Whats the meanest thing you've ever done...AT WORK?

[topless]

I guess mine has to be the time I fired a girl and told her that they were hiring at the offramp. I even offered her a "will work for food" sign. eek!

[SCUBA STEVE]

Hide from a vendor I didnt want to meet. wink

[GlastronGuy]

Called artillery fire in on a friendly position.
Well, they weren't being friendly to me and it wasn't live fire. But they sure were pissed.

[Jbb]

Was sitting in my Boss's office stealing some computer time ...when a new employee came in ..thinking I was in charge and started telling me his tale of woe about how he needed off the next day and he was already in trouble for attendance ...He needed off to close on a house and was in an absolute panic ...I was just shaking my head and agreeing with him and he says well ...can I have tomorrow off?....In my meanest voice I tell him.....Interesting story ...Request denied .....and get out of my office ....He looks stunned and heads out the door ...With this the boss walks in and bellows ...get out of my chair....lol...
The dude got the day off!

[Jbb]

Then there was the time they were renovating the restrooms at a bus garage I worked at...Ralph had a gigantic SnapOn roll away...just about big enough to live in....We bolted a urinal to the side of it ....Initally ...he was not amused.....
[ May 19, 2003, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: JETBOAT BRIAN ]

[DickDanger]

The Ex-Lax cookies.....a classic, but always good for some laughs, provided that you arent the person that it is happening to. I also like to cover the shitters with saran wrap. You have to make sure that there are no ripples in it, or it wont work. I have also been known to drop some "Total Insanity" hot sauce into peoples iced tea containers. Just a drop will do ya!!! -Dick "Stealth Bomber" Danger Out

[HBjet]

JBB, I'm glad I don't work with you!
For me, it was when I worked at the movie theater (high school days) and a girl came in that wanted a job. So we gave her an app. and told her the manager would get back to her. Well, there was a Sam's Club or something like that next door, and we figured she probably applied there too. So I called her phone later that day and said I was Jim the manager at Sam's Club and that she has been chosen to work with me as my assistant. Man she was so excited. I told her to go buy a new white top and some blue pants and she was to come in the next day at 2pm. She asked what does she do and I told her to ask for the manager and tell that person your here to work as his assistant. She again thanked me and was so happy to be working. I was laughing so hard! I know it was mean.
The next day she came over to the theater asking if the manager has looked at her application yet. She was in a white top and some dark blue pants. We told her yeah he has even though we through it away!
HBjet

[JetBoatRich]

That's pretty messed up HBJET, never heard that one before LOL.

[Infomaniac]

We sent a guy to the hardware store after some "fallopian tube cutters" once.
On board the aircraft carrier Ranger a number of years ago a young kid walked up asking where he could get some "flight line". He even had paperwork for it. I named off every part of the ship I could think of and he had already been there. Could not help him.
Flight Line being where you park the airplanes for those that do not know.

[DEEZ NUTTS]

MY friend and I are both backhoe guys. On a busy job, next to a busy street he has to take his emergency after lunch shit. I see him coming and shove a huge pile of dirt up to the porta potty door as he is racing to beat me. He lost. Threw him my shovel and let him sweat it for a few. Then moved the dirt for him. Unfortunatly the war is on. Cant be seen going into a porta potty.

[mickeyfinn]

we sent one of our newest trainees all over looking for a Sky hook and a lumber stretcher..LOL

[hoolign]

I'll try to make this short
On a drilling rig there are long deep tanks that we used to hold drilling mud in,they hold roughly 60 cubic meters of mud,each compartment is seperate, and holds about 20 meters cubed you can isolate each tank.
one tank basiclly dumps strait into a big resoivoir of slop,a big deep muddy resoivoir
I had to clean one compartment ,I got a green roughneck to help me,to drain these tanks theres a gate facing the sump,I told him that i dropped some tools in the tank,got him to stand infront of the gate with a gunny sack,kicked open the gate, and he was gone...up to his ears in mud about 20 feet out :D

[hoolign]

mickeyfinn:
we sent one of our newest trainees all over looking for a Sky hook and a lumber stretcher..LOL that's typical rig prank too,except pipe stetcher :D

[Havasu Hangin']

I made a guy mop the freezer once...

[hoolign]

How did he do? :D

[Havasu Hangin']

hoolign:
How did he do?Looked like a hackey rink, eh?

