Today's funny

[rrrr]

While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "We've never had a liberal in the family before!"

[Freak]

LOL that's funny

[spectratoad]

That's good and so true. Here is one I got this morning.
Somewhere in the deep south Bubba called an attorney and asked,
"Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people
to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that's true." Answered the lawyer.
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them
fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is
that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba, but why do you ask?"
'Cause I was thinkin', maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them
ugly women I've been waken' up with."

[spectratoad]

Got this today also, It sounds like George Carlin but the emial didn't say who.
9 Things I hate about everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I
>>know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at
>>my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
>>
>> 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the
>>entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv
>>and change the channel manually.
>>
>> 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
>>too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
>>
>> 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of
>>course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've
>>found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm gonna Kick
>>their ass!
>>
>> 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
>>Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
>>
>> 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really
>>give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
>>
>> 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's
>>new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
>>improvement, then there must have been something before it.
>>
>> 8. When people say "life is short". What!!?? Life is the longest
>>damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
>>
>> 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus
>>come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

[FMluvswater]

Two doctors opened an office in a small town, and put up a sign reading "Dr.Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology". The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysteria's and Posteriors" This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go. Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again. Then came "Manic depressives and Anal retentives". Still not good. How about "Minds and Behinds"? Unacceptable again. So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass Holes". Still no go. Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks" or "Loons and Moons" work either. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends".
Approved :D
****
elbow tops

[spectratoad]

:D :D :D