Blown 472
04-10-2003, 10:11 AM
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
>bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
>so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
>not so bad after all.
>Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
>few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
>of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
>year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
>have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
>This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats
>it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver
>through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds
>like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
>complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
>take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my
>whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
>Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
>itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
>Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from
>my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
>The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
>suit.
>Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
>stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
>scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
>jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of
>my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to
>the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing
>hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
>I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
>totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
>my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was
>wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the
>medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
>cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
>The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
>butt was swollen shut.
>So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
>worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now
>repeat to yourself,
>"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.
>
>bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
>so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
>not so bad after all.
>Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
>few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
>of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
>year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
>have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
>This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats
>it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver
>through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds
>like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
>complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
>take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my
>whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
>Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
>itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
>Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from
>my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
>The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
>suit.
>Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
>stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
>scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
>jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of
>my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to
>the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing
>hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
>I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
>totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
>my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was
>wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the
>medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
>cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
>The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
>butt was swollen shut.
>So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
>worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now
>repeat to yourself,
>"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.
>