FMluvswater
08-09-2003, 04:48 PM
Okay so this other board I frequent has this official flaming thread where this man and woman have been exchanging the most hilarious insults I've ever read ... It starts out with some Shakespeare stuff but it does get back to regular English. The thread is still active so let me know if you want me to update with more when they pick up the exchange again. :)
Man: Oh, by the way... Your proctologist called, He found your head.
Woman:You're wife called; she said she'd return your balls later tonight.
Man:Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood
If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.
Woman: Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose. You shall stifle in your own report, and smell of calumny.
Man: Why, thou full dish of fool
Thou art like the harpy, which, to betray, dost with thine angels face, seize with thine eagle's talons
Woman: Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels.
Man: Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch
Woman: Thou paunchy, rude growing ratsbane!
Man: Hang cur, hang, you whoreson, insolent noisemaker
You are not worth another word, else I'd call you knave
Woman: Thou art a superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.
Man: OK, OK, enough Shakespeare!
You really should find something else to do. I heard there was a village in need of an idiot. You should apply.
Woman: I did, but they told me that you'd had the job for years. Besides, I didn't meet their
qualifications...my IQ is about 100 points above 25.
Man: If you're going to say something that stupid you could at least fake a stroke.
Woman: Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
Man: Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge but it looks as if you just gargled.
Woman: Did you ever wonder what life would have been like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Man: If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're practically invulnerable.
Woman: If brains were electricity, you wouldn't have enough power to light the bulb in a lightning bug's ass.
Man: A thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Woman: You should get a glass belly button, that way when your head goes further up your ass you can still look out and see what's happening in the world.
Man: Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
Woman: Why don't you stop flapping that pie hole of a mouth on your face so I can see what a gibbering, witless gimp actually looks like?
Man: Do all your friends wear hockey helmets and go on a lot of field trips?
Woman: No, but I'm sure you and your friends enjoying the special "short" bus they send for you every morning.
*****************NEXT DAY*****************
Man: Ok Woman, ready for round two?
(I won't have much time today to cross swords... err... tongues... no that's not right... wits, yeah, that's it, wits with you. So my posts will be few and far between... kind of like your thoughts.)
As for your last comment:
If I wanted to hear from a dullard, I'll slap you on the back of the head and wake up that little peg legged hamster that operates the drool-powered waterwheel of thought in there.
Woman: Oh, ouch! LMAO! *sniff sniff sniff* I smell some rubber burning...and it's coming from your side of the board. All that you are you owe your parents. Why don't you send them a penny to square the account?
Man: I bet you're really happy you crawled out of your hole to say that.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Woman: That's so funny coming from you!
You know, I don't think you're a fool...but what's my humble opinion against thousands of others?
Man: You're less useful than a parachute on a submarine.
Go fart peas at the moon!
Woman: Someone told me you weren't fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
Man: Try this maneuver: Take 50-60 paces backwards. Take several deep breaths. Sprint forward at full speed doing a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up your own asshole.
Woman: You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can find someone to adopt you.
Man: If ignorance was bliss, than your entire life would be a perpetual orgasm.
Woman: Oh, you're getting good at these. Careful, don't let your brains go to your head.
You know something I realized...
You're as slow as a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Man: I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Woman: When you go to a mind reader, do you get half price?
Man: I am truly sickened by the fact that due to some grand joke on someone else's part I am forced to have to share oxygen with you.
Woman: I see you left. Darn! I was just about to poison the tea.
One for the road:
I bet you got your brain at the end of season sale at the cerberal department.
Okay, seriously, I am impressed. You know so little, but you know it so fluently.****
velocity stack
Man: Oh, by the way... Your proctologist called, He found your head.
Woman:You're wife called; she said she'd return your balls later tonight.
Man:Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood
If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.
Woman: Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose. You shall stifle in your own report, and smell of calumny.
Man: Why, thou full dish of fool
Thou art like the harpy, which, to betray, dost with thine angels face, seize with thine eagle's talons
Woman: Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels.
Man: Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch
Woman: Thou paunchy, rude growing ratsbane!
Man: Hang cur, hang, you whoreson, insolent noisemaker
You are not worth another word, else I'd call you knave
Woman: Thou art a superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.
Man: OK, OK, enough Shakespeare!
You really should find something else to do. I heard there was a village in need of an idiot. You should apply.
Woman: I did, but they told me that you'd had the job for years. Besides, I didn't meet their
qualifications...my IQ is about 100 points above 25.
Man: If you're going to say something that stupid you could at least fake a stroke.
Woman: Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
Man: Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge but it looks as if you just gargled.
Woman: Did you ever wonder what life would have been like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Man: If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're practically invulnerable.
Woman: If brains were electricity, you wouldn't have enough power to light the bulb in a lightning bug's ass.
Man: A thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Woman: You should get a glass belly button, that way when your head goes further up your ass you can still look out and see what's happening in the world.
Man: Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
Woman: Why don't you stop flapping that pie hole of a mouth on your face so I can see what a gibbering, witless gimp actually looks like?
Man: Do all your friends wear hockey helmets and go on a lot of field trips?
Woman: No, but I'm sure you and your friends enjoying the special "short" bus they send for you every morning.
*****************NEXT DAY*****************
Man: Ok Woman, ready for round two?
(I won't have much time today to cross swords... err... tongues... no that's not right... wits, yeah, that's it, wits with you. So my posts will be few and far between... kind of like your thoughts.)
As for your last comment:
If I wanted to hear from a dullard, I'll slap you on the back of the head and wake up that little peg legged hamster that operates the drool-powered waterwheel of thought in there.
Woman: Oh, ouch! LMAO! *sniff sniff sniff* I smell some rubber burning...and it's coming from your side of the board. All that you are you owe your parents. Why don't you send them a penny to square the account?
Man: I bet you're really happy you crawled out of your hole to say that.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Woman: That's so funny coming from you!
You know, I don't think you're a fool...but what's my humble opinion against thousands of others?
Man: You're less useful than a parachute on a submarine.
Go fart peas at the moon!
Woman: Someone told me you weren't fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
Man: Try this maneuver: Take 50-60 paces backwards. Take several deep breaths. Sprint forward at full speed doing a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up your own asshole.
Woman: You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can find someone to adopt you.
Man: If ignorance was bliss, than your entire life would be a perpetual orgasm.
Woman: Oh, you're getting good at these. Careful, don't let your brains go to your head.
You know something I realized...
You're as slow as a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Man: I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Woman: When you go to a mind reader, do you get half price?
Man: I am truly sickened by the fact that due to some grand joke on someone else's part I am forced to have to share oxygen with you.
Woman: I see you left. Darn! I was just about to poison the tea.
One for the road:
I bet you got your brain at the end of season sale at the cerberal department.
Okay, seriously, I am impressed. You know so little, but you know it so fluently.****
velocity stack