How do I begin...........

[topless]

I really need some input from you guys. (not sexual either)
Here's the deal. One of my daughters friends has been kicked out of his house by his drunken parents. He is 17 and has no place to go. I have been letting him stay in the apartment that Boozer used to rent from me.I am moving to a new house the 15th of next month and will have an extra bedroom as well. He is a good kid and very helpful too. I told him that if he stays, he has to go back to school and the only friends that can come over are the ones that I approve of. He also has to get a job. Am I asking for trouble? Sometimes I trust people too much but still have faith that people just need a chance.
OK, I aired my laundry so feel free to tell me what you think.

[Jordy]

17 year old boy under the same roof as your daughter??? Grandma Topless does have a ring to it. :D :D :D

[Her454]

I would want to know the reasons behind why his "drunken parents" kicked him out. Do you know this first hand or is it hearsay from the kids? That could make a huge difference in my decision and I wouldnt want to be undermining something the parents are trying to teach their son the hard way.
However, my first thought would be to my daughter and the possibility of the damage that could result from the decision.

[Boozer]

Allisson you're a pretty decent judge of character so I say you go with your gut on this one. If you feel comfortable letting him stay with you and he abides by your terms then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't let him stay with you. But just dont let your compassionate side get the best of you, if he doesnt do what you ask him to do then he has got to go PERIOD.

[Biglue]

If you feel compelled to help him, then you should. I think what you ask of him is not out of reason. Sounds like the boy needs to learn to care for himself given his situation. The one thing though that kind of raises a flag is the extra bedroom you will have in your new house. That may too close for comfort in my opinion if I had a teenage daughter and I were in your shoes. Hopefully things work out for him and yourself and you are able to help him. Just remember Allison thay there may come a time that he becomes "too much" to burden and may have to move on. Hopefully you let him know what is in bounds and laid down the law. Just my .02.
It's really kind and generous of you to help out this kid Allison. Hopefully it works out for everyone.

[Mardonzi]

As long as he is willing to live by those conditions, and respects the fact that he is a guest in your home and appreciates what you are giving him, then I don't see an issue with it. I'm going to assume that you haven't had any problems with him staying in Boozer's old place and your daughter's judgement of his personality and ethics probably carry some weight as well...
Good luck

[77tahiti]

No way leave him in the apt its safer ! I was a kid and I tried staying around and it was only for one thing .

[riverroyal]

but with certain rules,which if he breaks the rules he will be asked to leave.You need to stick to the rules,if he messes up he is out,no extra chances.Plus help around the house.Im guessing you are the last resort?

[Havasu Hangin']

You're kicking me out? :confused:

[phebus]

Opening a can of worms!!!
http://images.dpchallenge.com/images_challenge/157/47063.jpg

[topless]

I will be calling his parents to find out the rest of the story. He is always respectful AND is only about 5' tall. My daughter has no interest in him except as a friend. As a matter of fact, one of her best friends is his girlfriend. So Jordy, stop reminding me how old I am damnit!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: I just feel bad for the kid.

[missboatnam1]

topless, you really need to find out the whole story behind this kid...iv been there done that before...just get both sides to the story before you do it....but if all in the up and up, i would let him stay....im a sucker like that too. :rolleyes:

[Midlife Advantage]

Allisson you're a pretty decent judge of character so I say you go with your gut on this one. If you feel comfortable letting him stay with you and he abides by your terms then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't let him stay with you. But just dont let your compassionate side get the best of you, if he doesnt do what you ask him to do then he has got to go PERIOD.
What he said, good advice. But one more thing. how much time do you think he/they will be there at your place ALONE? Just remember, juveniles and poor judgement are one and the same. :)

[Biglue]

I will be calling his parents to find out the rest of the story. He is always respectful AND is only about 5' tall. My daughter has no interest in him except as a friend. As a matter of fact, one of her best friends is his girlfriend. So Jordy, stop reminding me how old I am damnit!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: I just feel bad for the kid.
Your intentions are one thing Topless. You have to remember they are kids though. They are madly in love one minute and hating each other the next. Them possible being under the same roof is just troubling to me if I were in your shoes. I would not want my daughter spending that much time with any boy.

