WILDERTHANU
10-02-2003, 09:39 PM
Are you gay??
1. If you are over 25 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've
been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Atkins diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog, but
Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for G-A-Y.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such nonsense,
rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs,
crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a Fag.
4. If you refuse to take a shit in a public toilet or piss in a parking lot,
you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a
dick in there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your arse. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, and
NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is,
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you
are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you're hungry for
man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-arse
Volvo drivers or to cut the mother***ker off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer,
finger the beaaaatch in the passenger seat whoever she happens to be), or
talk on his cell phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le
Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out
too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or keep that sh*t to yourself,
you flamming faggot!
9. If your name is Nigel, Daniel, Leonard, Colin, Wesley, Radar, Terry,
Francis, or Grover then stop living in denial. You're a dung punching arse
bandit from way back and everyone knows it.
10. If you currently drive or have ever driven a Mini, Miata or a Neon or
any "Eco-Conscious" piece of shit you might as well walk around with the
arse cut out of your jeans and KY smeared all over your crack.
1. If you are over 25 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've
been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Atkins diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog, but
Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for G-A-Y.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such nonsense,
rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs,
crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a Fag.
4. If you refuse to take a shit in a public toilet or piss in a parking lot,
you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a
dick in there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your arse. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, and
NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is,
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you
are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you're hungry for
man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-arse
Volvo drivers or to cut the mother***ker off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer,
finger the beaaaatch in the passenger seat whoever she happens to be), or
talk on his cell phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le
Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out
too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or keep that sh*t to yourself,
you flamming faggot!
9. If your name is Nigel, Daniel, Leonard, Colin, Wesley, Radar, Terry,
Francis, or Grover then stop living in denial. You're a dung punching arse
bandit from way back and everyone knows it.
10. If you currently drive or have ever driven a Mini, Miata or a Neon or
any "Eco-Conscious" piece of shit you might as well walk around with the
arse cut out of your jeans and KY smeared all over your crack.