seho
04-19-2004, 09:26 PM
I usually just lurk but I had to post this on here. Cracked me up and thought it would fit right in with this crowd. Hopefully you haven't seen it yet.
Something to pass the testing time!
As you are concentrating on writing that next essay or story for
Composition, you might want to hit those analogies and metaphors one
more time. (These are actual excerpts found in high school essays.
Amazing....)
* * * * * * * *
* * *
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling-Free.
He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking
about the Dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian
beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before he throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across a
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resemble Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or
something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power
tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Something to pass the testing time!
As you are concentrating on writing that next essay or story for
Composition, you might want to hit those analogies and metaphors one
more time. (These are actual excerpts found in high school essays.
Amazing....)
* * * * * * * *
* * *
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling-Free.
He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking
about the Dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian
beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before he throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across a
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resemble Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or
something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power
tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.