[hoolign]

hackey rink....never seen one :p

[Havasu Hangin']

I put a guy in a cardboard bailer once...

[LaveyJet]

Infomaniac:
On board the aircraft carrier Ranger a number of years ago a young kid walked up asking where he could get some "flight line". Could not help him.
On the carrier Midway, we had a guy looking for the keys to the planes. wink I think he was also looking for "relative bearing grease"
:rolleyes:

[HighRoller]

That's some funny shyt,my Brother-in-Law says every time they get a new trainee at Boeing he sends them to the parts department to get a gallon of prop wash.
My friends worked at a speed shop and were always playing practical jokes.Friend #1 jacks up the rear end of friend #2's truck until the rear tires are barely touching the ground then puts the rearend on jackstands.We laughed our asses off watching him get in and out of the thing after dumping the clutch and watching the tires spin.2 days later #2 is still pissed so he waits til #1 is out on a delivery to get his revenge.He opens the hood and I'm not sure how but he wires the coil of the guy's engine to the frame of his driver's seat with some extra wire.#2 comes running over about 5 minutes before close and grabs me to watch.I'm not sure what I'm looking at but #1 goes out,gets in his car and puts his seat belt on.He turns the key then nearly jumps out of his skin,head hits the roof,etc etc...He sits there with this confused look on his face then...unbelievably....he TRIES AGAIN.We laughed until we almost pissed ourselves!!!

[hoolign]

That's hilarious :D

[Mandelon]

Damn those are funny. We screwed one guy's tool box to the floor. It took him a while to figure out what had happened. I glue gunned a bunch of one guys tools to his work area.....
I had a guy ask me for a raise two weeks ago. Told me he couldn't make it on the $13 an hour he was making....I told him that if that was the case he better find another job 'cuz he wasn't worth that. He quit later that day. :rolleyes: No big loss.

[TroubIeOnWater]

I used to work for a car audio shop and we use to ALWAYS do crap to the new guys.
It was a new guys first night to close so myself and 2 of the installers took three of the cars left over night and blocked the new guys car in. One on each side and one behind front of his car was parked against the building so his car was stuck. He closed the store, went out to his car and was stuck. Needless to say he showed up at work the next day in a cab.
Another new guy was closing one night and when he went out to his car he had no seats, steering wheel or door panels. They were inside one of the installers trucks and he had already left for the evening. He also showed up to work the next morning in a cab.
We also took new guys wheels off their cars and several other things. In the year I spent there we must have gone through 10-15 new sales people because they just couldn't hack all the crap we put them through.
One night we actually teamed up with the store owner to pull one over on our manager because he pissed the owner off by being a smart ass in a company meeting. We changed the codes on the store security system and the manager got quite the scare when the cops showed up and accused him of trying burglarize his own store.
I kinda miss the days of working for a small company and being able to get away with stuff like that.

[HighRoller]

My personal favorite was a guy I worked with who had a POS grand am he was always workin on.It never ran on more than 3 cylinders,usually 2 or less.Somehow it burnt a hole in the exhaust manifold by the head and he told me to look at it.So being the nice guy I was I checked it out and just to make sure it would start I squirted about a quarter of a can of either into the hole.I told him just to patch it so he put some JB Weld over it and went back to work.I unfortunately forgot what I had done and later was on the phone in the office on the phone.We sent him on our daily 5:50pm beer run(we closed at 6pm)and as I'm on the phone in the office I see him getting in his car.He starts it up and backs,the drives out of the lot and this is what I heard.
KAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM
I jumped halfway out of my seat thinkin it was a drive-by,then remembered the either and started laughing.I didn't stop laughing until well after he got back!!!!!I thought I was gonna pass out when I saw the look on his face!

[GlastronGuy]

Mandelon:
Damn those are funny. We screwed one guy's tool box to the floor. It took him a while to figure out what had happened. I glue gunned a bunch of one guys tools to his work area.....
I had a guy ask me for a raise two weeks ago. Told me he couldn't make it on the $13 an hour he was making....I told him that if that was the case he better find another job 'cuz he wasn't worth that. He quit later that day. :rolleyes: No big loss. I wouldn't get out of bed for $13 an hour. No wonder he couldn't make it.

