'How Many' jokes

[twistedpair]

How many kids with A.D.D does it take to screw in a light bulb?................................Hey, you wanna go ride bikes?

[jlnorthrup122]

Thats a good....... what beer are you drinking?

[twistedpair]

Thanks, drinkin' Sol.......................what was the question again?

[jlnorthrup122]

The queation was.......I think I will have fun taking the kids to see the monster trucks! :D

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

there was a pirate who walked into a bar. he had a parret on his shoulder, a wooden leg from the knee down and a steering well in his pant's. the bar tender asked " do you know you have a steering wheel in your pant's" the pirate said " arg yah i do , It's drivin me nutts" :p

[twistedpair]

Here's one for FM
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
[ August 08, 2003, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: twistedpair ]

[FMluvswater]

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a lightbulb?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By
the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES ONCE AGAIN THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS ... CATS HAVE STAFF. ;) :D

[Debbolas]

Originally posted by MRS FLYIN VEE
there was a pirate who walked into a bar. he had a parret on his shoulder, a wooden leg from the knee down and a steering well in his pant's. the bar tender asked " do you know you have a steering wheel in your pant's" the pirate said " arg yah i do , It's drivin me nutts" :p
LMAO
too funny
I will have to remember that joke to accessorize my pirate swim suit....
LOVE The dog joke, that is so my lab...

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

you have to say it in your best pirate voice. LOL!! thanks. :D

[Debbolas]

Arrrg, thar be wenches..........
:D
What do you think about a eyepatch?
(too much)

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

Originally posted by Debbolas
Arrrg, thar be wenches..........
:D
What do you think about a eyepatch?
(too much)
nah. it's never too much when your having fun. :D

[Debbolas]

Well I got the pirate suit to match the skull on our new boat.
So nothing from last year matches this, (cover ups, flip flops, towels) It is a work in progress......but fun :D

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

Originally posted by Debbolas
Well I got the pirate suit to match the skull on our new boat.
So nothing from last year matches this, (cover ups, flip flops, towels) It is a work in progress......but fun :D
as long as your having fun. was your boat the one in the boat show in L.A? just trying to picture you is all. I don't think we have had the plessure of meeting yet.:D :D

[Debbolas]

Originally posted by MRS FLYIN VEE
as long as your having fun. was your boat the one in the boat show in L.A? just trying to picture you is all. I don't think we have had the plessure of meeting yet.:D :D
Not yet, I want to put a face to all these people. I guess we will meet at the sandbar someday, but how will we know each other.
We need like a secret ***boat handshake or something....
LOL
Our 26ft Kachina Force was featured at the Phonix boat show (along with Randy's [Kachina 26]) I can't figure out how to attach pictures yet, they are all too big, but I do have some from the boat show. When we got back from Phoenix, there was a photo of our boat posted......Our boat is white (of course) and purple and blue, with the skull, so I was looking for skull suites, you know to match. I guess I could match purple and blue as well.
I just can't wait to go to the lake this weekend!
:D :D
thanks for the chat