gross but funny..

[Cs19]

Although I cannot claim authorship, I recently read this and had to post it. It's worth the read and ill probably get flamed but oh well.
Ode to an a$$ hair
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I
thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there
and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.
As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't
enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.
Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

[FMluvswater]

http://www.mschulze.bizland.com/images/lachen70.gif http://www.mschulze.bizland.com/images/lachen70.gif http://www.mschulze.bizland.com/images/lachen70.gif http://forums.***boat.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif http://forums.***boat.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif :D
****
hull mounted strainer

[HammerDown]

This topic is one thats very serious to me and not a matter that should be taken lightly.
Excessive Butt Carpet can and dose make the act wiping a real well, pain in the ass...after all it's like trying to wipe (Spackel out of a Shag Rug).
Personally I have 2 (moves) I must do before and after I plop one down the porcelain pipes...with both hands I do whats called the "Spread and Squat" this 1'st (move) helps to part the hairy jungle out of the way before I mount the magnificent bowl and the Stink Pickle is launched.
I for one would like to trim up that area...but just the thought of putting a razor near my Sphincter turns me into a quivering coward.
The 2'nd move is to dab a precise amount of Ass Paper under a trickeling faucet. Not only dose that make the act of wiping refreshing, but makes for a quick clean up...HOWEVER CAUTION must be taken when doing the 2'nd move...to much water on the wiping material WILL cause it to become severeyl weak...and BLOW THROUGH can happen...Stink Finger is the result!
Kind of makes one wonder why we were designed with a Hairy Butt :confused:

[FMluvswater]

:D :D :D You're killing me here HD! Hot wax kit? LMAO! :D
****
belt tension

[spectratoad]

Hammerdown, as my kids say to me alot. TMI (Too Much Information) but I have to agree with you. :D

[miller19j]

Wet Wipes! Give those a try at the end they clean you right up!
Miller(Has a Clean Hairy Ass)19j :D

[HammerDown]

miller19j:
Wet Wipes! Give those a try at the end they clean you right up!
Miller(Has a Clean Hairy Ass)19j :D True Miller...one hasent lived life until he/she has wiped the Rose Bud with a WetNap.
Theres a special type of turd that only a WetNap or a quick trip to the Shower can handel. It's a somewhat dry, but not to dry that it breaks off, tarry type of thing thats void of what I call (Fecal Gel Coat). The Fecal Gel Coat is what helps the stink pickel almost fall out of ones Bowels and makes for what I really like..."the one wipe Crap"....ya don't get them to often...but when I do I try the hardest to recal what I ate the night befor that caused the Speed Coated Brown Scud Missel.
Back to WetNaps..if I may.
True the lemon sented ones are always by my Thrones side awaiting like a good friend for me to grap one if needed. But one must be careful not to fall into the pure tranquility they can cause...Caution must be taken with these little moist turd towlets...use one, then flush it...or else a back up could happen and there goes your wounderful experience.
I also always keep WetNaps in the Boat at all times...Friends have seen me take that walk into the woods with my trusty WetNaps in hand to find that perfect Tree to lean back upon and help Fertilize Mother Natures Green wonders.
Did ya wonder who tested the Lemon sented WetNaps to see if they worked?...A Crapy job for sure...but when I find that Butt Sniffen, scent designing , little person...the drinks are on me!
[ September 04, 2003, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: HammerDown ]

[FMluvswater]

Thanks HD, I have now fallen off my chair and died laughing. :D :D :D I revived just long enough to tell you about it. wink :D
****
hydraulic lock

[missboatnam1]

LMAO......OMG......i cant stop lauphing!! i feel really bad for you, now you men might have a idea what us women go thru, having to shave legs, arms, bikni lines, pluck our eyebrows.....it hurts!!!
maybe some powder will sooth the pain, dont take the easy way out by jumping out of the window,it will be over in a few days!! wink

[Mandelon]

When you first arise in the morning shit first thing, then shower after. Spread your buns and water pic your butt spokes.
Man--->Butt as clean as Miller's<---delon :D

[HammerDown]

missboatnam1:
LMAO......OMG......i cant stop lauphing!! i feel really bad for you, now you men might have a idea what us women go thru, having to shave legs, arms, bikni lines, pluck our eyebrows.....it hurts!!! Nothing quite compares to wiping spackle out of a shag Rug :p
A overly hairy Ass and a soft gooey Stool...that aint exactly life in Paradise Honey!

