Bummed deal

[jlnorthrup122]

Sorry to bring this here but I need to get this out and I am not one to really open up like this to anyone but I just feel like shit and this is the easiest way to get this out. I had a 3rd cousin (skyler) who's father (my 2nd cousin) killed hiself when skyler was a baby and well as time goes on skylars mother abandoned him when he was real young. So Skylers grandma takes him in and the grandmas boyfriend treats him like shit. well then skyler and I met for the first time last year through my wifes nephew and we hang out for a while and skylar wants to live with us. I wanted to let skylar move in but we dont have the room for him with our kids an all so that didn't happen. as time goes on we go our own ways (kinda my fault) and last week the 2 weeks ago the police find a body of a 17 year old boy in the river under a train bridge he was barely alive. They get him to the hospital and get him hooked up on resperators and stuff. It took 4 days before they ID'ed Skyler and the only reason they Ided him is they aired a picture of him in his hospital bed and one of skylers friends called in and ID'ed him. Well last wensday they took him off life support and wensday he looked like a 17 year old kid and by the time he died thursday night he looked like a 60 year old man. I feel that maybe I could have made a differnce in this kids life and he might not have commited suiside. I feel like dog shit. I have not cried in 10 years and It is just not stoppable today. I always am the one in control I am always the one with the answers I am suposed be someone who helps others so why did I turn my back on this kid? This kid is gone and he aint coming back and when I look outside and see the sun shining and great weather for kids to go out and mess around it really hits me like a ton of bricks on what this kid threw away!
Sorry to bring this here I just needed to get this out I feel like a huge load has been lifted and I feel better than before.

[SoCalOffshore]

Even if you were able to have brought him into your house, that doesn't mean the outcome would have changed. He had "many years" of neglect and abuse and his future course may have been in place long before you came along. Maybe now, he has found peace. Good luck.

[Jungle Boy]

That's a very sad story, but I wouldn't load your selve up with guilt. It kind of sounds like the poor kid was turned away by just about everyone that should have been there for him. He had a rough time on this planet, but it wasn't your fault. Maybe that don't sound right?? I'm sorry for your lose. frown

[Boozer]

Wow! I am really sorry to hear this. This is definitely a bummed deal but you in know way should blame yourself for this kids untimely death.
As stated in the previous post to you he went through a lot of shit and regardless of good home the kid had a lot of emotional scars and damage done to him. You as a human are only capable of so much and at the time you were not capable within your means of taking on the responsibility of him. You had other responsibilities and you didn't neglect them.
Don't blame yourself because it's not your fault. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this but you just gotta be strong for your kids and your family. Don't beat yourself up over this one.

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

jlnorthrup This is not your fault in anyway and you shouldn't put that on your shoulders. I'm sure you would have taken him in if you could but at the time you didn't have the room or finances whatever it was at the time. God does work in mysterious ways and this was his way this time. He may have plans in this ones next life that will benifit you or someone else in their time. I don't want to get religious on you but he has another purpose somewhere else right now and your purpose hear right now is to take care of your family and yourself. If you go bad then where will your family be? don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure he new you couldn't do anything at the time. If you are religious in anyway then just pray and there will be an answer. Just be patient but keep in mind you have a family to take care of too. They also need you.Our thoughts and prayers are with you to help you and your family in need.And i am sorry for your loss. But he is actually in a much better place right now. He has no pain,no abuse and he is loving and taking in every minute of it. God bless.

[jlnorthrup122]

I thank You guys for your support. It helps alot. I know I should not blame myself for this but I just cant cotroll it. And I will always stay strong for my family I've been through alot harder things than this in my days and things like these also make me stronger and wiser. I know I should get over the tough guy act and not bottle these things up and talk to my family about stuff that ailes me but its not easy to express myself. I mean If we were face to face You would have no clue of any of this. Once again thank you for your help you guys are awsome people. I needed to get this out and I do feel much better! Thank You Very much for your help.