[topless]

What he said, good advice. But one more thing. how much time do you think he/they will be there at your place ALONE? Just remember, juveniles and poor judgement are one and the same. :)They won't be there alone much because of school and then of course my daughter works. I take her there and pick her up. Then there is always the tattle tail little brother of hers too. :crossx: I'm just torn because I want to do right but don't want it to come back and bite me either.

[phebus]

I think your primary focus should be on your daughter. As much as you would like to help, do you think this would be good, long term for your daughter?
There is bound to be conflict, and how will she deal with it?

[topless]

We had 11 kids in our family and my Mom would always take in other kids. Usually it worked out but if it didn't it was us kids running them off. If the story checks out give the kid a chance to work on things at home. As long as he doesn't go against you or your rules you can have a big impact on his life.
Thats was what I was wanting to hear. I set rules already and the first thing is that I'm calling his parents tonight, he's going back to school, and getting a job. I just don't want it to have a negative impact on my kids.

[buzzaro]

When I was younger all of my GF's parents loved me and would let me stay over :lightsabe
This kid could have different personalites that he turns on and off depending on who's around. I still have the abiltiy to not cuss in front of my parents. This is, of course, my own experience only. You may be able to see through this kids bullsh!t if hes pulling any, but personally I dont fully trust any kid. Ive never been accused of being overly kind either.

[Ziggy]

Opening a can of worms!!!
http://images.dpchallenge.com/images_challenge/157/47063.jpg
Boy o boy, Phebus is right.
If the kids parents have given up there must be a lot more to it than you know....parents don't just throw away kids for the heck of it.
Now think back to being a kid in your teens, weren't you always more behaved when at your friends house?....that's the persona you are seeing.
Once he's comfortable his true colors will show.
.
I say keep focused on your own daughter and yourself before bringing in someone elses.
I know you have all good intentions but I think it could be a hazardous move.

[buzzaro]

A friend of mine at work has a daughter, she has a friend (girl) in a similar situation as the boy you know. This guy took her in and even went so far as to buy her a car, which she was making payments to him. He made the mistake of putting "or" on the title instead of "and". Well, this little conniving bitch went down to the DMV and changed the title to her name only and could legally do it since the title was "or" at which point she stopped making payments to him and found a new sucker to live with and leech off. It's ok to want to help the kid out, but be careful, very very careful.

[topless]

I haven't made a decision yet and yes, I do know he might be putting on a front for me. I already told him I'm calling his parents tonight (and I will) so if he is untruthful, he's out. Right now, I'm not throwing him out in the street not knowing the facts.

[topless]

And yes, my daughter is my biggest concern in this whole deal. She is too pretty for her own good anyway.

[Ziggy]

she is too pretty for her own good anyway.
Don't ya just hate when they follow their parents' footsteps ;) :D

[topless]

Don't ya just hate when they follow their parents' footsteps ;) :D
Yeah, she looks just like her dad.

[Waldo]

I think your primary focus should be on your daughter. As much as you would like to help, do you think this would be good, long term for your daughter?
There is bound to be conflict, and how will she deal with it?
That is what Dr. Laura would say...and I would agree...focus on you & yours even if you have a bleeding heart.
Also, if he is only 17...his parents cannot kick him out of their house legally.

[Ziggy]

Yeah, she looks just like her dad.
So your ex was one of them "Pretty boys" eh? I don't buy it, they don't make pretty boys in Texas :) That's a South Beach and SanFran trait :p

[topless]

So your ex was one of them "Pretty boys" eh? I don't buy it, they don't make pretty boys in Texas :) That's a South Beach and SanFran trait :pHe's from Cali, I'm from Texas. He does live there now. His beauty is quickly fading.

[Cole Trickle]

my 2 cents...
Usually when kids that age run away it's because they won't follow the rules that the parents set.(Droped out of school,no job,ad grades,drugs,etc..)
By giving him a place to live you are allowing him to continue the trend that started this trouble in the first place.He will never face his problems if he dosen't have to.If his parents are in fact Drunks and abuse him then he needs to either go stay with a relative or the parents need to be reported and he can go live at a home until the situation is figured out.
He will be an adult in less than a year and should consider the military if he has no other choices.
A 17y/o kid that is currently not going to school (I left the house once or twice growing up but never stopped going to school) is a long way from being able to support himself and you might be asking for heartbreak or a long term commitment.
Investigate the parents and make him go home.