[twistedpair]

Jesus H!!! I just get over "Stink Pickle" and you break out the "Speed coated Scud Missle"?!?
You're effin' KILLING ME!!!

[twistedpair]

Double post. See, what did I tell ya'.
[ September 03, 2003, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: twistedpair ]

[missboatnam1]

your right hammerdown, i wont go there :D ...but i think cs19 otta be a book writer.....i visilized the whole story.....hes good!! :cool:

[RaysonRat]

OMG i never want to getold, i still cant stop laughing, but dont forget the only down side to the speed coated scud missle is the potential for splash back, LMfao

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

I as a plumber suggest strongly to invest in a bidet. It washes wonders. eek!

[Infomaniac]

Notes to self:
Do not shake hands with HammerDown or cs19.
Do not borrow Mandelon's shower
[ September 03, 2003, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Infomaniac ]

[Wet Dream]

Note to women:
Using a moist towlette severly reduces the chances of accumulating "rollies"
Men, you will be familiar with these if you have ever been tongueing your way around the area and come across a "rollie". At first your mind thinks this could be a leftover brown trout, but as you try to clear it from your tongue, you realize that its merely a piece of toilet paper that got left behind and is rolled up like a spit-wad. Which now begins the "correct" thing to do. Are you comfortable with swallowing it and going on like it was never there, or do you turn away for a breif second after getting it in the right position on your tongue, to discard it like a spit-wad without the straw? :D

[jus a baker]

this shit aint right.. :rolleyes:

[HammerDown]

MRS FLYIN VEE:
I as a plumber suggest strongly to invest in a bidet. It washes wonders. eek! A Bidet...that sucker best have at least 2500 psi with a cutting tip on it to power wash my Ass Forest. :D

[Wet Dream]

HammerDown:
that sucker best have at least 2500 psi with a cutting tip on it to power wash my Ass Forest. :D Why not just find a way to strap your ass to the transom of your boat? Plenty of pressure there.

[HammerDown]

RaysonRat:
OMG i never want to getold, i still cant stop laughing, but dont forget the only down side to the speed coated scud missle is the potential for splash back, LMfao Well usually when a "Speed Coated Scud Missel" is launched...that is the type of Stink Pickel that has no (Shrapnel) with it...so the splash back water is rather clean...and is a plus with the Gell Coated Turd...that aids even more in the "one wipe crap"...great huh!
NOW...if by chance were talking muddy waters here ya know... Diarrhea or as I call it "Blowing Brown" at terminal velocity...and one semi solid hits the water and causes Splash Back...well then, all bets are off and we have a new set of rules here.
This is the Hell I live!

[Wet Dream]

HammerDown:
RaysonRat:
OMG i never want to getold, i still cant stop laughing, but dont forget the only down side to the speed coated scud missle is the potential for splash back, LMfao Well usually when a "Speed Coated Scud Missel" is launched...that is the type of Stink Pickel that has no (Shrapnel) with it...so the splash back water is rather clean...and is a plus with the Gell Coated Turd...that aids even more in the "one wipe crap"...great huh!
NOW...if by chance were talking muddy waters here ya know... Diarrhea or as I call it "Blowing Brown" at terminal velocity...and one semi solid hits the water and causes Splash Back...well then, all bets are off and we have a new set of rules here.
This is the Hell I live! You have WAAAAAAAAY too much time on your hands buddy. :D

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

LMFAO!! you guys are killin me here. I couldn't even read it out loud to Mr. Vee without laughing. I love it. Thanks guys. I needed the laugh. :D :D :p :p

[Mandelon]

Hmmmm. sounds like an invasion of Kling-ons!! :D

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

what do the people from star trek and a roll of toilet paper have in common?
They both circle your anus in search of cling-on's. :D :p

[HammerDown]

MRS FLYIN VEE:
LMFAO!! you guys are killin me here. I couldn't even read it out loud to Mr. Vee without laughing. I love it. Thanks guys. I needed the laugh. :D :D :p :p Well...I guess I should be happy that my missery is one that gives you pleasure and entertainment.
Wonder if I could invent Nair for Hairy Butts idea ...sometimes I think theres a bunch of Teddy Bear Hamsters living in my Butt Crack.

