so REAL that the movies and TV can't come close to it. Hearing a young person take their last breath, seeing the look in their eyes right before they close for the last time, well, there is very little in life that can compare.
Young people all have a sense of imortality, they have yet to understand fully just what it means to die. It is one of the last pieces of "innocence" that humans carry.
Rolling up on a bad car crash,even after you've done it 50 or 100 times never changes. You know your going to find a dead person before you get out of your car. You just don't know how many. I have had to look in places a living human wouldn't fit more than once to find a body. In trees, up under dash boards, under seats...things I won't describe but things you need to think about, because it happens a helluva lot more often than it should.
Rolling up always makes you a little sick.
Getting out of that cop car, seeing toys strewn across the road, or a diaper bag, then looking at the other car and seeing signs of a young driver, you know, subwoofers hanging out of the trunk, stickers on the windows, that stuff makes me ill just thinking about it.
After we remove the remains, and account for all the people, the deputy gets to go notify next of kin. If the next of kin is out of the area, we call the Sheriff's Office in that jurisdiction and have a deputy their make personal contact. We never do this by phone. Some do, we didn't.
If the family is local, the deputy handling the coroners case gets to go make face to face contact with Mother/Father, and tell them their child is dead.
Think about that.
I did it at least 50 times, it was never easy, never simple, and always left scars on me.
People never think this shiat is going to happen to them.
When you get out of the car, and walk up the driveway, many people come out and meet you. The cops don't come around for good reasons. They look at you and say, "Can I help you Deputy?"
"Well, sir, can we go inside and sit down, I have some information for you"
-It seldom goes farther than that without them seeing in my eyes what is coming.
"Oh, noooooo, it, you.....he...is my son/daughter all right?"
Get person to chair. Deep breath, steal myself, make eye contact, gentle, firm, clear voice....
"Well, sir, no, he is not. There was a traffic accident tonight up on highway 20, and ( I always called them by name) didn't make it, we lost him."
Wait a few moments, determine if medical aid needs to be summoned, get the person to a chair, call clergy if desired, call someone else to be with person if he/she is alone, allow as much time as it takes for person to gather themself...they are trying to understand, trying to com to grips with the greatest horror a parent can know.
They begin asking questions.
Try to fill in if child was DOA, or transported to the hospital, etc. One sentence explaination of what happened based on what I knew, no speculation.
Advise them of which funeral home remains are at.
Gather as much information as possible for death investigation report, spend as much time as needed to do what ever I can to help person assimilate what I am telling them.
They always tell em they want to go see their child.
Most times, after a wreck, the body is disfigured and I do my best to tell them they should not without being graphic, sometimes this is the biggest challenge...I was usually successful, my best line was something like;
"Ma'am, I don't think (name) would want you to do this, and I can tell you your going to want to live with the memories you already have, seeing (name) after the accident isn't going to help those memories, and isn't going to help (name) or you. (name) isn't in his/her body anymore. (name) is gone.
I am sorry, but (name) is gone. The accident was very violent; and seeing ( will bring you no peace, only more heartache."
in 25 years, i never left one of the scenes I just tried to touch on feeling like I didn't leave part of myself with the family. I was always exhausted by the process, bith mentally and physically. it never changed, from the first one i got, which was the very first night I ever wore the badge, to the last one, a quarter-century later. Parents care because they know life ends, they worry not because they were perfect when they were young but because they weren't. They worry not just because you are driving, but because you'll be out there sharing the road with other people who are drunk, or on the phone, or just don't give a damn.
Best of luck...and I hope this post is "worth a damn" because life is sure as hell worth living.

[mbrown2]

You seemed to turn out alright...how did your dad raise you? Did he force a breath test? .....like mine he probably did not need one...he would kick my ass if I screwed up....that was the only test I needed..so I did not stray during those early/later teen years..