[canuck1]

Sounds like a script for the Trailer Park Boys

[MAINEVENT]

my 2 cents...
Usually when kids that age run away it's because they won't follow the rules that the parents set.(Droped out of school,no job,ad grades,drugs,etc..)
By giving him a place to live you are allowing him to continue the trend that started this trouble in the first place.He will never face his problems if he dosen't have to.If his parents are in fact Drunks and abuse him then he needs to either go stay with a relative or the parents need to be reported and he can go live at a home until the situation is figured out.
He will be an adult in less than a year and should consider the military if he has no other choices.
A 17y/o kid that is currently not going to school (I left the house once or twice growing up but never stopped going to school) is a long way from being able to support himself and you might be asking for heartbreak or a long term commitment.
Investigate the parents and make him go home.
What he said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ :rollside: I left my parents house and moved in with my godfather buti knew i was the one focking up for me it was for the better... So i cant say you are trying to do a bad thing but if he is in denial of his own actions or misbehaviors you might buy yourself a big headache... MY.02

[topless]

my 2 cents...
Usually when kids that age run away it's because they won't follow the rules that the parents set.(Droped out of school,no job,ad grades,drugs,etc..)
By giving him a place to live you are allowing him to continue the trend that started this trouble in the first place.He will never face his problems if he dosen't have to.If his parents are in fact Drunks and abuse him then he needs to either go stay with a relative or the parents need to be reported and he can go live at a home until the situation is figured out.
He will be an adult in less than a year and should consider the military if he has no other choices.
A 17y/o kid that is currently not going to school (I left the house once or twice growing up but never stopped going to school) is a long way from being able to support himself and you might be asking for heartbreak or a long term commitment.
Investigate the parents and make him go home.I know you're probably right on this one. I just hate to send him back if what he is telling me is a fct....abuse and stuff. I'll find out tonight and most likely send him back home anyway. I also wanted to find out what the school has to say about him and why he's not there.

[Cole Trickle]

I know you're probably right on this one. I just hate to send him back if what he is telling me is a fct....abuse and stuff. I'll find out tonight and most likely send him back home anyway. I also wanted to find out what the school has to say about him and why he's not there.
Sounds like your doing your homework.
When I was growing up I went through a year or two that I didn't want to listen to my parents and we always got into it about grades and school.(I never did drugs or got into trouble but I was a classic underachiver and my 2.5 GPA pissed my parents off) My mom told me to leave on 2 seperate occasions. The first time I lived in my car for a week (I showered using my gym membership and had a job for food) I soon realized that there rules were better then sleeping in a car that was butt cold in the winter. The second time I was kicked out I stayed with my girlfriend and her dad was an A-hole and wen't out of his way to treat everyone like crap so I wen't home and appoligized before the street light came on. :p
My sister is very similar to me with a tad more trouble mixed in.She ran away her junior year after my parents came down on her and stayed at a friends house for 6 months.Her friends parents never did any home work and took her work for our family life.(About as good as you can get) They allowed her to run free and not be accountable when she should have been locked in her room with no privlages.
Find out the whole story and do what you can to get the kid to go home or go stay with another family member if there is indeed neglect or abuse. :boxed:

[ThongMagnet]

My parents kicked me out when I was 17, and I'm still looking for a home like yours.
Whats for breakfast?
Take him down to your Local Navy recruiter, and let them find him a place to stay. He might think his parents drinking is not as bad as what it seems.
You are not his aunt, sister, mother, or grandma. If your feeling guilty, point him in the right direction.
:rollside:

[termiteguy]

you say he is a nice kid maybe he is just keep in mind eddie haskel seemed like a nice kid too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[topless]

you say he is a nice kid maybe he is just keep in mind eddie haskel seemed like a nice kid too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)LOL, don't think it hasn't crossed my mind.

[Her454]

My sister is very similar to me with a tad more trouble mixed in.She ran away her junior year after my parents came down on her and stayed at a friends house for 6 months.Her friends parents never did any home work and took her work for our family life.(About as good as you can get) They allowed her to run free and not be accountable when she should have been locked in her room with no privlages.
Find out the whole story and do what you can to get the kid to go home or go stay with another family member if there is indeed neglect or abuse. :boxed:
I agree 100% with this. Even tho your intentions are good and you are trying to help, taking someone else's child in without knowing all the facts can do more harm than good. Parents don't usually just kick a kid out for no reason and most of the time its because they won't follow rules or can find it easier (NO accountablity) somewhere other than home. From a teenagers point of view, the parents are always the bad guy.