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

They could be dust bunnies!! wink

[Kilrtoy]

Trim that shit, What a gross human being

[FMluvswater]

Just when I think it can't possibly get any funnier in here!!! :D :D :D My sides hurt!
HD you are a damn good writer ... you should write for Jay's monologue maybe ... then he might actually be funny! :D
****
freshwater cooled

[Cs19]

:D :D :D ...classic

[HammerDown]

FMluvswaterbabe:
Just when I think it can't possibly get any funnier in here!!! :D :D :D My sides hurt!
HD you are a damn good writer ... you should write for Jay's monologue maybe ... then he might actually be funny! :D
****
freshwater cooled Thanks...I guess, I get all my inspirations from my time spent on the Bowl!
Now if I could only turn it into money...then I'd be Shiting pretty. :D

[VillainDave]

LMFAO!!I shouldn't have read this at the office :D

[Cs19]

ewf! now thats pretty bad

[CEO]

That photo is awesome! Thank God I have little body hair. If this guy was in the forrest some drunkin' hunter might put a cap in that ass!
[ September 05, 2003, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: CEOinSoCal ]

[01RENEGADE]

Nair it and forget it . Now can we move on? :D

[missboatnam1]

i have NEVER seen anyone as hairy as that man!! jawdrop

[Havasu Hangin']

missboatnam1:
i have NEVER seen anyone as hairy as that man!!Where's the onion?

[missboatnam1]

ohhh dont go there HH, he stoped eating onions, lets see what comes out next!!! LOL...... eek!

[Kim Hanson]

The first was funny, butt HammerDown...killed me........( . )( . )........ :D

[HOSS]

I souldn`t reply but I`m already here.
This topic is ****in` sick! yuk

[FMluvswater]

:D bump http://www.***boat.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif

[fourspeednup]

I joined right after reading this thread. Been lurking for ever but had to jump in and meet the kind of people who write about this shit:D

[HammerDown]

Originally posted by FMluvswaterbabe
:D bump http://www.***boat.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif
You ain't right...:D

[AdrenelineOD]

Poop? Poop? you dont knoe squat about poop. Ive got a 2 year old that takes off her own dyper. go ahead and use your imaginatin because it happed. and if I dont keep up after those pit bulls well she does it for me. thanks babydoll!!!!:D

[FMluvswater]

Originally posted by HammerDown
You ain't right...:D
No shit, eh?! :D :D

[MudPumper]

This has to be the funniest thread I have ever read!!!!!!

[FMluvswater]

Originally posted by MudPumper
This has to be the funniest thread I have ever read!!!!!!
It's right up there with "... because I said so" on my list of most hilarious threads to read ! :D I love this place - I really do! :D

[Wicky]

In MX world it is called Monkeybutt!!

[Keithb87]

I miss a few days and this happens .. :eek: :eek:
ROTFLMBFAO :D :D

[Kwicherbichen]

Different kinds of poopies
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and still feels unwipped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear, so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie- This happens when you're done poopieing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind were you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, your afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassy Poopie- It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poopie- Self explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie-Poopie- The kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet & fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie- (The power dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie- It smells so bad your nose burns.
Upper Class Poopie- The kind of poopie that doesn't smell.
The Surprise Poopie- You are not even at the toilet because you are sure your about to fart, but OOPS!- a poopie!
The Dangling Poopie- This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopieing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
The Bloody Poopie- When it scrapes you so bad coming out, you think your bleeding.
Snow Ball Poopie- The kind of poopie that comes out in little balls
The Blow Me Off the Toilet Seat Poopie- One big blast of gas that your butt cheeks are blown off the toilet seat before you can even get the poopie out.
The Blob Poopie- the green poopie that splaters everywhere with chunks in it.
Mini-me Poopie- The kind of poopie that looks so much like yourself that you want to take it out of the toilet to keep.
Squish Through Your Toes Poopie- you know..when you're trying to pottie train a puppie and they lay one right in the middle of the floor and you step in it first thing in the morning...of course it's still dark out when this happens.....uuuggghhhh!!!!
The Gigantic Poopie- The type of poopie where you have to flush the toilet half way through, or else it will overflow.
Fire Poopie- The kind of poopie that squirts out of your butt and stings so bad, that it feels like it's on fire.

