serious advice only please.

[Danhercules]

1st of all, I am drunk tonight.
My Father passed away on Dec 28th, on the 29th where he was born, on his birthday, 64 years young. He passed VERY unexpectedly. Healthy as an ox. No relitive or friend could belive that he was gone.
Now my question. I am the youngest by 10 years. I have 2 oldest brothers,10 and 11 years older and one sister thats 15 years older. I am kinda like an only child. I had the best and closest relationship with my Father. It has been so hard. I find myself crying 2 to 3 times a day. I dont know if this is normal or if I should see some one. I dont talk to my bros or sister about it much. I want some anonymous help to see if I should talk to someone. I dont open up well. I do when I have had somthin to drink to loosen me up. I will probabl y regret this in the morn. I am usally a guy who is light hearted and has lots of fun. I miss my Dad so much I cannot even explain.
ps, this is not a sypathy post. I just want to some advise from someone who has been through this or knows someone who has.
Thanks
Dan(regret this in the morn)hercules

[Outnumbered]

Hey Dan,
Sorry to hear of your loss. I have not had anyone that close pass away, so I don't know if its normal. Just thought I would let ya know I was up late tonight too--can't sleep--and read your post. Hopefully someone here can give you some good advise. I think that if it's still hurting you that much after 8 months than you need to talk to someone. Holding it in is probably making it worse, but that's just a guess since I have no first hand experiece. Good luck and hang in there, I'm sure your dad would want you to move on and enjoy life. As you and he know too well, it goes by fast. Think of the way he would want you to go on and enjoy life. Maybe that will help.
Good luck,
OL

[Beautiful Noise]

Dan,I know what your going though I lost my Father back in 1991 he was 57 Trust me there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him in some way or another,In fact today was His Birthday.I don't have any word's of Wisdom for you to help you though this time, Sorry I couldn't be more help to you But I do understand what your feeling.
Steve

[FMluvswater]

IMO it is normal to still miss your Dad as much as you do AND I think you should seek grief counselling- not because what you are feeling is abnormal (it isn't) ... do it to help yourself deal with the tremendous loss in your life. The death of a parent or child leaves a unique lasting void. Don't regret your post please. It's good that you are reaching out. Be gentle with yourself. There is no wrong way to grieve and there is no set length of time in which to move beyond it and be able to remember without pain. You will always miss your Dad but it won't always hurt this much. Hang in there. Thank-you so much for sharing what you are going through. It may be best for you to have a friend or relative help you get rolling on that first counselling appointment. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care.
~FM
****
delamination

[HOSS]

Bro, I lost my father when I was 12. I`m 36 now and never a single day of my life goes by that I don`t miss him and all the life he/me mised. Nothing is wrong with you. But remember that death is a neccessary part of life. Everyone grieves in their own way. His early departure may have made me cold I think. I don`t cry at funerals. Not my Grandparents nor even my best friend when he died. Its cold but ya gotta roll on. Peace bro and keep on chuggin`. :cool:

[Rexone]

Dan check your PM's.

[Backtanner]

Lost mine at 42 out of nowhere. That was 12 years ago but seems like last week. Still haven't gotten over it and don't expect to. Don't dwell too much on the missed opportunities but remember the good ones you had.

[HammerDown]

Dan, let me say this...I'm now 45...I lost my Mother when I was 19...she was in her early 50's, way to young to go anywhere.
Do yourself a huge favor...talk to people about your thoughts/emotions, I don't and it's harder when one dose'nt. I at times find myself still at my age breaking down and tossing out a sob once and a while when thoughts of Mom, and how much she's missed enter my head.
Time will make it easer...somewhat.
Take care.

[Stupid Fast]

Danhercules, I think its normal. My father passed away March 18 1997, 46 days before my wedding day. He was 42, very healthy, didn't smoke, occasionally drank and excercized all the time. I was 21. Our relationship had finaly grown into the MAN to MAN type. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. "What would he do", "He would have helped me out of this jamb" ect. 6 Years later the Crying at night has almost stoped but the eyes still get teary at times. The pain decreases but you will never truly be the same from this point on. I Know I "grew up" That Year. One regret is that I have not seen or talked to my Brother, Sister, or Step Mother since December 23 1997. Don't let that happen to you. Talk to them. Your dad would want you to.
Hope this atleast makes you feel normal.
Life will go on.
Eric

[v-drive]

Dan, what you're feeling is completely normal.
There was a time when I felt I needed to talk to someone and I did. I felt like I was given my life back. Thanks for sharing.
:cool: v-drive

[Mandelon]