[topless]

Well, I had good intentions.................. :cry:

[OGShocker]

Well, I had good intentions.................. :cry:
The road to Hell is paved with the same material.. :)

[topless]

The road to Hell is paved with the same material.. :)So I've heard.

[dc96819]

Call the County of L.A. children social worker they can help.
562 427-2006

[topless]

The reason I started that thread in the first place is to find out what everyone else thought before I do something I’m going to regret. I don’t know his parents but would hate one of my kids to just go live with someone else because it’s too hard at home.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Here's my advice: RUN! FAR AND FAST. DO NOT MOVE A RUNAWAY/DROPOUT INTO YOUR HOUSE (that's what he is - regardless of his description).
Why would you want to put your daughter into a position where she associates with that kind of person? Don't you want her to meet happy well adjusted people on the road to a successful future? This kid ain't it - by a mile.
Do him, your daughter, and yourself a favor and call the police, tell them your story and turn him over to them. You'll thank yourself - believe me.

[topless]

I'm so proud of me right about now. I talked to his mom and am taking the kid to court in the morning. ( he doesn't know this yet ) They will be there and have never kicked hiim out, just set rules that he doesn't like so he thought it would be easier elsewhere. Too bad I found out the real story. They have finally decided the tough love thing is the way to go. They wanted me to call the cops because he IS listed as a run away but I assured them that right now he is safe and I'll bring him to court in the morning........I guess what I'm saying here is, get all sides of the story before making a decision. You guys have been a tremendous help. I would be devestated if it was one of my children trying to pull this crap. I'll update you tomprrow. I 'm just glad I got his mom's phone number and was able to call.

[MagicMtnDan]

http://www.fborfw.com/store/catalog/images/pregnant.jpg
Hope your good deed goes unpunished!
http://foto.rambler.ru/public/m/a/maxhome/1/PREGNANT/PREGNANT-web.jpg

[Tremor Therapy]

I can give you first hand info on this subject from the past 3 years of my own ordeal, and I will make it the cliff note version.....
Daughter number 2 (17 1/2 years old)...won't help around the house, won't get up to go to school. She is not mistreated, has her own car, room, computer, tv, stereo, etc. Our family goes to church together, we attend and support each others school and sports functions, but all daughter number 2 wants to do is dress like its halloween every day, sit on the internet with her friends, see her boyfriend, dabble in drugs and booze, and tell her mom and I to f*ck off, that we do not control her life.
Well, her best friends parents thought she was the best thing known to man kind! So they offer to take her in because they don't want her to fall between the cracks. Well after 2 1/2 years of this b.s. at home, we decide that maybe this might be a good deal. Well fast forward 6 months later, we get a call from them that all of her sh*t is out in their front yard, come and get it, and oh by the way, she is in juvenile hall, arrested for felony crystal meth possession. They won't even allow her to call their daughter, let alone visit with her.
So there are 3 sides to the story.....his, his parents, and reality. Don't get caught up trying to solve someone elses problem, because it may come around to bite you in the ass.....hard!

[a catered life]

i guess i must be in another world even though i understand the situition (because i am a foster parent) i find it so weird to hear that so many kids are allowed to move out or get kicked out of their homes for some of these reason.......i do not have any memories of friends being raised out side of their parents home......i am glad to hear you got to the bottom of this situition and hope it comes out fine (and i think you handleed it very well) but i have one question
why are so many kids allowed to just move in with someone else? what does that do for the dicipline the original parent was trying to teach that child.........i am going thru a small situition with my (15) older daughter now and have had to resort to tough love to assist me with this problem at first she acted like it didnt bother her but after a few trips with the other kids to different places and her seeing her sisters and brother get new stuff as usually she quickly got her act together...... i have made it clear to her that things are not just repaired over night and now she has to work harder now to prove herself to me...she agreed 110% and just yesterday i get a call from her teacher stating he will be submitting her name for honors classes next year.... i am very proud of my child for accepting the problems she got herself into and working really hard to fix her mistakes but i not going to kick her out. i explained to her she will always be my little angel but now i know i have to watch her closer because the devil may try to sway her and her actions away from what i have trained her to be....when i made her i accepted her for what ever came along parents cant just give up and throw in the towel.......just my $.02