[hoolign]

It's amazing ..just how many sick and twisted individuals frequent this place....cheers :D

[HighRoller]

Okay,at the rissk of being a post-***** I just recalled an even better story regarding exploding exhaust.I was hired on a temporary basis to help relocate and work at a buddy's racing fab shop.So we get a POS ford F650 stakebed from the rental place along with a forklift on a tilt trailer.So being bored while hauling this guy's crap around I decided to lay down a couple Molotov muffler bombs around town.Basically you get the thing up to almost max RPM,turn off the key(the engine is still spinning since it's a manual tranny)pump the gas a couple times,turn the key back on and plug your ears!!!Especially effective under freeway bridges when people are waiting for the bus!So the night before I took this thing back my buddy asks me to drive by the shop and lay one down to scare the crewchief.I cruise by in drive-by mode,shut it off,pump the gas to the floor 5 times and turn it back on.I'll never forget the scene through the roll-up door as the whole side of the building lit up and the crewchief jumped,hit the hood of the race car and fell backwards over the radiator on to his head!!!!My buddy said the flames out of the muffler were 10 feet long!!!!

[manson]

I work for 2 brothers and they are always trying to get me or the other guys in trouble with anybody. One day boss #1 brings his truck in for service so we service it and hook his horn to his turn signal. Every time the turn signal blinks the horn honks. Boss #2 pours water down the crack of my ass this winter its about 10 degrees outside. I said ill get you. About a week ago he brings his truck i for service so I run to the grocery store buy a can of anchovies and take the fan motor out, crack the can insert behind fan put fan back in place and laugh.
Yesterday he says my truck smells like rotten fish. Im laughing so. Havent told him yet its supposed to be hot next week, then ill tell him.

[Tom Foolery]

I took a picture of a guy I worked with and put his picture on amIhotornot.com. I then opened up a hotmail account in his name and emailed everyone in the company with a link to where they could vote on how hot he was. His score was a 1.42
Same guy, We work on a construction site & had a really profitable job, our company kicked in and gave the entire team a trip to vegas for the weekend. When the list came in showing what times everyones flight was supposed to leave, I changed the destination for all of the engineers mangagers & superintendents to Hawaii and showed him going to Vegas with the secretaries and laborers. He was sooo pissed he called all of the executives up to the regional manager demanding to know why his trip wasn't to hawaii.

[Free Agent]

Got a contract to pick up the Kanefski Brothers on a fugitive warrant.
The Kanefskis were known for frequenting areas around amusement parks, and robbing people by crushing their noses with vice grips.
People in these areas carry larger sums of cash for their days fun at the local attraction and are easy prey for the Kanefskis.
They were spotted near a Burger King in Escondido Calif near LegoLand where most customers had full wallets of cash.
When the customer would use the restroom,, the brothers would enter, kick the stall open, grap the victim by the nose with the vice grips and take his wallet and other valuables.
The Kanefskis brothers extended family are convinced the cops are picking on them because they claim a direct relationship to Bugsy Seigel,, and generously offer up equity in their homes for their bail,, which the brothers then promptly flee.
Anyway,, we tracked them down and apprehended them,, they always put up a fight,, the younger fancies himself a martial arts belt of some degree,, Hell,, I don't know what, but I knock him out in seconds,,, I took the vice grips and clamped down on the Martial arts expert with a deluxe jolt in the Huevos.
I felt real good about that.
-The Turbo Family

[***boat]

Same guy:
1. Pissed in his canteens.
2. Ran over his mountain bike with a fork lift.
3. Threw all of his gear off the side of a GoPlat (Gas and Oil Platform)
4. Signed his email address up for ever mailing list known to man.
5. Photoshopped a picture of him engaged in a homosexual act and then posted it on multiple bulletin boards around office area. Every time he would tear it down another one would show up. I had about 5 guys working with me to keep them up all the time.

[topless]

OK, This isn't the meanest but was funny. After work most nights, we used to sit around and drink beer. When I went to the fridge one night, there were only 2 left and only the pig girl who I couldn't stand was left without a beer. I took mine and threw the other one on the floor several times after shaking the shit out of it and put it back. When I returned she asked where hers was. I told her there was one left so she went back and got it. She opened it in front of everyone. You know the rest. eek!

