sandblasted
11-07-2002, 06:23 PM
(I think this explains why Davis was re-elected in California)
The Obituary...
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart
failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he
was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For
decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over
Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to
know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial
Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common
Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing,
whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became
infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of
well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good
people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and
a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his
condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent
when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the
Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge
settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those
for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is
survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.
Not many Americans attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.
The Obituary...
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart
failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he
was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For
decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over
Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to
know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial
Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common
Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing,
whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became
infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of
well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good
people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and
a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his
condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent
when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the
Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge
settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those
for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is
survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.
Not many Americans attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.