[3 daytona`s]

I haven't spoken to my Dad in 15 years, not even sure if he's still alive. Just about everything I learned about being a grownup, I learned in the Marine Corps. My Dad, unfortunately, was not a real positive male role model. In fairness, my Dad and his brothers didn't have a father growing up. He was incarcerated his entire adult life.
I did not water my grass in the rain, I killed the sprinkler controller before I left. My backyard was flooded enough. :D
No matter what you say or think, down deep you love, and care, and wonder about your Dad I went through the same situation.I searched him for a long period,and even though say do not care about him,do not wonder about him =down deep he is my Father and extremely difficult to understand how a parent leaves or cuts ties:confused:

[vee-driven]

I built my first car, my parents loaned me $2500 to buy a nice running 72 el camino, not the 70 ss 396 i wanted, but by senior year it was a 454 ss clone with a 468 big block with nitrous 400 trans 12 bolt 411 posi and i built it all myself, complete drive train paint, body and interior. I guess all i am saying make him earn it or pay for it, all my friends that had stuff handed to them are the biggest pieces of sh!t i know. And i cant believe how kids are these days, they think stickers and colored light bulbs and body kits are performance parts.

[NashvilleBound]

You seemed to turn out alright...how did your dad raise you? Did he force a breath test? .....like mine he probably did not need one...he would kick my ass if I screwed up....that was the only test I needed..so I did not stray during those early/later teen years..
the only breath test I took was my mom sniffing at my breath when I walked in. And yes.... he would have kicked my ass if I screwed up.... like I would my sons. But todays a different world. Lots of stuff is much more accepted that I think should not be. I did my fair share of retarded things.... but it goes back to it really was different back then... just like it was for your fathers growing up. I cant imagine a deputy showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the night.... or getting that call.... I will feel slightly awkward giving him the test...and he wil feel the same. But the result might just save his life. If I get another 1% on my odds Im all good with it.

[ratso]

I honestly didn't know that Ratso had kids. But, I'm not taking parenting advice from someone that can't even stay married when they've had 5 or 6 chances. Relationships are the same, whether they're with your kids or your wife, they take work.
lmao...:D
First, about the marriage remark... I'm sorry that I've been attracted to "certain types" of women in the past... In a way I guess I still am, but I don't marry them anymore. They were already screwed up by someone else. That wasn't any of my doing. In a way, I have probably been about one of the best teachers my son could have ever had, simply by observation. If he ever gets married it will surprise the hell out of me...;)
Now, to get back on track with this thread... yes, I have a son that is 25 years old. I got custody of him before he was 10 years old. His mom moved around like a gypsy and I won't even get into that story... go read the marriage grenading thread for that. Anyway, you have to stay involved with your kids, whether it's hobbies or sports, cooking out or just taking them to the movies, you always want to be a huge part of their life. I can ask anything of my son and he can ask anything of me. We still see each other every day and hang out almost every weekend with a lot of mutual friends that we have. He, to this very day has never raised his voice to me or back talked me... never. It is a mutual respect that I have demanded and given in return to him. It will not be tolerated. I'm glad I had him at a young age because as far as being involved in his life, we did things like racing motocross together for years, we both enjoy the lake and boating, and we even enjoy the same age group as far as chicks go.:) Yes, I succeeded in a huge way with my son, and my 4th wife was a huge part of that too. She is still a mom to him and we all get together ever so often to hang out and have dinner together. Whether or not a marriage or even 5 of them works has nothing to do with how you raise your children. Through the years, I've been there for him when he has "tripped up", and he has been there for me. Father... Son... Best Friends. Not too bad for a 5 time loser.

[ratso]

...oh, and Nashville... my post wasn't to be taken as a shot toward you. I've seen perfect parents with kids that have ended up with the wrong crowd and turned into real POS... and also real shitty parents and you wonder how their kids ever turned out to be respected members of the community. I just feel you have to leave your kids some room, unless they're already the type to lie and break your trust.;)

[mbrown2]

the only breath test I took was my mom sniffing at my breath when I walked in. And yes.... he would have kicked my ass if I screwed up.... like I would my sons. But todays a different world. Lots of stuff is much more accepted that I think should not be. I did my fair share of retarded things.... but it goes back to it really was different back then... just like it was for your fathers growing up. I cant imagine a deputy showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the night.... or getting that call.... I will feel slightly awkward giving him the test...and he wil feel the same. But the result might just save his life. If I get another 1% on my odds Im all good with it.
Good luck NB...can't argue with reducing the risk by 1% or 01%....:)...I just hope it turns out well!