[mike37]

That’s a bad deal
Butt you’re not perfect non-of us are your decision was not a mistake
Hang tuff

[missboatnam1]

things happen for a reason, i can totally understand that you are blaming yourself, im sure i would do the same....but you did not bring this child into this world, nor did you take him out...whos to say what would of happened if he did live with you, maybe something alot worse would of happened.....things happen in strage ways, but in no way should you be blaming yourself....you have your own family to care for. im sure if you could of you would of taken him before, but obvioulsy it wasent right at that time...the man above works in stange ways....
dont beat yourself up, hes probly much happier where hes at now.....
time will heal all, take care of your self....

[Freak]

He has found peace.....Now for you, guilt is like a bag of bricks you carry around...all you have to do is set it down.

[PussyPusher]

Hey were all here for you! You always have a shoulder to cry on here.

[Windy]

Im so sorry for your loss...the best thing you can do is talk about it.
We are here for you,
MissHBjet

[superV]

Well I was going to go in to along post but after reading what everyone has already said I think you get the point.
Keep your head high. Sorry for your loss. Only time will heal your pain. wink

[Whole Lotta Nothin']

Sorry to hear about your loss. It is definately a terrible thing that happened to him, but it isn't your fault. Like you had mentioned, you would have been happy to take hime in, but it just wasn't possible at the time. Had you known something like this was going to happen, I am sure you would have done something to help change the outcome, but there was no way for you to know that it was going to end like this. I am sure you feel terrible about what happened, but there was no way of knowing that this was going to happen. Besides, like a few other people have mentioned, how do you know that would have made a difference anyway? Keep him in your mind as the kid you always knew, and not the way he went out. He'll always be with you then.

[BK]

SoCalOffshore:
Even if you were able to have brought him into your house, that doesn't mean the outcome would have changed. He had "many years" of neglect and abuse and his future course may have been in place long before you came along. Maybe now, he has found peace. Good luck. Couldnt agree more with SoCalOffshore. My wife and I are foster parents and have a four year old boy in our care right now. In his short life he has already experianced enough to assure him of a problemed future. In six months with us theres been very little change and seems no matter how much disapline, love and stabillity we provide him its just not enough, very sad. Not a real good influance on my 3 year old son either, wich is probebly the worst thing about bringing someone like this into your home. It was real stand up of you to want to help this young man but chances are the outcome would have been the same. Keep your chin up :)

[Waldo]

I have already prayed for you and your family. It takes a big person to open up and talk about feelings. From the sounds of it, it has given you a little comfort.
It is only natural to "coulda, woulda, shoulda"...everyone does it...and it will eat you up if you let it. You did what you could at the time and that is what's important. If you "coulda" taken him in, you "woulda"...but you didn't....this is NOT YOUR FAULT. This was a decision by this young man probably stemming from situations prior to your control. Please don't guilt yourself too badly...I am truly sorry for how this has effected you and your family. God Bless.

[summerlove]

As a survivor of suicide (my father committed suicide in 1989), I have learned that you can't blame yourself for the actions of another. My family and I always second guess - what could we have done to prevent it? We'll never know, while it is possible, it is unlikely. The best way to "deal" with this, because that is what you do, is to talk about it with a friend who will listen. I found that when I talked about it, it became therapy for me. I have no remorse for not doing something more, because I have come to learn that there was nothing any of us could have done. You and the surviving friends and family of Skyler are the victims here. Suicide is a very selfish act and one that the deceased has no concept of - they think they are relieving a great burden - very, very tragic.
Keep up the prayers for him, and do not bury your head in the sand either. Talk, cry, and get professional help if you feel the burden too difficult. While this may be hard to swallow, many survivors (that's you)follow the same path due to their guilt, which only leaves a whole other set of problems.
Good luck - I'll be thinking of you and your family today...Rick

[jlnorthrup122]

Thank You all for the support! I feel much better today because of your advice I am back to myself again. You people are the greatest! Godbless you all! I thank you because you all have helped me. I still reget the fact that skyer has thrown his life away but you guys are rite it isn't my fault he did it. Hell I've been through some rough shit and I never thought about suiside so to that I didn't affect him in a way that added to the pain in his life to make him do that.
Thank you all
JL :)

[eliminatedsprinter]

Everyone here has told you "it's not your fault". I am going to go one further and say it sounds to me like you were one of the bright spots in this troubled young man's life. You should feel good about that as you mourn his loss.