[topless]

I used to have a co-worker who was a total mental case. He hated American women so he went and got one of those mail order brides from the Phillines.
One day after he sat around and ragged on us, I found a big black widow spider outside, put it in a jar (alive) then when he left his desk, I put his cell phone in the jar with a note saying "heres your American woman". He left the phone in the jar till the the spider died!!

[48OFF]

A guy I work with was buying his last new 3/4 4wd pickup to pull his trailer. He wanted a big block gas motor ,as this was before the turbo diesels. So his biggest thing was gas mileage. He endlessly bored us all with all the details. So after a salesman told him the Chevy was the gas mileage champ he bought one. We decided that we would help him with his mileage. At the start we put 5 gallons of gas a week in his tank. He was thrilled at the 22 mpg. This was fun so we thought 5 gals 2 times a week was better yet.His truck was awesume getting 33 mpg. He was in dreamland and could not shut up about his Wonder truck,untill we stopped the extra gas ,and after a week even started takeing some out each day. He became somewhat silent about his truck. After 2 weeks one guy carefully asks about his mileage, and he almost loses it as he tells how he went on a rampage at the dealership after he tells them about his p.o.s. truck that only gets 3 mpg after it used to get 33mpg. We all started howling, he storms out and drives off to the dealership and drives through service dept. and kills 3 of them before the cops fatally shoot him to death. Not all jokes turn out well.Not really just made that last part up to see if anyone is paying attention. It was a good joke and feel free to use it as your own.

[bchbum]

My old boss got a new company suv , I took a picture of it & put it in the truck Trader ,must sell , days only with his cell # . He got calls all day ever day . He had to keep it on for work too .meetings were the best , no it's not for sale .

[al cole'holic]

...shit in the beans at Taco Bell.

[TroubIeOnWater]

al cole'holic:
...shit in the beans at Taco Bell. I know a few people who have done that. I won't eat at Taco Bell or Del Taco to this day because of that.
Wasn't at work but I caught my g/f giving a so-called friend a blow job and lit her car on fire 2 weeks later. Really crappy part is that she didnt have insurance. Lost her job, apt, etc.
Another so-called friend of mine ruffied <sp> one of my g/f's and ****ed her. He didn't know I knew this so I was able to **** him over royally. He had just turned 18 and was on probation for grand theft auto and posession he got busted for while a minor. The deal was that he would have his record sealed as long as he didn't violate probation. I was working at the car audio shop at the time and told him I'd help him steal some some crap from the store as long as I got a cut. He comes into the store and I left out MB Quart speakers, 4 Fosgate amp's, a deck, and several other things (all stuff that was getting ready to head to the install bay for a big install I had closed the day before) then dissappeared into the back room. Came out just as he bolted out the door with the last of the stuff. Told the manager who he was and that he just bolted out of the store with the stuff I had sitting behind the counter. Called the cops and told them the same thing. We got the stuff back and he did 180 days in jail. Needless to say he is now 22 and works at McDonalds.

[al cole'holic]

I was just ****in around, I have never worked at Taco Bell....

[topless]

al cole'holic:
I was just ****in around, I have never worked at Taco Bell.... Still never eating any fast mexican food again!!!!!

[HOSS]

Kicked a dude in the dick.

[Licketty Split]

Pumped a bunch of tear gas into the AC ductwork once :D ....That got me wrote up :rolleyes:
welded a guy tool box to the table once
I took one of the welders helmats apart and inserted a peace of paper between the lenses that had the word " Flash " cut out. When he started welding He saw the word Flash.

[boatnam2]

i worked with this sick pig that would always screw up the boathroom.only him and i were using it at the time.so one night at worked i got pissed went to the bathroom put the lid down and took a big shit on the lid and then put the shitty paper around it to make it look pretty.after the janitors finally cleaned it we seemed to have a new understanding and never had a problem again.

[Desert Rat]

Worked with a guy that was always screwing with people. I work on aircraft and the company made us shadow (cut outs for tools) our tool boxes for all tools. I took a die grinder and cut flat spots on all the wheels, 3 on some and 4 on others. When he would move his box to the next plane the tools would all jump around in the drawers and the drawers wouldn't open. The guy was so f'n cheap he spent countless hours trying to file the wheels back round so the tools wouldn’t jump around and I just kept putting flat spots on them.