Friday Funny..............

[Her454]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an
oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a
difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse
appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse" he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the
covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with
them, Sir."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very,
very closely......
"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

[BADBLOWN572]

Here is another. :)
A third grade teacher asks her students if they could choose any element to have, what would it be?
Susy: I would choose gold. It is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette.
Melissa: I would choose platinum. It is worth a lot more than gold. That way I would buy a Porsche.
Little Johnny: I would choose silicone.
Teacher: Johnny why would you choose silicone?
Little Johnny: Because my mom has two bags of silicone and you wouldn't believe all of the sports cars that get parked out in front of our house.
:) :) :)

[Her454]

Here is another. :)
A third grade teacher asks her students if they could choose any element to have, what would it be?
Susy: I would choose gold. It is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette.
Melissa: I would choose platinum. It is worth a lot more than gold. That way I would buy a Porsche.
Little Johnny: I would choose silicone.
Teacher: Johnny why would you choose silicone?
Little Johnny: Because my mom has two bags of silicone and you wouldn't believe all of the sports cars that get parked out in front of our house.
:) :) :)
Too funny!

[Dave C]

lmao
Here is another. :)
A third grade teacher asks her students if they could choose any element to have, what would it be?
Susy: I would choose gold. It is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette.
Melissa: I would choose platinum. It is worth a lot more than gold. That way I would buy a Porsche.
Little Johnny: I would choose silicone.
Teacher: Johnny why would you choose silicone?
Little Johnny: Because my mom has two bags of silicone and you wouldn't believe all of the sports cars that get parked out in front of our house.
:) :) :)

[spectratoad]

Satan And The Old Man
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting
in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church!
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's
ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all
eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 51 years." :devil:

[Her454]

Satan And The Old Man
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting
in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church!
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's
ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all
eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 51 years." :devil:
One of my all time favorites! Hey Todd, when is the Lahontan Trip this year? I definitly want to make that trip..................

[Riverjet502]

Those were good.... But I too was married to one of his sisters...