[Cole Trickle]

I'm so proud of me right about now. I talked to his mom and am taking the kid to court in the morning. ( he doesn't know this yet ) They will be there and have never kicked hiim out, just set rules that he doesn't like so he thought it would be easier elsewhere. Too bad I found out the real story. They have finally decided the tough love thing is the way to go. They wanted me to call the cops because he IS listed as a run away but I assured them that right now he is safe and I'll bring him to court in the morning........I guess what I'm saying here is, get all sides of the story before making a decision. You guys have been a tremendous help. I would be devestated if it was one of my children trying to pull this crap. I'll update you tomprrow. I 'm just glad I got his mom's phone number and was able to call.
You did the right thing :p :rollside: :)

[topless]

OK, he was NOT kicked out. He left and started staying with friends. I was the one who called his mother to find all this out. He has an older brother who is a senior in High School and also an 11 yr old sister. They just want him home and for him to follow the rules. I couldn't agree more. He is going to juvinal court for truancy today where I'll meet his parents and he'll go home with them. They obviously love him but he had started hanging out with the wrong crowd...........etc....etc. Bottom line is that he (being smarter than them) decided to take the easy way out and run away. I'll let you know what happens this afternoon.

[a catered life]

you may have done the one single most inportant thing in his young life to set him straight for a positive future....showing him someone else cares...its very kind and thoughtful of you to take such a instrest in someone else's child.....major props to you :p

[Her454]

I can give you first hand info on this subject from the past 3 years of my own ordeal, and I will make it the cliff note version.....
Daughter number 2 (17 1/2 years old)...won't help around the house, won't get up to go to school. She is not mistreated, has her own car, room, computer, tv, stereo, etc. Our family goes to church together, we attend and support each others school and sports functions, but all daughter number 2 wants to do is dress like its halloween every day, sit on the internet with her friends, see her boyfriend, dabble in drugs and booze, and tell her mom and I to f*ck off, that we do not control her life.
Well, her best friends parents thought she was the best thing known to man kind! So they offer to take her in because they don't want her to fall between the cracks. Well after 2 1/2 years of this b.s. at home, we decide that maybe this might be a good deal. Well fast forward 6 months later, we get a call from them that all of her sh*t is out in their front yard, come and get it, and oh by the way, she is in juvenile hall, arrested for felony crystal meth possession. They won't even allow her to call their daughter, let alone visit with her.
So there are 3 sides to the story.....his, his parents, and reality. Don't get caught up trying to solve someone elses problem, because it may come around to bite you in the ass.....hard!
I can feel your pain, and its a rough road that breaks your heart.
i guess i must be in another world even though i understand the situition (because i am a foster parent) i find it so weird to hear that so many kids are allowed to move out or get kicked out of their homes for some of these reason.......i do not have any memories of friends being raised out side of their parents home......i am glad to hear you got to the bottom of this situition and hope it comes out fine (and i think you handleed it very well) but i have one question
why are so many kids allowed to just move in with someone else? what does that do for the dicipline the original parent was trying to teach that child.........i am going thru a small situition with my (15) older daughter now and have had to resort to tough love to assist me with this problem at first she acted like it didnt bother her but after a few trips with the other kids to different places and her seeing her sisters and brother get new stuff as usually she quickly got her act together...... i have made it clear to her that things are not just repaired over night and now she has to work harder now to prove herself to me...she agreed 110% and just yesterday i get a call from her teacher stating he will be submitting her name for honors classes next year.... i am very proud of my child for accepting the problems she got herself into and working really hard to fix her mistakes but i not going to kick her out. i explained to her she will always be my little angel but now i know i have to watch her closer because the devil may try to sway her and her actions away from what i have trained her to be....when i made her i accepted her for what ever came along parents cant just give up and throw in the towel.......just my $.02
You are correct, however each situation is different as are children. When I was younger things were different, I had no choice but to respect and obey my parents and No way in hell would ANY of my friends parents let me just move in with them because it was easier. Its a different generation now and teaching kids respect and rules should be honored by other parents also. I respect the hell out of Alison for doing what she did and finding out the facts first. I'm glad your daughter is shaping up and things are working out but its not that easy for everyone and others offering sanctuary from rules and discipline at home only make matters worse, period. Stay the f' out of it if its not your child.