My Dad would've been 83 yesterday. He passed away at 76. I miss him always. I was very sad for the first couple of years, and still think of him often. I don't cry about it anymore. Although I might now.....
You are normal. If the crying makes you feel bettter, then that is why you are doing it. Your own body and mind are working properly without you even trying. Go with it. Time will heal you. It is part of the grand scheme. Can't change it, can't stop it.
I was lucky to have my father for so long. My mom is still doing alright. Just remember to live up to the values he taught you and that is the best way to honor him. cry
You also might be using thoughts of him to help relieve the other stresses in your life. Just think about Dad, you will cry and the bottled up emotions of the day, or week, are let go......
Not a bad thing. Just don't let us see you, cuz then we'll have to call you names.... :D
Its OK!

[vdrivenman]

hi dan,
i have been a cop for 31 years. seen death and carnage, been shot and wrecked my police scooter twice. thought i was Tuff and prepared for anything life sent my way. my Father died of a sudden heart attack at 71 ! that was 11 years ago. i still miss him today ,as much as i did the first nite. Dad was my lead off man, my go to person.one you could talk & tell anything to him, but he never offered his opinion unless you asked.
Still go to the gravesite and talk with him often. still cry, yes ! still hurt yes !
Everything you feel and experience is justified !
if you think you need to talk with someone,try your Pastor or Clergy.
For me I know that one day ! i will see my Dad again in a place and Life much better than this.
You made the first Big step deciding to speak out. Time will lessen the loss, but the wonderful,loving memories are forever !
i will pray for you some intervention in your life !

[Mohavekid]

Dan, you're OK.
Grief is different for everyone. For most of us as men, our fathers were the most important male figure in our lives. Whether we like it or not, we all compare ourselves to our fathers in some way. Most of the time, speaking strictly for myself, we don't measure up. Once they are gone, we can't show them who we have become, we can't make them proud of us.
Talking thru your feelings is a great first step in dealing with your grief. Talk to us, your wife, brothers, a counselor or a clergyman. It will help you tremendously. Over time, it does get easier. The pain of loss never goes away, but it becomes less sharp and less overwhelming.
Good luck.

[Stab-n-Steer]

Dear Dan,
Lost my dad on Father's Day 1995. He was 65. I am the oldest of four siblings. Each of us had very different interests and talents. Dad always found the time to have a close individual relationship with each of his kids. Dads and my relationship was centered around boating and racing. We always planned to race a crackerbox together. This year that dream came true for me but without Dad. At my first race, I had the keys to his old v-drive in my life jacket. I'm sure dad was looking down with a huge smile...
Dan, I miss him each and every day. The memories of your dad and his forever love will get you through... Next year my 18 year old son will race the crackerbox with me. What dad started with me I will continue with my son.
God bless,
S&S
[ August 02, 2003, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Stab-n-Steer ]

[BiggusJimbus]

Dan,
Focus on the friendship that you and your dad shared. Don't just think about the sadness.
Now's a good time to call on your friends to celebrate his life. You should be able to sit down and finish a bottle of whatever works for you and just talk about everything until you can't talk any more. Your real friends would find it an honor to support you and hear about the experiences that made you who you are today.
The best thing you can do to honor your father is to live your life the way he taught you and be the person that would make him, and therfore yourself proud. Pass on his lifetime of education to others.
You'll hopefully never get over it. But you will learn to carry on and embrace what his life meant. Eventually, you'll join up with him again.
Good Luck.

[Aqua Boogie1]

Hey Dan, Im the same way, keeping all the pain and hurt inside. My parents are still here but lost my grandmother about two years, who raised me and my sister while my mother was away in college. So she's like a second mom. Keeping it inside, I've learned it hurts longer then speaking on it but the hurt will go away but all the memories will diffinitly stick with you. Its all normal.......At times on here's, we all joke around, talk shit to each other but I don't think you will regret this in the morning. You have gotten some real emotions laid out to you on here and its good. Take care Dan......... wink

[boatlessd]

Dan,
Lost my mother suddently over 5 years ago. She drowned. It was the hardest thing in my life that I have ever been through. It's definitely tough to open up to anyone but I was lucky to have my wife (girlfriend) at the time who stood by me and listened to me. You will definitely need someone special there to help you through this. I still at times break down because I miss her. We also have 2 little kids that she will never get to enjoy. They would have been her only grandchildren. Does the pain go away. Never, but you will have good and bad days. Make sure you try to live life to its fullest and take care of the people that REALLY care about you. You'll find out who really is there for you.
God Bless,
Danny