[AZJD]

First of all NB, do you need another son?:D I will pee in the cup for you.... Scion Xb works for me too. :D
I think your are right on base here. Driving is a privillege, and driving a brand new vehicle is a huge privillege. Testing saves you and your family the trouble of mistakes, aswell as gives you the ability to catch drinking and drug use early. Parents that understand and relate in my opinion far outshadow the ones that just ignore it and let it get out of hand. If you are ready to except that it is a possibility, then you will deal with it much better.
Sound's like a lucky kid......

[NashvilleBound]

Update....
He came home the other night about 11pm with some friends.... I had all the tests arrive the previous day (he had no idea)
I got out the drug test and Tabacco test.... He said no problem and got me a sample.... his friends volunteered too. Good thing I bought a 12 pack of each..... ALL NEGATIVE!!!!! Except for tobacco use. They all confessed to fooling around with cigarettes. Bad but not excessive. They promissed to behave. We had a good heart to heart.... at this point I think thats all I could do.....and advise him of how this could effect his future with a car or whatever.... besides his health.

[NashvilleBound]

as well.... www.drugtestyourteen.com is a GREAT site for supplies.

[spectras only]

My son graduated this year and got a job at a friend's electrical company as an apprentice . He bought his first 1994 Ranger truck in July ,[ needs it for work ] paid half of it off in 3 months and just traded it in for a 2002 Ranger S/C model with less miles . He's extremely proud of the fact that we didn't buy it for him , albeit I had to co-sign because he is only 18 and you have to be 19 to get a loan from a bank . We of course help him freeloading at home for a while :) :D . He abstained from smoking and alcohol despite the fact a large number of kids at his high school were 'crackheads' [ according to him :idea: ] , so he knows if he screws up we won't bail him out financially , if he wrecks his truck . He's looking for upgrades for the truck
already :rolleyes: , guess it's better spent than buying drugs :)

[AZJD]

Update....
He came home the other night about 11pm with some friends.... I had all the tests arrive the previous day (he had no idea)
I got out the drug test and Tabacco test.... He said no problem and got me a sample.... his friends volunteered too. Good thing I bought a 12 pack of each..... ALL NEGATIVE!!!!! Except for tobacco use. They all confessed to fooling around with cigarettes. Bad but not excessive. They promissed to behave. We had a good heart to heart.... at this point I think thats all I could do.....and advise him of how this could effect his future with a car or whatever.... besides his health.
Glad to hear it NB.:D

[77Woodbridge]

I think that your approach is SPOT ON. My eldest - 16yr old failed his road test 2 weeks ago and I was beyond relieved.
I am deathly afraid that my children will repeat what they've seen in me.
Although never caught, I have been legally impaired on more occasions than I can count.
My problem/fear is that I modeled the perfect functional alcoholic :(
Not calling any names....my story - your milieage may vary :D

[JetBoatRich]

Our first is starting to drive... actually buying him a 08 Scion Xb for Christmas.
I ordered a good Breathalyzer and drug/tobacco tests.
I'm catching flack for this..... but standing firm.
I feel I'm looking out for my sons welfare.
Wife says I'm accusing him unnecessarily.
To be fair he got busted for "trying" pot a few months ago.
He now understands, and has, the wrath of "dad" now to contend with since he used up his only free pass with that retarded action.
He is a A and B student.....
Any of you been through this??????
My daughter has been driving a couple years now, bought her a new Scion last year for her HS Graduation.
A lot of trust in the resonsibility part of being a parent.

[NashvilleBound]

My daughter has been driving a couple years now, bought her a new Scion last year for her HS Graduation.
A lot of trust in the resonsibility part of being a parent.
I never thought I would feel like this..... this worry stuff is for the birds. :D :D :D

[WestTNRiverRat]

I've got 5 kids and 4 of them are driving. All of them knew from the beginning that driving was a privilege. I've never drug tested any of them but I've slept on the couch or stayed up late watching TV and waited for them to come home so I could administer a little visual test on them. So far I've only had one incident with my 18 y/o son. He was out with some friends and they got caught drinking some beer by the cops. He wasn't driving. The police called the house about midnight explained the situation and said come pick him up. I told them I'd be there sometime tomorrow to get him.
Showed up the next morning around 10 a.m. and he was pissed that he'd had to stay there that long. I said hey get used to it cause if there's a second time I'm not coming to get your ass. :D
I'd say you are doing the right thing. Besides I've driven in Nashvegas, I won't even let my 24 y/o drive through there. :D