[Kwicherbichen]

Ways you could annoy a person in the next stall
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!"
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
16. Say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

[Kwicherbichen]

How about the types of farts?
Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.
Eggy Fart
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Windy Fart
The sort of fart which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.
Growling Fart
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Some how never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.
Worrying Fart
The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.
Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.
Compost Fart
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.
Beefy One
Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.
Present (a.k.a 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.
Squeaky Fart
Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
Bunbuster Fart
'BRAAA!' Sounds like a Beefy one, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.
Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.
Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.
Brewer Fart
You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.
Sphinctal Napalm
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Nevermind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.
Stalker Fart
Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed you, and you are duly criticised for poor manners.
Burble Fart
Bubbly!
On The Spot Fart
You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.
Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.
Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.
GNL Fart
Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart...
Underwater Fart
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and experienced wind breakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.
Gunshot Fart
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One report continues: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named." A few others have refered to these rare creatures, so proving their existance.
Tandem Fart
Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart most be extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker's nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.

[FMluvswater]

:D :D :D
"a brown equivalent to a zeppelin" ... I nearly spit coffee! Thanks for adding to the wake up laugh there Kwicherbichen!

[Kwicherbichen]

A couple of those actually make me cry they are so funny.

[Boozer]

You left out an important one:
Beer drinker fart:
a fart that can be descirbed as one of most above listed but displayed openly without concern of others because it has to come out and who gives a f*ck who hears it or smells it? You're 15 deep into your 24 pack and half a bottle down on the goose. If someone hears it no worries because most likely they are as f*cked up as you so they wont remember it. If they do?? F*ck it you were drunk so noone is going to hold it against you.
Beer drink fart is the best by far.

[Cs19]

Classic thread, had to bump it back up for one more go round.

[79miller]

I didn't see the "Cropduster", where you release some grade "A" choice ass, then go running through a crowd of your friends...

[kp216]

I didn't see the "Cropduster", where you release some grade "A" choice ass, then go running through a crowd of your friends...
We also call those strafing runs. You crank one loose as you walk past a line of people. :D

[79miller]

We also call those strafing runs. You crank one loose as you walk past a line of people. :D
How about Carpet Bombing, or maybe a Bunker Buster....

[Keithb87]

:shift: :rollside: :mix: :)

[Aqua Boogie1]

:D :D LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WaTchTheGelCoat]

BEST THREAD EVER! This might have very well been the funniest chit I have ever read in my life LMFAO THANK YOU. :rollside: :hammer2:

[PlyaPlya22]

Jesus H!!! I just get over "Stink Pickle" and you break out the "Speed coated Scud Missle"?!?
You're effin' KILLING ME!!!
Speed coated Scud Missle....That there is some funny sh*t!

[OGShocker]

Speed coated Scud Missle....That there is some funny sh*t!
No pun intended I am sure. :2purples:

[rvrtoy]

A Bidet...that sucker best have at least 2500 psi with a cutting tip on it to power wash my Ass Forest. :D
:rollside: LMAOROTF :rollside: :2purples:

[HammerDown]

Glad my misery has caused so much pleasure... :D

[Nucking futs]

All time great, im rolling on the floor...................

[FMluvswater]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/bump.gif
LMFAO all over again! :D

[HammerDown]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/bump.gif
LMFAO all over again! :D
That's right...thats (my) girl that bumped this thread.
Anyone got a problem with it...didn't think so :D

[FMluvswater]

That's right...thats (my) girl that bumped this thread.
Anyone got a problem with it...didn't think so :D
What happened to discreet? LOL! ;) :D Mornin' HD! :D I'm doing my job. :)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/HDforever.gif

[switchin'addiction]

OMG you guys are f*&king great! I've been wiping away tears from laughing so f'ing much just to get to the end of this thread.
Thanks guys I needed that! Nasty, but funny as hell!

