Joke for the day

[Lightning]

Two men are in the doctor's office waiting to get vasectomies. A nurse
comes in and asks the men to strip and put on their medical gowns while
they wait for the Doctor.
A few minutes later she comes back, reaches under one man's gown and
begins to masturbate him. Shocked, he says, "What are you doing?"
To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to
have a clean procedure."
Not wanting to cause a problem, the man relaxes and enjoys it as she
completes her task.
The second man watches all of this and by the time the nurse turns to
him is quite ready for his turn. To his surprise, she drops to her
knees, opens her lips and begins to give him a blow job.
The first man says, "Hey what is this? Why is it that I get a hand job
and he gets a blow job?"
The nurse says, "That, sir, is the difference between an HMO and Blue
Cross."

[JetBoatRich]

THE FLAT FROG
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk
dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the
doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam
answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I
want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it,
and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she
told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he
liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the
>Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get
shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the
little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told
him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging
the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still
dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out th!
!
e door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if
you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a
restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave,
my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very
fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way,
he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when
Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and have
sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the
Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the
disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG.

[JetBoatRich]

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the
parkway when she
tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in
the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to her,
3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water.
She was so grateful she offered the kids Whatever they
wanted.
The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland."
Hillary says, "No problem,
I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane."
The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air
Jordan's." Hillary
says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael
sign them!!"
The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair
with a built in TV
and stereo headset!" Hillary is a little perplexed by
this and says,
"But you
don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I
saved you from
drowning

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

LMFAO!! :D :p

[JetBoatRich]

>I NOT COME WORK TODAY!!!
>
>Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I
>really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come
>work."
>
>The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I
>feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes
>everything better and I go work. You try that."
>
>Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I
>feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.

[JetBoatRich]

Hear about the teacher who was in a car wreck, she was grading papers on a curve.

[JetBoatRich]

Dead ahead, through the pitch black night, the captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
"Change yours ten degrees west" comes the reply
The captain responds, "I'm a United States Navy Captain! Change your course sir!"
"I'm a seaman second class," the next message reads. "Change your course, sir."
The captain is pist. "I'm a Battleship! I'm not changing my course."
"I'm a Lighthouse, your call."

[beached 1]

JetBoatRich:
Dead ahead, through the pitch black night, the captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
"Change yours ten degrees west" comes the reply
The captain responds, "I'm a United States Navy Captain! Change your course sir!"
"I'm a seaman second class," the next message reads. "Change your course, sir."
The captain is pist. "I'm a Battleship! I'm not changing my course."
"I'm a Lighthouse, your call." ROFLMAO!