H20Advantage
12-18-2003, 07:27 AM
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition So-Cal dolls for the Southern California market:
Irvine Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus
SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-
cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
"augmented" version.
Tustin Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford
Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost
easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education.
Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.
Van Nuys Barbie
This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes
with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark
tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available
after dark and canonly be paid for in cash. Preferably small,
untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know
what you are talking about.
Santa Monica Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible
or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
card, and country club membership. Also available for this
set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't
be able to afford any of them.
Fontana Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two
sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on
her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her
pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.
Newport Beach Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard
print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Riverside Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her
own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also
available with a mobile home.
Laguna Beach Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her
"Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if
purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Long Beach Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta
Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because
he's always away hunting.
City of Industry Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota
with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the> back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes
! with a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on
his left hand. Green cards are not available for City of Industry
Barbie or Ken.
West Hollywood Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to
Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"
parts.
Irvine Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus
SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-
cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
"augmented" version.
Tustin Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford
Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost
easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education.
Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.
Van Nuys Barbie
This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes
with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark
tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available
after dark and canonly be paid for in cash. Preferably small,
untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know
what you are talking about.
Santa Monica Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible
or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
card, and country club membership. Also available for this
set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't
be able to afford any of them.
Fontana Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two
sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on
her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her
pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.
Newport Beach Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard
print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Riverside Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her
own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also
available with a mobile home.
Laguna Beach Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her
"Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if
purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Long Beach Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta
Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because
he's always away hunting.
City of Industry Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota
with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the> back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes
! with a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on
his left hand. Green cards are not available for City of Industry
Barbie or Ken.
West Hollywood Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to
Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"
parts.