[SB]

"A Bidet...that sucker best have at least 2500 psi with a cutting tip on it to power wash my Ass Forest"
Yet another reason to own a jet drive.

[HammerDown]

What happened to discreet? LOL! ;)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/HDforever.gif
Guess I couldn't hold it in any longer...kinda like > :squiggle: :umm: ....... :rollside:
And yes a fine job your doing my dear. This is why were on the same team :wink:

[FMluvswater]

Guess I couldn't hold it in any longer...kinda like > :squiggle: :umm: ....... :rollside:
And yes a fine job your doing my dear. This is why were on the same team :wink:
I understand HD ... no need to hold things in - that wouldn't be healthy. :sqeyes:
HD & FM = The WetNap For Doody Team ;) :cool: http://www.***boat.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif
**Still hard at work**
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/HDforever.gif

[Stealth Marine]

I may be stuck working all day on Saturday while everyone else is out on the lake, but at least I have something to laugh at !!

[Misogynist]

OMG,.,,, I'm dying laughing here... I loved the descriptions of the farts... and how one guy described his butt.... "spokes on his anal pinwheel"... or something like that..... :eek: Made me think about another thread when someone was talking about "personal grooming" and Frenchie said... Set the trimmer on #1 for the shaft... and #2 for around the rosie....... damn... that's funny....... :idea:

[HammerDown]

Bump...because FM would want me to :rolleyes: :D

[FMluvswater]

Bump...because FM would want me to :rolleyes: :D
It's good you know your stalker that well! ;)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/HDforever.gif

[Boy Named Sue]

OMG,.,,, I'm dying laughing here... I loved the descriptions of the farts... and how one guy described his butt.... "spokes on his anal pinwheel"... or something like that..... :eek: Made me think about another thread when someone was talking about "personal grooming" and Frenchie said... Set the trimmer on #1 for the shaft... and #2 for around the rosie....... damn... that's funny....... :idea:
I couldn't let FMluvswaterbabe have the last word here.
#2 around the rosie, ok. #1 for the shaft? What are you a freakin sasquatch? If you have hair there you've got stubble trouble.

[FMluvswater]

I couldn't let FMluvswaterbabe have the last word here.
#2 around the rosie, ok. #1 for the shaft? What are you a freakin sasquatch? If you have hair there you've got stubble trouble.
Word. :D :D :D

[FMluvswater]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/bump.gif because it's just time to. :D
Also check these out ...
please see Post #26 (http://www.***boat.com/forums/showthread.php?t=59480)
Something happened (http://www.***boat.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69601)

[FMluvswater]

Somebody called for the stink pickle thread. I felt compelled to oblige them in resurrecting it ... again! :D

[HammerDown]

Bump... :D

[91nordic29]

i hadnt read this one before. i should have known better than to open it at work!!LOLLLLL!!!!

[FMluvswater]

Bump... :D
You're the best stalkee ... EVER! :D :D :D
Your http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/FMluvswaterbabe/HDforever.gif forever :D ,
~FM :smile:

[Cs19]

Its amazing how this gets bumped about every year.I still go back and read it every now and then when I need a good laugh, it works every time. :)

[FMluvswater]

Its amazing how this gets bumped about every year.I still go back and read it every now and then when I need a good laugh, it works every time. :)
You're one of my comedy heroes for sharing that one. :cool:
Not that I think that should mean much to you, lol I'm just sayin'. :wink: :smile:

[Garrddogg]

I love it every time it comes up!! glad for the bump!!

[BigBlockBaja]

Its amazing how this gets bumped about every year.I still go back and read it every now and then when I need a good laugh, it works every time. :)
HEY! has it grown back yet?

[FMluvswater]

HEY! has it grown back yet?
Although I cannot claim authorship, I recently read this and had to post it. It's worth the read and ill probably get flamed but oh well.
Wasn't him! :D

[BigBlockBaja]

Wasn't him! :D
Then who was it?

[FMluvswater]

Then who was it?
I don't know. I think I prefer NOT to know - easier to laugh until I cry at a stranger's misfortune! :D

[~FM]

Its amazing how this gets bumped about every year.I still go back and read it every now and then when I need a good laugh, it works every time. :)
A year got missed somehow. :( TTT. :D